Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Never Was There A Tale Of More Woe!
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.18.2003
Some guy tosses a Flaming Ball Of I Shall Now Skin Your Knee at Benvolio, who collapses to the carpet. Slampiece Buttfuck hurls his vial into Some Guy's chest, and the impact sends Some Guy flying backwards through the air to smash into the wall. At least, I think Some Guy flew backwards into the wall. It might have been Another Guy Entirely, or even Lord Callapulet himself. I don't know. Anyhoo, Buttfuck drags Benvolio across the room just as Yet Another Guy unleashes a Flaming Ball Of I Despise Your Tremendously Large Television Set, Like, Where'd You Get The Money For That Vulgar Thing -- Some Slumming Getty Heir?, which vanquishes the offensive appliance in question, sending shards of glass sprinkling down on Buttfuck and Benvolio, who have ducked behind a sofa.
Meanwhile, Piper and the Feebs squeal into Castle Montanague's driveway in Phoebe's eye-searing Mini Cooper. (Thanks, guys!) The gals catch sight of the explosions within the Castle proper, and Phoebe triumphantly smirks, "Think she needs help now?" Stow it, you smug bitch. Phoebe and Piper hop out of the car.
Buttfuck takes out Some New And Exciting Guy with a potion bottle. Honestly? I have no idea if that person was male or female, so it might actually have been Some New And Exciting Gal. Just so you know. Lord Callapulet retaliates with a Flaming Ball Of Your Mother Wears Combat Boots. The booted lady of the castle, who has just rounded the corner into the room, takes the FBOYMWCB in the shoulder and passes out in the hall. Buttfuck, believing his mother's dead, conjures a Flaming Ball Of For Fuck's Sake, Will This Godforsaken Fight Scene Just End Already? and tosses it at Lord Callapulet. Piper, having charged in from the drive, unleashes the Hands Of Discontent and blows the thing up in mid-air. There's a pause, then Lord C. flings a Flaming Ball Of This Godforsaken Fight Scene Will End When And Only When Slampiece Buttfuck Collapses Bleeding And Possibly Dead To The Floor. Buttfuck obligingly accepts the FBOTGFSWEWAOWSBCBAPDTTF, and collapses to the floor, bleeding and possibly dead.
Rolivia races in from the study to kneel at Slampiece Buttfuck's side. "Wake up," she pleads with tears streaming down her face. "Please wake up! It's me -- it's Olivia." The camera leaps into the air and shoots across the room to land on Piper: "Oh. [Fuck.]" Lady Montanague has sufficiently recovered from her FBOYMWCB to rend her clothes and gnash her teeth and such. "If I can't have him in life," Rolivia vows, "I'll have him in death!" Rolivia latches onto Buttfuck and orbs out through the ceiling. But? How? She's? I thought? It's not her power to orb? Oh, fuck it. "[Buttfuck]!" Lady Montanague wails as the screen cuts to black. "[BUTTFUCK]!"