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We pick up where we left off last week, with Meredith et al. sitting in Joe's bar waiting for McDreamy to sign his divorce papers and show up already. Before he can, though, two things happen: Meredith gets wasted; and all the doctors' pagers go off because there's been a train wreck. McDreamy, of course, walks into the bar (not a joke!) just after Meredith has left for the hospital. Oh, who will McDreamy choose? Bailey deems Mere too drunk to practice medicine and orders her to stand around with an IV in her arm until she sobers up. Cristina is assigned to assist with re-attaching a severed leg to its rightful owner. Alas, she's brought in someone else's leg, and goes off on a frantic search for the correct appendage, at one point insisting that Burke help her because he's her boyfriend, and that's what boyfriends do. Burke disagrees. In the end it's Alex who finds the leg, thereby making himself out to be the big hero, and giving him back some of his lost mojo. Izzie and Dr. Mrs. Dr. McDreamy work on two women who have gone into labor as a result of the crash; Izzie's performance prompts DMD McDreamy to offer her a mentor relationship, but only if Izzie can get over the fact that she is McDreamy's wife, and therefore evil. Meanwhile, a man and a woman, incredibly upbeat for having been impaled by the same pole and stuck together this way, are brought in. One of them has to be moved off the pole first, with the unfortunate side effect of probably dying. It's the girl, and she does die, and it is heartbreaking. Meredith makes kind of a scene in the OR about not just abandoning the girl to work on the other guy, in a clear parallel to her own sad life. Oh, and McDreamy chooses...his wife. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on Grey's Anatomy: Alex loses his mojo after finding out he has to re-take his medical board exams, and also screws up his first date with Izzie; Meredith gives McDreamy a "choose me, not your wife!" speech; Bailey goes out with her husband for their ten-year anniversary; and Cristina tells Burke they're now a couple.
When we left her last week, Meredith was sitting on a barstool in The Emerald City, knocking back shots of tequila and waiting for McDreamy to show up after having signed those silly divorce papers of his. And...she's still there. The door opens again, and again McDreamy does not walk through it. Meredith makes a face in the door's general direction, then turns to Bartender Joe and laments, "I actually said 'Pick me.' 'Pick me'?" Joe says he thinks it's romantic. This sends Meredith off on a rant: "It's not romantic, Joe. It's horrifying. Horror-movie horrifying. Carrie at the prom with the pig's blood, horrifying!" Joe reminds Mere that Carrie took out an entire senior class. Meredith can't let it go: "I. said. 'PICK ME'!"
Cut to Cristina and the rest of the gang, playing darts elsewhere in the bar. She asks George and Izzie how long, exactly, Meredith is supposed to wait. George hurls darts at the board with a little too much force, not even looking, really, just lots of manly throwing. And by "manly," I mean "hilarious." He wonders if McDreamy really isn't coming. Izzie says it's getting kind of hard to watch Meredith sit there alone. Cristina says it was hard to watch an hour ago -- now it's just pathetic. Meredith hears this last bit and slurs at them, "Whosh pathetic?!?" Cristina does that thing where you act like you don't know what's going on after you've just insulted someone, all looking at your watch and whatnot. I do that more often than I care to admit. Meredith yells at them that they are very bad friends, and to just go ahead and dump the pig's blood on her now and get it over with. The door jingles open again, and in walks a very attractive black man who, unfortunately, is still not McDreamy. As Meredith finally realizes that he's really not coming, all of their pagers go off. Someone conveniently yells at Joe to turn up the TV, and breaking news tells us that a massive train wreck occurred outside Seattle just minutes ago. The doctors, who have just completed a thirty-hour shift, get ready to head back over to the hospital. Joe tells Mere she can't leave; he needs to know how the story ends. Meredith says it's probably for the best that they never find out.
As our gang, who really need a clever nickname, walks back towards the hospital, dodging ambulances and stretchers and train wreck victims on the way in, Meredith voice-overs, "In general, people can be categorized in one of two ways: those who love surprises, and those who don't. I? Don't." Cut to the bar, where McDreamy walks in IN SLOW MOTION. I cannot even describe the kind of berserk feeling I get when I see Patrick Dempsey's previously geeky hair, like, wave around hotly in slo-mo. Oh, Dr. McDreamy! Anyway, McDreamy looks around and locks eyes with only Joe, who tells him, "Dude? You're late."
Cut back to the hospital; as the gang waits for the elevator, Mere VOs some more, "I've never met a surgeon that enjoys a surprise, because as surgeons, we like to be in the know. We have to be in the know, because when we aren't, people die and lawsuits happen. Am I rambling? I think I'm rambling." Ha! Drunk voice-overs are funny. Mere stumbles out of the elevator behind her friends, who are getting themselves all ramped up. Cristina: "I think I saw a pneumo-thorax. I hope I get a pneumo-thorax." Izzie helps Alex with his surgical...smock? I am not up on the terminology quite yet. Alex brats, "I thought you weren't talking to me." Izzie says she felt he needed a friend, so she's rising above. Alex asks why she would think that. Izzie reminds him of how he choked last week with the open-heart surgery guy. She does not, sadly, make the universal sign for choking to demonstrate Alex's failure. Alex says he doesn't need her damn friendship, and they start to argue. They quickly shut up when Bailey (who is at the very top of my list of characters on this show I love the most) stomps in, still in her fabulous heels and dress from her anniversary dinner. Everyone stares, and Bailey is all, "What are you looking at?" I cannot do justice to Chandra Wilson's fantastic delivery of every line she says, so you'll just have to use your imaginations. And I know you have them. Fan fic. They're all like, "What? Nothing? Who, us?" Bailey shoves her things into Alex's arms: "You. Go get me my damn shoes." Bailey utters her signature line -- "Let's go, people" -- and is stopped by Meredith, who says she seems to be a little bit drunk. "I was off-duty." Bailey roars, "So was I. Anybody else half in the bottle?" I am going to have to raise my hand on that one. Everyone else seems to be sober, so Bailey tells Mere that she'll deal with her later. Bailey tells the rest of them that, although she knows they get all aquiver at the sight of blood and organs, they're already tired and she doesn't want any mistakes. Cristina tries to help her tie her smock...thing, and Bailey brushes her off like she's a tiny Korean gnat. "Come ON, now!" Awesome.
Bailey opens the door onto mayhem. Cristina takes one look at the beautiful sea of injuries that lies before her and announces, "I am SO not tired anymore." George echoes at high speed, "Me neither I'm not tired anymore either." Aw. George is really cute in his nervous little way. Dr. Mrs. Dr. Addison Montgomery McDreamy's Wife Shepherd asks Bailey for some help with a third-trimester burn victim. Bailey picks Izzie, who trots over to assist, while Meredith slumps against the wall and gives them both the drunk-eye. Her reverie is interrupted by the attractive black man from earlier in the bar, who tells her, "Hey, Joe told me to tell you that McSteamy came looking for you." Meredith corrects him, "McDreamy. Joe said McDreamy came looking for me?" Attractive Black Man: "I'm pretty sure it was 'McSteamy.'" Heh. And speak of the devil, in walks McSteamy. He catches Mere's eye, looks away sheepishly, and then rushes off. George and Cristina witness this little exchange, and George worries, "Does that mean he picked her?" Cristina: "If it does, I just lost fifty bucks." Suddenly, a paramedic bursts in with a severed leg raised over his head like it's the damn Olympic torch, and yells, "I got the leg!" Cristina eyes the leg like Meredith eyes a shot of tequila, and hisses at George, "I want that leg." Dr. Chief of Surgery Webber follows in a stretcher bearing the leg's owner, and asks Bailey who she's got. Cristina and George both shoot their hands up hysterically. Bailey picks Cristina, who is positively salivating by now. Dr. Webber tells Cristina to rule out other injuries and book an OR. Cristina nods gleefully and takes her patient away.
Webber finds McDreamy and says they need all hands on deck -- "either clear me for surgery or you're fired." McDreamy grills Webber about any recent-brain-surgery-related headaches or blurred vision, which Webber denies he has. McDreamy says fine, but he's coming with him. "Or I'm fired. Up to you." Webber relents, and I have to tell you, McDreamy really is kind of dreamy. As he walks out, he passes Meredith and gives her a little look. George sidles up: "Was that a nod?" Mere says yes. George asks if she knows what it meant. Mere: "No." George gets a pained look, asks no one in particular if he's invisible, and runs off to find himself a patient. More Mere VO: "Okay, so my point, actually, and I do have one, has nothing to do with surprises or death or lawsuits, or even surgeons. My point is this: whoever said, 'What you don't know can't hurt you'? Was a complete and total moron. 'Cause, for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world." Lord. Meredith is maybe a little...meredramatic.
And now for something completely crazy. A stretcher is wheeled in, upon which a young white woman and a middle-aged black man are perched, facing each other, and held together by a long metal pole that has been run through their mid-sections. It's not WEIRD or AWFUL at all. We pan back to Meredith, who looks at them in tipsy disbelief and VOs, "Okay, fine. Maybe not the worst." Credits.
When we come back, a surly paramedic is updating Bailey and Burke on our pole people's conditions. They can't be separated, or even really assessed, without injuring them further. Meredith drunkenly peers around the girl's, uh, parts. "Is this the craziest thing you've ever seen?" the girl asks. Meredith answers honestly that it is, and keeps on with the staring until Bailey gives her a look. Burke is telling Bailey to try to get X-rays when the girl calls out, "Excuse me?" Burke walks over and tells them both to try to move as little as possible, not that that will be much of a problem. The girl asks if they're going to pull this pole out of them any time soon. Burke says they can't do that until they get a better look at what's going on internally. Pole girl: "Well, in that case, does anybody have a breath mint?" Aw. Bailey tells George to move them extremely carefully, and the polers exchange a sad little look.
Bailey orders Alex to cover sutures until he can get over his fear of scalpels, and then turns to Meredith. Meredith slurs, "That was mean, even for you," and nearly falls over into Bailey. Bailey, disgusted with this drunken display, tells Mere to go hook herself up to a banana bag (which, as Dr. Google has informed me, is a yellow-colored combination of vitamins, thiamine, and dextrose often given to chronic alcoholics, and I have to wonder if one can order these by the case, because in addition to being a great hangover-killer, doesn't it sound kind of delicious?), and stay there until she can sober up. "Do not speak to any patients; do not practice any medicine." Meredith asks if, perhaps, she shouldn't just go home. Bailey tells her that, unless she drank the whole liquor bottle, she'll be sober in a few hours, when she'll be able to assist the many mangled victims she sees before her. "Besides, if I'm not going home, nobody's going home!" She stalks off, and adds under her breath, "Ten years of marriage, and I didn't even get to finish my damn lobster." Oh, now, I know I love me some damn Bailey. Meredith just stares after her loopily. Go get that banana bag, girl!
Meanwhile, the pole people are updating George on their respective significant others: Amanda, the man's wife, and Danny, the woman's fiancé, are flying down from Vancouver together. The man, whom we shall call "Tom," for that is his name, says normally Amanda would be against his pressing up against a strange woman, but he thinks she'll make an exception in this case. The girl, whom we shall call "Bonnie," for that is her name, regards Tom for a moment, then declares, "You have very nice pores." I wonder if Tom has been using Neutrogena's awesome new microdermabrasion system, because it rules.
Cut to Izzie and Addison, monitoring the pregnant burn victim. Izzie tries to sneak dirty looks at Addison, but gets totally busted: "Dr. Stevens, did you need something?" Izzie shakes her head no. The pregnant lady has a contraction, and Addison decides they should do a C-section, since the woman is in no shape to push. The lady is like, "Oooo...kay? But can we call a lawyer first? I don't have a will." Addison frowns in concern, and tells "Brooke" that they have some time, and not to panic.
Alex is suturing someone's eyebrow. The suturee's friend, a Sassy Black Woman STRAIGHT out of Central Casting, gabs on her cell phone sassily and blackly: "Yeah? Ohhh, naw, we fine, honey! Some redneck tryin' to outrun the train. Honey, and then the train slammed into his ass, and then it rolled!" Seriously, she actually says it like that. Alex tries to ignore this, and asks his patient if she is in pain anywhere else. Her side is all bruised and tender, so Alex says he'll take her for X-rays. Before they can get away from Sassy, however, she calls over, "Ho, ho, hey, where you goin'?" Alex tells her. Sassy tells Alex that, no offense, but he looks like her oldest son, and he's nothing but trouble. "Are you sure you're a doctor?" Alex looks like he'd like to slap the sassy right out of her, says nothing, and starts off again. Sassy's phone rings again: "Yeah? Ohhh, naw, we fine." Et cetera.
Izzie walks by an exam room and stops when she hears the person behind the curtain repeat, "Ow. Ow. Ow." She opens the curtain to find Meredith sitting there, trying to insert her banana bag, which Mere says sounds vaguely dirty, but isn't. Izzie offers to help; Meredith asks how it's going with Addison. Pretty conspicuously, I'd say. "Good mood? Bad mood? 'Yay, my husband picked me' mood?" Mere inquires. Izzie says it's more like the "I hate the smell of charred flesh" mood. Meredith tells Izzie that she knows she's a vapid narcissist, before she gets judgy. Izzie whispers conspiratorially, "For what it's worth...salmon-colored scrubs? What kind of self-respecting person wears salmon-colored scrubs?" Meredith: "This is what I'm saying." Well, vapid and narcissistic though she may be, Miss Banana Bag has a point.
OR of Amputated Limbs. Cristina is cleaning the dirt and gravel out of the leg in preparation for its reattachment. Dr. Webber and McDreamy work on the rest of the guy, when McDreamy's pager goes off. He doesn't want to leave Webber alone, but is finally convinced to go the hell away. Webber tells Cristina that she can help him with the surgery when she's finished cleaning the wound. Cristina gets a confused look on her face, then looks at the patient, back at the severed leg, then at the patient again. Webber asks if the leg is clean. Cristina answers shakily, "Yes…sir?" Webber gets the wrong impression, and starts yelling at her about not even starting to think she's going to be some sort of watchdog for Dr. Shepherd, because he's been a surgeon since before she's been breathing, now IS THERE A PROBLEM? Cristina replies in this hilarious voice, "Uh, YES." She continues that she's thrilled to learn, and grateful to be there, it's just...they've got two left legs. Webber growls, "Find the man's leg, Yang." Cristina hauls ass.
McDreamy answers his page, and runs right into Meredith when he enters the X-ray room. He looks down at her IV. "What happened?" Mere: "Um, tequila." McDreamy looks at the X-rays, which are of our favorite pole people, Bonnie and Tom. He can't believe they're still alive. "They're still making small talk," George says. Burke and McDreamy both agree that there's no way to operate without separating them; they'll both bleed out. Burke suggests that they move one of the patients just far enough off the pole to get a saw in between them, then repair the damage as they go. Plinky Piano of Sadness plays as Burke explains that they should probably move the girl first, since her injuries are more extensive -- this way Tom has a real shot at survival. Derek says he could argue that, since Bonnie's injuries are worse, they should move Tom first. It's all very heavy. Meredith jumps in and states the obvious: "So basically, whoever you move doesn't stand a chance. How do you choose? How do you decide who gets to live?" No one has a chance to answer these questions, however, because it's time for a commercial. It is also time for a certain daughter I know to make her mama a yummy cocktail.
We return to McDreamy telling Burke he'd like to examine the patients before he makes a final decision. He tries to ask for "Dr. Grey," but Bailey tells him that Dr. Grey needs to get herself a blood alcohol test before practicing any medicine tonight. Meredith does the field sobriety test where you touch your nose with your index fingers, and claims that she's totally fine. It is pretty funny to see tiny Ellen Pompeo wheeling around that huge IV stand. Baile
y disagrees. Meredith insists that she's fine. Bailey: "Regretting that last shooter about now, aren't you?" Hee. Mere rolls her eyes and goes off for her test.
Cristina is tearing up an ambulance looking for her precious leg. The sour paramedic from earlier asks her what the hell she's doing, and Cristina explains that one of the paramedics had to have brought the leg in. Paramedic: "Oh, because we all look alike to you?" Oh, no, Cristina is a paramedicist! Cristina is like, "Honestly, I cannot straddle another giant ego right now, okay? I need that leg RIGHT NOW or the Chief of Surgery is gonna take away my pretty blue scrubs." The paramedic gives some bitchy story about how there were multiple decapitations in this train wreck, and her guy can live without his leg. Cristina: "This is so not about the guy, or the leg, but thank you. For all that you do, really...thanks." Cristina is so awesome.
"Yeah? Ohhh, yeah, yeah, we fine. Honey, some redneck tryin' to outrun the train..." I wish I were kidding, but Sassy is back, y'all. Alex shuts the curtain on Sassy, and tends to a very pregnant woman's injuries. The woman asks Alex if he knows where she can find her friend, who is also pregnant. Alex says she is probably up in maternity. The woman is like, "Okay, thanks!" and heaves herself up out of the bed. Before Alex can react, she's nearly to the elevator. Music of Funny Pregnant Antics plays, so we know that it is not serious.
Meredith is complaining about George's blood-drawing skills, saying she'd think he could draw a little blood, since he operated on a heart earlier in the day. George says so, so cutely that he rocked that heart. Mere agrees, "Yeah, you did." George confesses to Meredith that he is now strung out on the scalpel. Mere says there's nothing wrong with that. Now, several of you have stated that you actually found George "hot" in this scene, and while he was very cute and endearing, I am going to have to most emphatically disagree. George is just a little too...moist, or something, to be considered hot. Plus, he totally has Jheri-curl bangs, which is not attractive on anyone, unless you're my husband and you're Michael Jackson for Halloween. I will give you a moment to recover from your hysterical laughter. So George tells Meredith that he thinks it's amazing that she even gave McDreamy a choice. "For what it's worth, I think he's crazy if he doesn't pick you." George can't quite look Mere in the eye as he speaks, and it is kind of heartbreaking. Before Mere can pick up on George's total love signals, though, Cristina bursts in to ask if they've seen a right leg lying around anywhere. They haven't. Mere: "How weird is this job?" George: "Weird."
Up in the maternity ward, two pregnant ladies reunite. Addison scolds Alex for letting his patient escape like that, and Alex says there was nothing he could do. Addison turns on her bitchface: "Is she cleared? Have you [blah blah medical jargon]? Is there any reason this woman should be wandering around unattended?" Alex says she's not unattended; he escorted her up. Addison cuts him off: "You can leave now. DOCTOR Karev." Damn, why is everybody giving Alex such a hard time? It's not like he's usually an asshole or anything. After Alex leaves, Addison tells Izzie that that was irresponsible, even for an intern. Izzie disagrees: "She wanted to see her friend. What was he supposed to do, tackle her?" Addison softens, and tells Izzie to get their new patient into a bed. Why, Dr. Mrs. Dr. McDreamy, I think there's hope for you yet!
Pole people. McDreamy pokes Bonnie's foot, and asks if she can feel that. Bonnie, clearly medicated now, blurts, "You're a cuuuute doctor." McDreamy smiles, and again asks her kindly if she can feel that. Bonnie: "Can I feel what?" Uh-oh. Bonnie sees McDreamy's expression, and says she guesses that's a no. George walks in with some labs just then. McDreamy takes a look at them, then asks Tom to try to wiggle his toes. Tom succeeds, and asks if they're wiggling. McDreamy affirms that they are; Tom is jubilant. "What about me? Are mine moving?" asks Bonnie. They are totally not, but McDreamy lies so good. "Yes, they are." Tears! Bonnie groggily yays herself. George gets this look like he cannot STAND it that McDreamy makes it so hard to hate him. Tom asks McDreamy if they're going to live through this. Bonnie giggles at Tom to stop being so morose. Oh, Bonnie, you're so going to die soon. I'm so sorry. McDreamy tells Tom that they're going to do everything they can.
Operating Room of Mismatched Limbs. Cristina runs in with a garbage bag. Webber says he was about to start thinking all his work was for nothing. Cristina says she took the liberty of checking the wound, and it's very clean-cut and well-preserved. It is really too bad for Cristina that she did not check the lovely red-manicured toenails of the shaved woman's leg. "Take a look at my patient, Dr. Yang!" bellows Webber. "Does he look like a man who woke up and shaved one of his legs this morning?" Cristina stutters that she'll go find the right right leg. Poor Yang. Commercials.
Burke and Bailey find McDreamy, and ask how they're doing. McDreamy reports that Tom's got better odds than Bonnie. Bailey tells George to let OR know they're coming. Burke adds, "And O'Malley? Close out the gallery. We don't need an audience for this." George starts to walk out, then turns back: "She's cracking jokes. How do you tell someone she's going to be dead in a few minutes when they're cracking jokes?" Oh, it is too sad! And Burke is hot also! Why are my doctors all ugly, I ask you? WHY? ["Move to New York, lady. My dermatologist is a fox." -- Sars]
Sassy catches Alex walking by and asks him if there's a chance they can get out of the hospital some time this year. Sassy is resting her head on the side of her long-suffering friend's bed, and looking about like who'd-have-thought-it. Alex says he can't discharge her friend until he can see her radiology results, and make sure she doesn't have any internal injuries. THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER. Sassy's phone goes off again. She tells the person on the other line, "Yeah, we're still here. 'Cause our doctor's friggin' useless." Alex does not kill Sassy, although he and the rest of the universe very much want to.
Alex passes Cristina, who's on the phone. "I realize there's a lot of carnage. I'm asking...if you can, maybe, sift through some of that carnage." Heh. In case you hadn't caught on, Cristina wants that leg real bad. Carnage Central hangs up on her, and she curses. Burke finds her, and asks why she paged him. Cristina fills him in, saying if she can't find the leg, Webber will cut her from the program. "And I cannot go back home to Los Angeles, Burke, it's too sunny there. It's sunny every day." Burke is like, "And you paged me because...?" Cristina spits, "I need you to help me find the leg! I realize I'm not experienced with stuff like this, but...you're my boyfriend! Aren't boyfriends supposed to help with these things?" A smile creeps across Burke's face, and he tells Cristina that when they're on duty, he's not her boyfriend. And here is where Cristina gets that look that only Asians can pull off (a look, I might add, that I receive every day of my life from my husband), the look that says, "Ohhhh, yes. Stupid American. SO STUPID." And with this look on her face, she responds, "Okay, so when we're on duty, I can have sex with someone else?" Oh, Stupid American. Burke, defeated, says he's walking away now. Cristina yells after him that when she's cut, he might rethink this!
Cut to Meredith and Alex, having a little Addison-hate session. Mere is all trying to get Alex to talk shit about her: "So she YELLED at you?" Alex sighs, "Fiiiine. She's Satan's whore." Mere asks if he yelled back; Alex says he did not. Mere: "Dude, you lost your mojo." Alex asks what that means. Mere says she was just trying to talk "boy." Aw, Mere, with that little voice? It ain't never going to happen. Alex can't believe O'Malley plugs a hole in someone's heart, and everyone treats him like a hero. "I have one off day..." Meredith lays it out for him: "You chickened out. And why didn't you kiss Izzie?" Alex says he's leaving. Cristina runs by, more frantic than ever, babbling about how one hairy leg is going to destroy her career. Mere tells Alex she hopes he finds his mojo, because she finds him disturbing without it. Alex: "Me too."
OR of Impalement. McDreamy explains to Bonnie and Tom that, since their bodies are in a certain amount of shock, it might be hard for them to understand the extent of their injuries. Tom starts to look scared. Bonnie does too, and says, "Dr. Shepherd. We have a metal pole cutting a path through our insides. I don't know about Tom here, but I didn't expect to walk out of here. Whatever it is you have to say, just...say it." McDreamy -- who is, need I remind you, at his very dreamiest when he's giving bad news -- tells Bonnie okay. He explains that in order to operate on Tom, the two of them will have to be separated. "In order to do that," McDreamy addresses Bonnie gently, "we have to move you backwards off the pole." Tom asks why they can't just pull the pole out of both of them. Burke tells them that they would both start bleeding very quickly, as right now the pole is plugging their wounds; their organs will shift, and there is a great deal of damage. Bonnie gets it first: "So...if you move me, I'll die?" The room goes quiet for a second. More tears! McDreamy says they're going to do everything they can. Tom interjects, "NO. If anybody has to go, it should be me. You just move me..." Burke softly cuts Tom off, saying that his injuries are less extensive, and there's a better chance of repairing the damage to his body. A tear rolls down Bonnie's cheek; McDreamy takes her hand and squeezes it. OH, MCDREAMY! Tom is stricken. "It's not right. It's not fair!" Bonnie, of all people, shushes him. She says it's not fair either way. "Is my Danny here yet?" she asks. Bailey says they could wait for him, but the longer they do, the greater the risk of infection. Bonnie bravely says it's fine -- and I know I am being manipulated here, but I DON'T CARE IT IS SO SAD -- and that Danny wouldn't understand. "I've had a couple hours to...well, if Danny had to see me like this, talk to me like this? I just think it would be too hard." The room gets very quiet again, and McDreamy nods at Burke that it's time to go. Please pass the booze and tissues. Thank you.
We cross-fade to the pregnant ladies, who are holding hands while the burned one gets a spinal. A notary shows up, and Burny Preggerton says she actually asked for a lawyer. The notary is like, "Well, hello to you too, but all the lawyers are asleep." Besides, she says, the hospital has pretty standard forms: just put the name of who you want your baby to go to in the event of death or a vegetative state, and...all done! Burny's friend, whose name is Jana, is like, "Wait, who's dying?" Addison explains that there's risk with any surgery, but an additional risk in this case with the burns. Jana insists that nobody's going to die. Burny says they still need to sign the forms, "Unless you want our son to end up with my mom." Jana jerks the forms out of the notary's hand at the speed of light. Izzie asks the women how long they've been together. "Since third grade," replies Burny. Which is...unorthodox, until she adds that they're not lovers, just best friends, and they just wanted their kids to have two parents, so they got a sperm donor. Everyone thinks it's very cool that the friends' babies will be brother and sister. Except Izzie, who's like, "Huh. Wow." Izzie is totally uptight, and I love it. Jana's water then breaks, so, oh my God, they're going to have their sibling babies at the same time! That is kind of weird.
Alex goes to check in on Sassy's friend, who still remains nameless. He tells her that he's going to give her some painkillers, but then she'll be good to go. Sassy's phone rings, but Sassy, who is slumped over on the bed, doesn't answer it. I'm sure you can see where this is going; Sassy doesn't wake up, and Alex calls a code blue. Commercials.
"Yeah? Ohhhh, naw, naw, honey, I'm just over here, dead as the dickens. Internal injuries, honey, you know how that go. Some fool tryin' to practice medicine." And it is so. Sassy is no longer, and it is all Alex's fault. Another doctor says she's been bleeding for hours. Sassy's friend cries, "There's no blood! She's not bleeding!" Alex tries to explain that Sassy seemed fine; she wasn't even his patient. "I didn't know." Aw. Sassy's friend cries, and Alex calls Sassy's time of death.
Back in the Unnaturally Good Friends' ward, Addison passes Jana off to an OB resident, and prepares Burny for surgery. Burny tells Jana that they were supposed to be together. Jana says it will be okay. "You go have your C-section, and enjoy those drugs. This is already not fun for my vagina." Ha! And, I cannot relate, because I myself had a C-section, and I will tell you here for free that I enjoyed the holy hell out of the drugs, both in the hospital and for several weeks afterward. Dear Lortab: I love you. I can't believe it's been ten years since we talked! Call me sometime, okay? Best friends forever! LYLAS, AB. Burny begs for them to be together, but Izzie volunteers to stay with her instead. Addison is impressed, and goes off to surgery with Jana.
Alex is outside pacing, furious with himself for not realizing that Sassy's incessant babbling was just a side effect of her massive internal injuries. A paramedic runs up, all, "Hey, Doc." Alex nearly bites his head off:
"WHAT?!?" The paramedic actually utters the words, "Easy, Killer," then tells him that they found the leg. He hands it to Alex, whose demeanor has changed instantly from "anger" to "Christmas miracle." He takes off with it, and we cut to...
...the OR of Amputation. Cristina walks in sadly, and starts telling Webber how extremely sorry she is. Then she notices what Webber is doing, which is reattaching the leg to its owner. "Oh! You...you found the leg?" Alex turns around from his spot at the table, and gives Cristina the most awesome evil raised eyebrows ever. Cristina's face is all, Must...find...way...to kill...stupid American..., but she leaves without a fuss.
Cut to the OR of Sadness and Poles. Bonnie and Tom are stoically leaned against one another. Bonnie says to Tom, "Can I ask you a question? Do you believe in heaven?" Tom, with tears in his eyes, answers, "I do. Don't you?" Bonnie gives Tom's shoulder a little pat, and says she wants to. Tom tries to talk: "Bonnie...I just want to say..." And then Bonnie breaks all of our hearts by whispering, "I know. Shh. I know." They're both crying now, along with the REST OF THE WORLD. McDreamy tells Bonnie that, when she's ready, the anesthesiologist is going to put her to sleep. Bonnie is reassured that it won't hurt a bit. But Bonnie's not done killing us yet: she asks McDreamy if he's going to be the one to talk to her Danny. McDreamy nods solemnly, and asks what she would like him to tell Danny. We don't get to hear Bonnie's answer, because we pan over to the scrub room, where Bailey is asking George and Burke, "Why do I feel like we're about to kill this girl?" Mere interrupts to tell Bailey that her labs are in, and she would like to scrub in. Burke tells her to do it fast. While she's getting ready, McDreamy walks out of the OR and to the sink. They exchange sweet little smiles, and McDreamy says, "You know, I went to the bar." Mere says she heard. McDreamy doesn't offer anything else besides telling her to take some aspirin with the banana bag, because it helps with the hangover. Meredith understands immediately: "Oh. You're staying with her." I'm not sure how "aspirin" translates to "I love my wife more than you," but I'm just here to report the facts. McDreamy affirms Mere's worst fears. "She's my wife." LAME! Since when was that a good excuse for anything? "Oh, yes, well, he does beat the shit out of me on a daily basis. But hey, he's my husband!" It pains me to say this, but...shut up, McDreamy.
Back in the OR, Bonnie is crashing because the pole has shifted somehow. Burke says they need to move her now if they're going to have any chance of saving her. With two teams on each side, they prepare to move Bonnie. Burke counts, "One, two..."
And we cut to Izzie counting, "Three!" with Jana. Cut quickly to Addison in surgery: "He's wedged under her ribs; we're going to have to pull him out." Cut back to Bonnie and Tom, now both knocked out. Bonnie has now been de-poled, and someone starts a saw over on Tom's side. He's stable for now, but Bonnie needs work. Meredith assists Bailey and Burke, but Bonnie quickly flatlines. Tom is losing pressure, so everyone but Meredith leaves Bonnie to work on him. Meredith stands there holding a retractor, saying over and over, "You can't just abandon her!" Well, she's kind of dead, Mere, so they pretty much can. Even though you think this is a sad reflection on your sad, sad life. Bailey has to sternly tell Meredith, who is still shrieking that they have an obligation to Bonnie, that it's over, and there's nothing they can do except try and save Tom. Bailey calls it, and Meredith stands sadly over Bonnie's body. Commercials.
We come back to much less tension and mayhem. Izzie and Addison check on their two new moms, who are both doing fine, and when they leave the room Addison asks Izzie, "So, have you made a decision yet, Dr. Stevens?" Izzie is all, "Huh?" Addison: "Whether or not you're going to hate me. You're Meredith's friend? I'm the wicked witch who came in and ruined her life and cheated on Doctor...wait, what is it that you guys call him?" Awesome. Izzie mutters, "McDreamy." Addison goes on to say that, by all rights, Izzie should hate her, except she's going to be staying in town for a while, and she'd do well to learn what she has to teach. Izzie doesn't know what to say. Addison finishes, "So, when you decide how important it is for you to hate me...let me know." Izzie's like, "Goddamn it! I think I might love her." You ain't the only one, Dr. Stevens.
Cut to Bonnie's Danny, who is asking McDreamy if she suffered. McDreamy assures Danny that she wasn't in any pain. Danny, clearly in shock, says that's good. McDreamy hits us all right where it hurts: "She asked me to tell you...she wanted you to know...that if love were enough, she'd still be here with you." Meredith witnesses this, and flounces off to cry, because she still thinks this whole thing is all about her. She then voice-overs, "As surgeons, there are so many things we have to know." Cut to Reattached Leg Man being wheeled out of surgery, and Webber congratulating Alex on a job well done. Oh, Alex, you sly fox. MereVO: "We have to know we have what it takes." We see Jana and Burny with their babies. "We have to know how to take care of our patients." And now we see Tom in his hospital bed, and Burke telling Tom's wife that he's doing just fine. "And...each other." Cut to McDreamy and Bailey in the elevator. McDreamy is on the verge of breaking down, so Bailey, without a word, pulls the alarm to stop the elevator. When McDreamy's done crying, Bailey asks if he's okay, and starts it up again. This, my friends, is the best scene of the episode.
Cut to the locker room, where our gang is sitting around listlessly. "Eventually, we have to learn how to take care of ourselves. As surgeons, we have to be in the know. But as human beings, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark." Addison and McDreamy walk out of the hospital together, and in a particularly icky move, Addison snakes her arm around McDreamy's. "Because," MereVO finishes, "in the dark there may be fear. But there's also hope." Cristina walks over and sits down to Mere in a show of solidarity. As a pretty little song plays telling us that today has been okay, Bailey walks in and reminds the doctors that they better get cleaned up -- rounds are in five minutes. The doctors start wearily getting ready, and we fade to black.