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Cate's still putting out fires on the home front in regard to her itsy-bitsy, teeny-weenie, snow-white (read: huge, egregious and black-souled) lie that she didn't actually have dirty cheater sex with Baze (twice!). To placate Ryan, she actively pushes Baze out of their lives. This of course riles up Baze, who thinks Ryan is encroaching on his daddy duties. Meanwhile, Cate and Ryan are set to host a competition in which one lucky listener can win a hybrid car by standing with his/her hand on it for the longest period of time. All-star Ryan actually won last year's competition by holding on for 39 staggering hours. Long story short, Cate's attempts to pacify Ryan -- and cover her own ass -- by ignoring Baze's phone calls, forcing him to call the station and secure the last spot in the competition against Ryan (and 19 others, but what do they matter?). Somewhere along the way, TOO convinces Baze that Ryan is a gorilla in his jungle trying to creep up on his banana party (yes, the words "banana party" are used more than once). And so the chest pounding begins!
Meanwhile, despite Lux's fresh hurt from Bug bailing, she begins to realize that she and Cate have settled into a nice groove. Then she learns that a family who lives three hours away wants to swoop in and take Tasha, too. Conveniencidentally, Lux spots Tasha's former-dope-fiend mom out and about with her cozy, Rockwell-esque new family. She thinks that Tasha's mom taking back her spiral-haired hobo of a daughter will solve all their problems. Unsurprisingly, Mommy Highest isn't down with this plan, for fear that being around Tasha might cause her to relapse.
Both of these storylines come to a head about 10.5 hours into the hybrid competition. Just as Lux runs in crying, Ryan and Baze have it out about the supposed "kiss" Baze forced on Cate. Baze shockingly doesn't rat out Cate, though he does slip in an ungentlemanly remark that prompts Ryan to take his hand off of the hybrid for the purpose of clocking Baze real good. He knocks Baze down and both of them out of the competition. Thinking Baze has exposed her, Cate runs after Ryan and ends up outing herself. Ryan furiously tells her the time for listening and understanding is over -- and so are they. Lux picks this moment to invite Cate into her cockamamie scheme to become a foster parent to Tasha. Cate says no, and you can't blame her. But Lux can. She flees to Baze's. He offers to take Tasha in, which is such a ridiculous idea that only Baze would take it on, thus proving that he's not fit for parenthood. Regardless, the scheme doesn't work at all. In the process, though, Lux's social worker sees that his loft is now habitable and grants him joint custody of Lux. Lux shifts allegiances to move in with him. And lonely Cate moves on... to the bottle.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: You know the drill, plus Cate is too much of a wimp to tell Ryan about her one-night stand with Baze.
Cate and Ryan vie over the best break-up song on-air, which I think is a bit of clunky foreshadowing for this episode. Meanwhile, Lux lies in bed and forlornly looks in bed at a picture of the long-lost Bug. Ryan and Cate argue what's best about breaking up -- dressing like a slob and eating your weight in ice cream (Cate's entry) or rebound sex (Ryan's) -- and Cate gives a shout-out to an upcoming contest they'll be hosting. After her show, Cate gives Lux the aforementioned weight-in-ice-cream as they talk out her Bug-less existence. The Rocky Road ice cream is a metaphor, you see. Lux feels bad for driving Bug away, but Cate says Bug drove himself away, literally. She insists it's not Lux's fault that Bug didn't treat her well. She says Lux's Five Stages of Grief are completely natural and hands her some money for retail therapy. Lux says some arm warmers might take the sting away. Arm warmers?! Lux, I thought you were better than Hot Topic, girl. You let me down! Lux changes gears and says that, aside from Bug's buggering off, thinks have actually been pretty good lately. Cate tells her she'll be there for whatever Lux needs.
Later that day, Lux has decided to emerge to spend Cate's consolation money, and she's brought Tasha along! Joy! (Sarcasm.) Tasha is as winning and sunny as ever. Home girl is gloomier than the Seattle weather. Lux eyes a "Real Housewife does Biker Bar Hooker" get-up, and she and Tasha agree it'll be perfect to drive away her potential foster family that evening. Lux says it looks expensive, but Tasha knows about this thing called a "five finger discount." Lux looks uncomfortable, despite her sordid, sticky-fingered past, and says she'll wait outside while Tasha snatches the frock. She snarks that someone will need to be her one phone call when she gets arrested -- a situation she knows all too well thanks to her dearly departed, Grand Theft Bug-o. Tasha calls her a wimp and heads inside for a little afternoon larceny.
Across town, Cate and Ryan arrive home to find Baze banging on the door. They try to ignore him, but he can see them through the frosted glass door. Ryan begrudgingly agrees to let Baze in, and Cate tells him not to stir things up by mentioning any of the kissing (read: wet humping) stuff. Baze says he came by to take Lux out for some post-break-up Whack-a-Mole. Because apparently she's a nine-year-old boy. Ryan sharply says he already has plans to take Lux out for a driving lesson that afternoon. Baze gets territorial that Ryan's taking on a fatherly role, and it looks like they're heading into a full-on, chests-out-like-gorillas standoff. Cate steps in to say that Baze can take Lux out tomorrow because right now they're having family time. At which point, Ryan smugly kisses her on the back of the head, all, "What?!" Baze bitters, "Yeah, don't let me intrude on the 'family thing,'" and leaves. Once he's out the door, Ryan sternly says that time he's going to say something to Baze.
Back on the shopping strip, Lux is people watching while she waits for Tasha. A 30-something couple with a toddler catches her eye. She watches them, transfixed, until Tasha emerges from the shop. Tasha wonders what Lux is looking at, but Lux deflects and suggests they move on.
That night, Math and The Other One play Wii football when Baze storms in to confirm that it's his role as a dad to dole out driving lessons. They agree, and he launches into a tirade, eventually turning off the TV so they'll help him solve his quandary. He says he's stuck in a no-win situation because Cate and Ryan want less of him in their lives, but he has to interact with them if he wants to spend time with Lux. Math suggests Ryan is just trying to be helpful, but TOO picks up on my puffy-chested gorilla notion from earlier. He says Ryan's usurping Baze's banana party (his words, not mine) and that it's a slippery slope from driving lessons to walking Lux down the aisle. Guess which theory Baze opts for. Ain't nobody gonna break up his banana party, sucka.
The morning, Ryan gives more details about the contest Cate mentioned the day before. In essence, it's like that brutal episode of Grey's Anatomy in which the last person with their hand on the bridal dress won it. Except this time it's a Hybrid car. Ryan says they already have 19 of 20 contestants, not to mention last year's winner -- him. Apparently he held on for 39 hours, and he will plan as always this year to give the car to charity if he wins. Now, if you can't see a mile away that Baze is going to join this bitch, then honestly I can't help you. At life. Cate opens up the phone lines, and her cell phone rings. It's Baze. Ryan can tell immediately that it's Baze, so she hangs up on him. Baze huffily calls back, and it goes straight to voicemail. Since she clearly turned off her phone to snub him, he decides to call the station but has to keep dialing because of the busy signal.
Elsewhere, Lux is eating breakfast when Tasha shows up to bemoan the fact that the family she met last night wants to take her in. The problem is that they're three hours away. Lux freaks out and says she has to get out of it, but Tasha's already tried and doesn't appear to have a choice. Lux decides to spill the beans about the family she was staring at the day before. She thinks it was Tasha's mom -- which would explain the spirals just like Tasha's. Tasha doesn't believe it, because her mom was a junkie jailbird the last time she heard from her. Lux is pretty positive she saw the right woman and that she was in full-on suburban mommy mode. Tasha can't believe it, but Lux thinks it could be the fix to their current conundrum. Tasha still ain't buying what Lux is pushing. Pun intended.
Back at the station, Ryan and Cate congratulate their 20th caller on getting into the contest. And who should it be? Baze, of course. He really just wants to finish his conversation with Cate, then Ryan tells him "the adults are working," and Baze declares that he can finish what they've started by winning the contest. He brashly tells Cate that Ryan better watch his backside. Cate looks a bit mortified, not to mention terrified of what's going to come out during Ryan and Baze's 39-plus hours of impending bonding time.
She heads outside to express exactly that to her producer. The producer thinks things should be fine, since Cate cleared up all her indiscretions with Ryan, so Cate has to admit that she fudged the truth a bit when she told Ryan about Baze. She whirls herself into a tizzy about the mess she's made, and her producer wonders if Cate will ever actually own up to her mistakes. All Cate can eke out is "I don't know." She worries she'll lose everything if she doesn't tell him in the exact way and with perfect timing. Because there is a perfect time to tell your fiancé that you're a cheatin' hussy. Just look at The Wedding Date! (Also? Male prostitutes make awesome boyfriends!) She begs the producer to yank Baze from the contest, but it's too late because the listeners are amped for a Ryan-Baze showdown.
Meanwhile, Tasha meets Lux, who has gone all Magnum P.I. 2010 and taken an iPhone picture of Tasha's mom -- who is carrying a baby in car seat while her toddler trails behind. Lux is hyper-enthusiastic that this will solve all of Tasha's problems, but Tasha is a little more realistic. She knows that, if her mom got clean, started a family, and didn't try to reclaim her, she probably doesn't intend to. Lux reminds Tasha that the last time she saw her mom (Mommy Dearest was high on Tasha's birthday), Tasha told her she hated her and never wanted to see her again. Since then, she hasn't returned any of her phone calls or letters. Lux thinks Tasha's mom is waiting for Tasha to make the first move. Tasha is scared that she'll make that move and get rejected. Lux says it couldn't make things any worse than they are now. Tasha starts pacing anxiously.
Over at the bar, TOO has appointed himself Baze's personal trainer for the hybrid contest. He's giving a rousing pep talk about something or other when Cate walks in to talk to Baze. She asks him to back off because Ryan isn't as even-keeled about Baze being in Cate's life as he pretends to be. Baze ignores Cate's request entirely in service of his own beef that Ryan is co-opting his fatherly duties. Cate tries to explain that Ryan is going to be a part of Lux's life no matter what and that he cares for Lux and wants to give her what's best. Baze defensively construes her words to mean that she and Ryan think he can't be a good enough father for Lux. He says she doesn't have any more experience than he does, so she points out that she did push the wee thing through her pelvis. Baze cuts to the quick, reminding her that she gave Lux away, then pours a whole bucket of Haterade on her before saying the only way he'll walk away from the contest is with a new car. Commercials.
And it's contest time! Cate, all decked out in her sexy NASCAR jumpsuit, runs down the rules of the contest as Ryan and Baze exchange trash talk. And so it begins.
Meanwhile, Lux practically has to drag Tasha by the elbow to her mom's house. Tasha can't believe her old crack pipe-kissing mom now has a lawn filled with kids' toys. Lux says things worked out for her, and they will work out for Tasha. I, for one, am not holding my breath. Tasha knocks on the door and waits about 3.5 seconds before trying to bolt. Lux knocks again, and Tasha's mom answers this time. She can't believe her eyes. She and Tasha come together for a hug years in the making.
Four hours into the competition, everyone's still standing firm. Cate keeps the crowd abreast of all the non-developments as Math and TOO make punny cheers ("Baze of glory"). Math throws in half-hearted cheer for Ryan, mainly for Cate's sake. Cate sidles up to Ryan to ask how he's doing. He puts his arm around her and cockily says he could keep this up for days. She shoots him a good-natured barb then mentions they have another "crowd favorite" as she heads towards Baze... and breezes right by him to some kid who may very well be an Asian gang member set to shoot this place up if he doesn't win. Such is his bandanna-clad, steely-eyed (at least I'm guessing under the dark sunglasses) intensity. Baze crisscrosses his hands over another so he can move down the car without actually stopping touching it for a moment, and he taunts Cate that she'll have to talk to him occasionally -- perhaps after Ryan drops out "because he misses his hair products." Heh. Cate blows the whistle for a 20-minute break. Everyone disperses, but Ryan and Baze each keep a hand on the car and lock into a stare-down. About 10 seconds later, Ryan takes his hand off with a grimace. Baze shakes his head and lets out a self-satisfied cackle. Cate looks at the clock. It's going to be a while.
Baze makes his way over to rest. Math and TOO hand him a water bottle, blow breeze on him with one of those portable fans, and give him a towel to pat down the sweat (from standing?). Baze says his feet are killing him, and he's starting to doubt that he can actually win this thing. TOO reminds him that he is a bartender and essentially stands for a living. Math seems a little less optimistic, fretting about Ryan's "calves the size of hams." TOO heads over to spy on Ryan, who says this will be a piece of cake, because people start dropping like flies in the fifth hour. Cate thanks Ryan for being so cool about Baze, and Ryan says he'll be fine as long as Baze stays out of his face. Ding ding! TOO has a strategy. And I smell a bitch fight a-coming. TOO heads back as Math lectures Baze about the virtues of pumicing. TOO informs Baze that he is, in fact, Ryan's kryptonite and tells him to stand right to Ryan and be all in his business. Baze gets Ryan in his sights as he puffs up his chest and readies himself for the round.
Elsewhere, Lux waits outside and strokes her new arm warmers while Tasha and her mom have their heart-to-heart. Eventually Tasha storms out in tears because her mom said she thinks Tasha coming to live with her new family would trigger her to relapse. Lux offers to go back and talk to her, but Tasha says she's done enough.
Ten hours, 37 minutes into the contest, Baze is all up in Ryan's grill like that Rob Schneider "Makin' Copies Guy" from Saturday Night Live (which was coincidentally probably in rotation when Lux was conceived). Baze says he and Ryan should get to know each other better. Ryan is about as enthusiastic about that suggestion as you'd suggest. Just as Cate starts heading over to intervene, Lux arrives frantic. While she asks for Cate's help, Ryan and Baze begin their war of words. Baze shit-talks Ryan that he might as well quit now, since he's going to be in this thing until it's finished. Ryan says Baze doesn't seem like someone who really sticks things out, for example the whole Cate situation. He alludes to Cate's trumped-up story that Baze tried to take advantage of her recently. Baze is more than happy to bite the bullet and apologize to Ryan for what went down, but Ryan accuses Baze of pressuring Cate when she was pushing him away. As Lux babbles on about her problems with Tasha, Cate looks back and forth at Baze receiving Ryan's verbal hurricane and knows she's seconds away from getting caught in her lies. Baze looks at Cate and, for a moment, it seems like he's going to take the high road. He cops to trying to "kiss" Cate, then slides in, "I had to wonder -- did she get any better after 16 years?" And that's all she wrote. Ryan issues a right hook that sends Baze spinning. Both of their hands are off the car now, so Lux comes to Baze's side while Cate runs after Ryan. Not knowing that Baze corroborated her story, she starts apologizing furiously to Ryan and ends up outing herself. Commercials.
When we return, Cate tries to explain herself but really just digs herself further into a hole. She seriously reaches. Everything from passive-aggressively blaming Ryan for potentially not wanting to help her with Lux to going all Ross Geller: "We were on a break!" Ryan doesn't take her BS for a minute, though, especially when she claims she's just being honest like he said she should be. "Because you got caught!" he roars. Cate keeps on squirrel-screeching away to no avail as he snatches his coat and walks out the door, telling her he's not just leaving the contest, he's leaving her. He goes down the laundry list of all the ways in which Cate is a shitty person (mocking his proposal, lying through her teeth about Lux, and just generally being a self-absorbed prick) before telling her the relationship is over. He leaves her crying by the doorway. And this is the moment Lux picks to ask her to take in Tasha. Cate is understandably anxious about committing to something so huge in light of all that just went down. Lux throws it in her face that Cate told her she would always be there for her. She says this would fix all her problems and that she'll never ask Cate for anything again (u- huh). Cate says she can't do it and says she's sorry. Lux bitterly says she's sorry, too.
Later, Lux has set up camp at Baze's place. With an ice pack on his lip, he comes out to commiserate that neither of them got what they wanted. He says he wanted to win the car for her, effectively buying (standing?) his way into the family. He says he wanted to give her something to show her that he's there, too. And that giving her her first car would have been "a cool dad move." Lux says he doesn't have to get her anything, but he does have something she wants.
Cut to the morning. Lux's social worker entering Baze's apartment. And Baze is in suburban dad corporate casual. Seriously? Why would they think this would work? They won't even let Lux stay at his place -- and he made her. Still, Baze enumerates all the ways in which he's turned his life around -- smoke detector on the ceiling, money in the bank... and a room just for Tasha. The social worker is rightly befuddled, yet somehow impressed. (Perhaps a bit insane?) The social worker tells Baze that he couldn't possibly get custody of Tasha since she's not his blood. On the upside, she thinks conditions have improved enough to grant him joint custody of Lux. Awesomely, Lux forgets all about her ill-fated urchin friend the moment she realizes she doesn't have to deal with Cate anymore. Way to be a turncoat, Lux!
Lux heads back to Cate's to pack up her stuff. She brusquely updates Cate on her new living arrangement. Cate wonders if this is about Tasha. Lux says Cate wasn't there when Lux needed her, like she promised to be. But Baze was. So Lux is a fair-weather friend. Sweet. Cate, meanwhile, is devastated. And utterly alone. She stomps downstairs to confront Baze on manipulating his way into Lux's life, saying he pulled this bullshit move to get what he wanted all along. Of course, she thinks the universe revolves around her and that what he wanted was her. He puts her in her place, saying all he wanted was time with Lux. Reality hits Cate like a bag of bricks, and she says she's getting what she deserves. Baze changes his tune and begins comforting her. He says she doesn't deserve this and that they both screwed up. He says a little change might do them all some good. Cate worries that she's losing Lux, but Baze pulls her in and assures her she won't.
That night, Lux moves the bong lamp back in to her decidedly less private and glamorous new room. She looks at pictures of her and Tasha as she cries that she didn't get to say goodbye. Back at her big, empty house, Cate goes the way of Bree van de Kamp circa Season 2, with a tinge of fat Goldie Hawn in Death Becomes Her, and a dash of Bridget Jones thrown in for good measure.
week: Cate and Ryan are stuck co-hosting a formal ball. Somehow Baze shows up? Okay, now we're stretching a bit, guys.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what vlogger Sean Crespo thinks about Life when he has No Prior Knowledge!