Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Like a Wire Inside
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 07.20.2009
over the last six months, and Alanis smiles. "I've been seeing other patients! It's all good." Andy, supposedly former infatuation junkie that he is, immediately jumps on her chili and introduces himself in terms of both his place in the family's life and as a man who believes that family and children are the most important blah blah. Nancy finally stops him, explaining that it's time to induce this particular instance of that blah blah.Alanis asks what her doctor thinks about that, and Nancy replies truthfully that she didn't ask, begging her to get the baby out of her ASAP. Alanis shakes her head and reminds her that she's still two days from her due date, and should just let her body call the shots. Before she can go into This Too Shall Pass mode, Nancy nearly starts crying, because she can't wait. "Not because I'm uncomfortable," she bites at her frustration, and Andy steps in: "The father is a drug kingpin-slash-mayor-slash-radical home birth advocate who built a delivery room in their guesthouse, spared no expense, for two apparent reasons: one, to guarantee that his first and only son arrives safely; two, to insure no witnesses or official records of this event, which could pose a problem if he ever decided to kidnap the baby to Mexico and/or kill its mother the minute she gives birth." Breathless and beautifully executed, Botwin.
"Now, maybe all of this is coincidence, but one thing is for sure: They have a coven, and they want my baby." -- Rosemary Woodhouse
"Thank you, Andy, for your discretion." Alanis stares, and Nancy's like, "I need witnesses and a baby and a birth certificate before he realizes that I'm gone." Saying it out loud, she realizes how trashy it sounds, and how helpless and out of control she is, and starts crying those angry tears. "I don't have health insurance," she smiles, "But I can pay cash!" She holds out a paper bag toward Alanis and prays for death. "And if all goes well, there's a healthy bonus in it for you."
She's just so embarrassed, it's terrible. I know Nancy can be hard to take, but being myself a horribly prideful person who can't ask for basic favors or even spare change, much less a C-section should I have occasion to require one, she really got to me here. Alanis pushes the money away and says they should get her into the hospital immediately, sketching out the pros and cons of a caesarian until Nancy whisper-shouts, "GET IT OUT!" Alanis leaves, totally awesome, and Andy is under her spell. "I beg you," Nancy huffs, "Wait until I've given birth."