Episode Report Card Gustave: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT What a riot!
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.07.2003
Back at the warehouse, Kiefer, Cate and SCS wait for information from Bitchelle. PMAA calls in from the parking lot to tell them that the snipers are "repositioning." Kiefer promises to get back to him as soon as they hear from Bitchelle. He walks back to where Cate is crouching and assures her that, with CTU's help, they are going to get out of this mess. Making the "turd face" again, Cate asks Kiefer what SCS wants with her in the first place. Kiefer explains that SCS has important information that could prevent the war, and that he needs to get out of the country; he wanted Cate for her travel dispensation and her access to a cargo plane. "They wouldn't let him on board as a passenger unless…I went on with him," says Cate. Kiefer lays down some Sutherland velvet and promises that Cate will not have to get on board that aircraft. The velvet quiets Cate and soothes her panic momentarily.
Back at CTU, Bitchelle looks at satellite imagery of Kiefer's warehouse, peering cautiously around to make sure no one can see her. However, Lesbo-Carrie, who appears to be working at her desk, is studying Bitchelle's every move from a security camera that is feeding live video to Lesbo-Carrie's computer screen. The time is 01:10:45 AM.
Okay, I totally have a crush on the guy named "Zeke from Battle Creek" in the Carmen-themed Beyonce Pepsi Ad. I still don't know his name, but I first noticed him as one of the back-up dancers on Britney Spears's Fox special "Live From Hawaii" and promptly decided he was my favorite Britney Spears back-up dancer of all time. Not only is he cute as a button, but he totally sells it without being queeny. Yes, I have a favorite Britney Spears back-up dancer. What are you going to do about it? Gay-bash me? So then I notice that he appears in Britney's Pepsi Ad, but his face is blocked out and I thought, "A-ha! Britney realizes how awesome this guy is too! She's pulling a Flo Ballard on his ass so he doesn't steal the spotlight from her!" Then for Britney's HBO concert from the MGM Grand in Vegas, my favorite dancer is noticeably absent. I imagine that Britney got tired of looking over her shoulder. But he turns up in a bunch of other places: Janet Jackson's HBO special, a Mad TV parody of Christina Aguilera, another Pepsi Ad. I mentioned my "celebrity crush" to a friend of mine who's in the "biz" in L.A. "Um, that's not really a celebrity crush," she pointed out. "He's not a celebrity." Well, he's a celebrity crush if I've never met him and projected all kinds of qualities onto him that I have yet to see in real life, right? Oh, he just looks so lost and lonely in the big city…until Beyonce finds his Pepsi, that is. I just want to take him home and feed him soup.
The time is 01:15:10 AM. Klockwise from the top left, a close-up of Kiefer in the warehouse, Lesbo-Carrie watches Bitchelle from her monitor, a police car takes Spawn into custody, and Bitchelle furiously digs for information on the satellite station. Inside that patrol car, Spawn -- vaginally motivated as ever -- asks BlackDeputyWithSpeakingPart if there's anyway she can find out how her boyfriend Miguel is doing. Ah yes, we did see Innis Casey's name in the credits tonight. I kept hoping I was hallucinating. PDwSP tells Spawn that he knows nothing about this accident, and tells her that she'll be able to find out about all of that when they get back to the station. Spawn then thinks it would probably be politically wise to ask after the health of the police officer who was in the accident as well. Again, PDwSP has no such information. "Take my advice," he says. "Don't say anything." He reminds her that she gets a constitutionally mandated phone call. "It doesn't matter anyway," says Spawn. "My dad was the one flying the plane with the B-O-M-B in it. I don't have anyone anymore."