Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The rekapture of Kiefer
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 21 | Aired on 04.22.2002
Norman Reedus, you were in a Prada ad. I'm not buying your tough greaser act in Deuces Wild for a second.
The time is 8:28:54 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer is still held by the LeafyTerrorMinions, Spawn is still held by the police, and Palmer is holding onto Patty's "speech." While a LeafyTerrorMinion takes a blowtorch to the tunnel walls, Kiefer and Dennis Hopper have a talk. "You think I am monster blah blah blah," says Dennis Hopper. "You're psychotic blah blah blah," says Kiefer. Ring ring. Who's there? Oh, it's Dennis Hopper on line two…you know, phoning it in? Actually, it's Xander Berkeley calling from CTU. He states that he refuses to negotiate with terrorists. Dennis Hopper threatens to kill Kiefer unless he…oh, wait, he doesn't actually make any demands. He just threatens to kill Kiefer. Mason promises to "get back to him." Nina is upset. Mason asks her if she'd rather he got someone else to help him retrieve Kiefer since she's too emotionally involved. Nina insists that she can do her job. Xander asks Soul Patch if he's heard from Chappelle. Soul Patch says he still can't get in touch with him. Nina gives the camera a painful Kiefer-related sigh.
Back in the klink, Vintage Tank Girl and her multi-culti gang have sparked up the panty-joint and are passing it around amongst themselves. Ew! Okay remember that Brady Bunch episode where Greg has this friend who smokes cigarettes and he makes Greg "hold" his cigarettes for him, which causes all sorts of mayhem because of course Mike and Carol find the cigarettes and assume that Greg is smoking? Well, this is just like that -- only with Skank and marijuana. The matronly black prison guard walks by to do her rounds. Vintage Tank Girl, instead of -- oh, I don't know -- putting the joint out and simply slipping it into her sock or something, hands the lit joint to Skank so that she'll take the fall. Now I don't know about you, but if I'm in prison for dealing ecstasy, getting caught with a single joint is really the least of my problems. I mean, if I were Skank, I'd be all, "Hey, thanks!" Well, wait, I probably wouldn't. The last thing I'd want while in jail is to feel that time was going by more slowly. "Who's smoking pot?" asks the matronly prison guard with one of her hands on her hips. Wait. Is this jail or boarding school? Vintage Tank Girl points to Skank. Skank tries to explain that Vintage Tank Girl threw the joint at her. Matronly Prison Guard believes Vintage Tank Girl and is all, "You're coming with me!" Oh no! Maybe they'll call her parents or suspend her from Andover! How is Skank gonna get into Vassar now? It's just not fair! "She's telling the truth," says Spawn, having some unexplained change of heart toward her nemesis. Vintage Tank Girl tries to beat Spawn up for making a liar out of her. The whole cell erupts into one big catfight. Well, it's not exactly a catfight; it's more of a shot of every single girl in the cell standing still and waving her arms around like she's doing the crawl in an imaginary pool. Matronly Prison Guard restores order and hauls Vintage Tank Girl off to the principal's office. "I'm gonna git you back, Blondie!" shrieks Vintage Tank Girl. In Skankville they say that the Skank's small heart grew three sizes that day… Now that Spawn's got her back, Skank asks to talk to the cops who arrested her. Matronly Prison Guard -- even though she hasn't even taken Vintage Tank Girl away yet -- actually takes Skank to KopKennyG right then and there.