We open with a montage of scenes from famous films, which reminds us that we won't be seeing anything nearly as good this evening.
Then, the previouslies: some deluded people took the Universal tour, sucked at pitching, made us uncomfortable, and cried. Hell, I cried, because this show is so freakin' boring, it's got me missing Jeff Balis. BALIS, for crap's sake. And Gulager! Is someone going to take a skeezy whore-bath in the sink on this show, or do I have to cut a bitch? And by "a bitch," I mean Brett Ratner. Also, we met the judges; a bunch of non-starters got punted; the remaining contestants split into groups of three to shoot a short in 24 hours, and of these contestants, the show strongly suggested we hate Kenny, and also Jeff or Marty.
Marty directs his scene within the short he's sharing with Jeff and Silent Trever. He does a bunch of takes, and makes a bad joke to the actor in the scene, and Jeff interviews that Marty is freaking him out because he's "working too hard? For nothing?" On set, Jeff questions Marty's shot choice, and Marty tells him something or other about the lighting, which Jeff disagrees with; as the interview continues, Jeff claims that Marty is trying to prove that he's a filmmaker, in the way a sixth-grader tries to prove he's cool enough to hang with an eighth-grader (it's not just you; that makes no sense), and then Jeff dickily interrupts a take to correct Marty on the lighting point. Marty's like, I'm on it, Dad. I sort of felt Jeff in the last episode -- Marty seemed rigid and pouty to me -- but I'm over his condescending ass now.
Adam, Sam, and Zach shoot a scene in a clothing store. Zach, described by Adam as "the special-effects guru," is trying to do some effect with clothes hangers. (Zach's movie was the one with the rocket-launcher.) Adam and Sam express some concern that their project hinges on Zach's idea 1) working and 2) getting done on time, but they all seem to work well together.
Hannah, Jess, and Kenny. It's Hannah's scene, but Kenny's the director of photography for it, and he's bombarding her with suggestions. Hannah is not very forceful, and complains in an interview that she's "had to take the back-seat role," which I would not characterize as Kenny's fault. Jess interviews that Hannah is talented, but "not very confident." Hannah hopes "the magic can happen in the editing," and we see her sort of pantsing around ineffectually.
Editing time. A VO tells us that the directors haven't slept in two days, and they have to finish their shorts by 6 AM, eight-odd hours from now.
Hannah and Jess edit, pleased with their shots. Jess says she's about to graduate from NYU Film School, and I had a "that and two bucks'll get you a ride on the subway, missy" all written down in my notebook, but our Jess is not so easy to dismiss, as we'll see (although I'm not going to dignify her prattling about harnessing creativity). She says in a hallway-terview that she couldn't really do anything with Kenny's work, some of which was apparently not even in focus. When Kenny rejoins the group, he announces that he feels like "you girls wasted time," and that the rough cut "is absolutely horrible." Hannah makes an open-mouthed "oh no he did not" face as Kenny bitches at Jess that "I put my trust in you because you said you were this great director in Final Cut [a desktop editing program]," and Jess sarcastically interrupts, "You know, that's funny, because you told me you were a great director of photography," and then she lists everything Kenny fucked up in Hannah's shots. It is not a short list. Kenny keeps saying how shite the girls' work is, then gets defensive about not going to film school, and Jess gets up in his shit for some term a DP should know but he doesn't, and she and Hannah leave.
Elsewhere, Trever and Marty edit while Jeff lolls in bed; he wakes up from a nap and goes from zero to bossy in two seconds about the sound mix. Cut to Jeff, hands on Marty's shoulders, speaking extremely condescendingly to him about how he's going to do the sound "for all of us." Marty points out that Jeff "never shut[s] up long enough to let us talk" -- not that Trever seems inclined to talk at all, which is probably wise -- and turns back to the computer while, behind him, Jeff makes childish faces and "jokes" about his head exploding, because it's so frustrating that Marty won't allow Jeff's awesomeness to steamroll him into a teetotalling pancake.
Judging time. Taking Garry Marshall's place is Jon Avnet, the hack responsible for such hacky hackage as Up Close and Personal and Fried Green Tomatoes. Carrie Fisher shows us Exhibit A of the weird, dull pacing of this show by explaining the premise of the short-film challenge again.
Brent, Carolina, and Hilary's film is first. It's witty, kind of plays like a commercial. The judges like it.
Hannah, Jess, and Kenny are . The show reminds us of the conflict we saw not eight minutes ago in this episode, and shows it again -- although Jessica's matter-of-fact you-suck smackdown is fun to watch twice -- because God forbid we see some of the other contestants instead. The short is about a Mafia janitor and has a Sam-Elliott-esque voice-over, and it looks well shot, actually -- except for Hannah's scenes. Kenny is singled out for praise afterwards; Hannah gets dissed, and claims in an interview that it's Kenny's fault, not hers, because she has to trust her DP, blah. In the screening room, Jon Avnet is not really having that: she has to execute her vision and make sure everyone else does too.
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Jeff, Marty, and Trever. Trever speaks! (Five words, in a whisper. Not a chatty guy, Trever.) The short is cheesy ironic noir; the twist is predictable. Ratner likes Marty's "aesthetic choice" in his scene, and as he's complimenting Marty, Jeff looks like he smells poo. Avnet calls Jeff's scene "the weakest of the three," and the judges bag on them for not getting along. Jeff interviews that Marty's scene doing well makes his look bad, and maybe he won't make it through, and then he says really stagily, "That's a big fear," because it totally isn't. He thinks he's got it in the bag.
Clip show of some of the other shorts, a few of which look really good given the time constraints (and I think that's Chip from Kate & Allie in one of them).
Adam, Sam, and Zach's film. The special effects are a bit cheap-looking, but the effort is impressive, particularly given the deadline. The crowd is wowed; Will, the last-chance dad, is enviously impressed; Jon Avnet calls it "such an enjoyable ride," which…it's a short they put together in a day. Simmer down. Still, the judges love it.
Deliberations, followed by boots. Hannah will be pissed if Kenny gets through and she doesn't. Should have spoken up during the shoot, babe. Jess thinks she and Hannah saved the project, but it's Hannah who goes home; Jess and Kenny get through. Hannah is sad; Kenny brags.
Adam, Sam, and Zach: all safe.
Brent, Carolina, and Hilary: all safe.
Marty and Trever: safe. Jeff, after an eternity: kicked to the curb. Marty is proud of himself; Jeff's snotty confidence deserts him in his exit interview and he cries like a bitch.
Ten other people get cut. We don't see that.
Does the show end here, having asked us to invest half an hour in two people who got negged? Of course not, because evidently Mark Burnett has forgotten everything he ever knew about pacing or drawing an audience in. No, Carrie Fisher issues the challenge, which will start immediately -- one hour to shoot a one-page script, with the help of a full crew, on a proper set. A half hour to sketch and plan first, and then they're off. A guy in an excellent hat, Jarrett, is like, "This is madness right here," and we see the remaining directors scrambling around.
We head to Claudia's set; Claudia is the white girl with dreads, and the fact that she's Italian does not excuse said dreads. Claudia's DP talks about how her time is half up and she still doesn't have a single shot in the can, and after a few quick cuts showing us that she's bleeding time, the…episode is…over?
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time: More scheduling ineptitude, and then the judges pick the finalists and America votes on who stays, except I really don't think the show will last long enough for that to happen, because boring!
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