Episode Report Card M. Giant: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT If We Only Had the Nerve Gas
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 01.29.2006
"They found my wife," Logan tells Walt, who takes way too long to say, "Good." Walt doesn't really care about that anyway, because he has something he wants to get off his chest. "I was hoping to spare you from this," he says, "but I'm afraid Jack Bauer's forcing my hand." He explains that Kiefer is currently on his way to Not Camp David in order to meet with Novick and accuse Walt of helping the terrorists get the nerve gas. "That's ridiculous," Logan says. "No, sir," Walt says. "It's the truth." Wow, I wasn't expecting him to cave so easily. He explains to his flabbergasted boss that the gas was "never going to pose a threat to American lives." Logan reminds Walt of the hostages that were killed at the airport. Yes, by all means, show, remind us of how that was all just a "distraction." "This is an unspeakable crime," Logan says, and goes to pick up his desk phone, as if there's been a President who knows how to dial one since Truman. But Walt sharply says, "Mr. President, it's in your best interests to hear me out." Logan, idiot that he is, hangs up the phone to ask what Walt means. Walt explains that separatists are transporting the gas to use against the Russians, but it'll never reach Russia. "We control the remote detonators on those gas canisters. As soon as they reach the terrorist base, we'll trigger the canisters by satellite and release the gas." And hope the terrorists don't live next door to a day-care center, I guess. Logan wonders if this was all just an elaborate scheme to kill some terrorists. But Walt had much grander plans in mind: "The goal is to produce a smoking gun. Proof of the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Central Asia." My first response was to scoff at how moronic this scheme was, but then I remembered, just as one example, how an actual, real-life, not-at-all-made-up Undersecretary of Defense of the United States proposed, as a response to 9/11, bombing Peru. But Logan lives in a fictional world where he's used to the actions of government officials making sense (officials other than himself, of course). "This is unbelievable," he understates. He heads for the door, as if there's been a President who knows how to operate one of those since Truman. But Walt roughly grabs him by the arm and spits, "It's necessary. It will finally give us a pretext to increase our military presence in the region, guaranteeing the flow of oil for the next generation." Okay, first of all, guys like that never use the word "pretext," because they're always completely convinced that their motives are utterly pure. And second of all, in real life we're not in a position to increase our military presence in freaking Indiana.
Logan, shocked that Walt took such momentous action unilaterally, calls Walt a traitor. Walt yells back that he's a patriot. "Doing what needs to be done for the continued safety and well-being of this nation!" Man, God save us from idiots who think they're looking out for the safety and well-being of this nation. Please, God. Soon. Logan suddenly realizes that Walt was the one who ordered David Palmer killed. ["Anyone else not sure how he made this connection, given that he's in the show, not watching it?" -- Sars] Walt insists it was necessary, and starts blabbering excuses until Logan cuts him off and orders him to contact his people and recover the nerve gas immediately. Walt says it's too late; his contact has gone dark and he doesn't know where the gas is now. "You'll let things play out as they are," he tells Logan, advancing on him threateningly. "Otherwise your administration will be implicated and your presidency will be destroyed." Actually, it would only be a third of Logan's administration, which as far as we've seen consists of Logan and two other guys. But if we know Logan, the flimsiest threat to his presidency should be all it takes to shut him up. It's 12:25:32.