Bus-ted!

S08E02

Clark shows up for his first day of work wearing the shirt from Monty Python's "Lumberjack Sketch." Lois gives him an annoying, but necessary fashion makeover, but it doesn't last long because out on the street, a bus has just exploded. Clark helps the rescue effort and carries to safety one hot redhead who happens to have just taken over LuthorCorp in Lex's absence. It turns out she's also Clark's new boss at The Daily Planet and, after thanking him for saving her life and questioning him about Lex, concludes that he's lying and must be watched.

Meanwhile, Chloe was also near the bus explosion and helps a teenager named Bette with the help of a handsome paramedic named Davis. Chloe and Davis have some serious sexual tension going, even as they're helping the punky teen. Chloe and Davis try to get the homeless girl into a home that helps girls like her, but she resists because she's a loner and because she has a secret. Long story short, the girl wasn't at the explosion site by accident: there were no explosives and it turned out the girl has meteor powers and escaped recently from the LuthorCorp facility in Montana. After leading Clark and Chloe through a wild goose chase to find a teen boy Bette says caused the explosion, she blows up some barrels and kills the teenager. This being Clark, it takes him a while to figure out that Bette was responsible even though it happened right in front of him. Clark saves Chloe from the girl, who suddenly doesn't trust her new friend and wants to make her a fillet. The girl allows them to ship her off to Belle Reve, which doesn't sound like it'll be much better than Montana.

In other developments, Clark finds out that Chloe is engaged (and has to find out from Davis) and he wishes her the best, though he does say that they're "More than friends." (Followed right after, at least in the Closed Captioning, by, "We're family.") Lois teaches Clark some lessons in journalism, which, what the fuck?! Lois is suddenly Woodward and Bernstein? She's not even a Berenstain Bear! (Grumble.) Chloe decides to take over the Isis Foundation because she all of a sudden has no interest in journalism or returning to The Daily Planet. Is her name still Chloe, even? And that paramedic Davis has some weird stuff going on: Chloe tries to call him and we see him lying in an alley naked. He wakes up suddenly, screaming.

And lastly, it turns out that Tess was on the bus with Bette because she was chasing her down. As Bette sits in a cell waiting to be sent to Belle Reve, Tess sweet-talks the girl into joining a team of people with similar powers. Tess can be very persuasive.

Tinkly music plays as we fly over The Daily Planet, that once-great bastion of journalistic excellence. Now, they just hire any damn fool. Speaking of which, we cut to the staircase, where one Clark Kent, Unqualified Farmboy, is walking down hesitantly. He pauses after about three steps, taking in the hustle and bustle of extras making important decisions: hit the Craft Services table after this scene or try to slip my headshot into the director's pocket? Clark breathes a deep breath and takes comfort in the press pass he's holding. It's a pathetic little laminated affair with a sideways "PRESS" and the words, "CLARK KENT" and "REPORTER" below. The badge lies. The photo shows Clark wearing a blue T-shirt and sporting John Mayer's hair. Clark pins the press badge to the breast of his hideous, untucked, red-flannel shirt and thinks, "Well, at least I got that goin' for me." He's also carrying a big backpack instead of a nice messenger bag or portfolio. Clark must have biology class later on in the press room. Clark approaches Lois's desk and clears his throat. Lois gives him big points for punctuality, but asks about his "wardrobe malfunction." "Whu?" Clark says, cutely, looking down at himself, "This is a nice shirt." Aw. It's almost darling, the delusion. Clark buys those shirts in plastic-wrapped packs of three at Wal-Mart.

Lois scoffs and tells him that he doesn't want to meet Human Resources looking like "The Brawny Lumberjack." All together now: "He's a lumberjack, and he's okay! He farms all night, and he mopes all day! He fights K-freaks, he wears high heels, suspenders and a braaaaaa. He wish'd he'd been a girlie just like his Kent Mamaaaaaa!" Oh, I thought Clark was so rugged! Moving on... Lois tells Clark to hold on. She walks to one of her co-workers' desks and grabs some just-laundered dry cleaning from a coat rack. "Hey, personal space, Lane! Remember?" the guy says. She must be a nightmare to work with. She tells the poor guy that "GQ" needs some roadside assistance, and she's just borrowing his spare. Clark mopes that he doesn't want to wear a tie. She tells him to dress for success and that there's no time for the men's room. That's going to be a real shame for Clark's bladder. Lois pushes Clark into a nearby phone booth, which he complains is not exactly private. Lois says he's lucky she was there to save him, or he'd be forever known as "Farmboy" or "Flannel Man." Lois greets people walking by as she waits. Clark finally emerges from the booth. He's wearing a dark blue shirt that just happens to fit perfectly. He asks how he looks. Lois is at a loss for words, but tries to play it off. As she's helping adjust his collar, there's a sudden explosion. Plaster and dust fall from the ceiling as Lois is pushed into Clark's arms. The chatter in the newsroom amplifies. As Lois looks to see what's up, Clark whooshes out of the scene.

Clark emerges above-ground, where there's been some sort of accident on the street. There's fire everywhere, and people are staggering about. Clark walks toward the carnage and almost knocks over a scared teenager carrying a skateboard. The kid, who looks a bit like Seth Green, gives Clark a guilty, frightened look, then keeps running. Clark sees the burned-out husk of a city bus. People are trying to push out the windows to escape. Clark starts tearing the bus apart to get people out. Nobody bothers to take a photo of this or even observe this suddenly suave reporter's strength. Clark helps pull people out of the bus and leads them out of the smoky wreck. He sees one bloody body lying on the ground and moves to retrieve it. Police cars, sirens blaring, approach. We see Clark walking toward us through the smoke, carrying a woman in his arms. She's wearing an expensive-looking business suit and has red hair. Hey, it's Tess Mercer! I dig her! She wakes up to find herself in Clark's arms. Clark is staring stoically ahead, thinking, "One more season, one more season, I can do it, one more season." Impressed, Tess says, "I guess this must be my stop." Also, I have a giant steering wheel welded to my thigh. Clark gives her a little half-smile. He's not much for survival humor.

Opening credits. Commercials. I still haven't seen Iron Man, but I hope to be rectifying that soon with the Blu-ray release.

Since we're talking about bus mishaps, do you mind if I do like a minister and park here for a minute? Why does the show assume that we care more about seeing Lois and Clark argue about a blue shirt than we would figuring out how exactly Clark is making the transition from living in Smallville to Metropolis? Is he living in the city now? If so, where? Has he gone apartment hunting? Is he selling the farm? Why wasn't Mama Kent around last week to help search for Clark when he was missing? (I imagine her resources in the U.S. Senate might have helped. Then again she's probably knee-deep in financial bailouts right now.) I would kind of like to know these things, and I guess I'd be more forgiving if the show was called Flannel Shirt instead of Smallville. Just sayin'. We can continue.

Back to the scene of the bus accident. Mournful music plays as fires have been put out and replaced by smoke. It still looks a mess. Firefighters douse the remains with water. Chloe shows up, walking to a police barricade that's been set up. She sees a teenager with dark hair stumbling out of the wreckage. Nobody else seems to have noticed her, even though she was one of the ones Clark assisted out of the bus earlier. The girl, who has blue streaks in her hair, coughs and falls. Chloe, concerned, rushes past the barricade and goes to her. Chloe yells for help as the girl tries to cough up a lung. A young paramedic, who has very close-cropped dark hair and a chiseled face, notices Chloe's call. He and Chloe look at each other for a moment, then he rushes over. He asks if the girl was on the bus. Chloe doesn't know. The paramedic asks Chloe to hold a small oxygen tank and begins asking the girl for her name. She's "Bette," but I prefer to call her Punky Bruiser. Oh, Punky, Punky, Punky. The paramedic places an oxygen mask on her and begins to check for injuries. The paramedic flirts with Chloe while he works, telling her she was hard to miss and that she's doing great, too. If he had three hands, I think he'd be feeling Chloe up right now. The paramedic concludes that Punky is fine apart from some smoke inhalation. He still wants to take her to Met General and asks if she can make it to his "rig." I have a rig. It's a hybrid. The paramedic introduces himself with the name, "Davis," as in, "Davis is pretty fucking hot" or "Lex who!? I'm all about the Davis now." Chloe and Davis (love that name! I think I'll write it on the front of all my notebooks with hearts around it) help Punky up. He calls Chloe a good "wingman" and then corrects it to "wingperson." How about "wingwoman?" "Wingwo" for short? Davis thanks Chloe.

Elsewhere in the carnage, Clark is carrying a young girl who is holding a stuffed bunny. She's not a clone, is she? Clark deposits the girl with one of the paramedics who is not Davis and asks the guy to take a look. Clark also asks about the red-headed woman he saved earlier. The paramedic says lots of people came in and out and that the injured ones are at the hospital. He suggests Clark go look there, you know, if his thing is picking up women at scenes of mass tragedy. Jeez, Clark, quit thinking with your Kryptonian dick! Chloe and Clark notice each other. Clark, worried, goes to her and holds her arms, asking if she's all right. Chloe says she was just helping. She asks what happened. Just then, Davis comes around the back of the ambulance and sees the two of them talking. It sure looks to him like they're a couple. Clark explains to Chloe that he heard there was a bomb on the bus, but he hasn't had time to check it out. Chloe says a dress shirt can't hide the hero. She calls it a "heck of a first day at the office." Clark says that's why he's there: he wants to be around to help more people. All that stuff about writing coherent articles or knowing AP style and libel law? Meh. That bullshit's for suckers. Clark says that the paper is where he'll know what's going on as it's happening. Yeah, we've gotten a lot better about that since they installed Internet connections to our work computers. Clark says, "You know... now that Lex isn't running things..." Chloe says, "Yeeeaahhh," and begs off, saying she's spent so long praying to the gods of journalism that it might be nice to try something new and see how it feels. Chloe smiles and then rolls her eyes, amazed at her own identity transplant.

Can I park here for a minute? What the FUCK!? This show spent seven years showing us that Chloe is smarter, a better journalist and a more competent information-gatherer than anyone else in this particular fictional universe. She was only fired because Lex was being a little pissy that day. And now that the one obstacle to returning to the paper has been removed (sure, Lex has been replaced, but I doubt Chloe would have trouble getting rehired. I mean, shit, they hired the no-clips farmboy), Chloe is like, "Eh, fuck it?" She's unemployed. She'd rather bag groceries or give handjobs in some back alley than work with Clark and Lois at the place she's dreamed of working all her life? The place where she supposedly had a future? I just don't buy this. Again, it's just weak, sudden character shifting. If anything, Chloe's time in Montana should make her more hungry to uncover the truth and expose LuthorCorp's web of lies. Jeez, show. I try to be nice and you pull this shit on me.

Back to the same scene. Clark asks if Chloe is really ready for a change. Chloe looks at her left hand, where she's wearing her giant, can't-miss-it toy engagement ring. Clark, not surprisingly, fails to notice the thing. Chloe says there's actually been a big change. Clark's phone makes a noise. He got a text from Lois: "911 WHERE R U?" Chloe says that with Lois around, it'll be harder for Clark to duck out and save people. Clark says that if he could keep his secret from Chloe for so long, her cousin shouldn't be a problem. True dat. Chloe starts to walk away. She tells Clark to ask Lois to take it easy on him. The camera does a close-up on Clark instead of watching Chloe walk away.

Daily Planet. Clark walks in. His new shirt is dirty and untucked. Way to fuck up another man's freshly laundered shirt, Clark. Lois asks if he's all right. "Why? Were you worried about me?" Clark says, sarcastically. Yeah, this dynamic is going to be so much fun to watch all season. Like watching zoo monkeys shit all over each other. Lois says she's chasing a lead on this story and doesn't want to chase after Clark, too. Then why the fuck are you still in the newsroom, Lois? Why weren't you outside a half hour ago? She asks if Clark heard anything out there while he was making his "ash angels." Lois is such an amazing reporter that she's asking another reporter to tell her what happened instead of climbing one flight of stairs to find out for herself. She must be allergic to news. Clark says there was a bomb on the bus, but it must have misfired, since no one was seriously hurt. Lois asks for Clark's source. Clark says he didn't get a name because he was too busy helping people. Lois says, "Rule Number One: Always know your source." Do we have to? Really? Must we do this? Can't you just stab my wrists with kebab skewers? Are you really going to reduce what I do for a living to a bunch of stupid-ass rules from the least-qualified journalist on television? Can't you just stick me in the anal-rape cell block at Oz? My ass would be less irritated there than it is right now watching this dope tell another dope how to do my job. Clark, smiling, says that if she's going to give a course on Lois Lane's tips for reporting, he'd rather read the Cliff's Notes. Me, too, Clark. Me, too. One of Clark's new coworkers says that the boss wants to see him. Now. Lois thinks the guy is talking to her. He's not. "Oh," Lois says. She busts out Rule Number Two: Always make a good first impression and don't screw up with the boss. Unless he screws you first. Also, never let them see you sweat. Unless your boss is on top of you and sweating directly onto you first. Clark says that's two rules. "Whatever! Try not to get fired on your first day!" Lois tells Clark. Yeah, good luck with that. Lois watches Clark go. She likey. It's a long, lingering gaze. I really am not liking where this all is headed.

We see a bouquet of many lovely yellow roses. We're inside Lex's old newspaper office. Clark walks through the door. He's cleaned himself up a bit and tucked in his shirt. "Have a seat, Mr. Kent," a woman behind the desk says. She's standing by the window, but her back is to Clark. She turns, dramatically. It's Tess again! Scary! Don't do that! Clark recognizes her. She tells him she's the acting CEO of LuthorCorp. Well, then, act like it. Clark, forgetting to shake her offered hand, can't believe it. Tess says he wasn't this shy when she was a damsel in distress. She doesn't look hurt at all. In fact, she looks... awesome? She asks if Clark is intimidated by a strong woman. I can see how you might think that, but, no, he's more intimidated by women like Lana. Clark asks why she's back at work so soon. Tess says she has big shoes to fill and was given the all-clear by the paramedics. Clark says it's unusual for the new CEO of LuthorCorp to be taking the bus. Bus-ted! Without the slightest pause, she says, "I'm going green." Ooh, good lie! She says she's doing what she can to save the planet (or The Planet, if you prefer). She jokes that they should keep that info from the shareholders. Clark smirks. She says they were destined to meet. "I already had you on my to-do list today." Yowza! Nice! Hot plate! Handle with care! Clark lets that one sit there as he blinks. "Lex told me all about you," Tess says as she turns away. Clark flinches. Ah yes. The gayness.

Clark says there's not much to tell. Tess says Clark has a thing for saving people. That morning pretty much confirmed it. Tess, stepping forward, says she's using all of the company's resources to find Lex. Genuinely curious, Clark asks, "Do you have any leads?" Tess says she was hoping Lex's good friend could tell her where to look. Have you tried his castle? How about his helicopter? Level 33.1? The Talon? Clark takes a deep breath. He says the Lex that he knew disappeared years ago. We really liked that Lex. He was sexy. Clark says it's been a long time since they were friends. Clark doesn't know what happened to him. "Fair enough," she says. Tess gives Clark her card and asks him to call if he finds out anything. She adds that he was "extraordinary" out there, and thanks Clark for saving her life. More yowza! Lady on fire! Clark pauses at the door to Columbo one last remark: he says he saw how this job consumed Lex. He'd hate for the same thing to happen to Tess. Nice. Give your new boss a warning. Excellent career move. Tess looks a little pissed after Clark leaves. Her annoyingly perky blonde assistant comes in. She calls Clark "handsome." "And a liar," Tess tells her. "He's hiding something." The assistant offers to have someone watch Clark. Tess says she plans to do it herself. But first, she'll tell her assistant, who really didn't need to know. Nice move, Tess.

Commercials. The Game. That show is still on? That must be a really good game.

Metropolis General Hospital. Just like the one in Smallville, but with a little less neon. Chloe sits in the waiting area. Waiting. Punky Bruiser, sporting a tattoo on her right upper arm, emerges. She tells Chloe she feels like she threw down with a carton of cloves. Ah. All right, then. Chloe hands her a Styrofoam container with some lunch, including curly fries. Punky, grateful, sits down for some chow. Chloe observes that Punky's parents aren't here. Punky, mid-bite, says that it's cool Chloe helped her and all, but she's not ready to reveal her life story. Chloe, stung, says she wasn't asking. Punky says she hasn't seen her parents in years and is "kind of in-between homes right now." She's a bum. With an attitude. Chloe offers to buy the girl a soda. As she goes to the vending machine, Davis ambles over, looking The Sexy. Chloe tells him that Punky got a clean bill of health, but unfortunately she's a "street kid." She plans to drop Punky off at the local shelter. Davis says the girl is 15. He wonders if she's really going to be safe at the Metropolis shelter. Did I misunderstand the meaning of the word "shelter?"

Davis says Chloe's not too street-wise. Chloe, her face never losing its adoring expression, says she was just trying to help. She asks Davis for some ideas. Davis goes to Punky and sits to her. Davis says he heard she needs a place to stay. She gives him a "Fuck you" look and says, "Not really." Davis mentions a friend he has who runs a home for girls like her. Punky asks if he's a religious nut, because she doesn't "roll with the holy." Davis says the woman helps girls get skills and find a job. So Davis wants to put this 15-year-old to work? Davis offers to get her an application. In the meantime, Chloe offers to let Punky stay with her for the night. Punky says sarcastically that Chloe is like a Girl Scout, and she doesn't want to be her merit badge. Chloe is like, "Fine, fuck this" and starts to leave. Punky asks if she'd still be a "free agent" if she stayed with Chloe. Huh? What 15-year-old talks like that? Chloe says she can stay if she promises to think about Davis's offer. Punky and Davis exchange a look. Punky grabs her meal and follows Chloe. Davis poses. We get it, dude. You're good looking. Now knock it off with the smoldering charm, all right?

Clark and Lois are walking back to the scene of the accident. Clark remarks on the new boss. Lois is jealous that Clark got to spend quality time with Tess and she didn't. Lois calls her "a pit bull in Prada" and says the woman doesn't roll out the welcome mat for a copyboy with a charming smile. All right, second big Sarah Palin reference in two weeks. What exactly is the show trying to tell us here? Oh, I have a joke for you: What's the difference between Lois and a pit bull? A pit bull can eventually be taught not to poop all over your favorite show. Clark gets cute: he asks if Lois really thinks he has a charming smile. Lois warns him that he'll lose a few teeth if he doesn't spill what he and Tess talked about. Clark says she sounds like a jealous girlfriend. "Me? Please," Lois tells him. She compares it to Willie Mays being jealous of a batboy. "Bat Boy?" Clark squints, completely not getting the reference. "Watch and learn," Lois says. She sees a policeman standing in front of a barricade. Lois saunters over with a smile. She asks to be shown around. "No press allowed," the cop says. Clark looks embarrassed for Lois. "Swing and a miss," he says. Lois retreats all the way to Clark only to walk back to the police officer. Journalism as comedy! Wokka wokka. Lois asks the cop if he likes baseball. She says she can get him a signed photo of any player if he'll just help her out. Please. Make it stop. This hurts my soul. Clark wanders off on his own. He moves his head sideways so he can use his directional superhearing. The camera swoops around him and everything goes overexposed. We zoom in on two men in white bomb gear (really, it looks like they work at a semiconductor factory) inside the bus wreckage. They conclude that there is no bomb residue or detonator to be found. It's a mystery! Lois tells "Smallville" to wake up. She gave up on the cop. Clark tells her he just heard there was no bomb. Lois is skeptical. Clark thinks they need to talk to some people who were on the bus. He remembers the homeless girl that Chloe was helping. He offers to find others while Lois talks to the girl. Lois says she's not so good with kids and says Clark can take her and she'll track down the others. Clark reluctantly agrees. Or rather, he just lets Lois do what she wants.

The Talon, daytime. Punky Bruiser has made Chloe a grilled cheese sandwich. Chloe is touched by some bread and melted processed dairy. There's a knock at the door. Clark walks in without waiting for an answer. Boundaries, Clark! Chloe's engaged now! Punky takes an instinctive step back. Chloe tells her it's all right. It's just some big, dumb alien. Not to worry. Clark is also back to wearing his red flannel. How quickly we regress. Punky recognizes Clark from the bus. Clark wants to ask her a few questions; he wants to know if she saw anything weird before the explosion. Chloe asks Clark what's up. He says there appears to have been no bomb on the bus and that he thinks it might have been caused by someone with a meteor power. "What's a meteor power?" Punky asks. Chloe explains the concept. Punky tells them that a teenager she knows named Tommy got some freaky powers from a meteor rock a few days ago. She says he can heat things up. Like a grilled cheese sandwich? She says that she got into a fight with Tommy and boarded the bus to get away from him. Clark asks where to find him. Punky says she can lead Clark to the guy. Chloe thinks it could be dangerous. Punky offers to wait in the car.

Hours later. Metropolis. Clark's red truck pulls up to a skate/bike punk area. Punky IDs Tommy. Clark remembers him as the kid with the skateboard who was running away from the accident. Clark, King Dorko, calls out, "Tommy!" The kid recognizes Clark. Clark says he just wants to talk. Punky gets out of the truck and tells the kid not to worry. As soon as Tommy sees her, he flings his skateboard on the ground and runs. Clark gives chase down the cliché alley that always ends with a tall, chain-link fence. Tommy tries to climb, but fails. He tells Clark to get away. Punky, who didn't stay back like Clark asked, tells Tommy that it'll be all right. Tommy thinks she's lying. Clark asks her to stay back. Tommy screams at Punky, asking how she could do this to him. Punky's eyes suddenly flash like fire. She makes the flammable barrels that just happened to be sitting in an open alley explode. Giant fireball. See ya, Tommy. No trace of a body, though. Clark watches the fire. Punky smiles slyly. Bad girl!

Commercials. Texting always seems so sad and desperate when you see people doing it in a TV commercial.

Daily Planet, nighttime. Two doors open inside and through them we see Clark (still in flannel) having a conversation with Lois. He's telling her what happened with the teenager-boom-goes-the-dynamite instead of briefing, say, an actual editor. Nobody seems to be scrambling to write a story about an explosion in Metropolis that killed a teenager. And how did Clark explain what happened to the police, by the way? Clark sounds sad when he says he doesn't think the teen could control his powers. Lois says the kid almost hurt a bunch of people on the bus. She thinks it's textbook karma. Lois picks up a tape recorder that was sitting in front of her the whole time and stops it. "Thanks!" she says chirpily. Oh, Clark. You didn't see that? Where's your super X-ray vision? My faith in you would be completely shattered if that hadn't already happened four or five seasons ago.

Clark is mad he's been recorded. "Don't get your tights in a twist, Smallville," Lois says. Fail. Lois says that she'll just use what Clark said in a story as "Sources say." Yeah, quoting a person you used to live with and whom you work with as a source in a story about a death... Ethical. Nice, Lois. We've all been struggling to figure out why the print news industry is tanking, and I think I can narrow it down to a single person. Lois says she still needs some scientific proof for the story. Clark, suddenly agreeable to her shitty methods, says she can look up the autopsy report to check for meteor rock in Tommy's system. Except for the small detail that there was no body left. Lois says the coroner won't release it if it's part of an ongoing investigation. That never stopped Chloe before. Lois says she thinks they can find a copy lying around in the hospital. She grabs her purse. As they walk up the stairs, Clark figures out that she means to steal the report. Lois explains Rule Number 3: Do whatever it takes to get the story. Clark thinks there are lines they shouldn't cross. Lois says the only line she cares about is a byline and that Clark should care about that, too. She says they're in this together. Isn't this a daily paper? Shouldn't the story already be written by now?

Clark thinks Lois wants to share a byline with him. Lois says, "God, no," but is offering to let Clark have the obit. The obit for a story in which he had direct involvement. This paper's going to shit! Shouldn't an editor be making these decisions, or did Lois already get promoted during the commercial break? Lois says Clark can commemorate Tommy in 10 lines or less. Clark sighs heavily. Lois tells Clark not to be so squeamish. She says "most of us" got started writing want ads. No. Not if you started in the editorial/news department the way Lois did at The Inquisitor. Lois says there was a time when she would have killed for an obit. As someone who wrote obits for the Tulsa World for a whole summer, I have only one thing to say to Lois: Fuck you, you fucking fraud. Lois walks up the stairs, powered by her own wrongness. Clark follows reluctantly.

The Isis (or As-Is) Foundation. Someone is standing on a table and we only see a pair of legs. Oh no! It's Chloe and she's going to hang herself for what they've done to her character! Stop! Oh, well, maybe it's for the best. Chloe, the one wearing heels, is trying to screw in a lightbulb high overhead. She looks like she's about to fall. Davis shows up. As he sees Chloe stretching, he tells her she only needs to reach a little higher and she'll be needing an ambulance. He says that Chloe had asked him to bring over the application for Punky. Chloe invited Davis to come over to this darkened, spooky office and made sure she was standing on a table in heels when he got there. Exactly how engaged are you, Chloe? Chloe tries again with the lightbulb but just can't reach. Very dangerous game you play, show, to introduce a lightbulb scene on a series that is already spending most of this season hooking up characters to light switches and making them act completely different than before. Davis says he spoke to his friend and that they have room for Punky. I begin to wonder if her benefactor is named Henry.

The light goes on overhead. Chloe turns to Davis and they have a little romantic moment. "That's great!" Chloe says. They're very close. It looks like they're really going to kiss. Chloe tells Davis that Punky's day got worse (worse than a bus explosion?) and that she needed a little space, so Chloe came to Metropolis. To hook up, it looks like. Davis doesn't ask about Punky, and Chloe doesn't bother telling Davis that the girl's friend exploded. Davis takes Chloe's hand and helps her off the desk. Chloe giggles. It takes a while for Davis to let go of Chloe's hand. He hands her the application. Davis notices the giant Isis logo on the brick wall. He asks if it's a charity to save a pyramid or adopt a Sphinx. Chloe thinks that's clever. She says it's a counseling center. She reveals that she's watching the space for Lana until she finds someone to take it over. Davis is surprised he hasn't heard about this place from people at the hospital. Chloe says it's a place for specific clients with special skills who happen to also be a little dangerous. Davis asks if that means "Meteor types." It sounds like everyone in Metropolis has heard of this phenomenon. Davis says he's seen a lot of things on his rounds and knows these people could use some help. He asks if Chloe has ever thought about helping people like that, because he thought she did a great job with Punky. He thinks it must be hard for meteor folks to find someone they can trust. Chloe says she's not street-wise enough. Davis chuckles and says that he didn't mean that. He also says he comes on a little strong. You don't say.

Chloe reveals that she Googled Davis and found an interview he did where he said he ran away from foster homes as a kid. Davis is surprised. He jokes that he's always wanted his own stalker. Chloe laughs. She says she used to be a reporter (used to be? Oh, Smallville) and has a serious curiosity complex. Chloe shows off her giant toy ring. "And I'm engaged," she says. Uh... thanks? Davis looks disappointed. Chloe says Davis is the first person she's told. He congratulates Chloe and calls it a "unique" ring. She says there's a story behind the ring that makes it special. She says the person who gave it to her never gave up on her when she was away. Sad music plays as Davis tries to break our heart. He says he grew up hearing a lot of four-letter words, but "Love" wasn't one of them. If Chloe has really found it, he says, she needs to hold on to that. Have we mentioned it's with Jimmy Olsen, though? That sort of changes things, doesn't it? Chloe's lips really want to kiss Davis. Do you blame them? Davis offers to kick the ass of anyone who says that's just a cliché. Chloe is smitten.

Stately ex-Luthor Manor. Nighttime. Tess is having a night in. The fireplace is going and she's staring at a profile of Punky Bruiser. She hasn't changed from her work clothes. An older gentleman, one of Tess's troops, comes in. He says Punky has gone off the grid again. Tess tells him to keep looking until they find her. The man says that the girl is dangerous and that Lex would have had them terminate the problem on-site. Do I look like Mr. Fucking Luthor? Tess says she's the boss now and that she can't trust this doofus to finish things properly. She wants Punky brought to her so she can deal with things herself. Tess goes back to looking at the file. This henchman will be dead soon, I'm sure.

Metropolis General. Lois and Clark are playing sneak-around. Lois is carrying a large bouquet of flowers. Clark warns her that she's going to go to prison for stealing a file. Lois shows Clark a collection of stolen key cards she has collected. She has one for the hospital, along with other Metropolis institutions. The card opens a secure door. She jokes that if she could collect mileage on these things, she'd see the world. Clark sort of likes that. Lois wants Clark to cover the door. He does. Just then, Davis walks by. He's everywhere! He spots Clark and tells him that patients are on another floor. Clark recognizes Davis from the accident. Davis says Clark helped quite a bit. Clark says that Davis is the real hero. Oh, just KISS! Davis acts shy and with Clark holding this flowers between them, do you even have to guess? It's the Gayest Look of the Episode. Clark introduces himself. Davis introduces himself as "Davis Bloome." He says he met Clark's fiancée. "I'm getting married?" Clark asks. Davis says he saw Clark and Chloe together and they seemed pretty close. He assumed Clark was who she meant when she said she was engaged. "Chloe's engaged?" Clark asks, all innocent. It's very cute. Davis realizes he just spilled the beans. He remembers Chloe hadn't told anyone yet. He pats Clark on the shoulder and asks him not to tell Chloe that Davis revealed her secret. Clark, stunned, mumbles to himself, "I won't reveal my source."

Talon. Chloe, excited, comes into the apartment to tell Punky that she's got her application. Punky is already packing her things, saying there's been a change in plan. She's leaving Metropolis. She says it's gone sour. "Like... way past its shelf life?" Punky clarifies. Are we supposed to take that as a self-referential dig at the show itself? Because if so, I wholeheartedly agree. Chloe tries to warn Punky that it's dangerous out there. Punky says it's more dangerous in the place where she was held under lock and key. Chloe offers to call the home for Punky herself. Punky is getting really annoyed. Chloe says she's just trying to help. Punky sees it otherwise. Her eyes flash and she makes a mug on the table explode. There's a little fire where the mug once sat. Punky wishes Chloe hadn't made her do that. Chloe stands there, mouth open. Oh, Punky, Punky, Punky...

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Hospital. Time has stood completely still so that we won't miss a second of this fantastic Lois and Clark caper. Lois emerges from the room saying there was no evidence of meteor rock in the autopsy report. Clark hands her the flowers and looks at the report himself. He's starting to believe the kid's death was suspicious. He spontaneously blew up for no reason. Ya think? Clark sees in the report that there was metal shrapnel in the kid's body from the barrels. Clark is smart enough to figure out that if the kid had exploded, the barrels would have been flying away from him. Lois isn't convinced, since Tommy had a rap sheet. However, none of the crimes involved explosives. Clark asks if Tommy wouldn't have used his powers for crime if he had them. Lois asks Clark what he thinks happened. Clark realizes that Punky was at both of the explosions. Zounds! "Oh my God, my cousin's babysitting Psycho Spice!" Lois says. I guess I'd be a little bitter, too, if I had to deliver lines like that with a straight face. Lois turns to push the elevator button. She turns around, but Clark is already gone with a whoosh.

Chloe's apartment. Chloe is trying to calm Punky down. She says she knows it's hard to control your powers sometimes when you're mad. Punky insists that neither incident was an accident. "I knew what I was doing!" she says. All blinky and spastic, she says that there were some bad people chasing her and that she had to fight back. Chloe asks if Punky set up Tommy to take the blame. "You killed him," she says. Punky says that Tommy helped her captors find her. She says three years ago some corporate types locked her in a private prison and ran tests on her every day. She says something happened last week and some of them were let go. Was it on Thursday night? She says they were tagged on the way out. Chloe, too? Chloe asks if there were lots of other people there with powers. Punky says she told Tommy all about it and got sold out. "He got what he deserved," Punky says. Chloe asks if the place was in Montana and called Black Creek. That stops Punky from walking out the door. She asks how Chloe knew. Chloe says she was there. She could heal people. Punky tries to get Chloe to agree that she was backed into a corner and had to do something. Chloe says it's not all right to kill people. Punky says she has no choice. And furthermore, she can't risk Chloe turning on her as well. This is the part where you run, Chloe. Chloe realizes it. Then she runs.

As Chloe heads down the Talon stairs, Punky says, "Goodbye, Chloe!" Clark suddenly appears. Chloe trips and falls on her way down the stairs. "Chloe! No!" Clark yells. He superspeeds to catch Chloe just as a fireball is sailing toward her in slow motion. Clark grabs Chloe and turns. The fireball hits Clark's back, spreads out, then somehow fires back at Punky. Does... fire... really do that? Is this Smart Fire? Rubber Fire? Trampoline Fire? Punky doesn't appear hurt even though she was hit by an explosive ball of fire. She stares at Clark. "Stay away from me! I'll hurt you!" she says. Clark says she won't. He wants to help her. Sputtering all her lines, Punky asks why Clark would want to help her after all she's done. Oh, I get it. Clark is Henry, a curmudgeonly old man who likes wearing flannel. It all makes sense. Clark says she's not a monster, she's just been led down the wrong path. Punky goes into self-examination mode. She says when people find out what she can do, they try to hurt her. So she has to lie to protect herself. Chloe and Clark look sad. Clark says she doesn't have to hide from him. He reaches out her hand. Improbably, Punky takes it. Clark says we all have something we think we need to hide. "It's hard," he says. It's also dumb. He says it gets better. When? Season 12?

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Talon. Police lights flash across the marquee and the window where Chloe is standing in her apartment. Clark tells her that he talked to Lois and she's called off the National Guard. Chloe is shaken that Punky almost killed her. Clark says there's no way she could have known about the girl's power. Chloe cleans up trash as she says that the girl didn't trust her. She says she was only locked up for three weeks, but Punky was away for three years. Clark hopes that the girl will get the help she needs at Belle Reve. He shipped her to Belle Reve? After telling her to trust him and that everything was cool? Oh, Clark. What a fucking mistake you are sometimes. Chloe doesn't seem to think being in another cell will do the girl much good, either. Clark wonders if Chloe could have helped Punky if she'd known about the power sooner. He says sometimes the people who push you away the hardest are the ones who need the most help. Chloe, frustrated, says that's why somebody should be talking to them "from day one." She smacks her hand on the table and realizes something is missing. "Looking for this?" Clark asks. It's her engagement ring. Clark says he found it downstairs where Chloe was being chased. He asks if there's anything Chloe wants to tell him. She says she was on her way to tell Clark that morning. She makes a cute guilty face. She asks how Clark found out. Clark busts out the journalism rule about protecting your source.

Clark asks for the whole story. Chloe says she's been engaged a week, since the night she returned from Montana. Clark says she could have called. She says they've been friends a long time. "We're more than just friends, Chloe," Clark says. The moment hangs, while in the Closed Captioning, it shows that Clark was to have said, "We're family." Maybe somebody thought it sounded a little too much like incest. Chloe looks away. She says that when she and Jimmy get married, things will change between her and Clark. She doesn't know if she's ready for that just yet. "Are you?" she asks. Clark takes a deep breath. He takes a step forward. He says Chloe's happiness is one of the most important things in the world to him and that he thinks she and Jimmy will have a wonderful life together. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. This is Jimmy "El Dorko" Olsen we're talking about. Does he even know how to make his own bed? Clark gives Chloe a long, full hug. He tells her not to worry about anything else. This is the part where Jimmy, or Davis, or both, are supposed to walk in, see the hug, and go, "WHAAAA!?"

A holding prison. This place looks pretty fucking scary. Way to go, Clark. Tess Mercer, whom I've just noticed is wearing green gem earrings, is being led to Punky's cell. Punky recognizes her, of course. "You should have died on that bus!" she says. Tess is bemused. She says things got a little fiery the last time they met, but she ducked. Tess says she heard Punky is being taken to Belle Reve. She mocks her, saying that after a few years, she may get to see some sunlight. She offers to let Punky come with her. Punky says she'd rather be a prisoner at Belle Reve than a lab rat in Montana. She tells Tess to go push her cheese elsewhere. Tess enters the cell. She says she didn't build the place in Montana and, in fact, just had it shut down when she heard what was going on. Punky asks why Tess is still coming after her if "Thunderdome" is gone. Is that a name for Lex? Tess sits down to the girl. She says Punky is powerful ("Punky Power!") and that it's time the world started treating her like it. "Listening," Punky says. Tess wants to introduce her to some other people like her. "A sort of team," she says. Punky says she doesn't play well with others, as her file says. Tess thinks Punky may finally feel like she belongs. Creepily, Tess says she knows what it feels like to be Punky's age: "Alone. Angry. Trapped. The injustice of it all." She offers to help. Punky thinks she might be the team's weak link, based on what happened on the bus. Tess touches her hair. She tells her not to be too hard on herself. "We'll make a hero out of you yet," Tess says. Very creepy music plays. Run, Punky, run!

Daily Planet. Lois is carrying a copy of the paper. She spots Clark, wearing a nice, button-up white shirt, walking down the stairs. Lois says clothes make the man who helped her get on the front page. Clark is annoyed. He says the story took on a few more turns than he would have liked. Lois complains about Clark's disappearing act. She thinks Clark took the stairs instead of the elevator. Clark says it's too bad Lois can't keep up. They're both happy Chloe wasn't hurt. Lois jokes that they'd be fitting her for a coffin instead of a wedding dress if something had happened. Er, yeah. Morbid, much? Clark asks when Lois heard about the wedding. Lois says she just called. She can't believe Chloe's getting married. "To Jimmy Olsen," she says with more than a trace of disgust. Clark says they're in love and Lois should be happy for them. Lois changes the subject to work. She hands over a copy of Clark's tiny obit. It's full of red marks. I thought Lois couldn't spell. Lois says they're notes of encouragement. She says "Smallville" has talent. Lois says that when she started, she just wanted to get her name on the front page. But now, sitting with Clark, she feels better about having uncovered the truth. She smiles at Clark. Clark doesn't return the smile right away. Lois thanks him for his work and says he has a long career ahead at The Daily Planet. She gives him a little wink. Lois walks over to her own desk and the camera pulls back as we see Lois and Clark facing each other, at work.

Isis Foundation. The camera tracks around the rooms as we hear a phone ring and an answering machine pick up. The machine says, "Hey, this is Davis. Leave me your story and I'll call you back." We enter Lana's old Command Center and see Chloe sitting there, speaking into a phone. She's telling Davis that she wanted to call and thank him for helping out with Punky. She says it's too bad things didn't work out. The camera cuts to outside the building. It tracks slowly to a nearby alley as Chloe says in her message that she's decided to re-open the Isis Foundation. She tells Davis to be safe out there. In a nearby alley we pull back far enough to see there's a naked man lying on his side on the ground. We zoom in on him and see that it's Davis. He's asleep, sweating. We hear a growl and suddenly Davis wakes up. Growl! Scary!

week: Green Arrow's origin story. Cool!

Discuss this episode in our forums, then read Omar's interview with Smallville executive producer Brian Peterson to find out fun facts about the upcoming season! Wondering who all these costumed types are? Check out our comic geek's guide to the Superheroes of Smallville!

Omar G. is a journalist and comic living in New Braunfels, Texas. You can find him on Terribly Happy, Space Monkeys! and at Videogamey.com.

By Omar G

week: Green Arrow's origin story. Cool!

Omar G. is a journalist and comic living in New Braunfels, Texas. You can find him on Terribly Happy, Space Monkeys! and at Videogamey.com.