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Sarah thinks the show is torture. Blah. People are making judgments. Joanna Coles, editor-in-chief of Marie Claire, fills the designers in on their new torture experience, ur, challenge. The designers are supposed to design a look that defines the Marie Claire woman. I have so many things to say about that, and I'm absolutely saving all of them for the recap. All I have to say is... TNT. The network, not the explosive. The winner will have a billboard in Times Square. Some photographer who is apparently huge will be shooting it, though I'd never heard of him. And, I know nothing. I mean, everything. I know everything.
Jason is still wearing his stupid hat. Michael Drummond is still cuter than bows. Can't stand it. Mondo tells us that he doesn't sketch until he has his supplies. Casanova brains Peach with a bolt of fabric at Mood. Danger. A.J. refuses to help Casanova make a pattern and... well, I really can't blame him, though it was ugly to watch.
Tim enters and tells Mondo in the loveliest way that his design in the first challenge was a revelation. Then, Mondo explains that he doesn't have a sketch, which Tim kindly doesn't freak out about. The same can't be said for his reaction to Jason's lack of progress, and he looks pretty hot in a tank top, though still stupid with his ridonk hat. Tim thinks that Jason is headed for disaster. Gretchen thinks that Nicholas is ripping off her first challenge dress. Tim, possibly blowing his load for the entire season, asks Michael Costello if his weird slutty kimono isn't very "Blanche Devereaux." Tim Gunn is Dead, Long Live Tim Gunn.
As they scramble, Peach looks like she's in big trouble, which is sad because she's so weirdly self-aware. Tim returns and tells everyone that, the morning, they will each have a shoot with a photographer. The judges will consider the shoot with the runway show. Amazingly, Gretchen helps Casanova even though she doesn't want to do that. Later, they're all at home and seemingly having a good time. Then, we see that Mondo is totally, devastatingly lonely and hasn't been able to connect with his fellow designers (though I think a few of them would like to know him better) and it's very sad.
At the photo shoots, we see an interesting side of all of the designers. They take charge and look alternately skilled and amateurish. At the runway show, Heidi shows up and does her increasingly offensive lack of actual work. No one is getting immunity. The guest judge is Joanna Coles.
There's a bunch of talk about what a Marie Claire woman is, which doesn't hold a lot of water, since that's their sponsor. Valerie gets a lot of good response -- go CLEVELAND.
Mondo appears to survive, and it's lovely. The designers return to the stage. Mondo is in. He's a weirdo and I love him. Gretchen wins!!! Valerie is in. And, now for the losers. It's gotta be Nicholas, right? Peach is in. Jason is out and we never got to see him with his clothes off. What is WRONG with this show? Nicholas is out too, for good reason. He sucks. It's sad, but right.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: I almost died, I was so bored. We meet all of the new puppies at the fashion pound and none of them really showed the moxie to get taken home. Gretchen won the challenge, though her look was by no means extraordinary. McKell was the first person sent home.
So bluefly.com has been usurped by piperlime.com as the omnipresent sponsor of the show. The winning designer will have a chance to sell their collection on the site. Don't we all have that chance, really? Who does piperlime think they are, trying to turn me down? I don't THINK so. OK, folks, I must admit that this recap will be partially brought to you by hard core allergy medication because this summer has been so insane in the weather department. Or, I'm dying like Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge. Only with less singing and better acting.
We see the ladies waking up at the Atlas Building. Sarah laughs in an interview that she woke up dead tired and is fairly certain that the show is not about fashion design but instead about the public torture of designers on television. This after one day? Christopher tells us that getting to Atlas was very exciting for him because it meant that he was really on the show. Hmm, there's something inauthentic about his hairline. His eyebrows, sure, they're "shaped," that I expect. But, there's something about the hair, yes? It's practically Elizabethan. I don't trust him.
Gretchen says, as she applies eyeliner, that she was surprised to see McKell go home. April agrees and interviews that McKell's dress was a safe design and she didn't think she should have gone. Peach says that the boys are probably fighting over the bathroom in their apartment more than the ladies are. April interviews that she loves Peach and she's a surrogate mom for her. I'm sure Peach loves being that. We're all just waiting for the day when we can be surrogate old person for some whippersnapper. Who's with me?
Michael asks Andy about the AIRBRUSH MAKE-UP MACHINE that he has. Andy tells him not to judge. Oh, shit. That is serious. Cute Michael tells us that he only really knows Casanova. How horrible. He says that he knows Jason is really quiet and that Christopher is "this hot guy." That's the exact two people that I would have mentioned other than cute Michael. Especially if I was living with them. Cute Michael also mentions that Mondo seems like a weird guy.
Mondo, who is indeed weird, tells us that he runs away if he doesn't click immediately with people. We see him keeping to himself in the apartment. Everybody goes to the roof of the Atlas Building. Heidi and Tim are there and welcome them "officially" to the show. Nicholas interviews that it has finally sunk in that he made it on the show. One mannequin asks another for a lighter. "What for?" "That dude's shirt."
Joanna Coles, Editor-in-Chief of Marie Claire, is with Heidi and Tim and presents the challenge. She says that the designers are to design a look that tells the audience who the Marie Claire woman is. I hate that magazine. So, you want them to design a lovely skirt suit for Kyra Sedgwick to wear on The Closer? Cause that's my idea of the Marie Claire woman. And, I HATE that show. Joanna says she means someone who is fashion forward and confident, but I'm not so sure she really knows what those words mean. The winner of the challenge will have their design on a billboard in Times Square. Heidi announces that this prize is HUGE. Valerie says that only folks like Calvin Klein and U2 are on billboards. I guess all of this is true. Christopher interviews that he would love to tell people to check out his billboard in Times Square. He believes that it would be so operatic, he couldn't stand it. That's pretty amazing.
Everyone heads for the workroom at Parson's. A.J. says that grunge and punk rock are his inspirations. Cute Michael decides to be inspired by fabric. Gretchen decides to make pants and she's very proud of herself regarding that choice. Mondo makes a list of things he wants to accomplish, instead of sketching. It actually seems pretty interesting. James wants to make an "infinity dress." Essentially, it's the figure 8, also inspired by this being the 8th season of the show. "What's better than infinity?" he asks. Oh, I don't know, James. Nothing? A lot of things? I'll just leave you to have that conversation with some other people.
Now, it's on to Mood. They each get $150. Casanova doesn't think that's very much money. Then, we see him nail Peach in the head with a giant bolt of fabric. Bruised Peach. Nicholas says that he's going to make an innovative skirt and top. Peach is looking for houndstooth and it's not going well. She gets bad stuff. Ivy has problems finding what she had in her head too.
At Parson's, Tim tells them that they will have until midnight. Peach doesn't like her fabrics. She feels that she chose something too much in her safety zone. Kristin talks about how she can't remember the last time she broke a needle in a sewing machine (Me either! I'm a genius! Wait.) and April interviews that Kristin is really aggressive and thinks herself the shit.
Valerie is talking to cute Michael and telling him how she's conflicted about what to do. She's nervous. Casanova asks A.J. a question about how to make a pattern. His question is essentially, "How do you make a pattern?" A.J. stammers then straight up refuses to help him. Hard core. I think I like that. Casanova interviews that it's fine if A.J. doesn't want to help him. We see A.J. mumble, "I'm not gonna sew it for you." Wow. Really honest though. Good for him. I don't know if karma might come a'calling at some point, but I liked watching that just now on my television.
Tim comes back to check on everyone. He starts with Valerie and she shows him an idea for a trench coat. He likes it. Gretchen interviews that she believes Valerie is her greatest competition. , Tim goes to Mondo. He begins by saying that Mondo's performance in the last challenge was a revelation to him. He thinks that he took something matronly and made it modern with great flair. Then, Mondo tells Tim that his design is completely in his head. Tim doesn't really seem that bothered by that.
Tim goes to Jason and likes his fabrics, but is not crazy about his design. Valerie interviews that she's not wild about Jason as a designer, though she finds him mysterious. Jason interviews that everything is stacked against him because he's "a straight guy in a gay man's world." Yes, Jason, that must be really fucking difficult. For instance, it must have been really hard to be heavily featured on the first two episodes of this season, though you don't appear to have any discernible design skills, because you are a straight dude and we have to act like you're a fucking unicorn or something. So sad for you. Hope you can work that out.
Gretchen tells Tim that she's making the first pair of pants she has made without help. She's stoked. April interviews that Gretchen is talented, but she isn't creative. You know, this April has a lot of keen insights. Casanova says that he's making a sailor outfit, but Tim thinks it looks like a nun's habit. Casanova sort of acts like he doesn't understand Tim (or maybe he just doesn't understand the nature of the criticism) and Nicholas interviews that Casanova speaks perfect English and is pulling one over on everyone.
Nicholas tells Tim that he's trying to innovate with his design. Gretchen thinks he ripped off her winning design from the challenge. It's cut out in the back. Pretty similar. He's making some sort of cape too that Tim kind of poo poos. Then, he moves on to Other Michael. Other Michael has created this big blousy thing and Tim says that it reminds him of Blanche Devereaux. Sweet Jesus, that is amazing. Peach tells Tim that she's lost. He tells her that she actually chose the right fabric -- she just needs to do something with it. So, she starts over after he leaves. But, it doesn't really get any better. She makes a bubble skirt that is not her and even she thinks looks ridiculous.
Tim returns and says that there will be another element of the challenge. The day, they will each have a photo shoot with a Marie Claire intern, er, photographer. The designers will be responsible for directing the shoot. Jason interviews that he's worried about not finish
ing his garment. The models are sent in for a fitting and Casanova asks Gretchen for her opinion. She clearly wants to tell him that she hates it, but doesn't want to give him any advice. He persists and she interviews that he would be annoying if he weren't so charming. She tells him later that he's her bosom buddy, but he doesn't understand and suggests that maybe they are "hips" buddies instead.
At the end of the day, Peach has something on the dress form, though that's not saying a lot. That night, Ivy, Gretchen, Sarah and Valerie have wine in their room. The guys talk about how quiet Jason is. A.J. finds him a little shady. Peach talks to her roomies like she's going home the day. The other group of guys wonder where Mondo is. He's in another room by himself. He interviews tearfully that he hasn't found a connection with anyone here yet and he needs to talk to someone. I think he would get along with April. Or Kristin. He cries that he's never been loved as a person, only as a creator. That's DREADFUL. Seriously, somebody fucking hug Mondo right now. If you see Mondo, give that sad fucker a hug! Then, suggest that he talk to people if he wants to, um, talk.
The morning, everyone gets ready for the photo shoot. Ivy is worried about going home, but Valerie gives her a pep talk. Mondo is in a much better mood that morning and even chats a little bit with the others! At the workroom, Tim enters and sends in the models. They go through hair and make-up. Valerie gives some advice to Mondo, but he chooses to go with his gut, which in this case means lots of punk accessories. Peach is worried that her dress looks like "Barbie's sofa." Heh. Jason doesn't finish before the shoot and uses safety pins. Other Michael interviews that, since he's worried Jason might be a spooky killer, he acts like he likes Jason's design. Not nice.
The shoot begins. Peach has a horrible time. Mondo is on fire. Valerie interviews that he's weird but that it works. The photo people HATE Jason. Jason interviews that he can't be expected to not have any flaws. Hmm. There's something I almost agree with re: his argument, except that this is the infinity season of this show and he should know by now what he was stepping into.
On the runway, Heidi introduces Michael, Nina and Joanna. So very many bangs on Heidi. The show begins with Nicholas's look. It's stupid. It's this weird Robin Hood skirt and a weird blouse with that rip-off cut-out that looks unfinished. Christopher's look is and it's a nicely tailored suit with a scoop neck. Jason still thinks that his look is great, but it's beyond bedspread bad. Other Michael's look is and it's not expensive but it looks well-made.
Jesus, these people are boring this year. A.J.'s look is and it's pretty refreshing. It's a yellow look with a thick black belt. NOTHING like Marie Claire but something that maybe Kyra Sedgwick or perhaps Jada Pinkett Smith might wear to a lesser awards show or a charity event. There's a bump at the womb though and it's odd. Peach's look is by no means fashion-forward, but it's still pretty cute. Except for some black accent she added to try to be cool. Cute Michael's look is well-made but SLUTTAY. Ivy's look is cute, but maybe really boring.
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Valerie loves her dress on the runway. Sarah's look has some interesting color blocking. That is all. Andy's look is dramatic and I think pretty cool. Big pants and a girly, yet futuristic top. Casanova's look is...not bad. Very South America and rich. Kristin's look has some more of those wonderful mistakes. It's very interesting in texture. Gretchen's pantsuit is and it's pretty cute. I certainly like it better than last week's stuff, though it certainly doesn't break any creativity barriers. Mondo's look, however, is pretty fearless and feminine and cool. April's look is made nicely, but I don't think I like it very much. It's very heavy at the top.
After the show, Mondo, Peach, Nicholas, Valerie, Jason and Gretchen are asked to step forward. Everyone else is safe. A.J. starts crying backstage. He felt that this was his only free pass. Backstage, they all think Valerie is the winner. They see Jason as the loser, but Christopher says that he's seen his menswear and it's great.
Peach gets slammed for her polka dots. Heidi says there's no sex appeal. Michael tells her to watch her sophistication level. She explains that the final look was the third complete look that she made, which I think impressed the judges a little.
They love Valerie's look. They do not love Jason's look. Nina thinks it would look bad on a billboard. He says that his safety pins were intentional. Michael calls it a bedspread! Jason starts tugging at the dress and Heidi asks if he's trying to show her underwear. He is not. He's trying to show the options for styling. Of course, they love Gretchen's look. Michael thinks it's modern. Nina thinks there are too many details in Nicholas's look. It would be too busy on a billboard. Joanna "con't" think of a woman who would want to wear that. They have his girl take the cape off and they are disturbed by how much skin is showing in the back. He says it's a day to evening look and Michael wonders if the girl is supposed to wear the cape all day. Really though, Nicholas. Bad move. Mondo says that he was inspired by Mary Tyler Moore and Joanna says that MTM was the reason she moved to New York. Nina loves it too and Joanna laughs that this is the first time she and Nina have ever agreed. Ha, Ha, that is the absolute truth and you KNOW it.
The judges discuss Mondo. They loved it. Heidi thinks that Gretchen's look would be great on a billboard. Michael thought it was seasonless and ageless. Hmm, that's interesting. Michael liked that Valerie's dress was sexy without being vulgar.
Heidi thinks that Jason has strange ideas. Michael thinks that the clothes should speak for themselves. They thought that Nicholas was too ambitious. Michael wonders if the model was too thin and ate the back of the blouse. Heh. Nina thought that Peach's look was Desperate Housewives. Ew. They do, however, think that it was well made. Heidi says the question is, how many do they get rid of?
The designers return to the stage. Mondo is in. He interviews that he is very happy. Gretchen is the winner. Again?! Wow. She interviews that she's grateful and prideful. Other Michael interviews that he thought Valerie should have won. She goes backstage after being told she's in. She says she feels a little defeated.
Peach is safe. She says that she heard them all and leaves the stage. Jason is out. He gets his kisses from Heidi and leaves. He interviews that he did everything he could. He goes backstage and leaves before Tim even gets there. Nicholas is also out. He gets his kisses from Heidi and almost starts crying onstage. He saves that for backstage. It's really sad. He bawls. I'd do that too, but probably break shit too. Tim finally gets there and gives Nicholas a hug. He interviews that he's going to miss being there, but it was worth it.
Gretchen goes to the Marie Claire photo shoot for her look and the model is Coco Rocha. Then, we see her see the billboard with Valerie. It's pretty spectacular and looks great. Gretchen gets teary eyed at the sight. OK, this season...I don't know. I think I'm just going to filter every episode through the glasses of the film adaptation of Eat, Pray, Love. Who's with me?
Jeff Long is a writer/actor living in Brooklyn. He can be reached at jeff.long75@gmail.com
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