So the tone of this two-hour episode is totally different this week, as all eighteen remaining directors show their minute-long offerings as part of Comedy Shorts week. Instead of last week's Apprentice-esque crap, we get a two-hour awards-show-esque night that actually is produced pretty well and moves along at quite a clip. Someone figured out that watching people make movies is boring, so we don't see any of that, which is cool. I don't know if the show can find any momentum after the disastrous start, but this is a step in the right direction. Carrie Fisher and Garry Marshall are back as judges, and they're joined by D.J. Caruso, the director of Disturbia. Adrianna Costa (?) is our hostess, and she looks a bit like Eva Longoria, if Eva Longoria ever gave an organic-looking smile. But her hosting abilities...well, I've got a long night ahead of me here.
So! The first offering is a film called Dance Man, by Adam Stein. It's about a guy who uses dance instead of talking to communicate with his girlfriend. It's reasonably funny, and gets rave reviews from the judges. He says he left the safe path of Harvard to pursue filmmaking, so good on him for making it work. You know, so far.
The second director is Carolina, originally from Spain but now living in Santa Monica. Her film is a comedy entitled Deliver Me. It's about a woman who's in labor but can't get off the phone, with a lot of washed-out colors and high production values. The judges also love it, although Garry Marshall really ups the Catskills routine on his comments. Carolina is slightly nervous in her comments but down-to-earth, and cutely gives her number like an American Idol contestant.
Andrew Hunt calls himself "a tiny guppy in an ocean" here. He wants his short, Spaced Out, to be "big, bold, and funny." It's about a cop pulling over a flying saucer populated with drunk-driving puppet aliens who vomit on him. My verdict: Eh. Carrie Fisher is in love with barfing aliens, though. D.J. Caruso loved it, and Garry Marshall maybe doesn't love barfing as much as you'd think, but still gives it a good verdict.
Kenny Luby is up, and he tells us how his dad had a liver transplant, so he put his life on hold to run the family business, but now his dad's recovered, and it's time to pursue his dreams. His film is called Wack Alley Cab, about a cab driver who's, well, crazy. There's no reason anyone would get in the cab with this guy, it makes no sense, and the judges have no idea what to say about it, although they do tell him he has some talent. Garry Marshall actually gets in the line of the night when he says that sometimes when you go "out there," you find nobody's out there with you. He may give you your monthly quota of ham in one sitting, but I couldn't have said it better myself.
Hilary Graham has a three-year-old son and says "stay-at-home-mom" more than once, so we possibly have some vague idea of what her hook is. Her film is called Bus Number One, about the "universal" experience of needing to urinate. This woman on a bus needs to pee, the driver won't stop, so an old woman gets her to pee in a cup. That's about it, and I'm not saying you can build a huge story arc in a minute, but that was rather lacking, except for the part where it gave Carrie Fisher a migraine. The other two bash Hilary's concept, and Garry Marshall tells her to give more of a woman's point of view, which manages to sound salient and sexist at the same time.
Marty Martin is from Seattle, loved Jurassic Park, and wants to be the Spielberg. His film is actually a trailer for a feature called The Big Bad Heist. It's...about people with guns? And maybe they screw things up sometimes? I don't see how this fits the assignment, and Carrie agrees, although she liked the production values, and I wouldn't argue that. I mean, it was a good trailer, but I don't know how he's getting away with the judges letting him slide on totally not doing what they told everyone to do.
Will Bigham is a father of two who's relying on On The Lot as a last resort. Good strategy for the producers; less so for the contestants. His film is entitled Lucky Penny, about a guy who finds a lucky penny and "ironically" has a bunch of bad luck happen to him, ending in his getting crushed by a safe, Wile E. Coyote-style. But it's pretty fun and goofy, and the judges love it.
Jessica just graduated from NYU Film School, and is the youngest woman in the competition. She says there's a lot she needs to learn. Her short is called How To Screw In A Light Bulb. A little on the nose with the title, perhaps? A guy's in his kitchen, his light bulb goes out, and then there's a committee of freaks in his house discussing how to screw in the bulb. It's like a Monty Python's Flying Circus sketch with a couple of pages missing from the script, and the judges' "I...didn't get that" echoes my sentiments.
Mateen was from the Bronx and used to work on Wall Street for a hedge fund, but now lives in Oakland. His film is called Soft, about a guy who can't stand up to his friends. He robs a woman to show them he's tough, only to realize it's his grandmother, who kicks his ass. It's pretty funny, and certainly one of the better story ideas. The judges give one specific criticism but otherwise pretty much love it.
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Claudia is from Italy; her brother died ten years ago, and he's her inspiration. Her film is called Blind Date, about a woman waiting for her blind date. She gets frustrated when he doesn't show up, she goes to the bathroom, and she ends by farting in a stall to her date. The judges think it looked good but smelled bad, and Garry gives her the "be a woman" speech again, which could get old real fast. As could Claudia, if she survives, which I doubt. At least her brother won't have to cringe from heaven much longer.
Jason is from Winchester, Kentucky, and his film is called Ghetta Rhoom, about a nerdy guy who wants acceptance. This geeky guy hears some toughs telling a couple to get a room, so he does the same thing to an old couple. He gets thrown out and hit by a car, and goes to heaven, and the same thing happens and he gets sent to hell. The judges are completely horrified that the guy seemed mentally challenged instead of geeky, and Garry is the only one who can form a coherent sentence about it, saying it was possibly a failure to direct the actor rather than a complete affront to civilized society. Can't we have both?
David has been a film geek all his life, and basically tells us that he's never been laid. His film is called File Size, about this guy who basically doesn't know how to work in an office. It looked okay, but the judges are way too kind to him, given that there was no story.
Zach is a special-effects whiz from Vancouver, and his film is called Danger Zone, about a safety lab that's kind of misnamed. Basically, something goes awry, setting off a domino effect of disaster and ineptitude in the lab. Fun to watch; not sure what the point was, but it was all done in one shot, which is amazingly impressive given the stunts and effects involved. The judges love it, and Garry says he's going to be a big picture director.
Trever James used to be an actor, but now is behind the camera. His film is called A Golf Story, about an old golfer trying to take a title from a young whipper-snapper. The cocky kid sinks a no-look putt -- only he hit the other guy's ball. It's apparently supposed to be miniature golf, but it isn't clear, so the satire is compromised, and Carrie and D.J. tell him so. On top of that, it was pretty dumb.
Shalini is from Brooklyn, and she wants to tell human-rights stories. Her film, Love In The Year 2007, is about how technology should bring us together, but often separates us. This girl's boyfriend dumps her via singing telegram, so she goes to a five-minute-dating thing and meets her grandfather. Well shot, dumb, and derivative; the technology issue is tangential at best, and as Carrie points out, when you're ripping off Must Love Dogs in a minute-long short, maybe you should look for fresher subject matter.
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Phil Hawkins is the youngest in the competition at twenty-two, and grew up in hard conditions in Manchester UK, according to him. Please Hold... is about a woman whose house gets burgled. She calls the police and gets put on hold, which is a wholesale ripoff of a Simpsons sketch, among other things. Carrie loved the look but didn't think it was funny, and D.J. and Garry know the joke has been done before.
Shira-Lee is from South Africa and just quit her teaching job to come here. Her film is called Check Out; A woman runs into a cute guy at the security checkpoint in an airport, and they get into a little stripteasing game -- except she was fantasizing the whole time. This was my favorite -- it was fun and unexpected, and as Carrie sort of says, it's the film I'll remember the most from this night. The judges rave about it; D.J. and Garry point out that she's the first one to throw pain and sex (respectively) into her comedy, which is a truth the other filmmakers would do well to remember.
Sam Friedlander is last (but certainly not least, at least in the looks department) and has been making films since he was a kid. His short is called Replication Theory, and is all about farting. However, it's a funny story about how people have been finding things to blame for their farting throughout the ages, and it was also really well shot. Even fart-hater Carrie loves it, and D.J. and Garry love the production values and originality. Which is nice, because Sam smiles big at the end, and that's one of the highlights of the show for me.
At the end, America is told to vote, and that when we return on Tuesday (yikes!) we'll cut three people. Oh, and we're told to visit the show's website, but as far as I can tell, it sucks ass. The judges loved Zach's film the most; Sam, Adam, and Shira-Lee also get props. I'll tell you this, too; I've been to quite a few film festivals, and the quality of these shorts was no joke. Maybe having a full professional crew at your disposal helps after all!
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