Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Behold The Power Of Sleaze
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.11.2003
Anyway, there's some tiresome business with a door-to-door vacuum salesman, in which said salesman invades Manse Morphing for a product demo and takes a Jennifer-conjured dagger to the chest for his troubles. Whatever. I mention it only because his corpse becomes a plot point later. The take-away from this scene, aside from proper character names for two of the titular blondes, is the following speech from the as-yet-unemmed Sky: "This is the biggest con of our lives. If we don't get this right, we'll be two-bit magic hustlers forever. The secret of the Charmed Ones lies in their sisterhood -- the Power of Three. Well, guess what? We have our own sisterhood, our own Power of Three, right here. If we can just stick together, we can have it all." Of course, that last line will swing around to bite them all on their collective ass before evening's end. In the meantime, the Ms plus Jennifer head over to the goo bowl to await Phoebe and Raige's return. The camera pans in on the image of Piper and Tiny Gay Chris...
...which flares out to fill the screen. Piper tries to get Tiny Gay Chris to accept the offered baby food, but Tiny Chris is all, "You're not putting that crap anywhere near my mouth, Ma." Piper, desperate, says, "Look! Mommy try it!" and places a tiny amount of the foul puree on her tongue. Holly then amuses me to no end with, "Mmm! It's so...horrible! WOW, is that horrible!" Heh. The Dolt orbs in looking for Big Absent Chris, but he's content to make horrific baboon faces at Tiny Chris instead. No wonder my husband grew up to be so warped. But I love him anyway. Piper relays Big Gossipy Chris's mention of the Valhalla rumor wafting through Whitelighterland, which would intrigue the Dolt had he any brain of which to speak. There's also a bit of mild bitchery along last week's lines of, "How can I miss you when you never, ever GO AWAY!" until Raige bellows from the front door. The Dolt beats a hasty, orbing retreat. Tiny Chris immediately pitches a red-faced fit in his upholstered high chair. While Chris howls, Raige fills Piper in on the Smurfs, then heads upstairs to abuse the Book of Shadows. As Raige leaves, Freaky Tiny Iguana Woman bustles in from the kitchen with Tiny Gay Chris's upholstered, space-age stroller. Christ. The money they must have spent on this brat. Um. And it was worth every penny, because my Chris is a wonderful man. Anyway, Iguana Woman prepares to wheel Tiny Chris out for some fresh air. Piper reminds Iguana Woman to cover up her pointy ears. T'Midget does so. Scene.
The Bay Mi...Fuck ME. There's an enormous poster on the wall of Feebs sagely gazing from her laptop, with the slogan "ASK PHOEBE" in the upper left corner. She seems to be sporting a pink Members Only jacket. Asshole. ANY-way. Phoebe motors around the corner to enter the office proper with Elise Rothman, Girl Editor. Elise vomits up gobbets of praise for Phoebe's work, and I briefly wonder why she's even speaking to the eye-socking bitch before I remember Phoebe's selfish yet granted request to erase all memory of last week's office riot from her coworkers' minds. There's far too much of the groveling-praise bullshit before Elise finally wanders away and Phoebe spots Chronic waiting for her in her office. Oh, hell. Eric Dane's gone and sheared off his mop of gravity-defying hair. He's no longer a hedgehog so much as a refugee from Dachau. Bad follicular strategy, dude. Very, very bad. It looks like somebody waxed his head, then hot-glued a mat of brown velour to his scalp. Ew. Phoebe steels herself to greet him, and eventually strides into her office to offer her hand, which Chronic obediently kisses. Next, her Fucking Backup Band kicks in, and there follows endless mixed-signals babbling from the Feebs as she fends off Chronic's tumid emotions. Eventually, she convinces him to meet her later that evening for a dinner date. Scene.