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Everyone weighs his or her options this week. For Cate, it's deciding whether to be likable or honest. It all starts when an Ice Queen from corporate comes to break the news that Cate's newly complex life is not going over well with listeners. She even brings along a handy dandy pie chart to track Cate's winsomeness. Yeah, it's a small pie chart. She decides to bring Baze onto the show for a morning to clear up any confusion about Cate's past, as well as to add some spice to the dull-as-dishwater rapport between Cate and Ryan of late. This is problematic on several levels. First off, Ryan is getting sick of Baze, who has shoehorned himself into their lives, even making unannounced overnight visits. Second, Cate is scrambling to make sure Ryan doesn't know about her and Baze's one-night stand. And finally, Baze has been goaded into seeking out new booty calls since Cate's the only girl he's been with since finding out about Lux. And who does the booty in question belong to? Yeah, that'd be Cate's boss. When you add that all up, it comes to one giant clusterfuck of a radio show. Lucky for Cate, it boosts ratings and keeps her job safe. On the flipside, a curious listener asks brings up the possibility of Cate and Baze hooking up past high school, and the awkward silence that ensues tips Ryan off that everything isn't exactly kosher. Cate resolves to tell him the truth but chickens out when it comes down to it, stopping short of admitting that she and Baze had sex in order to preserve her relationship. Putting a little icing on this shit pie, Cate sets the date for a wedding that is clearly in jeopardy of occurring at all should certain dirty laundry be aired. And it totally will.
Meanwhile, Bug must choose between his bike and his bitch. After his little joy ride with Jones's car last week, he's facing two years in prison. Lux tries to convince him to take a plea deal for six months, but he asks her to sweet talk Jones into dropping the charges. Jones agrees on the condition that he can have Bug's motorcycle, a.k.a. the only thing in the world that matters to him (save maybe Lux… maybe). Lux convinces Bug to hand over the bike for their relationship's sake. Eventually, she even manages to convince Jones to give it back to Bug after she shows Jones the house of horrors where Bug grew up. This new closeness is fraught, though, as Jones tries to kiss Lux (she pulls away), and Bug sees them riding the motorcycle together and assumes the worst. Long story short, Jones gets his clock cleaned, Bug gets his bike back, and Lux gets treated like garbage for mopping up everyone's mess. Bug tells her no one will ever love her because she's damaged goods. Cate gives Lux the piece of advice she really should have taken herself. She suggests Lux be honest with Bug about the non-kiss and demand to be treated better. Unlike her hypocrite of a mother, Lux actually takes the advice. It blows up in her face epically, and Bug skips town. Now Lux is left without the one thing in the world that mattered to her. You see, kids. So, to recap. Kate's a lying ho who gets to go to cake tastings. Lux stays true to herself and gets abandoned… again.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: All the usual stuff, plus Bug got arrested for kinda-not really stealing a car.
Another dreary day in Portland. I think you can tell it's morning because it's even darker than usual. Cate and Ryan wake up with a morning-breath smooch at 4:45 a.m. She excuses herself to brush her teeth so they can have proper, non-stinky morning sex. Except when she walks into the bathroom, Baze is in there with pants dropped. Apparently he's been making a habit of staying overnight catching Lux up on the culture of the decade of her inception. Some time later, they head downstairs to make breakfast. Ryan is still (jealously) bitching about Baze's omnipresence as Lux explains why she's up so early -- she's heading to Bug's arraignment. Cate doesn't want her missing school, but Baze already said she could go. Lux senses the tension between Ryan and Cate, so she heads upstairs. Ryan takes the opportunity to say he'd like to see less of Baze around. Cate says she couldn't agree more.
Meanwhile, Baze returns to his apartment to find The Other One, who is bitching about how parenthood has killed Baze's game. He's gone from the short, white Wilt Chamberlain to Math apparently. And doesn't have any more meaningless sex, which is a sin against God, the great one who gave him a penis. Baze makes him promise not to tell Math before fessing up about his one-nighter with Cate after they found out about Lux. TOO thinks this was a horrible mistake. Not only has he been there, done that, it's also a minefield logistically-speaking if this news comes out. TOO thinks Baze has a thing for Cate, but Baze denies it. TOO challenges him to prove it by sleeping with someone else. Baze accepts the challenge.
Across town, speaking of minefields! Cate and Ryan take calls from listeners. The first caller sounds like an older lady, and she just can't get the sequence of Lux's conception into her thick skull, so Ryan takes another call to avoid talking about Baze. The caller flirts with Ryan, insults Cate, and asks when the wedding is in about two seconds. Apropos of this last query, Cate goes into one of her tirades about how society pigeonholes women into boxes with its dates and deadlines... or something. Ryan shuts her up, thankfully, as the listener has hung up (or possibly died of boredom while still holding the phone).
Their radio program is playing in a diner where TOO is eying a girl for Baze. He barely takes a second look at the girl, prompting TOO to reassert his theory on Baze's "thing" (not as graphic as it sounds, my friends). Baze loudly proclaims that no one could have a thing for Cate. Just listen to her. The girl chips in that Cate is grating. "It's like seagulls fighting over a cheese sandwich," Baze shoots back (after a little push in the girl's direction from TOO). The girl is one cool character. She doesn't even give him a courtesy laugh, just icily appraises him: "Funny." Baze takes that as a cue to fall back on the clichéd "Do you come here often?" The Ice Queen calls him out for cruising her then clacks out on her stilettos. TOO orders "a Venti, no foam, no whip, not-gettin'-any for the big guy right here."
Elsewhere, Bug storms out of the courthouse with Lux and his public defender in tow. The PD wants him to take a plea deal for six months in jail (he's facing two years), but Bug doesn't think he should have to serve any time just because some brown-nosing pretty boy doesn't understand the difference between borrowing and stealing. You see, borrowing is when you don't ask to take something and don't tell anyone you're going to bring it back because you want to make a point to your girlfriend who's getting too big for her britches. Stealing... well, is pretty much the same thing, but with less neck tattoos. The PD angrily leaves for his appointment, and Lux tries to convince him to take the plea. Bug says Lux should try to convince Jones not to testify against him. That's his only hope according to the poorly paid attorney he just pissed off royally.
Back at the radio station, Cate's producer announces that the head honchos from corporate have shown up unexpectedly. The suits walk in, and wouldn't you know? The last of them is the Ice Queen from earlier. Her name is Trina, and she is not too fond of Cate, who apparently has a habit of getting sloshed at corporate retreats and knocking over ice sculptures. Trina says she's come in to problem solve. "What's the problem?" asks Ryan. Trina acid tongues, "Not what. Who." Credits.
We return to a board room where Trina is giving the hosts the good news and bad news. The good news is Ryan. The bad news is that Cate has become unwieldy and unlikeable, and the listeners are dropping like flies. She says if Cate can't give the listeners a quick idea of exactly who she is in a way that makes them like her again, then she's going to get canned.
Westmonte. Bug drops Lux off to talk to Jones. He offers to stay and wait while they chat, then Jones makes a snide remark, and Bug responds by calling him an asshat. Nice! Lux tells Bug he should probably make himself scarce. He zips off, and she awkwardly goes over to make nice with the jocks. Of course, she manages to insult them off the bat when she assumes they don't know what "debacle" means. Having effectively blown her opener, she gets straight to the point. She tells Jones the kind of hard time Bug is facing and tells him she'll do anything if Jones lets Bug off the hook. Jones agrees to it... if he can have Bug's motorcycle. Jones explains that his dad took his car as punishment for partying. Now, presumably Jones will get the car back at some point which makes this not so much an even trade as an episode of vengeful, subhuman fuckery. But Jones can't be bothered with these notions of common sense and fairness. He says he needs wheels, so the bike will have to do. Lux says Bug's dad gave him that bike, but again Jones = can't be bothered. He acts like a real prick, telling Lux that Bug will have to decide between the bike and her. Well, as they say, the rich get richer...
Back to Cate, who is a little shaken by having her likability converted into a pie chart. She frets over her option, or lack thereof, if she actually gets sacked. Like most journalists, she has very few transferable skills (I should know, I am one. And it's a great time to be in the field, by golly!). She says that walking in on Baze peeing that morning now seems like a blip compared to the problems she's facing. Ryan gets prickly again, saying it's telling that she'd rather talk about Baze than pick a wedding date. He starts to take her to task for bringing up Baze all the time, but the producer interrupts to say Trina wants to see them.
Outside, Baze strolls in and sees Trina -- or as he calls her "Coffee Lady," sheesh he really is a third grader. She gives him a chilly reception, and he promises he's not stalking her but actually looking for Trina Campbell, who called him in to the station. She can't believe the coincidence. Just then, Cate and Ryan make their way to the lobby and protest Baze being involved in their show. Ryan thinks it'll just confuse matters worse, but Trina says on the contrary, Baze will guest host for a morning and clear up Cate's muddy personal past and present. Baze smiles dumbly, Cate looks like she just got punched in the gut, and Ryan weighs the pain of slitting his own wrists versus the jail time for Bobbiting Baze. Commercials.
The morning, Baze sits inside the sound booth doing his best South Park knock-off voice to mock Cate using one of the million dolls sitting on the desk. Cate comes in, all business, still agog that he's going through with this. Baze says Trina's agreed to let him promote his bar on-air. Since she's scratching his back, he'll be happy to scratch hers. Yes, that was clumsy innuendo. Ryan enters the room, and the show begins. Ryan gives a palpably lackluster introduction (though "the mystery man in the minivan" does have a certain ring to it) as Baze breaks in to pimp his bar. As soon as Baze opens up his mouth, you can tell this man thinks he's the second coming of Howard Stern. This could be very bad. Hopefully there are ambiguously impaired midget porn stars to fill the dead air.
Meanwhile, Bug has arrived to take Lux to school. She tries to lighten the mood by talking about Baze's one-day radio gig, but Bug gets down to the nitty gritty, asking what happened with Jones. Lux wanly says he agreed to drop the charges. So wanly, in fact, that Bug knows there's a "but." She tells him about the motorcycle hand-over, and Bug immediately says "Screw that!" Lux spouts off the same bullshit Jones fed her about him having to choose between his bike and their relationship. Bug looks a little broken at the prospect of having to give up his most valuable possession, then snarks that Jones probably doesn't even know how to ride. He and Lux kiss at their freedom. I have seven words for you, my friend -- "Wait six months. Steal that shit back." And maybe two more: "Fuck Jones."
Back at the station, Ryan reluctantly carries on his little biographical interview of Baze's life up to now. Baze throws in as many barbs at Cate as he can before she cuts in. Which, to be fair, is probably a wise move. Baze saying what a shrew she is probably won't up her likability pie. She tries to remind everyone that he ambushed her on air with news that she had a 16-year-old daughter out in the parking lot. Baze counters that Cate is a "human ambush" and she ambushes "on autopilot like an ambush ninja." He tries to get an amen from Ryan, who stays miserably mum. All Cate can respond, and rightly, is, "That doesn't even make sense!" But Baze's riff won't be stopped. On the upside, the phone lines are ringing off the hook.
Over at Westmonte, Lux hands the motorcycle keys over to Jones and declares them even.
Back at the station, a caller asks whether Cate and Baze dated in high school. Baze puffs up his chest and talks about how popular he was. Cate, he snarks, was best friends with a dictionary and went to prom with a thesaurus. Ryan shoots back, "Really? And who'd you go with? Herpes simplex 2?" Baze says Cate wasn't his type. She says it's because she had a brain. And then Baze's likability pie chart shrinks markedly as he refers to Cate as a "bookworm virgin in a padded bra." That was way harsh, Baze. The producer gives them the thumbs-up as Ryan again considers the best use for a straight-edge razor blade.
Over at the school, Lux comes upon Jones pathetically trying to fire up Bug's bike. He asks her for a hand starting it up, meriting a surly response. He assures her he told his dad he wouldn't testify and claims that he's not the bad guy in this situation. Lux trudges over to the bike, hops on, and starts the engine. She tells Jones to get on the back so she can show him something.
Radio station. Ryan tries to stick to a script of Leno-esque riffs on Cate and Baze's strange relationship. And he fails. Because Cate's had enough. She jumps down Baze's throat, telling him they didn't hang out in high school because he was afraid that she could see right through his popular jock act. Baze snarks that the only thing he was afraid of was her head gear. Cate says Baze is deflecting the real issues with juvenile humor. As they start to get into it, Ryan interrupts to take a call. The caller says he agrees with Cate and suggests Baze might be sexually frustrated. Baze quickly recognizes the voice as that of TOO. Cate takes another call, who says this is the best show ever on account of Cate and Baze's "crazy chemistry." She says she can't believe they left off in high school and asks if they're sure they haven't hooked up since then. Major awkward silence. And Cate covers really badly, like when someone in junior high asked if you had a crush on Bobby Jacobsen, and you were all, "Nooooooooo!" Ryan picks up the pretext, even as Baze corroborates Cate's denial. Reaction shots all around. And here's the dead air to which I earlier referred. Bring on the freaks! Commercials.
When we return, Ryan has stormed out of the booth. Cate runs after him and asks him to talk. Ryan begins a holy tirade (that's completely justified), marked by just the amount of self-control and about-to-bubble-over rage from someone in his situation. He says he thought Baze was the moron, but now he's realized it's been him all along. He cites Cate's shitty response to his marriage proposal, his welcoming of Lux into his life, and his tolerance of Baze. But he will not accept Baze screwing with his career. Cate claims she doesn't want Baze there either. Ryan counters that she's the reason Baze is there in the first place. He says she's fixated so much over Baze in the last few weeks that their listeners don't know what to make of "Cate and Ryan" anymore. And neither does he. Cate asks what Ryan's implying. Ryan says he thinks Cate has feelings for Baze, and he calls her out for being a terrible liar about hooking up with Baze past high school. Cate adamantly denies that anything happened between them and asks if he believes her. He says he doesn't know what to believe anymore.
Elsewhere, Lux takes Jones to the dilapidated house where Bug grew up. She walks him around the property, telling him Bug's dad's in jail, that his mom OD'd when Bug was just nine years old and generally looked the other way while Bug's dad beat him up regularly. Eventually Child Protective Services took him away. Jones wonders why Bug would want to keep the bike if his dad was so terrible. Lux explains it by way of her own personal story about a locket that she protected fiercely even though it was a cheap trinket given to her by a foster parent she hated. She said that she held onto it because it was better than having nothing. Jones takes her point. He says Bug can have the motorcycle back. She can't believe Jones would do that for Bug. He says it's not just for Bug. He assures her that Bug doesn't have nothing -- he has Lux. She smiles, which Jones unfortunately takes as a cue to kiss her. She recoils and reminds him that her relationship was the whole point of this effed-up little exchange. Jones backs down, and Lux tells him they should just go back to school.
Meanwhile, Baze welcomes Trina into his loft. She totters around, having had a few downstairs and says how completely wrong for her he is while he prepares the place for seduction. Which is tantamount to closing some doors and confirming all of her criticisms of his lifestyle. They start making out furiously. The door bell rings. Thinking it's his beer delivery, he sends TOO down to answer it. Trina rips off his shirt, and he straddles her on the pool table. The doors to the pool room open. As was obvious from the moment the buzzer rang, it's not the beer man at all. Nope, it's Cate. She covers her mouth in horror and runs off. Baze runs after her, leaving Trina the trick splayed on the pool table. Downstairs, Cate says she feels assaulted by walking in on Baze all over her boss. He wonders what the big deal is, and she takes a turn for the telling, saying she thought sex was supposed to mean something. His Trina humpage clearly refutes that. Baze points out that it was she who said their one-night stand was meaningless. He asks "Which is it, Cate? When you and I did it, did it mean something or not?" She tells him she's in love with Ryan. She came to ask Baze to back up since Ryan's on to them. Baze tells Cate to buck up and come clean to Ryan. She points out that Baze isn't exactly a stand-up, all-around honest guy himself. He says at least he's not lying to his fiancé every day. She restates that Ryan wants less of Baze in their lives, adding that she does too before storming out the door. Baze looks incredibly hurt. More than he should be, really.
Over at Cate's, Bug is waiting on the steps as Lux and Jones pull up on his motorcycle. He takes the sight predictably badly, getting all up in Jones's face for stealing his bike and his girl. Lux tells him to calm down because he's getting his bike back. Bug thinks it's all a joke. He accuses her of using their relationship against him when she really wanted to be with Jones all along. She insists she doesn't, so he asks where she's been. Not wanting to tell him the truth, she weakly says they just drove around. Wow, if she didn't want to make it sound like she whored herself ou
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t to Jones, then that was not the answer. Bug takes it exactly the way I did, but ups it a notch, asking if Lux was as easy with Jones as she was with him. Wow. Not cool, man. Jones tells him to back off, and Bug clocks him straight in the nose. Lux tells him he's acting crazy. He tells her Jones will never love him like he does -- no one will. "He just wants to know what it feels like to hook up with damaged goods," he spits. And that's where Bug just lost all his points. That is low. As all this happens, Cate pulls up in her Prius. She runs over to check on Jones, telling Lux to go inside, and threatens to call the cops on Bug.
A bit later, Cate comes up to Lux's room after giving Jones a ride home. She asks if Bug acts like that often. Lux says he understandably doesn't deal well with being rejected. She says she can't imagine how Bug would feel if he knew Jones had tried to kiss her. Cate asks for more info, and Lux assures her she pushed Jones off. Cate makes it all about her, saying it's all right to have feelings for more than one person. Lux insists she doesn't, getting straight to Cate's implication by saying that this situation is not like her little love triangle with Ryan and Baze. Cate insists there is nothing between her and Baze, but Lux isn't fooled. Lux says that she knows Cate wants to be with Ryan, but that Cate and Baze have something special. Cate changes topics, mentioning how hurtful Bug was. She assures Lux that she's probably the least "damaged goods" of all of them, pointing to the idiotic decision to sleep with Baze behind Ryan's back. She says she still feels like a high schooler around Baze, hoping for his approval. She knows that's messed up. Lux asks if Cate has feelings for Baze. Cate says she has lots of feelings for Baze -- anger, rejection, etc. But she doesn't love him. She loves Ryan. And Bug's behavior earlier wasn't love. Lux says Bug will freak out if she tells him the truth, and she might lose him. Cate urges her to damn the consequences and build her relationship on honesty because she deserves better. She reiterates that it's a risk Lux -- and, indeed, she -- might have to take.
That night. Lux travels to Bug's apartment. Cate to Ryan's. They spill the beans in tandem. Cate is a little longer in getting out her confession, so Ryan forces her hand. She reaches toward him, and he pulls back. He asks if they slept together. And she lies! She lies! Well, I guess Cate's officially now a real parent. Telling your kid to do one thing and doing the exact opposite. Is there a certificate for this milestone? Cate wonders out loud what would have happened if she'd just told Ryan right after she and Baze "kissed." He says he would have tried to understand because he loves her. He says he wishes she would have told him the truth. Keep wishing, buddy! Cate asks what they do about "us." Ryan jokes about punching Baze's lights out, then maybe marrying her. So that's still a ticking time bomb... Meanwhile, Lux lays it out there for Bug, saying she deserves better than to be treated like he treated her. He tells her to go find better. She tearfully starts walking out the door. He screams out to her. She tells him he's turning into his father. He tells her he never wanted to become his father, that maybe she should go be with Jones because she does deserve better. He shows her the door.
The morning, Cate and Ryan return to the booth. Cate is still worrying that she's being fired. Ryan assures her she'll be fine, and they start making out. Their producer interrupts them to say yesterday's show was a huge hit. She credits Baze for melting down Cate's frosty exterior. Ryan begs to differ. The producer leaves them to make out for 10 more seconds before the show starts. They rush to the mics, and Ryan starts in on the usual "heidy ho" thing that morning DJs do. "June 26th," Cate interrupts. She interrupts that, among other things, it was the date that Ryan took her to his favorite Italian restaurant and watched her scarf down four cannolis. This year it'll be the date of their wedding. Ryan has no objections.
Across town, Baze listens to the joyous news with a grim face. TOO comes into the living room to ask Baze if he wants in on a late-night poker game or if he'll be at Cate's. Baze says he's going to keep his distance from Cate for a while. He sits there, listening as Cate describes her dream wedding ceremony.
Westmonte. Jones tracks down Lux in the hall to ask if she's okay. She receives him brusquely. Her phone rings, and she turns her back on him just as he pulls out a locket that he bought her to replace the one she told him about. It's Gavin (Tasha's boyfriend) calling. She gets a stricken look on her face and runs away, leaving Jones with the locket dangling from his hand.
Later, Lux enters the house as Cate looks over old mementoes of her relationship with Ryan. She starts sobbing as she says Bug skipped town. Cate hugs Lux as she asks if she should have lied to keep him, and Cate bittersweetly tells her she did the right thing.
week: Ryan gets around to that "punching Baze's lights out" thing he was talking about. Not a joke then? Side note: Why are they previewing week with the Six Feet Under theme? Please tell me Rico is replacing TOO. Please!
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