Fade up on the Brown House. Ephram sets the table for dinner, as Irv tells us, "The winds of change -- sometimes they're a gentle breeze; a welcome relief; sometimes a brief gust quickly forgotten. But other times, they blow in like a foul and devastating gale, blazing a path of destruction, which leaves us holding on for dear life." Delia sullenly watches her brother work. Treat enthuses, "Mmm! Something sure smells good!" Something also smells like bullshit. Pan over to the kitchen, where an older woman pulls something out of the oven, claiming it's a "Hammerhill specialty." Delia looks on in disgust, as she should -- the pan contains "Tuna Surprise." Heh. "Surprise! It's disgusting!" Or, if one were Jessica Simpson: "Surprise! It's chicken!" Ephram asks Treat if this was really the best he could do. Treat: "Wasn't given much notice, was I?" Hey, is it really Ephram's fault that he got involved with the babysitter and now everything's gone to shit? Oh, wait...it totally is. Delia gets ready to chop vegetables for the salad. Mrs. Hammerhill stops her. Delia: "But I always get to chop!" Mrs. Hammerhill tells her, "Not on my watch. Knives and children don't mix." Delia complains that Madison always let her chop. Treat explains that Mrs. Hammerhill has different rules. Which, if he had any balls at all, could be changed at the parent's discretion. He goes on to say, "Since Madison's not coming any more..." Delia glares accusingly at Ephram and says, "It's not MY fault Madison's not coming." Ephram pouts. Mrs. Hammerhill tells Treat that the casserole will be done in ten minutes, and she'll see them tomorrow. Treat invites her to stay for dinner, but she says she doesn't dine with her "charges." Treat: "'Charges'? Oh, we're really not that formal around here." Mrs. Hammerhill notes that that's readily apparent. Shu'p, Hammerhill. She tells Delia that she'll meet her at the bus stop the afternoon. Delia's all, "No, you really don't have to. REALLY. It's just one block!" Hammerhill pulls that "maybe in my day, so dangerous in these modern times" crap, and brisks her way out. Ugh. Treat snarks to Delia, "Well, at least we don't have to worry about Ephram dating her." Delia is not amused, and we fade to the credits.
Diner. Treat whines to Nina about his sad life. Nina reminds Treat that he's not the one who just broke up with Madison. Treat says he wishes it were, so he could just "knock back a bottle of Glenlivet" and be done with it. Nina assures him that Ephram will be all right soon enough; she advises him to sneak a few extra boxes of Kleenex in his room for late-night crying jags. Aw. Patch walks in for his lunch, pointedly ignoring Treat and taking his lunch to go. When he leaves, Nina asks Treat, "So is that what happens when you two see each other on the playground?" Hee. Treat says Patch could have spoken to him just as easily. Nina tells him to just apologize already, because the two of them are happiest when they have each other to kick around. And make out with. Treat says he won't apologize for doing what any other doctor would have done under the circumstances, and if Patch wants to stay mad, he doesn't care. Nina's like, "Whatever, DOCTOR."
High school cafeteria. Bright listens to Ephram go on and on about his break-up with Madison. An enormous jock yells across the room to Bright that he's playing ball at USC the year. Bright congratulates him a little too heartily. Ephram asks Bright if he applied there, and Bright says no, but that he's two for four on his acceptance letters. Except, they're both rejections. Aw. Bright says it's okay, though, because he's really waiting for the Notre Dame letter. He says it's hard to get recruited when you don't play your senior year. Ephram says he's not going to college, because college just means more college girls, and he's had enough of those already. Then: "Do you think she thinks about me?" Bright's like, "Dude. Shut it." Yes. Please.
Cut to Delia, begging Mrs. Hammerhill for just one game of Spit. Mrs. Hammerhill: "I don't much care for that word, young lady...and I don't play games." Lord. We get it, she's old and grouchy. Enough. Delia gives her new babysitter a look that could kill, and starts upstairs. Ephram walks in and offers to play Spit with her. Delia: "I don't want to play with you, like, ever!" Mrs. Hammerhill admonishes, "Volume, Delilah, volume!" Okay, so the "Delilah" thing was pretty funny.
Abbott House. Patch walks in all excited; he tells Rose and Bright that he's got a letter from Notre Dame in his hands. Rose grins excitedly. Bright tries to be all hard about it, like he's not nervous as hell. Patch insists that he open it immediately. Bright says, "Skinny envelope? When they accept you, they send a big one." His parents give him a pep talk, and by the time he opens it, he's expecting an acceptance. Which, of course, it isn't. Bright's face falls as he looks at his parents. Patch tells him it's not the end of the world; he can go to his "safety school" for the first two years, then transfer, and at the end of the day he'll still be a Notre Dame graduate. Bright isn't buying it, but attempts to smile at his dad anyway. Nice try, Patch. After Bright leaves the room, Patch tells Rose that he was expecting this, but he just wasn't prepared to see Bright so disappointed. Mournful Reeds of Ivy League Rejection play in the background.
Madison answers her door. It's...wait for it...Ephram. Madison says, "What are you doing here? I didn't think we'd be doing this already." Ephram is confused. Madison thinks he's there to try and get back together. Ephram is like, "Damn! Why didn't I think of that?" He tells her that he's actually there because of Delia. He says she's miserable, and hates everybody, and Madison has to come back to work. Madison says she cannot, no way, no how. Ephram tells her about "Mrs. Doubtfire's evil twin," and Madison says it can't be that bad. Ephram plays his best card: "She won't let her chop." Madison, incredulously: "She loves to chop." Hee. Ephram says he can't stand seeing Delia like this, and he can handle Madison being around. Madison says she doesn't know if she can handle it, that it's bad enough not thinking about him. Ephram: "Whoa, whoa. You think about me?" Aw. Madison's face says it all. Ephram says the situation is dire, and Madison has to come back before Delia stabs Mrs. Hammerhill with a knitting needle. Heh. Madison says she wouldn't want to be the cause of Delia serving prison time, and tells Ephram that if she comes back, it's only on a trial basis, only for work, and if it gets weird, she's gone. Ephram agrees. He awkwardly brushes past her to get out the door. Madison shuts it, and leans against the doorframe, hoping she can handle it. Also, thinking to herself, "I can't believe AB Chao likes me now. This is totally weird, and AWESOME!" Commercials.
We come back to Amy and Rinda, doing breathing exercises. Rinda tells Amy how proud she is of her progress, and wishes she'd try yoga again, if she could stop giggling. Heh. She asks Amy how things are at home. Amy says they're okay, but different. Rinda says it's time for Amy to stop taking her ZOLOFT. Amy doesn't like this idea at all, since she only has about a week of pills left. Rinda says that based on her chart and her progress, she thinks it's time to stop. Amy is worried that she's not ready, but Rinda assures her that she is, and that it's going to be good. Amy sweetly thanks her aunt.
Brown House. Madison's there, letting Delia chop. Yay for chopping! Treat walks in and exclaims that he's ready to eat. He sees Madison and says, "Or not. What's going on here?" Delia explains that Ephram fired Mrs. "Hammerhead" and hired Madison again. Treat can't believe it. Ephram says he told the old lady over the phone that morning. "It actually went pretty smoothly. I've had some experience letting sitters go be
fore." He says that everything's fine, and he and Madison are going to maintain a strictly professional relationship. Treat isn't convinced. Madison's all, "Uh...I thought he talked to you already. Sorry about your crazy son." Treat gets up in Madison's face, telling her that she and Ephram are walking a fine line between stupidity and maturity. Madison swears it's all about Delia, and it just didn't seem fair to her. Treat tells her not to fuck it up. Delia interrupts them to show Treat the Jell-O she made that looks like a brain. "Isn't it GROSS?" Treat's like, "Yes, honey. It's very gross." Hee.Over at the Abbott house, Amy offers to help her mom fix dinner. Rose is making mac and cheese for Bright. She's delighted that Amy wants to help, and instructs her to turn the milk on the stove up a little. Rose tells Amy that if "gobs of butter and cheese" don't cheer Bright up, she doesn't know what will. She starts talking about how hard it is to go through the college acceptance rigmarole, and how bad she feels for Bright, and on and on. Amy's smile fades as she grates cheese and listens to her mom. The milk boils over, and they both rush to save it, laughing. Rose grabs Amy and hugs her, saying how much she's missed her daughter. Amy fakes it until her mom leaves the room, then unpins her Bangs of Sadness in relief.
Back at the Browns, Delia and Madison are playing Spit. Ephram comes in with a bunch of piano music, and there's some awkward back-and-forth between him and Madison about who should leave the room. "We'll leave, you go ahead and practice." "No, you stay in here with Delia." "Really, I insist." "This is boring, get me out of here." Ephram bails, saying he had to go to the library anyway. Delia advises Madison that if she's sad, and Ephram's sad, they need to just get back together again. Madison tries to keep it together, but has to excuse herself to go cry in the bathroom. Poor Madison; she's pitiful. Dear cruel world: Please just let me die. My newfound feelings for Madison have robbed me of the will to live. I can no longer go on. Goodbye, Sars! I hope you find a suitable replacement. Goodbye!
Cut to Bright and Ephram, in the Abbotts' back yard. This time Ephram actually attempts to shoot the basketball instead of watching, and I will tell you for free that Gregory Smith has never handled a basketball in his life. Ephram chatters incessantly about his Madison angst, until finally Bright yells, "Will you shut UP? For five minutes, PLEASE?" Ephram's all, "What's your problem? And can we talk about me again now, please and thank you?" Bright tells Ephram that his life is falling apart, and all he can do is talk about some stupid chick. "Dude, you got dumped. Get over it!" Ephram apologizes for his selfishness. Bright tries to act like he doesn't care, but he's absolutely dying. He tells Ephram that he's pretty much out of choices, and that his whole life is going to suck after high school. Ephram stands there helplessly as Bright slams the basketball as hard as he can into the ground, and walks off. Ephram tries to stop him, but Bright says over his shoulder, "Just go home, dude." A sad Bright is a terrible thing to see. Commercials.
We come back to the high school, where Ephram tosses something to Bright in the hallway. Bright: "You're giving me pudding?" Ephram explains that it's a vanilla and chocolate Snack Pack, so Bright can blend at his own convenience. He apologizes again to Bright about his selfish ways, and Bright says it doesn't matter anyway, because he got his last college letter -- and his last rejection. Aw, Bright. Ephram tells him he can't just give up on school because of some silly rejection letter. He launches into the craziest pep talk you've ever seen, telling Bright that he has to go to "A & M" and convince the guy who wrote the rejection letter -- a "Dr. Edward Berdell"; very clever, writers who work for Berlanti and Liddell -- that he made a yooge mistake. He says that nobody can resist Bright in person, because he's such a charmer, and he's sure it will work, and can they please just hold hands for a little while. Bright's like, "I do talk pretty good, huh?" Hee.
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Rinda's Office. Amy is hysterical. Rinda tells her to calm the fuck down and tell her what's going on. Amy says there's no way she's ready to go off her ZOLOFT, that she wants to, but she's not ready. She wants to stay on it for another month so she can "settle in and get [her] bearings." Rinda asks if something prompted this. Amy: "My mom hugged me." Rinda: "That's a bad thing?" Heh. Amy tells Rinda about helping her mom fix dinner, how happy Rose was that she was home and everything was back to normal, except it's not back to normal. She admits that she's faking the happy, and she can do that now that she has the pills, but she can't do it without them. "I can't risk messing things up; having everybody disappointed in me again." Rinda reveals to Amy some hard truths about life: she will get depressed again, and be sad sometimes, if her life is like most people's, but she'll get past it. Amy's like, "Yeah, anyway. One more month, please." Rinda tells Amy that she doesn't want to make her to anything she's not ready for, so she can stay on the ZOLOFT for one more month. Amy thinks this is an excellent idea.
Dinner at the Brown house. Madison's phone rings just as they're sitting down. She answers it all faux-surreptitiously: "Uh huh. Can't talk right now. Call you later bye." Ephram commences to freak. "Jay? Didn't take you too long." Madison gets defensive. She says it's about the band. Ephram doesn't believe her. Treat tries to mediate. "Salad?" Heh. Ephram gets up from the table. Madison stands up, too, saying she'll go. Ephram: "No, stay. Invite Jay, you guys can all have a good time together." Oh, shut UP, babypants. Madison can't believe he's acting like this. Treat reminds them about their "business agreement." Ephram says everything is just fine. Treat tells him that he can't even see "fine" from where he is, and they need to re-evaluate things. Delia yells, "No we don't!" Aw, Delia. Treat says he should have put his foot down months ago, that he told them both, and wishes someone had listened to him. Ephram asks, "What do you mean, 'both'? Did you talk to Madison behind my back?" Treat backpedals, saying he just spoke to Madison about his concerns. Ephram accuses Madison of colluding with Treat, like he's some kid. Which you ARE, if you RECALL, little BOY. Madison insists that it ain't like that. Ephram stomps off, pouting. We are so breaking up.
Cut to dinner at the Abbotts'. Their dinner looks way better than Treat's dinner. Bright tells his parents that he needs a note to get out of class the day. He tells them that he has an appointment at A & M. Patch and Rose get happy, asking him when his acceptance letter came in. Bright explains that he got rejected, but he's going to Colorado Springs to fix that right up. Patch doesn't think this is a good idea at all, but Bright argues that he has a plan, and it's a good one: he has an appointment with Dr. Berdell. Patch tells his son that it doesn't really work that way. Bright says that he doesn't care; this is his only shot. Amy sits silently throughout this, tasting her own medicine for once. Patch continues to put down Bright's plan, saying they'll come up with a different strategy. Bright asks his dad if he can, just once in his life, support something that Bright wants to do. Patch says it's not the end of the world. Bright says it sure is. Patch: "Bright, how much rejection can you stand?" Bright: "I don't know, Dad. How much more you got?" Ouch. Sadness.
Delia's Room. She and Madison are doing flash cards together. Madison holds up one that shows "6 x 8." Delia and Madison intone together, "Forty-eight, ain't that great!" Aw. Kill me now. No, don't. Madison sits on Delia's bed and comments that it was a pretty bad fight earlier. Delia says she's seen worse. Madison says she's sorry it happened in front of Delia, and sometimes people say things they don't mean when they're upset. Delia: "We don't." She goes on, "You know, Brittany thinks she's my best friend, but she's not really. You are." Oh! The pain is too much. Madison responds, "You're mine. You know I love you, girlie-girl." Delia replies in kind, but..."It's just that I love Ephram too. And since he's my brother...I have to love him more." Madison says she understands. Delia tells Madison that when she's at their house, it makes Ephram sad -- and not just normal sad. Madison agrees. Delia says she doesn't want to see her brother that sad anymore. Then she stabs me in the heart. "So...I'm gonna have to let you go, Madison." Madison tears up, and nods okay. She hugs Delia, who is also in tears. I hug my martini glass, which is crying on the inside.
Okay, so a Patch walks into a bar...what, that wasn't funny? Anyway. Patch sits down on a barstool and orders up a drink. He turns, sees Treat sitting to him, and tells the bartender to cancel his order. Treat's like, "Come on. Please can't we make up?" Patch, who looks like he just swallowed a snake, ignores Treat, while still giving him Eyes of Serious Hatred. Treat says he knows Patch must be at the bar for a reason. "Why don't you let me tell you how bad I screwed up with Ephram? It will cheer you up, and not only will you be able to mock my stupidity, but you'll probably say something very wise, which I can use with Ephram and pretend it's my idea. It's win-win!" Heh. Patch tells Treat that he thought he had made himself clear, but he'll repeat himself: "You and I are no longer associating." Treat tries to apologize and make things all better. Patch is having none of it, saying Treat doesn't get it. Treat says he really doesn't: "This is what we do! We joke, we torment, we argue; it's the only exercise we get!" He reminds Patch that they've disagreed about cases before. Patch is all, "'CASE'?! Not case! Daughter!" Treat insists that his obligation was to his patient. Patch: "I understand that you had a choice to make. Please respect that I have made one as well." He walks out, leaving Treat alone at the bar. Man, and I thought they were going to kiss and make up. Stupid recapper. Commercials.
Drugstore. Amy waits for her prescription to be ready. Mommy Hart, looking rode hard, put up wet, and other equestrian metaphors that involve the words "like shit," gets in line behind Amy. She greets Amy, and Amy looks surprised to see her actually walking and talking. Mommy Hart asks Amy how she is, and Amy says everything's going better, but she hasn't talked to Laynie since their fight. Mommy Hart has no idea what Amy's talking about, but pretends to be interested in her own daughter's life. Amy gets her prescription. Mommy Hart gives hers to the pharmacist, and loopily confides to Amy, "Me and my Paxil are keeping Randy in business." Amy tries to nod agreeably, like, "Thanks for the information, Kookoopants." She says she has to go, and Mommy Hart tells Amy that she looks really great. Amy says she feels "not bad, today anyway." She walks out of the pharmacy, and with a determined little smile, chucks her ZOLOFT in the garbage can. Nice scene, but that shit is expensive, Abbott. You could have bought a new outfit with that money.
Colorado Springs, A & M. Bright stands outside a beautiful campus building, then steels himself and walks in. He inquires as to Dr. Berdell's office, and tells the receptionist, "I'm Bright Abbott. I have an appointment."
Cut to the Brown house, where Delia is teaching a newly-rehired Mrs. Hammerhill to play Spit. She's catching on pretty well. Ephram walks in and asks where Madison is. Delia: "She's gone." She nods at Mrs. Hammerhill and says, "It's okay. I'm teaching her." Aw. Mrs. Hammerhill looks at Delia and declares: "SPIT."
Ephram finds Treat and demands to know what's going on. Treat tells him that Delia fired Madison, because she didn't want to see her brother so sad anymore. Ephram is touched. Treat apologizes to his son, saying that he never meant to sabotage things between him and Madison. Ephram says he didn't, and as much as he'd like to b
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lame Treat, he can't. Treat says it'll never happen again. Ephram says it's nothing to worry about, since he won't have another girlfriend for at least ten or twenty years. He says he can't believe Madison's gone, though; at least when she was at their house, he could see her. Treat tells Ephram a story about how when he was a surgeon, he was always amazed at how people with not much time left to live were willing to go through so much pain, rather than simply letting go. Ephram asks, "Is that your not-so-subtle way of telling me to forget Madison?" Treat: "No. You're never going to forget her." A sad, sad song starts to play as we focus in on Ephram's broken face, and cut to...Bright, walking sadly out of Dr. Berdell's office. He shakes the man's hand politely, starts to walk out of the building, and finds Patch there in the waiting room. Patch smiles ruefully at his son and stands up. Bright tells him, "Well, you were right. Waste of time, they won't accept me." As they walk out, Patch says that they were idiots, and so was he for not supporting Bright every step of the way. He tells Bright that he could do as well, or better, than anyone else at that school. Bright says he doubts it. Patch replies easily, "You shouldn't." He turns to face his son. "Bright, I was proud of you for every tackle, every touchdown, every three-point shot. I've never been prouder of you than I am right now." Bright says it seems like he didn't come for anything, but Patch argues that Bright came for himself, and that's what matters. He goes on, "What you've done these past few months; your capacity to keep fighting, keep trying to change -- that is the measure of what makes someone great. That's what makes you great." Oh, the tears. Bright's voice cracks as he asks his dad what he's going to do now. Patch tells him that whatever he's meant to do, or to be, will reveal itself in time, and they'll just wait for it together. He puts an arm around his son, and leads him out of one of the most perfect scenes I've seen in some time. Bravo, and please pass the Kleenex.
Once again, Ephram knocks on Madison's door. He jokes, "It's the weirdest thing, I found myself in your neighborhood, at your front door. So weird." Madison smiles, and all of a sudden Ephram is adorable again. Madison invites him in, but he says it'll just take a second. Madison starts, apologizing for not talking to him about Delia. Ephram tells her it's fine, and that he's not going to try to rehire her...or get her back. Madison, on the verge of tears, asks him if he's sure they can't talk inside. Ephram: "Yeah. I think we should do it here, now, before I can't do it at all." Aw. He tells her that she changed his life, everything about it. He says everything's different for him now; not just the obvious things, either, and that time he'll be able to do it better. Madison tells him that he couldn't have done anything any better, that it was perfect. She suggests that maybe in a few weeks they could do something together, as friends. Ephram: "I could never do the friend thing with you. Let's face it, we were never really friends. Just..." Madison: "...in love." Sniff. Ephram says he's going to walk back to his car, and when he turns around and looks, Madison is going to be inside, and that will be that. Madison nods. Ephram leans in and kisses her for a last time. Madison leans against the doorframe prettily. Shut up. Ephram walks back to his car, and before he gets in, turns around and looks. Madison is standing there. She gives him a regretful little wave, tears in her eyes. Ephram gets in his car to leave. Irv tells us, as Ephram drives into the distance, "A heart is a fragile thing. That's why we protect them so vigorously, give them away so rarely, and why it means so much when we do. Some hearts are more fragile than others, purer somehow, like crystal in a world of glass. Even the way they shatter is beautiful."
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