Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT You Can't Always Get What You Want
By Sara M | Season 9 | Episode 22 | Aired on 05.22.2005
Annie chases RevCam out of the house and begs him to tell her what is going on with Mary, as long as the news is good. Annie says she doesn't have hope for Mary anymore, and she can "feel it, like a bad storm coming," that something is wrong. The divorce barometer is dropping, and a high pressure sin system is moving down from the north. The soul forecast is partly cloudy morals with chance of child abandonment. RevCam starts to say that Mary is in Chicago now. Mother Feeling Meteorologist Annie hears this and assumes that Carlos's phone is disconnected because he moved to Chicago to be with Mary, and they're back together and everything is perfect. "This is GREAT NEWS! This is FANTASTIC NEWS!" she screams. RevCam decides that it's best not to derail the insanity train, and lets Annie go on believing the lie. There's a bad storm comin', by golly.
Sometime later, an angry Ruthie enters the Treehouse. Martin asks if she talked to Vincent. "Oh yeah," Ruthie says. And yet again, they talk at cross-purposes because Martin thinks Vincent dumped Ruthie, and Ruthie thinks that Martin yelled at Vincent and upset him so much that he skipped church and now refuses to see her. She demands that Martin apologize to Vincent for whatever he said. Fed up, Martin tells Ruthie all about how Vincent wanted to dump her and how Martin is not interested in her at all. Ruthie takes a step back to express shock. Martin says he's sorry that he had to be the one to hurt Ruthie, which was what Vincent wanted all along. Ruthie runs out of the Treehouse, but she's wearing clunky platform shoes that don't lend themselves to making quick and dramatic exits, so she's on the verge of falling over with every loud-ass step. The Clarinet of Broken Hearts struggles to be heard over the cacophony.
Meanwhile, over at the Promenade, Greta and RevCam are having coffee with the only family court judge in town, and telling her how important it is that she terminate the Davis mother's parental rights. I'm pretty sure that this conversation is really illegal, especially if RevCam is taking care of the thousand-dollar coffee tab. Hopefully, those weird coffee-money-beggin' boys are hiding behind the bushes, just waiting for a chance to get back at stingy RevCam, and will report back to the Davis mother's lawyer, and then everyone can get thrown in jail for this. The judge says that she can't promise anything, but if the Davis kids say that they would rather live with the Smiths than their mother, it would "weigh very heavily" in her final decision. That, and twenty percent of the collection plate earnings for the rest of the year. She takes her leave, saying she's "sure [they'll] be in touch." Greta says she'll collect the kids and RevCam volunteers to get the Smiths. They synchronize Swatches and say they'll all meet back at the church to discuss the information they illegally obtained from the judge. "This is gonna work, isn't it?" RevCam asks. "Maybe," says Greta, which is as close as she ever comes to being positive about anything.
Lucy and Annie do the dishes and talk about Mary and Carlos. Lucy doesn't believe that they're back together. Beverley Mitchell doesn't believe that Jessica Biel left this stupid show three years ago and is STILL getting better storylines than she is. Annie absolutely refuses to believe Mary and Carlos are not back together, and yells at Lucy for thinking differently. Lucy says she's going to call Mary and see what's going on, even though no one actually has Mary's phone number. Annie decrees that no one is allowed to talk to Mary or Carlos, to give them the space they need to fix their marriage. "Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you love is to stay out of their business," says Annie. She'd better give that kettle a good scrubbing. It seems to be very, very black.