The announcers tell us that Triple H has a lot of explaining to do, and Triple H is on his way out to possibly do just that. Triple H has some new entrance music to fit his new über-heel persona. Stephanie is not with him. It takes Triple H about five minutes to make his way down to the ring, and he keeps spitting water out of his mouth. At one point, it looks like he's drooling. He is bad! Oh, for those of you who missed it, it was revealed on RAW that Triple H was the mastermind behind Rikishi running down Stone Cold Steve Austin last fall. Triple H finally starts talking, and gets huge amounts of heat. How could he go from near-face to heel in one week? Amazing. Triple H tells the audience that they make him sick for cheering him for so long. Then he introduces Rikishi, "the man who danced his way to the bank." The bank? Did he get paid for hitting Stone Cold? Interesting choice of words. Rikishi strolls down the ramp and babbles about how hitting Stone Cold was his big break, and "The Rock is just a joke." Triple H claims that he's the only one who could have come up with such an elaborate plan. He gained the most from Austin's absence -- he held the WWF title, he married the daughter of the boss, and he ran the WWF. It's true, it's true. Triple H says that everyone was too stupid to see what was really happening. Triple H was the one who drove the fake car, which Austin chased, leaving JR to get beat down by Rikishi. Triple H hit Austin in the head with a wrench. Triple H almost hit Austin with a crate dropping from the ceiling. Triple H smashed The Rock with a cart to prevent him from making it to the ring and partner with Austin. Triple H even told Austin, "D.T.A. -- Don't Trust Anybody." And then on RAW, Triple H came down and got rid of Kurt Angle, and then picked up the sledgehammer. Just when everyone thought he was going to hit Rikishi, he actually hit Stone Cold. The big swerve, and as Triple H correctly points out, we "never saw it coming."
Mick Foley comes out and says that he was fooled right along with everyone else. He proclaims that Rikishi will be taking on The Rock and Triple H will be taking on Stone Cold at the Pay Per View, Survivor Series on November 19th. Foley also announces that there will be a tag team match tonight -- The Rock and Stone Cold will be taking on Rikishi and Triple H. Foley leaves, but not before Triple H yells some threats at him. My God, that all took a long time.
Some new music hits as Mr. Ass -- oh wait, he's now known as "The One Billy Gunn" -- comes down to the ring with Chyna. Except the ring announcer calls him Billy G. It's enough to give him an identity crisis. His opponent will be Eddie Guerrero, who is accompanied by Perry Saturn and Terri. The match (which is for the Intercontinental Title) starts straightaway (because we got enough talking when Triple H was out there), and Gunn actually holds Eddie over his head with one hand. Gunn pins Eddie, but Eddie's foot was on the rope, so it doesn't count. Perry Saturn interferes, and the ref rules it a disqualification. The Radicalz run in, followed by the Road Dogg. Mayhem ensues. Chris Benoit gets the Crippler Crossface on Chyna. The Radicalz (a.k.a. the new DX) leave the ring as Lawler and Cole try to sell us on the Radicalz as a new and powerful group. It's the same old sad sacks it's always been, fellas. I'm not sold.
Edge and Christian go to visit Mick Foley. They're pissed that the Dudley Boyz get the first Tag Team title shot against RTC, the new champs. Foley tells them that it's too bad, and that Edge and Christian will be taking on the Hardy Boyz tonight.
We see a recap of the feud between Chris Jericho and Kane. Jericho spilled coffee on Kane. Jericho was about to win the WWF Championship when Kane interfered in the match. No one (including me) can believe the whole thing started over a cup of coffee. Kane says that he hates Jericho because he's a "pretty boy." I think Kane has a crush on Jericho! Y2J's music hits, and Jericho walks down to the ring. Oh, yay! He's taking the mic! Jericho says that he's a little unsettled to find out that Kane thinks he's pretty, and then rips on his own sideburns. All the chicks scream for him. Jericho says that Kane is selling himself short, and his look could sweep the nation. Jericho shows us a picture of a male model, and then shows us that he's more beautiful with a Kane mask on. up are Al Gore and George W. Bush with "the Kane." up is Britney Spears, who could adopt Kane's mask and call her hit "Oops, I Did It A-Kane!" Hee hee! Jericho changes the Mona Lisa to the Kane-A Lisa. He follows that up with a mockup of the People Sexiest Man issue featuring Kane. I guess the audiovisual show is over, because then Jericho says that everyone has an ugly side, and his is that he really wants to hurt Kane. Jericho proclaims that he will beat Kane, the Undertaker, and Chris Benoit tonight to be the top contender for the WWF belt.
Lillian Garcia awaits the arrival of Stone Cold and The Rock. A limo approaches. Commercial.
When we return, the limo pulls in. Kurt Angle gets out. Lillian tells him she really wanted to talk to Stone Cold or The Rock. Angle is disgusted.
Edge and Christian walk not at all through the crowd, but down the ramp, wearing their new yellow shirts. Ooh, the announcer introduced them as "Christian and Edge." I don't know why I thought that was important to mention, but there you go. The Hardy Boyz come out with Lita. Looks like Jeff has completely given up on wearing a shirt and then ripping it off -- now he's just wearing a few scraps of cloth on his upper half. The match starts outside the ring. Jeff seems like such a nice boy. Why does he do that to his hair? Lita gets a hurricanerana on Edge outside the ring. Matt gets the Twist of Fate on Christian, and Jeff does a Swanton Bomb from the top rope, followed by the pin.
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Lillian Garcia is still waiting in the parking garage. Someone get her a coat or something!
It's time for the Number One Contender Four Corner Match. The Undertaker rides down to the ring. up is Jericho. Even though we just heard his entrance music about fifteen minutes ago, we go through the whole thing again. The Undertaker left his motorcycle right at the foot of the ramp. How rude! Benoit comes out . Boring. Kane starts to come down the ramp, but Jericho meets him halfway. Kane throws Jericho into the ring and the match begins. Jericho dropkicks and launches a moonsault on Kane, but Benoit interrupts. Kane tries to drop Benoit, but it looked like his hand slipped a little. Ultimately, The Undertaker chokeslams Kane, and then sends Jericho on the Last Ride. That move must give the Ridee the biggest wedge, ever. Undertaker gets the pin, and will face Angle for the title at Survivor Series.
Lillian Garcia is still outside as a limo arrives. It's The Rock. Lillian tries to interview him, but Rocky ignores her.
On RAW, Bull Buchanan and the Goodfather won the Tag Team Title from the Hardyz. RTC comes down to the ring to take on the Dudley Boyz for the belts. The crowd calls for tables, even though the Dudleyz are losing the match for the most part. Of course, the Dudleyz fight back. D-Von clotheslines the Goodfather from the top rope. While Ivory distracts the ref, Val Venis runs in and hits Buh Buh Ray with a belt. The Goodfather gets the pin, and they retain the title. The announcers are livid -- LIVID! -- that the RTC cheated to win.
Stone Cold is in the house! And he looks angry. Does Stone Cold ever look anything but angry, really?
Kurt Angle comes down to the ring, without Stephanie. Is she on vacation or something? Kurt takes the mic and tells everyone that he knew Triple H was a bad guy all along. Angle can't believe how gullible the fans were, and tells them that they need a new hero -- Kurt Angle. Then he disparages the hometown sports teams, as per usual. The Undertaker walks out. Angle is mad that the Undertaker is interrupting his time with the people. The Undertaker threatens Angle. Snooze. I remember these two battled when the Undertaker first returned, but am I supposed to care? This just seems like a random feud with no build-up.
The Lugz Boot of the Week is the mysterious woman who hangs out with Crash Holly taking out Trish Stratus.
Steve Blackman comes down to the ring for a Hardcore Tag Team match. Cut to an interview with Crash and the mysterious woman, who turns out to be "Molly Holly," another Holly cousin. Never you mind that they've been pretending Crash doesn't have a last name for the past month or so. Molly and Crash are about the same height. Test, Albert, and Trish come down to the ring. They're wearing old school APA shirts with the letters "T &" added on with masking tape. Crash and Molly finally get down to the ring as well. Lawler makes lecherous comments about Molly Holly. Just as Test and Albert are about to beat on Molly, Trish hits her with a fire extinguisher. Blackman busts out the kendo sticks and lays waste to Test and Albert. Later, Molly gets a hurricanerana on Test, allowing Crash to hit Test with a kendo stick and get the pin.
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Kevin Kelley is waiting for an interview with The Rock. But first, this commercial.
After the commercial, we get a long, long montage that basically boils down to "Wrestlemania tickets go on sale soon."
Angle is walking out when Debra catches up to him. Debra informs Angle that she and Mick Foley have thought up a great match for him on Sunday Night Heat, but she won't tell him who his opponent will be. How hard are they trying to get people to watch that show?
Kevin Kelley interviews The Rock. I'm sure you will all be surprised to learn that The Rock is very angry with both Triple H and Rikishi. In fact, The Rock is planning to take Rikishi out tonight. Also, Stone Cold Steve Austin is walking around backstage. Did you hear me, people? He's walking around! The excitement is palpable.
Well, it's time for the huge tag team match. Unfortunately, since there are only a few minutes left on the show, I doubt that the match will actually happen. Triple H makes his way down to the ring, which takes approximately forty-seven minutes. I think we should make a new rule that the wrestlers only get one entrance with music per show. This makes number two for Triple H. Rikishi also gets his second big entrance of the evening, but this time he's wearing his face mask/nose guard/"Who is Darkman" thing on his head. The Rock's music hits, but he runs down to the ring. See, that's what I'm talking about. Stone Cold's music hits, and he also sprints down. The Rock punches Rikishi while Stone Cold punches Triple H. Suddenly, the Radicalz run out and interfere. The Radicalz? You heard me. The match is over before it started. Rikishi and Triple H escape from the ring and walk back up the ramp. The Rock and Stone Cold lay into the Radicalz while Triple H and Rikishi watch from the top of the ramp. Why were the Radicalz out there? Did Triple H have something to do with it? Is Perry Saturn the scariest looking man on earth? Some of these questions will probably be answered by week. See you then.
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