Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Amnesia and other personality disorders
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 17 | Aired on 03.25.2002
He lets her in and starts trying to make out with her. She's not feeling it and refuses to let him kiss her on the mouth. Ew. I've been on both ends of a kiss like that, and it's not a self-esteem booster either way. She refuses to put down her purse and just paces the room. "You seem a little…tense," says LittleTerrorBrother. Faux-licity blames it on the primary polls closing in an hour. This leads to a subtext-laden discussion about "exit polls," "outcomes," and "official" victories. "What can we do to help you relax?" asks LittleTerrorBrother, who is clearly doing a most admirable job of dealing with the fact that his date for the early evening is acting like Sally Field as Cybil on her date with Brad Davis. Faux-licity asks for some "vodka," even though what she really seems to need is a roofie. They kiss. Reluctantly, Faux-licity lets him stick her tongue down her throat. Hey, Kiefer's wife had to do worse in the name of democracy. Oh, and these reaction shots from Nina and Kiefer are priceless. It's like they're trying to keep straight faces while thinking, "Oh my God, man, this is my job!" All of a sudden, something changes. Faux-licity does a Three Faces of Eve thing and gets all hot and sexy and into the moment. She becomes Illicit Faux-licity.
LTB goes off to pour vodka for the two of them. She goes off in search of his wallet. She finds it, drops it under the bed, then finds it again in the nick of time before he comes back, slipping it into her own pocket. Watching this, Nina and Kiefer cringe and mutter. LTB gives Faux-licity the vodka, holds her gently, and rocks her. "I'm sorry this campaign has caused you so much stress," he sighs. "Goes with the territory," says Faux-licity bitterly. LittleTerrorBrother promises they'll go away together after all of this is over, and tries to pry some more information out of Faux-licity about the Senator's whereabouts and plans. "What about his victory speech," asks LTB. "Will he be delivering it here at the hotel?" Why don't you just ask for his email password already? Faux-licity coyly asks him why he's so fascinated with the comings and goings of a U.S. Senator. LTB feeds her a line about wanting to know Palmer's every move because he is so close to Faux-licity. Faux-licity gets cagey and starts challenging his knowledge of her. "We've only spent fifteen hours together and most of that has been in bed!" she says, becoming Bitter Last Tango in Paris Faux-licity. "That wasn't smart," snaps Nina from behind the KieferKam. Hee! LittleTerrorBrother sits up in bed -- his six-pack visible under his Gucci-esque dress shirt -- and asks her if he should feel complimented or insulted by her last comment. Faux-licity is all, "Both," and then asks him to order them some food from room service. "I was hoping you'd be hungry for something other than food," says LTB, going off to get the menu.
While he's gone, Faux-licity puts the wallet back. "Good girl," says Kiefer from behind the KieferKam. The plant has been made. Kiefer gets ready to call her cell phone, but then something unplanned happens. LTB takes out a ring and asks Faux-licity to marry him. Transfixed by his offer but not in a good way, Faux-licity ignores Kiefer's kall and turns off her cell phone so she can play cat-and-mouse games on her own. Of course, LTB wants her to answer her phone because it could be more news about Palmer, but Faux-licity lets her voice mail get it. Behind the KieferKam, things get tense. "What is she doing?" gasps Kiefer. "She's baiting him," says Nina, who'd know a thing or two about bait herself. "Order me a hamburger," says Faux-licity, removing her jacket. "What's that in her hand?" asks Kiefer from behind the KieferKam. Faux-licity has a letter opener in her hand. Nina and Kiefer call for the SWAT team to fall in, but it's too late. Faux-licity stabs LittleTerrorBrother in the stomach just as the agents burst into the room. They pull Faux-licity out of there while Kiefer tries to revive LTB. "We cannot let him die!" barks Kiefer. The time is 4:50:19 PM.