Electric blue Kiefer. Electric blue Spawn. Electric blue Palmer. A whole new hour of 24 starts now. 24. Series of beeps that sound like a fax machine is going into cardiac arrest. Previouslys. Everyone in the Palmer administration wants to go to war now. They're all sporting huge hard-ons -- even Rolaide -- and rubbing them in Palmer's face, trying to get him as aroused as they are. It's like a date rape. Palmer led them on by declaring war and now he's changed his mind. What a cocktease! We paid for dinner, bought him a corsage and everything. Spawn's latest adventure, involving escaping from being held hostage in a liquor/convenience store, is so lame, but fortunately it's almost over. Lesbo-Carrie tells Soul Patch that Bitchelle has been helping Kiefer out on the sly. Soul Patch questions Bitchelle, and they monitor her activities, which means that it's now Lesbo-Carrie's job to stare at Bitchelle all day, as opposed to before when it was just a compulsive hobby. The Seventh Coral Snake wants Cate, and he makes Kiefer bring him to her so he can get out of the country in one of her company jets. PoorMan'sArmandAssante is now on the SideOfKiefer. Kiefer, SCS, PMAA, and Cate get shot at.
The following takes place between 1:00 AM and 2:00 AM. The gunfight between Kiefer, SeventhCoralSnake, and PoorMan'sArmandAssante is still going on, and I really like that they're opening this episode in medias res. It feels more like true "real time" when they do that. Snipers are exiting surrounding buildings by fire escape and coming in from both sides of the alley as Kiefer, PoorMan'sArmandAssante, and SeventhCoralSnake crouch behind the car and attempt to fend the snipers off with return gun fire. "Give me the keys," blares the trumpet that is Kiefer's velvety voice in SCS's direction. SCS throws his car keys at Kiefer, and Kiefer goes back to the trunk and gets Cate out while PMAA covers him. They all run back to the safety of the warehouse. Inside the warehouse, whose interior has the look of that damp place where they imprisoned the kids in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Kiefer asks SCS who their attackers are. SCS assumes that it's the shady oilmen who hired him and now want him dead, making a second attempt on his life. Meanwhile, back out in the parking lot, PMAA goes into the trunk of the Kiefmobile and grabs an entire arsenal of bad-ass automatic weapons. He calls Kiefer on his cell and tells him that there are three men down and at least three still out there, but he has no idea what their location is so he intends to find a better vantage point. Kiefer tells him to stand by and await further instructions once he finds that vantage point. SCS wants to get the hell out of there, and asks Kiefer why they can't just get into the Kiefmobile and do exactly that. Kiefer replies that they don't really know how many snipers are out there or where they are. He starts to call Bitchelle back at CTU to get him Whatever Technology location information about the snipers, but SCS makes this weird Mickey-Rooney-on-crack face and makes Kiefer put away his phone. He doesn't want CTU involved. He dangles proof of the Cypress tapes forgery in Kiefer's face once more and tells him he won't get what he needs unless they do things SCS's way. And what SCS wants to do is to get the hell out of there pronto. So then Cate appears, gets in Kiefer's face, and asks him who these people are who are shooting at them. The look on Cate's face is priceless. She looks so self-righteously offended by the snipers.
During my junior year of college, I spent a lot of time in my friend Marnie's room; she happened to live in the only all-women dorm on campus. Anyway, the hallway where Marnie's room was had this problem. The bathroom they all shared kept getting attacked by someone they had all nicknamed "the fecal phantom." Every week or so, someone would go into one of the bathroom stalls and find a "present" lying on the toilet seat. Marnie and I became obsessed with the question of who was the fecal phantom. Was it the gracefully bony foreign exchange student from India? Was it the Goth chick who never left her room or spoke to anyone on her floor? Was it the anorexic TA? The angry dyke with the lazy eye who was the editor-in-chief of Womynspeak? Or was it, God forbid, the three-hundred-pound black woman who ran the gospel choir? Or the always perfectly coiffed southern belle with the boyfriend at the Citadel? Or the really really perky classics major from New Hampshire who wore nylons under her jeans? Or was it an outside job? But why would this outsider be targeting this one hallway specifically? It was like living out an English murder mystery…sort of. Marnie and I would talk about this endlessly. We looked up psych journal articles about fecal-philia and tried to profile everyone in the hall. We made complicated charts on poster board compiling information such as all of the suspects' schedules and the times the presents had been found. We were able to eliminate various suspects, including all of the boyfriends of the girls in the hallway. We ourselves had been eliminated as suspects early on because we were away at a swim meet one weekend when the phantom struck pretty hard. So Marnie became the girl everyone ran to tell about the latest visit, because she was the only one brave enough to push the deposit into the toilet with a fistful of paper towels and then wipe the seat down with Fantastik, thereby restoring peace and order to the hallway. So every week Marnie and I would invariably be in her room when one of the women would run in and announce the discovery of a present from the phantom, and no matter who ran in, they all had the exact same squishy, confused expression on their faces. "Omigod, there's another turd on the toilet seat! Can you believe it?"
Anyway, that's the exact same expression Cate has on her face right now as she asks Kiefer why more proof is needed when they are being shot at. Kiefer tells her it's still not enough proof. PMAA calls again to let Kiefer know that another Humvee full of snipers is pulling up in front of the warehouse. Kiefer relays the news to SCS and insists that they call in outside help from CTU. SCS reluctantly allows it, once Kiefer promises that everything will be kept "offline" and that information about their whereabouts won't fall into the wrong hands. Kiefer calls Bitchelle's cell phone. At CTU, Bitchelle walks around the floor and keeps her expression inscrutably casual as she informs Kiefer that her cell phone is scrambled, so they can talk now, but otherwise, she's being monitored and shouldn't be contacted over the CTU phone lines in the future. "You were right," says Kiefer. "Syed Ali's recording was a fake. The president is about to invade the Middle East based on falsified evidence." Bitchelle asks him if he has proof. Kiefer promises to get some if Bitchelle can help them by finding out how many men are surrounding them using infrared satellite Whatever Technology. Bitchelle promises to see what she can do, walks over to a computer, and gets to work. Kiefer tells PMAA and SCS that they're going to have to wait a while.
Uh oh. Another Spawn plot begun before the first commercial break. Not a good sign. Back at the convenience store, paramedics remove the dead body of MenacingStoreOwner and the live, but wounded, body of HisPanic and take them to that junkyard where the casualties of Spawn subplots go to die. Spawn asks the African-American Police Deputy with tonight's speaking part if HisPanic is going to be okay. Who cares? Spawn tells BlackDeputyWithSpeakingPart that the death of MenacingStoreOwner truly was an accident. BDwSP takes note of Spawn's account of the accidental shooting, but explains to her that the DA still wants to know what he was doing with a gun in the first place. "It wasn't his," says Spawn, watching the ambulance drive away. BDwSP asks for an explanation. Spawn explains that the gun belonged to her. "My name is Spawn of Kiefer," she says. "This afternoon I escaped from police custody and I'm a suspected murderer." Damn, I don't think we'll be seeing Spawn run tonight.
Meanwhile, at District Headquarters in Los Angeles -- yes, the "District" we've hearing about for so long -- Palmer and staff watch Fox News and learn that there's all this violence happening on the East Coast, where apparently people are up at 4:00 AM, aware of the B-O-M-B and rioting. Okay, people are not only awake at this hour, but they've also formed angry mobs? I always let 24 get away with many violations of the real time format, because I'd rather this show be entertaining than "accurate." But jeez, all I can think right now is that when I am up at 4:00 AM -- and I was once for this paper route I had in junior high -- I am most certainly not able to turn on the television, let alone watch the news, call up ten of my gun-toting friends, arrange to meet at the nearest Middle Eastern neighborhood for an angry riot, and lastly get my ass there and do enough scary shit to make me the lead story on Fox News. Palmer asks PoorMan'sHumeCronyn about calling in the National Guard. PMHC tells Palmer that they're ready to be deployed in all major cities. "What about outside the major cities?" asks Palmer. PMHC expects that they may have to bring in "the military" to help out if local law enforcement is unable (or unwilling) to restore order. Palmer tells him to call General Windbag and have him put troops on standby. "The army?" says PMHC. "We can't do that." He explains about that rule where you can't use U.S. Army or Air Force troops on American soil. Okay, number one, if it's a law that we can't use Army or Air Force troops on American soil, then why did PMHC just suggest that they bring "the military" to help, and then tell Palmer about that law? And number two, what a strange law. When you think about it, isn't it weird that we as a country are so sure that no one would ever invade our land that we can afford to have laws forbidding U.S. troops engaging in combat on American soil? Like, we just know that no wars would ever be fought here, so we just assume that our armed forces exist for the exclusive purpose of fighting wars in other countries. And apparently Posse Comitatus is a real law in existence. However, for some reason, the Navy and the Marines are allowed to be brought in, but the Navy is, well, the Navy. I mean, what are they going to do? Send a boat in to stop the looting and plundering? And there aren't enough Marines, what with Joshua Gracin off doing American Idol. But then it's weird that they're even feeling the need to explain this law to us, the viewer, because I've only ever heard of the National Guard being brought in to quell American riots. I never considered that the Army would ever be brought in until PMHC told me that it was not an option. "I'll deal with the consequences," says Palmer, telling PMHC to call General Windbag anyway. The order of business is the bombers. Rolaide informs Palmer that the planes are on their way and should reach Fauxraqistan, Akalakistan, and Tofurkey sometime during Episode 22…I mean, "in four to five hours."
Back at CTU, Bitchelle is going through some satellite imagery in search of Kiefer's lokation. Meanwhile, the noises that this Satellite Station makes sound just like Pac Man. Guess who's looking over Bitchelle's shoulder! It's Lesbo-Carrie, of course. She wants to know what Bitchelle is doing at the Satellite Station. Bitchelle does a quick Alt-Tab so that Lesbo-Carrie can't see what she's doing, and says that she's just "checking on something." Then, in order to get Lesbo-Carrie out of her personal space, Bitchelle sends Carrie off to go do some work. "I'm going to go see if Soul Patch needs any help," says Lesbo-Carrie. She runs up to Soul Patch's Sky Cube to tell him that Bitchelle is not only looking up stuff at the satellite station, but that she received a call on her cell phone that she didn't log into her book. Soul Patch, who's still hobbling around on crutches, insists that it's not that strange for Bitchelle to be looking up satellite information, and that she could have been talking to Division. Nevertheless, he has Lesbo-Carrie find out what Bitchelle is looking at over at the Satellite Station. He then hobbles over to look down over a rail at Bitchelle, who is dashing from station to station on the floor.
Back at the warehouse, Kiefer, Cate and SCS wait for information from Bitchelle. PMAA calls in from the parking lot to tell them that the snipers are "repositioning." Kiefer promises to get back to him as soon as they hear from Bitchelle. He walks back to where Cate is crouching and assures her that, with CTU's help, they are going to get out of this mess. Making the "turd face" again, Cate asks Kiefer what SCS wants with her in the first place. Kiefer explains that SCS has important information that could prevent the war, and that he needs to get out of the country; he wanted Cate for her travel dispensation and her access to a cargo plane. "They wouldn't let him on board as a passenger unless…I went on with him," says Cate. Kiefer lays down some Sutherland velvet and promises that Cate will not have to get on board that aircraft. The velvet quiets Cate and soothes her panic momentarily.
Back at CTU, Bitchelle looks at satellite imagery of Kiefer's warehouse, peering cautiously around to make sure no one can see her. However, Lesbo-Carrie, who appears to be working at her desk, is studying Bitchelle's every move from a security camera that is feeding live video to Lesbo-Carrie's computer screen. The time is 01:10:45 AM.
Okay, I totally have a crush on the guy named "Zeke from Battle Creek" in the Carmen-themed Beyonce Pepsi Ad. I still don't know his name, but I first noticed him as one of the back-up dancers on Britney Spears's Fox special "Live From Hawaii" and promptly decided he was my favorite Britney Spears back-up dancer of all time. Not only is he cute as a button, but he totally sells it without being queeny. Yes, I have a favorite Britney Spears back-up dancer. What are you going to do about it? Gay-bash me? So then I notice that he appears in Britney's Pepsi Ad, but his face is blocked out and I thought, "A-ha! Britney realizes how awesome this guy is too! She's pulling a Flo Ballard on his ass so he doesn't steal the spotlight from her!" Then for Britney's HBO concert from the MGM Grand in Vegas, my favorite dancer is noticeably absent. I imagine that Britney got tired of looking over her shoulder. But he turns up in a bunch of other places: Janet Jackson's HBO special, a Mad TV parody of Christina Aguilera, another Pepsi Ad. I mentioned my "celebrity crush" to a friend of mine who's in the "biz" in L.A. "Um, that's not really a celebrity crush," she pointed out. "He's not a celebrity." Well, he's a celebrity crush if I've never met him and projected all kinds of qualities onto him that I have yet to see in real life, right? Oh, he just looks so lost and lonely in the big city…until Beyonce finds his Pepsi, that is. I just want to take him home and feed him soup.
The time is 01:15:10 AM. Klockwise from the top left, a close-up of Kiefer in the warehouse, Lesbo-Carrie watches Bitchelle from her monitor, a police car takes Spawn into custody, and Bitchelle furiously digs for information on the satellite station. Inside that patrol car, Spawn -- vaginally motivated as ever -- asks BlackDeputyWithSpeakingPart if there's anyway she can find out how her boyfriend Miguel is doing. Ah yes, we did see Innis Casey's name in the credits tonight. I kept hoping I was hallucinating. PDwSP tells Spawn that he knows nothing about this accident, and tells her that she'll be able to find out about all of that when they get back to the station. Spawn then thinks it would probably be politically wise to ask after the health of the police officer who was in the accident as well. Again, PDwSP has no such information. "Take my advice," he says. "Don't say anything." He reminds her that she gets a constitutionally mandated phone call. "It doesn't matter anyway," says Spawn. "My dad was the one flying the plane with the B-O-M-B in it. I don't have anyone anymore."
Back at CTU, Lesbo-Carrie continues to monitor Bitchelle's computer activity from her own terminal. She analyzes the data that Bitchelle has been tracking and picks up the phone to call Soul Patch. "She's looking at infrareds," says Lesbo-Carrie. "She's been collecting data now for over ten minutes." Soul Patch tells her to take notes on the coordinates of the location she's looking at, because that's where Kiefer can most likely be found. Unfortunately, Lesbo-Carrie already tried that, but Bitchelle has been covering her tracks by gathering data from over a hundred different quadrants so no one can tell which location she's really studying. "I'll deal with this," says Soul Patch, watching Bitchelle head for the ladies' room.
Meanwhile, in the ladies room, Bitchelle locks herself into a stall, whips out a combination cell phone and PDA, and kalls Kiefer. "I don't have a lot of time," says Bitchelle. "Are you ready?" She zaps him the map of the warehouse with the location of the shooters, and warns him of a roaming shooter. Kiefer checks his Whatever PDA and confirms that he's received Bitchelle's satellite photos. "How much longer are you going to need to stay anonymous?" asks Bitchelle. Kiefer replies that he doesn't know. "Soul Patch is watching me," says Bitchelle, hanging up on Kiefer when she hears the door to the ladies room open. It's just a couple of female agents who want to primp and pee. Bitchelle exits the stall and walks out of the ladies room…without washing her hands, mind you. Outside, she encounters Soul Patch -- the good old-fashioned nosy, menacing, brooding, jealous, and petty Soul Patch that we loved so much last season. "Do you always take a phone with you to the bathroom?" says Soul Patch, pointing to Bitchelle's cell phone. All I can think about it how nasty that cell phone must be since Bitchelle holds it after she's gone to the bathroom and not washed her hands. "Where's Kiefer?" he asks her. Bitchelle lies and claims she doesn't know. Soul Patch cautions her that they have been monitoring her activity. "If you're breaking protocol…" warns Soul Patch. "I'm not," insists Bitchelle. "Then I'll ask again," says a seething Soul Patch. "Where's Kiefer?" Again, Bitchelle denies having heard from Kiefer, but still tells Soul Patch to notify the president to hold off on WWIII until Kiefer has finished his investigation. "So you've talked to Kiefer?" asks Soul Patch. "I didn't say that," says Bitchelle. "Listen," says Soul Patch, grabbing Bitchelle by the arm. "You don't work for Kiefer. You work for me!" He warns her that she'd better turn over any information he has on Kiefer's whereabouts ASAP. Again Bitchelle insists that she's not in kontact with Kiefer. Soul Patch lets go of her, and they both try to stare each other down. "I hope you're not lying to me," says Soul Patch.
Back inside the warehouse, Kiefer and SeventhCoralSnake go over the map that Bitchelle beamed over and plan an escape route. They'll still have to shoot their way out, but it's better than no plan at all. SCS wonders if he and Kiefer will be enough firepower, and looks at Cate pointedly. Cate gets up and tells Kiefer that she knows how to shoot a gun. "Take this, and stay right behind me," says Kiefer, handing Cate a gun and heading for the agreed-upon exit. He then calls PoorMan'sArmandAssante to tell him that they're on their way out, and gives him the locations of the gunmen they need to evade.
Meanwhile, at District, Rolaide has just gotten off with the Secretary of Defense…off the phone, that is. She asks Palmer how long he plans to wait for Kiefer's evidence before he gives his final approval for the retaliation strike. "As far as I'm concerned," says Palmer, "Kiefer will have up until the planes start releasing bombs." Rolaide starts whining about how inconvenient this all is for the DoD; they're losing flexibility on their end and want to launch pre-strikes. "There will be no pre-strikes on this mission!" says Palmer decisively. "General Windbag isn't going to like that, sir," says Rolaide. "That's his problem," says Palmer. Jeez, is this what it's like to be president? I mean, I know the job doesn't come with a license to kill and there'd be some checks and balances and stuff, but seriously, if every time you tried to, say, question whether or not it was a good idea to go to war in four hours and even your assistant was trying to nag you into submission, what's the point of being the leader of the free world? Rolaide, I know you have some advanced degrees and stuff, but could you just get the man a latte already and leave him alone? PoorMan'sHumeCronyn enters to inform Palmer of a "situation that requires [his] immediate attention." Apparently, on the East Coast, there's still all this civil unrest going on…at 4:20 AM. Whatever. However, the area PMHC is most concerned about is a suburb outside of Atlanta called Marietta where it's getting particularly ugly, as rioters are targeting Marietta's large naturalized Middle Eastern population. To demonstrate, PMHC turns on Fox News, where a spokesperson for one of these angry mobs is being interviewed for his thoughts on those stinking foreigners who've come to America under barely legal pretenses, stolen all the jobs, and committed acts of terrorism on U.S. soil. An angry mob. With a spokesperson. Who has a New Jersey accent. Okay. An anchorwoman observes that although the riot has been going on for almost a half an hour, there are barely any police in sight. "I thought we called in the National Guard," says Palmer. PMHC points out that the National Guard is on their way but most of them are on their way to other "flashpoints." There are simply not enough police or military to restore peace. Since the media is focusing on Marietta, Palmer instructs his team to send all of the Eastern Georgia National Guard there. "We may be short on manpower," says Palmer. "But it doesn't have to appear that way." Palmer wants to let the public see that the U.S. government will not tolerate racism or xenophobia. "If this is where it's going to start, this is where it's going to stop," says Palmer, pounding the board room table with his fist. The time is 01:22:58 AM.
The time is 01:27:27 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Kiefer and the superfriends plot to escape the warehouse, PoorMan'sArmandAssante scouts out an escape route, and Palmer and his staff continue to watch the rioting on television. In the alley outside the warehouse, PMAA sets down some smoke grenades. On Kiefer's kommand, PMAA pulls out their pins and throws them further into the alley. Kiefer, SCS, and PMAA take out their guns and start firing toward the roof in order to ascertain where the shooters are located. A gun battle breaks out. PoorMan'sArmandAssante dives for the car. Cate gets separated from the men and starts doing some shooting of her own. But it just doesn't look right. Like when your mother gets out onto the dance floor at your bar mitzvah when the DJ puts on the theme from Flashdance. She finds a hiding place behind a pillar and crouches there. A sniper walks towards her, but doesn't see her initially. She whips out her gun, but she can't bring herself to shoot him at close range, so she trembles for a long time as he turns around slowly, sees her, and draws his gun. After about twenty minutes or so, Cate gets it together and fires. He's dead. Finally Kiefer grabs her and they make a run for the car. Cate gets inside while Kiefer keeps trying to get the snipers. SeventhCoralSnake enters the car, but as he climbs inside, he's hit in the neck by a sniper bullet. PoorMan'sArmandAssante peels out and they escape. "There's no exit wound," says Kiefer, looking at SCS's injury. "We've gotta get you to a hospital." SeventhCoralSnake insists on going directly to LAX. Kiefer and Cate dig through the first aid kit from the glove compartment and try to stop SCS's bleeding by applying gauze to his neck.
Back at District, Palmer and his staff continue to watch Fox News, which is reporting that the rioting is getting worse, complete with fires and looting. Rolaide has the National Guard on hold. They want the President to advise them on how they should proceed. "What are they on now?" asks Palmer. Rolaide explains that they are on "containment only" and therefore allowing misdemeanors to go unchallenged. "That's unacceptable," says Palmer. "I want the law enforced." PMHC points out that if the president enacts a curfew, they have all the justification they need to start making widespread arrests. Palmer orders a curfew, and tells Rolaide to pass along a message to the National Guard that they should not be afraid to take action. Okay, get ready for the second schlockiest line of the entire evening. It belongs to PMHC. Okay. Here it is. "What will help more than anything is your voice," says PMHC. "You need to talk directly to the people!" Palmer considers this and then has PMHC call Asian Patty, presumably to set up a press conference. What's the schlockiest line of the evening, you ask? Oh, it's coming. Don't worry.
CTU. Soul Patch hobbles onto the floor and tells Lesbo-Carrie that the LAPD are reporting military-grade gunfire just outside of a warehouse in Studio City. He has her check the location against what Bitchelle pulled from the satellite. "Is that the location, Bitchelle, is it?" taunts Soul Patch, hobbling over to Bitchelle's workstation. Bitchelle is busted. She even acknowledges it. Soul Patch wants to send agents over, but Bitchelle protests that Kiefer can only get his proof if CTU doesn't get involved. "We don't even know if he's still alive," shouts Soul Patch as Carrie listens intently from across the floor. Bitchelle calls Kiefer on her cell phone. The number won't be traceable, according to Bitchelle, but Soul Patch can at least talk to Kiefer. Kiefer's cell phone rings inside the Kiefmobile. He answers it, expecting to be talking to Bitchelle, but it's Soul Patch. "You need to stay out of this," says Kiefer in a distressed velvet roar. He explains that he's gathering evidence on Palmer's orders and that the man who has proof of the tape's inauthenticity, SeventhCoralSnake, is only going to deal with Kiefer, not CTU. "How do you know he's not using you?" asks Soul Patch. Kiefer replies that he couldn't be using Kiefer to escape, because commandos are trying to kill him for making this deal and giving Kiefer this information. Soul Patch insists that Kiefer bring SCS into CTU. "This is way too big for one person to handle," says Soul Patch. "Sorry," says Kiefer. "I can't do it." The time is 01:34:06 AM.
The time is 01:38:32 AM. Klockwise from the top left, SCS bleeds inside the Kiefmobile, the Kiefmobile speeds to the nearest hospital, and Palmer awaits reports of more civil unrest. BlackDeputyWithSpeakingPart takes Spawn into the Sheriff's office and hands her off to the sergeant, who admits her without bothering with any paperwork. Spawn is shown into an interrogation room, and the sergeant asks Spawn about JonBenet's kidnapping. "She was being abused," says Spawn, also revealing that she knew about the B-O-M-B. The Sergeant brings up the discovery of Crazy Laura's body in the trunk of DaddyStopTouchingMe's Lexus. "I didn't kill anyone," whines Spawn. "I know you didn't," says the Sergeant. Apparently, DaddyStopTouchingMe is the prime suspect in his wife's murder. There was a witness and everything. "So you're off the hook for everything that happened this morning," says the Sergeant. Aside from the injured police officer and the whole "leaving the scene of a crime" thing, Spawn is free to go. Although she's advised to call CTU and have them get in touch with the DA's office just to make sure.
Back inside the speeding Kiefmobile, Cate is on her cell phone to her father's airline…or whomever it is you call when you're trying to get out of the country during a national emergency. "I know my father normally authorizes these things," says Cate to whomever is on the other end of the line. "But I have clearance! You can check your book!" She asks SeventhCoralSnake where he's going. "Jakarta," he replies. Cate demands she be given priority clearance to leave on one of the planes for Jakarta, and gives them the name of her second passenger from his fake passport. Hey! SCS has a fake passport. Why the hell did he need Cate? SCS begins to convulse. "Stay with me," moans Kiefer, begging him for more information about the evidence. "You know what, Kiefer?" asks SeventhCoralSnake, scrunching up his face like an uncomfortable Garry Shandling. "You were a real bad-ass back there at the warehouse." He loses consciousness. "Dammit!" shouts Kiefer as he uses some Whatever Technology on the dashboard to find the nearest medical center and has PoorMan'sArmandAssante head there.
Meanwhile, back at CTU, Soul Patch is on the phone dispatching some agents to try to make sense of the warehouse gunfight. His second line rings. It's Spawn. She explains how, although she's been cleared of murder and kidnapping charges, she and Enricky escaped from police custody, caused a near lethal accident, and might need CTU's help to clear her of any additional criminal charges. Soul Patch promises to call the DA's office to see what he can do…even though she should probably have her father deal with this. "What are you talking about?" asks Kim as the violins swell on the soundtrack. "You mean he's alive?" Soul Patch explains about how Mason took over Flight 86 at the last minute. "When can I talk to him?" asks Kim. "Not for a while," says Soul Patch as the Kiefmobile is shown on another screen pulling into a clinic.
PoorMan'sArmandAssante pulls the Kiefmobile up to this clinic that looks like one of those managed health care facilities like "Health First" where you pay ten bucks to get a doctor to give you antibiotics if you have a cold. It's like the real-life equivalent of your college infirmary. Like, they can't remove your appendix or anything, but you can lie down on one of their cots if you have menstrual cramps. My stepfather, who used to work in one, calls them "Doc In A Box." Kiefer barges in past the front desk with SeventhCoralSnake in tow. A Kathie Lee doppelganger in a lab coat tries to stop them. "I'm going to call the police," she threatens. "Lady, I am the police!" says Kiefer, whipping out a gun. Kathie Lee gets super-cooperative at this point and Kiefer gets let into see a doctor…or what passes for a doctor in a place like this. "This is a clinic," says the frightened doctor. "This man needs a hospital." Kiefer explains that this guy has information that could stop WWIII, and they need to stop his bleeding and keep him conscious.
Santa Corita Police Station. Spawn makes a phone call. She turns out to be calling Enricky's hospital room. Aw! Where have you been, Innis? Making an Inca Cola ad or two? Glad to hear it. A torso shot establishes that Innis is hooked up to all kinds of tubes. He can barely answer the phone. When he finally gets the receiver to his ear, he is hardly glad to hear from Spawn. She tells him that they will probably be cleared of all charges, but Enricky is surprisingly not excited by the news. "How are you?" she asks. "I'm fine," says Enricky. Spawn demands to know why he doesn't sound more excited. "I should have never done any of that stuff," says Enricky. "Yeah," says Spawn. "But it worked out." "For you," says Enricky. "I'm the one in the hospital." Finally Enricky admits that he doesn't want to see Spawn anymore. Spawn is stumped by his need to cut her off -- that's a hint -- but Enricky doesn't explain any further. He hangs up and the camera pulls back, revealing that his right leg has been amputated. The time is 01:46:45 AM.
The time is 01:51:21 AM. CTU. Bitchelle bursts into Ye Olde Kiefer Kube and basically tells Soul Patch that she wouldn't blame him if he fired her. Soul Patch explains that he's angry with her for ignoring the chain of command and causing chaos. Bitchelle reasons that she was just trying to help Kiefer get the evidence to stop WWIII. Soul Patch points out bitterly that they still don't have Kiefer or the evidence to prove the recording was forged. "What do you want from me, Bitchelle?" asks Soul Patch. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry," says Bitchelle. Soul Patch dismisses her from his office.
District. General Windbag briefs the President on the status of the bombers as they head towards the Middle East, assuring Palmer that the planes can be ordered back at any time. The Joint Chiefs of Staff, however, would rather have a firm decision. Rolaide and PoorMan'sHumeCronyn enter and inform the President that the situation in Marietta got out of hand when the National Guard took on a more aggressive posture at the president's request. "What happened?" asks Palmer. Rolaide explains that two people were killed when the National Guard shot rubber bullets into the crowd. One of them was the leader of the militia group -- i.e. a "good" death. One of them, however, was a young Middle Eastern boy from one of the families they "were trying to protect." While you ponder what the hell a young boy is doing out at 4:30 AM while an angry mob is going crazy in his neighborhood, get ready for the schlockiest line of the entire evening. "The young boy," says Palmer. "What was his name? The boy!" Rolaide doesn't know. "The boy had a name! Find out!" says Palmer. "Indeed I will, sir," says Rolaide. He then orders PoorMan'sHumeCronyn to tell the National Guard to not back down until they've restored order to Marietta.
Back at Doc In The Box, The doctor examines SeventhCoralSnake's x-rays and tells Kiefer that he is not authorized to perform surgery, and therefore can't remove the bullet from SCS. Kiefer assures him that he'll take care of everything to see that Doc In The Box will not be held legally responsible, because this all has to do with the B-O-M-B. Moved by the Sutherland velvet, DocBox prepares to give SCS anesthesia. Kiefer stops him and demands that SeventhCoralSnake not be sedated because he needs him to talk. Cate gets a departure time for their flight, and Kiefer guarantees that he will get on the plane with her if that's what it takes to protect her. Suddenly, SeventhCoralSnake stops the surgery. He tells Kiefer that he's not going to make it. SeventhCoralSnake whispers to him that the original source files to make the Cyprus recording are on a memory chip. When Kiefer asks where that chip is, SeventhCoralSnake says, "It's inside…" Before he can finish his sentence, SeventhCoralSnake stops breathing. Defibrillation paddles are brought out and everything, but it's no use. SeventhCoralSnake dies. Kiefer doesn't know what to do, and rests his head in his hands. When he lifts his head, he is facing the light box holding SeventhCoralSnake's x-ray. Kiefer notices a shadow on the x-ray at the bottom of the rib cage. He goes over to SeventhCoralSnake's dead body. There is a stitched scar in the same spot. Much to the horror of the doctor, Kiefer grabs a scalpel and slices the skin where the scar is located. He reaches his hands into the body cavity and pulls something out. "I got it," he says as he holds up the blood-covered microchip. The time is 01:59:58…01:59:59…02:00:00 AM.