Episode Report Card Jessica: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Instant Karma!
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.15.2002
On the set of Scream, Scream, Scream, Natasha is drunk. Dawson putters alongside her, wondering how much she's had to drink. "Oh, Donald! Don't be such a SpongeBob Squarepants! I just had a little nip!" Natasha chirps. Heh. Dawson plaintively wonders why she's calling him Donald. "What? I think we can both agree that Dawson is a stupid name. Besides, you look like a Donald. Or, if you prefer, Ronald," Natasha offers, then throws herself in Todd's arms in a flurry of air kisses. Todd shoots Dawson an alarmed look over his star's shoulder. "You're late," he tells Dawson. "Donald got lost!" Natasha sings. Todd coos over the flowers she brought him, and then throws them roughly into Dawson's arms. Much as he'd like to throw himself, I suspect. Finally, Natasha stumbles off to hair and wardrobe. "What's wrong with her?" Todd asks. Dawson lies that she's tired. Todd instructs Dawson to get her some goddamned coffee, then.
Dawson scurries along next to his leading lady and tries to grab her arm. Natasha snaps at him not to touch her. "I can't believe I actually let those hands touch me naked," she shudders, loudly thanking God that no one on set knows about their little affair. "So, how's that old friend you dumped me for a couple of weeks ago?" she asks. "I quite didn't catch her name. Wait, it is a girl, isn't it?" Snerk. Dawson sputters that Joey is fine. As far as he knows, anyway. Natasha correctly interprets this as meaning that the lovebirds aren't so lovely-dovey any more, and asks Dawson if they broke up. Dawson mutters something. "That? Is so sad," Natasha laughs, standing in front of her trailer. Dawson makes some noise about being a total asshole to her, and says he doesn't blame her if she hates him. That's an appropriate meta statement/apology for this show as a whole if I've ever heard one. Natasha smirks that she doesn't hate him. She pities him. Oh, those don't have to be mutually exclusive sentiments, Natasha. La Leery simpers that he just wants to help her. Can he get her coffee? Or a bagel? I'd like one of both, please. Thanks! "You want to help me?" Natasha parrots. "You want to help me? That is so sweet. Want to know how you can help me? Go to hell, Dawson." Natasha, sweetie, take a seat. Right here, next to me. Can I offer you some wine? This Chardonnay is fab. Olives? Some nice paté? Listen, darling, I know you're all broken up about Dawson dumping you on your answering machine. But allow me to let you in on a little secret: you can do better. For example, I hear that recent parolees can be quite attentive.