Episode Report Card Cate: A | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Anything You Want (Pilot)
By Cate | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 08.25.1996
RevCam walks in, and Dopey tells him about Jeff and Mary before stomping off. Maybe he just doesn't want to hear Annie's annoying tuneless whistling. RevCam shares the news about Mary and Jeff with his wife, and he seems disappointed when she takes it all in stride, stating that, at sixteen, Jeff is only two years older than Mary. Eric tries to argue that Jeff is "an old sixteen," but since we already saw that he's scared to pick up a tampon off the ground, I'm not sure that argument washes with me.
Outside, Jeff does a crappy Harlem Globetrotters impersonation while Mary stands around looking impressed. It's too bad I can't say the same thing for myself. When he passes Mary the ball, she tries to wow him, twirling it on her index finger. She even does a decent job of making a foul shot. I must say, I'm surprised. I never imagined that Jessica Biel actually had any talents. Mary challenges Jeff to a game of one-on-one.
Dopey watches from inside the house. That's right: The trademark Camden spying was present right from the very first episode. And lo and behold -- here comes RevCam to join in the fun. Big surprise there.
Upstairs, Simon is giving his new dog the grand tour. She looks notably underwhelmed. Ruthie has obviously set her cuteness level to eleven as she comes in and asks if the dog knows any tricks. She helpfully offers to show him her own tricks, which consist of sitting, barking, lying down, and rolling over. Golly, with talents like that, I can see great things in Ruthie's future. The dog -- who hasn't been given a name yet -- demonstrates an ability to do the very same tricks. While that's somewhat impressive in a dog, I can't work up too much admiration for Ruthie, no matter how much she asks for it.
After Jeff leaves, Dopey perkily asks Mary how her date went. She says, "Shut up. I saw you watching us," which makes me laugh. He pretends he's being nice by telling her he doesn't want her to get hurt by Jeff, but you know the real reason is that he just wants to control her. Hey, who knows? Maybe he's even regretting that he didn't take her up on her earlier offer to make out with him. He makes her promise not to kiss Jeff for at least thirty days. That's so annoying, especially when he says that after the thirty-day period, he will re-evaluate whether or not she will be allowed to kiss Jeff. Maybe he should take this time to "re-evaluate" some things about himself -- like whether he really needs to have his head so far up his ass.