Episode Report Card AB Chao: B+ | 3 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Into You Like A Train
By AB Chao | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2005
Sassy catches Alex walking by and asks him if there's a chance they can get out of the hospital some time this year. Sassy is resting her head on the side of her long-suffering friend's bed, and looking about like who'd-have-thought-it. Alex says he can't discharge her friend until he can see her radiology results, and make sure she doesn't have any internal injuries. THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER. Sassy's phone goes off again. She tells the person on the other line, "Yeah, we're still here. 'Cause our doctor's friggin' useless." Alex does not kill Sassy, although he and the rest of the universe very much want to.
Alex passes Cristina, who's on the phone. "I realize there's a lot of carnage. I'm asking...if you can, maybe, sift through some of that carnage." Heh. In case you hadn't caught on, Cristina wants that leg real bad. Carnage Central hangs up on her, and she curses. Burke finds her, and asks why she paged him. Cristina fills him in, saying if she can't find the leg, Webber will cut her from the program. "And I cannot go back home to Los Angeles, Burke, it's too sunny there. It's sunny every day." Burke is like, "And you paged me because...?" Cristina spits, "I need you to help me find the leg! I realize I'm not experienced with stuff like this, but...you're my boyfriend! Aren't boyfriends supposed to help with these things?" A smile creeps across Burke's face, and he tells Cristina that when they're on duty, he's not her boyfriend. And here is where Cristina gets that look that only Asians can pull off (a look, I might add, that I receive every day of my life from my husband), the look that says, "Ohhhh, yes. Stupid American. SO STUPID." And with this look on her face, she responds, "Okay, so when we're on duty, I can have sex with someone else?" Oh, Stupid American. Burke, defeated, says he's walking away now. Cristina yells after him that when she's cut, he might rethink this!
Cut to Meredith and Alex, having a little Addison-hate session. Mere is all trying to get Alex to talk shit about her: "So she YELLED at you?" Alex sighs, "Fiiiine. She's Satan's whore." Mere asks if he yelled back; Alex says he did not. Mere: "Dude, you lost your mojo." Alex asks what that means. Mere says she was just trying to talk "boy." Aw, Mere, with that little voice? It ain't never going to happen. Alex can't believe O'Malley plugs a hole in someone's heart, and everyone treats him like a hero. "I have one off day..." Meredith lays it out for him: "You chickened out. And why didn't you kiss Izzie?" Alex says he's leaving. Cristina runs by, more frantic than ever, babbling about how one hairy leg is going to destroy her career. Mere tells Alex she hopes he finds his mojo, because she finds him disturbing without it. Alex: "Me too."
OR of Impalement. McDreamy explains to Bonnie and Tom that, since their bodies are in a certain amount of shock, it might be hard for them to understand the extent of their injuries. Tom starts to look scared. Bonnie does too, and says, "Dr. Shepherd. We have a metal pole cutting a path through our insides. I don't know about Tom here, but I didn't expect to walk out of here. Whatever it is you have to say, just...say it." McDreamy -- who is, need I remind you, at his very dreamiest when he's giving bad news -- tells Bonnie okay. He explains that in order to operate on Tom, the two of them will have to be separated. "In order to do that," McDreamy addresses Bonnie gently, "we have to move you backwards off the pole." Tom asks why they can't just pull the pole out of both of them. Burke tells them that they would both start bleeding very quickly, as right now the pole is plugging their wounds; their organs will shift, and there is a great deal of damage. Bonnie gets it first: "So...if you move me, I'll die?" The room goes quiet for a second. More tears! McDreamy says they're going to do everything they can. Tom interjects, "NO. If anybody has to go, it should be me. You just move me..." Burke softly cuts Tom off, saying that his injuries are less extensive, and there's a better chance of repairing the damage to his body. A tear rolls down Bonnie's cheek; McDreamy takes her hand and squeezes it. OH, MCDREAMY! Tom is stricken. "It's not right. It's not fair!" Bonnie, of all people, shushes him. She says it's not fair either way. "Is my Danny here yet?" she asks. Bailey says they could wait for him, but the longer they do, the greater the risk of infection. Bonnie bravely says it's fine -- and I know I am being manipulated here, but I DON'T CARE IT IS SO SAD -- and that Danny wouldn't understand. "I've had a couple hours to...well, if Danny had to see me like this, talk to me like this? I just think it would be too hard." The room gets very quiet again, and McDreamy nods at Burke that it's time to go. Please pass the booze and tissues. Thank you.
We cross-fade to the pregnant ladies, who are holding hands while the burned one gets a spinal. A notary shows up, and Burny Preggerton says she actually asked for a lawyer. The notary is like, "Well, hello to you too, but all the lawyers are asleep." Besides, she says, the hospital has pretty standard forms: just put the name of who you want your baby to go to in the event of death or a vegetative state, and...all done! Burny's friend, whose name is Jana, is like, "Wait, who's dying?" Addison explains that there's risk with any surgery, but an additional risk in this case with the burns. Jana insists that nobody's going to die. Burny says they still need to sign the forms, "Unless you want our son to end up with my mom." Jana jerks the forms out of the notary's hand at the speed of light. Izzie asks the women how long they've been together. "Since third grade," replies Burny. Which is...unorthodox, until she adds that they're not lovers, just best friends, and they just wanted their kids to have two parents, so they got a sperm donor. Everyone thinks it's very cool that the friends' babies will be brother and sister. Except Izzie, who's like, "Huh. Wow." Izzie is totally uptight, and I love it. Jana's water then breaks, so, oh my God, they're going to have their sibling babies at the same time! That is kind of weird.
Alex goes to check in on Sassy's friend, who still remains nameless. He tells her that he's going to give her some painkillers, but then she'll be good to go. Sassy's phone rings, but Sassy, who is slumped over on the bed, doesn't answer it. I'm sure you can see where this is going; Sassy doesn't wake up, and Alex calls a code blue. Commercials.
"Yeah? Ohhhh, naw, naw, honey, I'm just over here, dead as the dickens. Internal injuries, honey, you know how that go. Some fool tryin' to practice medicine." And it is so. Sassy is no longer, and it is all Alex's fault. Another doctor says she's been bleeding for hours. Sassy's friend cries, "There's no blood! She's not bleeding!" Alex tries to explain that Sassy seemed fine; she wasn't even his patient. "I didn't know." Aw. Sassy's friend cries, and Alex calls Sassy's time of death.
Back in the Unnaturally Good Friends' ward, Addison passes Jana off to an OB resident, and prepares Burny for surgery. Burny tells Jana that they were supposed to be together. Jana says it will be okay. "You go have your C-section, and enjoy those drugs. This is already not fun for my vagina." Ha! And, I cannot relate, because I myself had a C-section, and I will tell you here for free that I enjoyed the holy hell out of the drugs, both in the hospital and for several weeks afterward. Dear Lortab: I love you. I can't believe it's been ten years since we talked! Call me sometime, okay? Best friends forever! LYLAS, AB. Burny begs for them to be together, but Izzie volunteers to stay with her instead. Addison is impressed, and goes off to surgery with Jana.
Alex is outside pacing, furious with himself for not realizing that Sassy's incessant babbling was just a side effect of her massive internal injuries. A paramedic runs up, all, "Hey, Doc." Alex nearly bites his head off: