Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT St. Martin of Ass-kissy
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.05.2003
Today's Opening Credits Timewaster begins along a peaceful, tree-lined street. Whatever moment of tranquillity they were trying to go for with that just got ruined, because Richard Lewis's name just appeared as a guest star so I started screaming. Ruthie and Peter carry large paper bags and do an exaggerated "casual" walk down the sidewalk. I didn't even think it was possible to overact walking, but there you go. A mysterious stranger peeks out from amongst the trees and starts to follow them. As the cutesy couple approaches the stairs to the CamPound, Ruthie grouses that out of all the choices they had for an upcoming school project, Peter had to pick building a "working coal mine." "It's an important part of U.S. labor history," Peter explains. While I don't doubt the veracity of that statement, I must wonder how the hell they're going to build a working coal mine. Don't they need, like, a mountain full of coal, and those metal carts, and workers? Seems like quite a task for two tweens. Ruthie asks if they couldn't perform a scene from How Green Was My Valley and call it a day. Probably because buying the rights to that would cost a pretty penny, and the 7th Heaven rights-buying fund still hasn't recovered from what it spent on "I Won't Back Down." Then, as we see the mysterious stranger skulking around the Electric CamVan, Ruthie says that if they work all weekend, they might have it finished by Monday. That rapid change in attitude was brought to you by the Editing Department of 7th Heaven: because stuff doesn't need to make sense as long as we cut out enough material to have room for the commercials. As Mysterio watches, Ruthie drops her stuff at the door and enters the house. Peter then picks it all up goes in after her. "He's so whipped," the stranger thinks, then walks up to the house and peeks inside.
In the kitchen, RevCam and Simon chat about how Simon's leaving for college in a few days and he's afraid that everyone in the family will be overcome with grief when they say good-bye to him at the bus station. Bus station? He's not going to sleep-away camp for a week; he's going to college. No one in this family can find the time to drive him up there? What about Lucy? She doesn't have anything else to do. My parents drove me to school in two station wagons and helped me unpack before they left. We must have had some bad family values. Simon and RevCam have now moved on to discussing Eric's precipitation issues. Simon says that Eric often gets a "moist look" in the corner of his eyes when he's sad. RevCam asks Simon if this "moistness" bothers him. Simon says that he's just afraid that Annie will see it and go into convulsions of wailing and tears, and that will set everyone else off. RevCam says that this reminds him that he needs to call Annie, who's getting back from her dad's house tomorrow. Hold up a minute here -- is Annie still at her Dad's house from last week? That would mean that Simon just got into college within the last hour, since the day he sent in his little video was the day before Annie was supposed to return. That PK network must be something else. Simon says that Annie doesn't have to be upset that he's leaving, because she can call him anytime. RevCam wanders off, so Simon concludes his sentence by talking to the counters. I would feel sorry for him, but he kind of deserves that for talking about RevCam's moistness.
A shadowy figure approaches the back door of the CamPound. Who could it be? If you guessed "new character bizarrely introducing himself to the show," then you're right! He walks right into the house and starts looking through the cabinets. He must be a long-lost Camden. Maybe he and Ruthie got switched at birth.