Previously: Lou won immunity. John gave himself immunity. Janice thought he was selfish. John and Patti were in an alliance. The public vote was "revealed." Tonight: Teams will be shaken up. John and Janice fight more. Live double elimination. No one's ready to leave. "It's the most important vote yet." If by "important," they mean "doesn't matter at all," then I agree. Opening credits. Myleene and Damien welcome us to Day 18, and tell us that two campmates will be sent packing tonight. The phone lines are closed.
Back in camp, we flash back to last night's ridiculously overhyped "live" moment when Myleene and Damien told everyone the non-results of the vote so far: Janice was not in the top two and Patti was not in the bottom two. It meant nothing last night, and it still means nothing. Especially since we should know actual voting results in an hour. But they obviously need to fill time. Janice confessionals that she's disappointed not to be in the top two. Patti says it's good news for her that she's not in the bottom two, but she hopes it doesn't stop people from voting for her. John agrees with me that Janice not being in the top two and Patti not being in the top two doesn't tell them anything, but makes them keep on being crazy about everything. Sanjaya explains to Janice that it means she's in the bottom four, and Stephen helpfully offers, "You're in the middle." Sanjaya says it's hard not knowing where you stand. Stephen thinks Patti must be appealing to the everyday mom voter. Lou loves having immunity, but it bugs him not knowing where he'd fall in the vote; it doesn't bug John one bit.
Close-up creature shots. Then John's thoughtful in the morning. He says he slept really well last night because immunity helps you sleep since you don't have to worry every day about whether you'll make it. Everyone else is stressed. Lou says the competition is definitely on. John says he came to win, and he's not going out without swinging. Patti thinks the votes being so close makes it anyone's game. Stephen says he was completely wrong about Patti and Sanjaya, then says he thought Patti would be gone in a day. I'm not sure what Sanjaya has to do with any of that. [He thought Sanjaya was going to be gone quickly, too. To her credit, Janice thought otherwise. - Zach] While they're talking, Myleene and Damien come in to tell them they're no longer on men versus women teams; they're now individuals battling for themselves for everything: food, immunity and America's votes. They all get new green shirts. Torrie's excited that she can now only blame herself if she doesn't get to eat. Commercials.
Back with Myleene and Damien. Myleene looks smoking hot, by the way, with her hair down. She should wear it like that always. She's so hot I didn't pay attention to a word either of them said. Oh, wait. I didn't pay attention because they are boring. Back at camp, Janice is grumpy. Holly's not sure why, but she thinks it might have to do with finding out she's not in the top two, because she's probably not as secure as she thought. Janice yells at Holly about not helping her with dishes this morning. Holly's glad that Janice isn't camp leader. She approaches Janice instead of talking about her behind her back. She tells her she was snappy and hurt her feelings a little. Janice applauds her honesty and thanks her for having the courage to look her in the eyes, as friends. She apologizes for admonishing her "in a crabby aunt-type way." It seems very sincere, if scripted, but she makes fun of Holly in her confessional. Editors awesomely juxtapose Janice telling Holly how sorry she is and that she's her angel with Janice fake-crying about poor Holly. In other words: Janice is mean.
John gets a scroll. It's time for the first individual food trial, "Mud Pit Mania." They're told to change into wrestling outfits and head to the jungle clearing. Torrie's so excited, because wrestling in a mud pit is right up her alley. The outfits they're given are more like superhero uniforms or something. Sanjaya puts on spandex shorts with leopard-print underwear over them. Also, a silver cape. Stephen made a mask for himself, which he wore with his regular clothes. He says the mask transformed him instantly. Janice wears a blue tight top and spandex, with a blue cape, and tells Lou that if he sees anything inappropriate to tell her by using code word "pineapple." All of our lame superheroes head to the jungle clearing, where they greet Myleene and Damien. Torrie looks awesome in a little yellow bikini thing. Janice growls at Damien. They tell Damien their nicknames, which are pretty silly and one (Stephen's) is actually indecipherable. Torrie the Tormenter. The Jungle Sanjayanator. El Capitan Something in French that neither I nor my captioning could make out. They find out they'll be playing for pizza. Everyone's so excited to win.
"Mud Pit Mania" rules: There's a pit full of those colorful balls that kids play in at Chuck E. Cheese and some other rubbery, spongy things. Apparently, there is also mud. And in the mud? Three stars. The celebrities who find stars get to eat. No one else will eat. And there will be company. In the form of crocodiles. They are not totally miniature, but not regular-sized. I think they're baby regular crocodiles, but I'm not a Costa Rican wildlife expert or anything. But they are FAST. I don't think I could do that. Janice freaks out about it a little bit. And we go to commercials. John later says it was all fun and games until they brought the crocodiles. They all jump into the water, and we get to see it in slo-mo. It's ridiculous. Stephen and John wait until everyone else is in and go in after. They're all digging around in the water and mud, but Janice looks at a totally still crocodile, resting in the water, and freaks out. She crawls out, and later says there were millions of them in the water and they were looking at her for lunch. She yells the show title and takes off running into the jungle.
Back in the mud pit, Stephen's acting like a maniac, picking up a rock and acting like a superhero about it. Pretending to be a crocodile and biting at Torrie. He's growling and acting crazy. Sanjaya finds a star. Patti finds a star. Lou finds the last star, and Myleene calls him "Lou Diamond." They tell everyone to get out except Stephen, because he's enjoying it way too much. Lou hugs Myleene and gets her all covered in mud. John tells Stephen he looks good brown and adds, "Let's see if you can get a cab in New York." The muddy celebrities head back to camp.
The three eaters talk about how some people wanted the pizza more than them, but now it's all about breaking down your opponents. Lou says this in his best Ah-nuld voice, and then Sanjaya adds in a vaguely Ah-nuld sound. Then muddy Stephen sort of belly flops into the river. Later, in confessional (and still in his superhero mask and costume), he says in French that there is no honor in defeat; only honor in victory. Awesomely (and thankfully since I couldn't understand him) the title under his name no longer says "Stephen Baldwin: Actor." It now says "El Capitan Lingou Mystere: Superhero." Ha. He removes the mask in shame to become Stephen again. Sad. I wanted El Capitan to stick around for awhile.
Back with Myleene and Damien, who are standing outside of camp. They're going in to reveal the first celebrity who will be leaving tonight. Everyone looks good in their new green. Myleene and Damien remind them that two of them are leaving, and Lou and John weren't eligible. Damien has the results: "Sanjaya! You... are safe." Myleene: "Torrie. You... are safe." Damien: "Holly. You... are going home." Janice freaks out. She thought it would be her, and she's not happy it's Holly. So, later on, we'll lose one of Stephen, Patti or Janice. Holly sweetly hugs everyone and gets teary-eyed. Outside of camp again, Damien and Myleene look serious and tells us what just happened. Inspirational music plays. Damien and Myleene remind us this is about charity. The celebrities who are still in it remind us what charity they're playing for. You can donate. Holly crosses the bridge out of camp, and tells everyone goodbye. We don't get a Montag montage, though. Bummer. Commercials.
Myleene and Damien are still just outside of camp. Back in camp when Holly was still there, Janice namedrops as a little counter in the corner starts dinging every time she drops a name. She says she used to be friends with the original Saturday Night Live guys, like Murray and Aykroyd, and Mike Myers. Um, Mike Myers was not original Saturday Night Live, Janice, and was on way, way after those others. She adds Dana Carvey, then a comedian I haven't heard of, then Chevy Chase, Steve Martin and John Belushi. Then a competing counter starts up for Lou as he name-drops guys who have played poker with him: Brad Pitt. Clooney. Dave Schwimmer before Friends. Priestley and Luke from . That's 9 for Janice and 5 for Lou. Then John starts in: Jackie Chan. Chris Tucker. Stephen starts up: Chris Penn. Sean Penn. Back with Janice: Bruce Willis. Mick Jagger. Lou says Viggo Mortensen and Annette Bening. John says Don Johnson. Janice adds Karl Lagerfeld and Linda Evangelista. Lou says Forest Whitaker and Kiefer (um, of course Kiefer's in there; they were in Young Guns!). Stephen adds Laurence Fishburne. Lou says Eric Stoltz, Sam Neill, Catherine Bell. Stephen says Benicio and Bryan Singer. Janice says Greta Garbo, Sean Connery. Lou adds Brandon Lee and Robert De Niro. John says William Shatner. Janice says Michael Caine. Lou: James Coburn. Janice: Matthew Modine. John says Pam Anderson, Dwayne Wade, Laila Ali. Stephen: Liam Neeson. Lou: Charles Bronson. John: Samuel Jackson and Mike Tyson. Janice says the Queen of England, and the counter rises to 18 and she's our winner. Lou had 16, John 9 and Stephen 6. Don't we get to count Alec? Anyway, that was dumb.
Damien and Myleene talk and I ignore it. Pizza arrives in camp. Lou, Sanjaya and Patti enjoy it, while everyone else eats vegetables with their rice and beans. Janice needs broccoli so she can poop. She thinks the vegetables are for her, because the doctor ordered them for her. John says if they're sent in a bag that says "Janice," he'll give them to her, but if they're in the basket, they're for everyone. She continues to push, but he apparently went into confessional and asked. She asks why John "deems fit" against a professional doctor who ordered Janice to eat greens. (I would like to interject to say that I don't think John is saying Janice can't eat any greens; just that everyone else can have some too.) He says it's for everyone. She says it was ordered for her: "Greens! For my ass!" He wants to give her some raw zucchini, but she doesn't want them raw. She lays in her bed and says, "Give me something to cook it with," but John says she can get up and do it herself. She gets up and he tells her she can be a prima donna somewhere else. He says he's not going to kiss her ass like everyone else does. In the confessional, she says John scares her and no one will stand up to him because they're all scared of him. At his bed later, John eats and tells Patti he's a proud black man, and "I bully bullies." Commercials.
A preview for the finale shows us that all of the past castoffs will be back for the finale, including SPEIDI. I'm the weecapper, get me out of here! Wait... aren't those the rules? I can leave now, right? KIDDING. I will stick it out. Back outside of camp with Damien and Myleene, who are about to head back into camp to reveal the other celebrity who is eliminated. It seems weird to do that with more than 15 minutes left in the episode, doesn't it? Something else must be coming up afterward. They head back in, and tell the celebrities to listen up. Damien reminds everyone that Lou, John, Sanjaya, and Torrie are safe, so Patti, Janice, or Stephen will be heading home. Myleene reminds Janice that they told her last night that she wasn't in the top two. Damien reminds Patti that they told her she wasn't in the bottom two. Myleene reminds Stephen they didn't tell him anything. Then Damien tells Stephen: "You... are safe." Janice high-fives him. The second celebrity to leave the jungle tonight is (long, long, dramatic pause)... Janice. Wow, really. People must not have liked her. It's totally all in the editing, though, right? She leaves without drama. Outside camp, Damien says they'll miss her because she's like the crazy aunt. He doesn't seem to be making fun of the celebrities, so I have to wonder if he really watches this show, because people have already said that. At least twice. Janice walks across the bridge, blowing everyone kisses. Inspirational music, but no montage.
We get to flashback to last night, when all of the celebrities got letters from home. The way they had to share them was everyone gets to read someone else's letter. Lou reads the letter from John's wife, who calls him "Farm Boy." John's wife is talking to the moon, and feels like he can hear her. She talks sports to him: "Offense wins games. Defense wins championships." It's very cute. I can't tell if Patti's jealous or happy. Patti reads Sanjaya's letter from his mom, while he cries, especially when she talks about his grandfather looking down on him with pride. Sanjaya says his mom and his sister are the only people who have been consistently in his life, and he's a momma's boy. John reads Patti's letter from Rod. He tells her not to worry, because everyone's fine. She looks totally unemotional, but says making her daughters proud lights a fire under her. Torrie reads Lou's letter from his wife. She's proud of him and thinks he's amazing. She'd like him to kick butt, and can't wait to hold him. Lou says the letter couldn't come at a better time. Stephen reads Torrie's letter from her "man," who says she's freaking awesome and doesn't need tanner or makeup. Torrie cries, and says the letter is going to push her to the end of the competition. Apparently Stephen and Holly didn't get letters. Or they didn't show them, at least. Weird. Maybe Stephen's letter was about his foreclosure, and they didn't want to air his dirty laundry. Commercials.
Back with Myleene and Damien, who say they just made it back to the studio in time to talk to us about nothing. They'll talk to Holly and Janice soon. We can vote again now. The two celebrities with the lowest votes will have to battle it out in a grossout competition at the "Last Chance Saloon." The loser of the competition will go home. And Lou and John are back in the game, so everyone is eligible. You can also vote online.
Here come Holly and Janice, as inspirational music starts up. Holly can't wait to shower, bathe and eat. Myleene says they both made a big impact on camp. She then brings up Speidi for no reason at all, and then asks Holly about Sanjaya. She says they're just friends, and that's all. Myleene asks if she's sure there's not a little crush, and Holly says no, but Janice is shaking her head no. They say she doesn't mince words, then ask her what it was like in camp. She says inoculations were terrible and made her sick in torrential thunderstorms, dealing with crocodiles and her teammates. She loves Costa Rica, but misses her children and dogs. Myleene wants to know how they feel about their campmates. They ask Holly about Patti. She's the sweetest lady, and Holly's fortunate she got to know see the real, true side of her. They ask Janice about Sanjaya. She says he's Tinkerbell. Damien interrupts to ask who they think will win. Holly thinks Sanjaya, but Janice says, "Hands down, Baldwin." Really? That's a weird choice, but okay. Myleene reminds us to vote. And week is finale week. THANK GOD. See you then. Oh, and now we get our Holly and Janice montage along with the closing credits. At least it's not set to inspirational music this time.
Discuss this episode in our forums, and watch episodes here. Then see why vloggers Val and Beth think that Sanjaya's presence should have been a warning to others in TV is the Answer!
DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.