Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Programmed To Receive
By Jacob Clifton | Season 6 | Episode 5 | Aired on 01.30.2007
The first thing he does is throw a clipboard onto the dancefloor well in advance of his own lame self, which startles and confuses everybody, then he turns his back on them, messing with his shades, then he turns forward, then he finally takes them off and throws them (zing!) to his left, causing Randy finally to make a worried face, then he takes off his stupid jacket, throws that to his right (zing!), causing Simon to get pissed, then he starts to take off his shirt, causing Paula and Randy to giggle, then he crawls toward the desk making panther noises, stands, and stalks away again, causing even Paula to get bored, then he dances like Michael Jackson is having a seizure inside his body, and a pretend microphone comes hurtling out of wherever it was concealed on his person, and he starts hissing the word "eccentric" under his breath, like giving himself sound effects now, and he makes more stupid panther noises and you can see the panther-scratch tattoo on his pectoralis major, and let me tell you, I gave up right there. Furries. Why?
Simon finally asks him to fucking sing or something, and he of course sings one of his own compositions, "Sweetest Princess" by Eccentric, amidst a bunch more roaring, meowing, saying the word eccentric a hundred billion times, and when he finally starts the song it's exactly that tuneless whining bullshit with mouth sounds and melodyless phrases and...he's a crazy person. You've seen crazy people? It's like that. He acts just like that. He sings like Michael Jackson impersonating Ani DiFranco in the touring company of Jesus Christ Superstar, as he's being slowly killed. There are more roars, and finally Simon unleashes. "What the hell was that? The buildup was horrific, the outfit was horrific, the meowing was ridiculous, the singing horrendous..." Paula chuckles and says that he is awesome but not right for the show, or period, and Olivia agrees that he is original and not right for the show. Randy goes like this: "Nooooooo waaaaaaaay." It's awesome. Outside, Eccentric informs Ryan of the next stuff on his agenda for the day, mainly "blowing up as big as Michael Jackson, maybe bigger," and making Ryan look at his scrapbook of 53 songs, about which people often get tears in their eyes. Ryan archly asks if Eccentric knows why they're crying, and his crazy is hard and hot and brooks no disagreement: "Brilliant. Brilliantly written." They hug and Eccentric prowls away after reminding Ryan again to "spread the love." Spread the Risperidone, dude.