Episode Report Card Al Lowe: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Playing Possum
By Al Lowe | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 03.09.2010
Zeek and Camille's house where Sarah is sitting at the family computer searching for a job while Zeek looks judgmentally over her shoulder, making noises of paternal disappointment which, speaking of stabbing, will cut any daughter like a knife. He tsks about her selections. "You didn't move all the way back to Berkeley to serve up a bunch of whiskey sours to alcoholics," he says. "You should be on the other side of that equation!" Sarah: "Okay... I should be an alcoholic?" Zeek says no, she should be an executive. Um, how does being an executive feature in that equation at all? Ha! If x equals Jim Beam and the cosign of y is greater than the juice of two lemons, how many executives does it take to make sense of this math? Also, I love whiskey sours. There, I said it. I have not had one in years, but trust that every time I sit down to write a recap, I am sour and thinking of whiskey.
From the kitchen, Camille futilely tells Zeek to leave Sarah alone. "She loves bartending!" she says. "Right, sweetie?" Sarah sasses that, "yes, Mother, it completes me." Camille sighs and says nevermind, then. "You raised two kids on it," she points out. "It's a good living." Not good enough for Dad, apparently. "You should be in advertising and PR," he says as if one can just BE in it. "I mean, come on, you did all the design for your ex-husband's band. If he hadn't thrown his career in the toilet..." Sarah rolls her eyes and Camille tries again to "help" her. "Zeek, leave her alone," she says. "Sarah knows her limits." Haa! Such a mom comment. A momment, if you will. Whoa -- did I just coin that phrase? How could that be? (Aw, hell. I didn't.) Sarah asks what that's supposed to mean. "Uh, just that, uh," poor Camille stutters, "you know... yourself?" Sarah sighs. "Let me tell the two of you something," she says, opening what appears to be a beer (bartending ability!) and probably wishing it was vodka, "it's not too late to learn some parenting skills. I mean, you could take a class or read a book...?" Camille laughs, but Zeek isn't listening. He's found a job ad on craigslist that is "perfect" for her. Assistant to creative executive at Pantheon Design. "'Someone who understands the ad industry; self-starter,'" he reads. "That has got Sarah Braverman written all over it." Sarah says she's pretty sure they're not looking for a 38-year-old single mom who's been a bartender for 10 years." You are quite right, there, Sarah. I mean, not that I'm bitterly chuckling about this whole thing as someone who actually works in advertising and PR, has never been a bartender, and has now been out of a job for a YEAR. (I did finally land an interview Friday, though, and if I get that job, you'll hear the screams wherever you are. Oh, you're reading this in Sweden? YOU WILL HEAR ME.)
At the high school, Amber has just sat down in her first class and is being macked on by an absolute CLONE of Jake Ryan in 16 Candles, when of course the principal walks in and invites her into the hallway. Setting aside how unlikely it is for this to happen this way, the gist is that Amber's transcripts show that she does not have enough credits from Fresno to enter this new school as a junior and they want her to repeat her sophomore year. UGH. She is obviously and justifiably upset. "You're holding me back?" she asks. "I'm sorry, there's no way. I can't be older than everybody else!" She begs him to please give her a chance, but he says that there's really no choice in the matter.
Meanwhile, Adam is in his office consulting the Internet for a "cure" for Asperger's. That just broke my heart, right there. Sometimes life really sucks. I don't know how else to say it -- being confronted with your OWN illness that you never imagined you'd have to deal with is one thing, but for your child? Awful.
He's interrupted in his quest by a visit from his father. It appears the family business is a shoe design company? Or Adam just works for one? They don't bother to explain, though Adam does say that the company is expanding. Zeek gets right to the point, LOUDLY reminding Adam of Sarah's long-ago-utilized talent in poster design for her husband's band. Adam is on guard. (Again, a weirdly cut scene between these two actors. This time it's Craig T. Nelson that seems a little off.) Zeek tells him how he and Sarah saw this ad for Pantheon on chuckslist. Hee. "Craigslist," Adam tells him, growing more flabbergasted by his pushy dad. Anyway, Zeek remembered that Pantheon once did some work for Adam's company. "The fella's name is Edwin Chung. Know him?" Adam says no. "I reckon he's a Chinese fella." Nice. Zeek wants Adam to call his bff Edwin on Sarah's behalf. "Dad, Pantheon is a huge house," Adam says, "people are dying to work there. Sarah's been working in a bar the last 15 years." Zeek doesn't care about any of this. "Come on, Adam, she's your sister. Just call," he says. "What's the problem?" You know, he has a point. Adam says fine, he'll call the guy. Zeek, having strong-armed his way once again, asks what the plan is now for Max. "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know," Adam says, frazzled. "Look, Sonny," Zeek says, cuffing his shoulders, "you gotta have a plan, kid!" Adam sighs. "Yeah," he says, and they go off to the warehouse to get Zeek some shoes. If this IS a family biz, why can't Adam just hire Sarah?
Julia arrives home in a rush, yelling from the doorway for Joel to pre-heat the oven so they can make the cookies for a fundraiser that evening. In her hand she wields a tube of cookie dough, but as she makes her way to the kitchen, it becomes apparent that cookies are already being served up. Literally. By that annoying woman from the morning's carpool line! Julia is confused. "Hellooo?" she asks, wondering what this beyatch is doing in her kitchen. Joel enters with another pan of cookies to explain all. This is Raquel, he says, who is co-chairing the school fundraiser with him. All of this is news to Julia, who tries to politely process it while Raquel rambles on about how badly the school needs money to fund its various art programs. "Wow," is all Julia can manage to say. Raquel spies the cookie dough she has brought home to make and, her own homemade cookies cooling on the counter, pinches up her face and tells Julia "oh, the preservatives in those things are terrible." Julia is embarrassed. "Oh, yeah, uh, normally I'd bake them from scratch," she says, trashing the tube, and somehow not murdering her husband when he sarcastically adds that yeah, they do a ton of baking. Ugh.
"We had the most amazing time making cookies, didn't we girls?" Raquel calls to Sydney and her own daughter who are playing in the living room. The girls enthusiastically agree, and Sydney adds a casual "hi" to her mom at the end, just having noticed her. "Oh, hey," Raquel continues, "Joelskis tells me you're a lawyer!" Julia smiles a smile of hatred. "Joelskis is correct, yeah, I am," she says. Raquel says that's great, and launches into a story about a dad at the school who is a lawyer and sold 20 books of raffle tickets in one afternoon. She runs to her purse to get some for Julia. "I'm going to say hi to my daughter first," Julia says, trying to extricate herself. "OH, you know what? We're going!" Raquel says, as if she has just realized her intrusions. She calls to her daughter. "Harmony! Come on, we're going to let Sydney see her mommy -- she hardly ever gets to see her!" OH, NO. She did NOT. Except, wait, she did. "Don't forget your worry beads, sweetheart!" she adds, and explains to Julia that they are Buddhists. I guess here is where I mention that Raquel is white and her daughter is Asian. Julia is impressed with none of it and has the pinch-lipped expression of every wife who has ever watched some chick buzz around her husband. I mean, every wife but me -- I love it when this happens because my husband gets so flustered and ridiculous and it is hilarious. Recently we were trying to get a six-month portrait taken of our daughter at one of