Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT A Report On The Party & Guests
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 9 | Aired on 08.07.2012
RANDOM TED
Ted: "Ashley! It's nice to see you, because internet dating did not work out."
Ashley: "I was just roaming around town in the middle of the day, wondering why my daughter is always bleeding on things."
Ted: "Do you want to go out on a date?"
Ashley: "Coffee, sure. No ice cream, though. I've been told about your ... ways."
SPENCER'S BOWER
Spencer: "Move your tiny cute ass so I can continue to OCD myself into an early grave."
Aria, verbatim: "I'm kind of lying here despondently right now, Spence."
Spencer: "Sit despondently instead."
Aria: "No! Lying is more despondent."
Spencer: "Trust me, you can do anything despondently. I've seen Toby Cavanaugh do at least sixteen things despondently exactly where you are right now lying."
Spencer: Asks Aria Montgomery for fashion advice, first of all.
Aria: Has zero fucking qualms. Even Hanna would tell you, "I'm not the best person to ask as far as the best way to drive from Point A to Point B, given my constant crashing of all vehicles," but Aria? Go right ahead. Feel free.
Spencer and Aria discuss fashion! Herr Kommandant and Rima the Bird Girl, just talkin' truth about duds. At one point Spencer is called upon to identify her two "most collegiate-looking blazers." Aria suggests that she try wearing pants as a shirt and attend the party as an upside-down college student, with shoes on her hands. Spencer points wordlessly at Aria's outfit of a skellington, and then muses on perhaps dressing as a British Airways stewardess from the waist up, and everything else is just veiled in black netting, except for some Pilgrim shoes with huge buckles. Somebody stop them.
Spencer: "Well, thanks for coming to this awesome party with me."
Aria: "You mean you weren't looking forward to tagging along with a random 22-year-old psychopath?"
Spencer: "She's not random, she's Ali's older, gorgeous, very well-connected friend who we have never heard of before."
Aria: "Isn't this show crazy? I mean, reality would tell you that Alison would dangle that bitch in front of us like a pair of diamond earrings. Like actually get us all to meet somewhere and then be like, Something's come up! and make us watch her get in a car with this chick. It's mysterious."
It is, Aria. It is mysterious. But what's really mysterious is that the show even bothered to have you guys point that out. Normally it would totally act the same Alison way and be like, "Oh, you don't remember Cece? Here's a flashback where she held an entire schoolbus of third-graders hostage for nearly 72 hours, did we not mention that?"