Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Behold The Power Of Sleaze
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.11.2003
Manor. Phoebe tools up in her hideous, boxy new car, and if any of you kind motorheads can provide me with a make and model for this disgusting vehicle, I'd be most appreciative. Because I intend to hit each dealership that offers them to torch every last one of the unsightly things right down to the tire rims. It'll be like the Earth Liberation Front, only for crimes against good taste. Mitzy, Margo, and Jennifer appear in the window across the way, grinning like the fools they are. Pardon me a moment while I settle on appropriate nicknames for these three, partly because Jennifer doesn't receive a proper character name for at least another half hour, but also because they're spelling "Mitzi" wrong, and it's irritating the crap out of me. For reasons that, if not already apparent, will become brutally so by the end of the evening, Sky is now Mange, McCarthy is Midge, and the Power Ranger is Moron. The Mimbos (kudos to newtocharmed1 for that) retreat into the Manse proper to activate the identity theft mojo, but not before Mange spells out exactly how it'll work. Long story short, while she and her sisters will retain their physical forms, the world will know them as Piper, Phoebe, and Raige. So, not as much morphing as I initially thought there would be tonight, as each titular blonde shall remain that way. That is to say, blonde. I mean, they'll also continue to be titular, but that's not really important to the plot. Oh, shut up. The Cubs just lost Game Seven, and I'm feeling a little vulnerable. No, seriously. No. Seriously. Shut the fuck up. Bastards.
Anyway, Mange unfolds a slip of paper, and the three recite the following in unison:
Blinking faces, blank and ho-hum:
We are they and they are no one.
Grant to us the Power of Three,
And turn them into nobody.
What's sort of amusing is that, judging from their intonations, these three read out loud a lot. From necessity, if you know what I mean. Think Jessica Simpson.
"Did it work?" Midge asks. "One way to find out," Mange replies. "Let's call their Whitelighter." Mange does just that. Big Prompt Chris orbs in directly and immediately reads the titular blondes on their distasteful choice of footwear. Heh. That's working on an entirely unintentional level. Then again, I suppose I don't have to tell any of you that. Midge and Moron sidle over to maul him. Big Not-Swinging-That-Way Chris impatiently rolls his eyes and wonders what the hell they're doing in Manse Morphing anyway. Mange indicates the sporked corpse on the carpet, and too-innocently breathes, "Solving a murder." She twists the dagger from the corpse's sucking chest wound, indicates the three-moon engraving on the handle, posits it was fashioned in "the astral plane," and orders Big They-Don't-Make-Daggers-In-The-Astral-Plane-Mom Chris to investigate. Big This-Is-Pointless Chris prepares to do as he's told. Moron simpers, "Can I have a kiss before you go?" Big I-Don't-Do-Girls Chris flatly refuses and orbs up through the ceiling. Hee. Mange grins, "You know what this means?" Midge enthuses, "We are Charmed. And. Dangerous!" The Mimbos pull this bizarre hip-bumping, hand-slapping line dance of triumph to wiggle us out into the commercial break.