Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Programmed To Receive
By Jacob Clifton | Season 6 | Episode 5 | Aired on 01.30.2007
Simon says "no" one hundred times, the girls tell her she'll be okay, Simon's not feeling her at all. When she leaves, "Do I Make You Proud" starts playing, which is pretty shitty because I think even the show wants you to feel bad for her. "I thought I had something. Now it's done, and my journey is over, and there's nothing more I can do." Ryan Seacrest is this close to crying, this whole time, and it's a strange little collage of things that shouldn't make you cry, like Ryan and Taylor Hicks and this weird girl, adding up to something pretty bleak, emotion-wise. I still don't think I've nailed it down exactly, but I think it's the sincerity of her, and the anger I said, and the complete lack of talent, and the fact that the four judges don't get it, but Ryan totally gets it, so there's a whole inside the room/outside the room issue, and no way to protect her. So he pats them both on the shoulder and tries to think of something nice to say, and as she's leaving he cheeses out, "Soul patrol, okay?" And I think he's trying to be cheesy, but underneath the cheese there's something else. I don't know. This episode is very effin' weird, between Phuong Pham and the old guy coming up, because it's trying to be touching. Which, when I think of this show plus "touching" I think of that pile of Pickler or whatever, and this was...actually touching. Perhaps the Hoff is with us tonight.
Brandon Rogers (28, North Hollywood) has been singing background for four years, and apparently started by accident, first singing with Anastacia, and then touring for two years with Xtina. Gay-adjacent, no? I don't even think there's a straight person, or a person with taste of any kind, who even knows who Anastacia is. Ryan sure does, though, I'm sure because he's in entertainment. So they talk about what it's like traveling with "superstars," such as Anastacia, while remaining in the background, and Brandon admits that it can be frustrating, that eventually the "smoke and mirrors" and glamorous "world travel" of working with said "superstars" gets old. One is left with the feeling, he explains, of not having progressed as a solo artist. Sounds like he has perspective, right?
Should Brandon advance to Hollywood, he tells us, "Every decision that I've made to pursue music in my life would be validated." Aaaaaand I'm done with Brandon Rogers. He steps into the audition room revealing that he has a tight little sparkplug body, a good and only slightly mucousy voice, and that he feels it's a good idea to ornament all over the place with a song like "Always On My Mind." Which he does, unendingly, in a way which is both impressive and sleep-inducing. There's a moment you can actually see Simon make his mind up about this guy. When he's finally done singing, the ladies sigh, and Randy laughs and asks if he made Simon sigh too. With the smell of money. And yes, in fact, he did. "Out of everyone today," Simon pronounces him "by far the best audition," and sees him making it to the Finals. Which means he will. The other judges agree with him just as intensely as he agrees with himself; they talk about his likeability and gorgeousness, and Olivia goes wild with some Paula talk about how she felt Brandon in her heart, and that's how she can tell. Everybody gets dorky and the music is very agitated and by the way, have you heard about Brandon Rogers?