Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT St. Martin of Ass-kissy
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.05.2003
Back at the Treehouse of Setting Women's Liberation Back About a Hundred Years, Lucy throws a suitcase down in front of the bed, and she and Kevin have a standoff of folded arms until Roxanne walks right into their house. Every time they show a close-up of the stairs leading into the house, I'm reminded of how little floor space there is between about half of the apartment's kitchen and the open hole in the floor. One day, someone will fall through it and die, and it will be so great. Roxanne says that she came by to see how Kevin was doing "physically and mentally." Kevin jumps all over the "mentally" part, assuming that Lucy put Roxanne up to this, since Roxanne wouldn't ask about something like that. I guess she's already figured out that Kevin doesn't have a brain, and therefore inquiring as to his mental health would be a waste of time, not to mention insensitive. Kevin and Lucy bicker about how Lucy put Roxanne up to this, and Roxanne joins the conversation by expressing her happiness that Kevin's gotten his ego back, if not, judging by the frightening glare Kevin's shooting her, his sense of humor. Kevin leaves.
Now it's Martin's turn to be annoyed to the brink of death by Richard. They're sitting on the couch together, and Richard asks him if he's married, which, even though people on this show do get married ridiculously young, is still a stupid question to ask an obviously teenaged boy. Then Richard starts stuffing several slices of white cake that he just found sitting on the coffee table into his mouth. I hope there's arsenic in that cake; not only would it teach Richard a valuable lesson about why you shouldn't just eat food you find sitting around, but it would also mean he wouldn't be on the show anymore. Martin gives one-word answers to all of Richard's questions, since he obviously doesn't want to talk to him. Richard half-gets a clue and asks Martin if he always answers every question with either a "yes" or a "no." Martin says yes. Richard says that he must have a lot of problems with multiple choice questions, then stuffs two more slices of cake in his mouth. That's disgusting. The doorbell rings, and Richard leaves to answer it. On his way there, he meets RevCam, who then answers the door, since, you know, it's his house. It's Chandler, and he's holding a big envelope filled with his upcoming sermon that he wants RevCam to look over. Kevin walks in and begs Chandler to join him at the pool hall for a beer. Chandler says sure, and Richard butts in that he'd love to play pool and drink beer with the lads. Kevin and Chandler exchange bug-eyed "NO!!!" looks while RevCam runs to the phone to book them all rooms at The Colonel's Center for Wayward Adults in pristine Buffalo, Back East. Actually, he encourages them to go out and leave him alone. Chandler asks RevCam to join them. RevCam says he'd rather spend a quiet evening at home. Then Annie's dulcet tones ring out from upstairs, and Eric decides that he'd rather hang out with Richard Lewis than have to face her again.
In the hallway, Ruthie asks Peter why he calls her "sweetie" and "honey." He says it's because he calls "all the women in [his] life" that. Ruthie asks who these women are, and Peter replies, with a creepy smile on his face, that they are her and his mother. I'll be considering the perverted sexual overtones of that little quip from my shower, where I've now installed a computer desk and a television set so as to be more efficient in my recapping duties. It was getting inconvenient to have to get up from my computer and jump into the shower every time someone on this show did something squicky. Now I can do both at the same time. Annie appears, and Peter says that he'll let himself out of the house. Annie smiles at Ruthie and says that she was just on her way to wish her goodnight. "Goodnight -- or GOODBYE?!" Ruthie asks, all drama. Annie's smile turns into an angry grimace, of course. Ruthie asks her mother if she's really been visiting her father all this time. You know, I think Ruthie has a real case here. After all, we never actually saw Annie with her father, and she obviously had nothing in her suitcase when she came home from there. I think she's having a torrid affair with Det. Michaels. "I will NEVER leave this FAM. I. LY," Annie replies with her teeth clenched. Ruthie asks Annie why she was kissing Richard. Annie snorts and explains that Richard is "emotional" and "out of his mind." So out of his mind, in fact, that if RevCam had been there instead of Annie, Richard would have kissed him. That's right, folks -- only extremely crazy people kiss someone of the same sex. Annie says that she's telling Ruthie this because she's "adult enough to know the truth." Ruthie expresses her gratitude, then asks if RevCam is adult enough to know the truth. Indeed he is, says Annie, and she already told him. And he's so adult about the whole thing that he just went to the pool hall with Richard and will hopefully get the guy to leave them all alone. I can't believe we missed Annie telling RevCam about her little indiscretion AND RevCam's reaction to the news. I also can't believe that RevCam just forgave Richard for assaulting his wife. There's a thin line between "forgiving" and "doormat," RevCam, and you might want to look down to make sure you're on the right side. Ruthie and Annie complete their heart-to-heart by walking, arm-in-arm, into what I believe is the linen closet. Martin pokes his head out from around the corner, having listened in on the entire conversation, and walks away.