Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Call To Many Crappy Arm-Like Digital Inserts Of Discontent
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.11.2004
Manor and Angie Dickinson and Doormat and boring! Well, except for that EMT who's training a penlight on Pepper's cockeyed pupils, because he's kind of cute. Cute EMT and his partner evaluate Pepper's overall post-braining condition as Phoebe and the Doormat hover in the background, fretting about what Pepper may or may not remember. Long story short? The Doormat's still useless, Dorian Gregory still can't act, and while Pepper remembers nothing of her temporary union with the wall, she does remember the search warrant that led her to the Manor in the first place. Oh, for Christ's sake. Just dump some of the Dolt's mystical fairy dust on her head already. It worked on that asinine jury, didn't it? Raige's Moustache darts in from the kitchen to break up the little soiree in the parlor, as she and the Feebs have a vanquish to attend.
Hell. Phoebe and Raige's Moustache clatter into the healer's former lair in time to catch the tail end of Barbas's failed attempt at a tête-à-Tête with the Head. There's some dismissive smirking on the gals' part regarding Barbas's "invisible friend," and there's some aggravating scenery chewing on Billy Drago's part before Raige's Moustache throws the vanquishing vial like a girl -- complete with a little sissy "Unnnh!" noise -- and manages to shatter the thing at Barbas's feet. A rapidly spinning whirlwind of dark red embers erupts from the floor to engulf Barbas as he shouts above the whirlwind's roar, "You know I'll come back! Fear always comes back!" Right before his body dissolves in a gout of flame, Barbas howls upwards at the Head, "You set me up!" The Head, of course, does not reply. A little sprinkle of Barbas ash cascades to the chamber floor after the gout of flame vanishes upwards. Phoebe smirks something about "never get[ting] tired of seeing that" as Raige's Moustache frets about the unseen "friend." Phoebe whatevers. Raige's Moustache wrinkles her brow. Are we done yet?
Rrrrgh. The closing travelogue passes from night into day, leading us over to All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me's new/old headquarters. Haggard, bony Feebs staggers through the glass doors to enter her once and future office, wherein she finds SL@mp!EcE spARKL!es casually perusing that morning's edition. The Cooter Tat is visible. And it's dying for a fucking cheeseburger. Would someone feed this woman already? Egg salad! A Zagnut! Anything! Also, Nick Lachey in this scene looks so much like a Botoxed Teletubbie that it would scare the crap out of me, were I paying any attention whatsoever. As I couldn't give a flying rat's ass about either SL@mp!EcE spARKL!es or this stupid subplot, I'll skip to the end: Phoebe approves of spARKL!es's first column, and wishes him luck. She also warns him not to "sully" her "good name," like, don't you think it's a little too late to be worried about that, trash? Phoebe exits with a smile on her face. Her tapeworm hungers still. Are we done yet?