Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Amnesia and other personality disorders
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 17 | Aired on 03.25.2002
Oh, this Pizza Hut "P'Zone ad" is so horrifying. The lukewarm pandering to the "urban demographic" -- complete with turntables, braids, and booty -- bugs. Hunchback of Notre Dame II is available on DVD. Wow. I haven't even bought HoND I yet. This UPS "Brown" ad is styling, but it just isn't a good idea to have "Brown" as your buzzword color. Because I'm five like that.
The time is 4:14:46 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Spawn walks back to civilization, Bride waits for her lover, CTU agents bug TakeOnKief's hotel room, and ForeignAccentedTerrorDude sits in some café brooding over something. Apparently, when Spawn is not supervised by adults, she tends to walk in the middle of the street and almost get hit by cars. Because she's that innocent of the ways of man like that. She dashes across a rest area parking lot with a lot of Hare Krishnas congregating toward a pay phone. She finds some change in the coin return -- like that ever happens -- and calls CTU. Soul Patch answers, and Spawn asks to speak to Kiefer. Soul Patch tells her that Kiefer is unavailable and asks who this is. Spawn identifies herself and tells him about the Safe House being attacked. "The agents are dead and my mother is gone!" she screeches into the pay phone. Soul Patch wants to know where she is so he can send someone to pick her up. Spawn refuses to give her location. She's worried about falling for another Jalapeno-style switcheroo. She refuses to disclose her location to anyone but Nina Myers or Kiefer. Soul Patch tries to explain about Jalapeno being, uh, no longer employed by CTU, but Spawn is having none of it. She hangs up on Soul Patch.
Soul Patch saunters over to Xander Berkeley's office and tells him about the Safe House being attacked and the rest of his call from Spawn. They call the Safe House. No answer. Xander sends agents over to check out the story, and orders Soul Patch to do a "Whatever Search" of every single pay phone in Southern California to find Spawn's whereabouts. "You gonna call Jack or do you want me to?" asks Soul Patch. Xander doesn't want Kiefer notified. The "emotional reaction" might "distract" him. Bad bureaucratic Xander!
Back at the Palmer suite, the un-distracted Kiefer touches base with Nina, who doesn't think Faux-licity should be involved in Operation Vagina. "I don't know if we're doing the right thing," says Nina. Kiefer reminds her how helpful the successful operation would be for their investigation. Plus, worse comes to worst, SWAT teams break in to the hotel room, they arrest TakeOnKief and "turn him." Nina's female intuition is no match for Kiefer's velvety delivery. She backs down. He gets all patronizing on her ass and reminds her to "stay focused." Nina calls him on his shit and asks him what's up his ass. Kiefer breaks down and describes in velvety intensity the worry he has about the safety of the Kieferettes. He is upset that Nina didn't see to it personally that they were safe, and wants to know why she left the debriefing to HandsomeBlackAndNowDeadGuard. Debriefing: the word that never gets old. Nina tries not to tell him about her conversation with Bride. She exits to go wait in the surveillance room for Kiefer.