Episode Report Card Gustave: C | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Kiefer un-klad
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 19 | Aired on 2003.04.15
So anyway, TeutonicTortureDude gets a call from this white-haired guy who is wearing a suit and flying around in a helicopter over Los Angeles. I assume this is one of the evil oilmen who was behind the Cyprus recording. "You got the chip?" asks EvilOilMan. "Not yet," says TeutonicTortureDude, who goes on to explain that he's captured the "agent who took it off SeventhCoralSnake," but they haven't found the chip on him…or in his vomit, for that matter. EvilOilMan guesses correctly that the agent is Kiefer. "Let me talk to him," he says. José, Luis, and Slam hoist Kiefer up by pulling on some chains that are on a pulley and tied to Kiefer's wrists. His thigh moves just in time to prevent us from seeing Li'l Kiefer. TeutonicTortureDude hands Kiefer the phone. EvilOilMan congratulates Kiefer for being a hero. "The world doesn't have to know about this little arrangement that you and I are about to make," says EvilOilMan, who all of a sudden is bearing a striking resemblance to Chris Elliott. "Who am I talking to?" gasps Kiefer. "Gimme a break!" says EvilChrisElliott. "I need the chip, so let's not be pigs here." He offers Kiefer a large sum of money in return for the chip. "It's not for sale," says Kiefer, who goes on to give EvilChrisElliott a lecture on how starting wars for profit is bad. EvilChrisElliott cuts him off and urges him to come up with a price. "I already gave you my answer," says Kiefer. "When TeutonicTortureDude finishes working on you, you'll give me another," says EvilChrisElliott. Their call is over, but Kiefer can't hand TeutonicTortureDude the phone because his hands are tied, so there's this really funny moment where EvilChrisElliott is yelling for TeutonicTortureDude and finally Kiefer has tell TTD that he's wanted on the phone. They discuss how Kiefer is notorious for being hard to "break." "There's a time issue," says EvilChrisElliott. "Then you better let me get started," says TeutonicTortureDude, hanging up. He gives Kiefer one last chance to give up the chip. When he refuses, they put what looks like an empty roll of toilet paper into his mouth and start sterilizing the instruments of torture. Kiefer's eyes bug out when he sees TeutonicTortureDude coming towards him with a blade. I hate to say it, but he's totally reminding me of Tom Arnold right now. TeutonicTortureDude makes an incision in his abdomen.