By DeAnn Welker
Janice says Patti and John are always off together. She woke up at 5 a.m. and they were huddling and chatting. Janice: "What the fuck can anyone talk about at 5 in the morning, huddling and chatting, sitting to each other in front of a fire?!" Patti tells John that Janice has a crush on him, and tells him that Janice said if John weren't John, he'd be her type. Torrie has no idea what they talk about when she's not around. They're talking shit about Janice (but mostly it's just Patti talking). Stephen thinks it's not as authentic for Patti to become BFFs with John as it is for him to become BFFs with her, because she's from the world of politics. I'm not sure if he's saying she's doing this for popularity or what, but I like where he's going with this. Although, come on, Patti totally has a crush on John. Because she is married to a(n alleged) douchebag. Patti talks shit about Lou, too. She says she feels like he's acting a lot. Stephen says Patti has a plan, and is doing what's in her best interest. Patti then talks shit about Torrie to John, and he agrees, points to Janice and says, "That's what it looks like at 54." Stephen says the shimmer on perfect Patti is starting to dull a little. What did I tell you?! FAKE DRAMA.
A basket arrives in the evening. It's the Chinese food. John says the food was exquisite. Sanjaya starts cutting up garlic to make pasta sauce for the ladies, and John asks what he's doing. Then John, in confessional, says that Sanjaya might do hair and makeup, but if he wants to cook, he needs to talk to the chef and camp leader. John tells Stephen he's going to have to give up cooking, because there are too many chefs in the kitchen. Okay, John, can you say "control freak"? Because, seriously? Sanjaya can't cut up some garlic? Dude, lighten up. John thinks there won't be enough garlic for the beans they have to eat every day. Torrie says it's hard for John to step in and let anyone else do something, and Sanjaya saw that tonight. John has Sanjaya bring him some food to taste. John thinks it's too much oil, and he needs to get Sanjaya out of the kitchen. Sanjaya says he's honored to cook in John's kitchen and have John like what he made. John calls Lou over to tell him they have to get Sanjaya out of the kitchen, that he can chop and that's it, because the pasta is very oily. Can someone get this guy on the season of Top Chef, please? Because if he's this insane about his jungle kitchen, imagine how awesomely crazy he'd be in a cooking competition! He tells us the girls' food wasn't as good as it could have been. Then he tells Sanjaya it was too oily. In confessional, Sanjaya's all, "Duh! It was an oil-based sauce." Then he says it was still good, just a little oily. John tells him it could have been better. I would normally complain that they just created drama out of something so... nothing. Except that it was awesome. I like controlling-chef John as much as any other John. Damien, on the bridge outside of camp with Myleene, suggests him as the host of Hell's Kitchen and then sends us to commercial.
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