Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT P3 H2O
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 8 | Aired on 12.08.1999
Satisfied? Now, back to the griping.
Ad. Novelty fragrances for preteen girls, I assume. Grapefruit, Cotton Candy, Gummi Bear, Vanilla, and Musk. Musk? Has anybody ever gotten laid wearing musk? ["No." -- Sars] On that note, perhaps parents should give their thirteen-year-old daughters musk; they'll remain virgins longer.
Ecch! As San Francisco is established, we hear the sounds of someone turning the ignition key of a car that's already been started -- also known in certain circles as Melissa Etheridge "singing." Not! Hill. Halliwell Manor, same day. Piper walks around the first floor of the house while she giggles and talks into the cell phone. She enters the kitchen and sits at the table next to Phoebe "Bare Voyant" Halliwell. Piper: "Pouring." She's talking into the phone as she pours her granola into a bowl. Cut to Dan "Mon Cheerio Amour" Gordon noshing on some unidentified sugary kids' cereal that might be Fruity Pebbles. If they are -- no comment. Dan, his mouth full, says into the phone: "Chewing." Owen: "Spewing." Piper: "I can't believe you eat that stuff." To her credit, Phoebe bitches aloud that "you guys are killing me with cuteness over here." Piper asks Pheebs if she doesn't have to be "someplace far away." Once again I must give Phoebe props, because she scoots her chair close to Piper and throws her plastic bracelet encrusted arm around her sister's shoulders like a true smart-ass. This was kind of funny, but there are times when I watch these grown women living in this mansion and acting and dressing like eighth-grade mall crawlers and I swear I'm watching Grey Gardens: The TV Series. Anyway, Dan invites Piper over to Gordon Manor "tomorrow, after Jenny's left for school." Once again in this episode I must give a despised character props -- at least Dan's not parading his bedmates past his impressionable charge like that randy Charlie Salinger up the street. Piper: "I'll take what I can get." Whatever that means. I take it to mean that if all the two of them have to talk about is breakfast cereal, there's not much else holding the relationship together. Oh, then Phoebe quips, "Nausea?" Word.
Then Prue storms onto the scene. The docile Ps wonder what she's doing home because Prue told them she was heading straight to work. I hope she's come home to change -- Prue's thrown on a really bizarre floor-length black bathrobe/cardigan over her jeans and halter ensemble. She explains that "things changed." Piper tells Dan she'll call him back. Prue tells the docile Ps what she saw at the lake as they follow her upstairs. The docile Ps freak out that Prue was at "the lake," as in the lake where their mother drowned. Prue refuses to talk about Patty's drowning and any connection there might be at all to the death she just witnessed. She throws some clothes into a bag and explains that she's going to drop in at Buckland's, then head back to Camp Skylark to investigate. Prue adds that the camp is re-opening the next day, and if there's a killer demon out there, "the last thing [they] need is a lake full of kids." Piper remembers a Mrs. Johnson who runs the camp, and decides to take Phoebe with her up to the lake to ask the woman who Grizzly is. Prue books off to work. The docile Ps agree that what Prue saw had something to do with their mother's death, and the lake Prue's been visiting ain't just a river in Egypt.