Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Call To Many Crappy Arm-Like Digital Inserts Of Discontent
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.11.2004
The gals skitter into the next room to confront the trespasser, who opens with, "Forgive the intrusion. I thought it best I come to you first." "Whatever it is," Phoebe sneers, crossing her stick-like arms across her artificially enhanced boobs, "we're not interested." I'm sorry to keep harping on this, people, but sweet Jesus. Her collarbones are jutting a yard out from her body, and the skin on her upper chest is stretched thinly across a few clearly visible ribs and an equally visible sternum. She looks just awful. And her face! Think Bette Davis. Ancient Bette Davis. Ancient Bette Davis post-stroke. Shudder. Anyway, Stupid Uncle Phil, whom I'm just going to call Zoloft for the rest of the evening because it's easier to type, fills the gals in on the Dolt sitch while insisting that one bad Snidely don't spoil the whole bunch, girl. Or something like that. I'm too busy waiting for the skeletal Milano to keel over dead to pay proper attention. Long story short, the gals are snotty, especially when Zoloft threatens to "recycle" the Dolt, much as the Dolt threatened to recycle Big Gay Chris at the beginning of last season. Either the Dolt drops his "obsession with vanquishing Barbas," pronto, or the other Elders will be forced to send him back to earth via reincarnation. There's crap about revenge not making the Manor's rugrats any safer and some nonsense about healing the Dolt's heart before Zoloft warns that "time is of the essence," as the ever-useless Elders "believe there's a powerful threat looming on the horizon unlike any [they've] ever sensed before." "And for that," he concludes, "we'll need everybody back into [sic] the fold, and soon." "Everybody," Zoloft? Including the Stoopid Magikal Kreatures? If so, fuck you. Thoroughly ignoring me, Zoloft orbs up through the ceiling towards points unknown. And uncared about, frankly. Phoebe and Raige shoot each other a pair of disbelieving side-eyes as Alyssa's tapeworm growls hungrily.
Up in the attic, the still-begrimed Dolt frantically abuses the Book of Shadows until an unseen presence whisks past him. "Barbas?" the Dolt snaps. There is no reply. Tense strings thrum on the soundtrack as the Dolt stomps into the center of the room, demanding the demon reveal himself. By way of response, a transparent, shimmering, disembodied green head materializes in the far corner to sail over to the Dolt, trailing a wake of distorting ripples behind itself. It sounds far cooler than it looks. "Don't let Barbas get away with this," the shimmering head instructs in appropriately dark and menacing tones as it shoots past the freaked Dolt, and am I ever sorry I wasted the "Heady Bizarre" nickname on that worthless Not!warts nerd. The Head pauses to collect itself before swooping back past the Dolt with, "Save your sons!" The Head then makes for the windows on the far side of the room, but dissipates and vanishes long before it reaches them. "Who are you?" the Dolt calls after it. "What do you want?"