Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Pirates of the Implants
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 09.16.2003
Engineering. Trip fusses over some strange readings and orders an Enginerd to check a few more things.
Sickbay. Phlox's pharmaceutical pets rattle the bars of their cages and squawk. It's like there's an earthquake coming. What does it say that Phlox looks with more concern at creatures that are about to become tinctures than Quantum does at his own dog?
Mess. Crewmembers talk and eat until all their food trays, cups, and plates fly up to the ceiling and stay there. Somebody better call Father Lankester Merrin.
Scratch that -- better call in Bill Murray, because from the looks of the bulging path in the corridor, Enterprise has a rodent problem. That's some strong badger, too -- look how it's knocking people off their feet!
Back in the Mistreatment of Animals Office, Quantum starts as his coffee cup floats up in the air and the coffee slowly oozes out. T'Pol calls him to the Bridge. He leaves. Shouldn't he put some paper toweling down on the floor for when that particular anomaly rights itself? At the very least, make sure Porthos isn't in the way of falling scalding coffee? I loathe Quantum.
Bridge. T'Pol reports on all the anomalies anomalyzing all over the ship. May-Commented-Out mentions that the warp field is fluctuating as the lights fluctuate.
Engineering. The warp core vomits lightning bolts everywhere. Seriously, where is Max Von Sydow when you really need him? Trip can't figger out what's going on, and he can't shut down the reactor.
Bridge. May-Commented-Out announces that they are losing power.
Engineering. More lightning bolts from the core, and Trip manages to shut down the reactor.
The ship drops out of warp, and the nacelles flicker dark as the ship lists slightly to starboard.
If I do one "Our Father," ten "Hail Marys," and one "Glory Be to the Father," will the song stop writing "I suck, I suck, I suck" on my stomach? Will it work if I'm not Catholic?
Reed reports some power but no weapons, and Trip reports that it's going to take him a long time to clean up the all the pea-soup vomit in Engineering. May-Commented-Out picks up on a ship that appears to be adrift, and Hoshi can't contact them because their transceiver is burned out. Even though it seems like a really bad idea to me when you have minimal power and zero weapons, Quantum wants to go knock on their door and see who's waiting for them.
Enterprise approaches the darkened vessel. T'Pol reads no bio-signs, atmosphere, or artificial gravity, and Reed can't determine what happened to the ship in general.