Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Never Was There A Tale Of More Woe!
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.18.2003
I enjoyed all of that far more than I should have.
Manor attic. As the first faint traces of sunlight hit the windows, Phoebe scries fruitlessly for Raige while Piper tries the "Blood To Blood" spell with similar results. Phoebe whines about her own goddamn problems for a little while, until the doorbell rings below. The shot cuts as Piper opens the front door to find Lord Callapulet and Lady Montanague standing on the front porch. Piper eyes them coolly. "We think we know where they are," Lord C. hesitantly offers. "We want to help end this," Lady M. assures her, "before we lose anyone else." Piper steps to one side to allow them in. As she shuts the door, the shot cuts instantly to…
…the sealed crypt erupting in a violent explosion. Piper, Phoebe, and the Dolt are revealed standing above the wreckage, with Piper lowering her Hands. The Dolt hustles to the apparently lifeless forms of Raige and Slampiece Buttfuck in the remains of the bier. Raige glows white, and Olivia shoots from her body to hover above them all high off the floor of the mausoleum. "You're too late!" Olivia cries. "No, we're not," the Dolt grunts. Proving him right, Raige awakens and steps down onto the floor. Olivia conjures a Flaming Ball Of I'm Taking This Meddling Bitch Out NOW, but Piper blows it up with a flick of her wrist. "Phoebe," Piper orders, "the potion!" "No!" Raige shouts. "You don't need to banish her." Now how in the hell did she know what that damn potion was for, anyway? She was possessed when Piper brewed it. Oh, whatever. Almost over. "You felt her anger," Raige explains, "but I felt her pain." Well, that's no damn excuse. She killed Slampiece Buttfuck's dad, for Christ's sake! Argh. Almost over. Almost over. Raige unleashes a stream of new-age psychobabble upon poor dead Olivia's spectral ass, urging her to "come away from vengeance and come back to forgiveness," so she can "move on." Slampiece Buttfuck awakens next to his fiancée's rotting corpse just in time to hear her spectral form admit, "I'm scared." Buttfuck locks eyes with Olivia as she finds inner peace, or some such bullshit, and she blinks and sighs, "Forgive me," before flaring up and ascending heavenward through the mausoleum's stone ceiling. Raige, either deeply touched or deeply bored, watches her go, then heaves a sigh of her own as she turns to look at Buttfuck. The faintest of smiles crosses his LIPS! LIIIIIIPS! as he gazes back at her.