Tom's doctor prescribes him anti-anxiety medication, and Lynette doesn't approve (of course), so she gets him sent to a naturopath, who prescribes medical marijuana. She swaps it out with oregano, and he still gets totally high and happy about staring at his baby girl, Paige. The moral of the story: Drugs aren't necessary to be happy. All you need are Lynette and her platitudes. While he's getting happy, Gaby's getting sadder and sadder, as she starts Bob digging into finding the family that Juanita was swapped with. In the end, Bob calls the family and it gets "pretty intense." Carlos finds out, and tells Gaby that if this goes badly and they take Juanita away, he'll never forgive her, and they'll be done. Ouch!
And speaking of pain, Bree feels her own when she hits on Hot Handyman and then finds out he has a young and pretty girlfriend, Stephanie. She's so desperate that she decides to take Renee up on her offer to go out and find some studs at the bar. After Renee sexes Bree up a little bit, they head out, and who do they see but Hot Handyman? Renee heads over to hit on him and the bartender tells Bree that Hot Handyman's girlfriend broke up with him today. When Renee and Hot Handyman leave together, Bree obviously has no choice but to cause sprinkler damage and call Hot Handyman over in an emergency. She asks him on a date, and he accepts. The day, Renee tells her it is so on.
Susan keeps on dancing for the cameras, and that crazy lady from Hung steals her bit about vacuuming an apron off. They get in a fight on camera, and then have a heart to heart, in which Susan learns Stacy Strauss (she had no other career options with a porn name like that, now, did she?) has been saying she's saving up to move home for six years. Susan tells Mike she'd rather they order Chinese food in for their anniversary than have a nice, expensive night out. Oh, and Paul's wife is invited to poker, and finds out that everyone thinks he murdered Martha.
Previously: Lynette's lifelong bad friend Renee joined the show and stirred up drama. Paul returned and did the same. And some other stuff, too, but I'll assume you've read the recaps. This week, Tom's depression is so important that he gets the opening Mary Alice voiceover. She tells us Lynette's tried everything to cheer him up: cooking, joke-telling, wearing sexy lingerie. But Tom's still depressed. So she sends him to the doctor, but is pissed when he comes home with a prescription for anti-anxiety medication. She suggests he go to Susan's naturopath, Dr. Ross, instead. She promises: "Whatever he says, I'll go with it." Tom comes home from Dr. Ross all happy and ridiculous, because his prescription is for medical marijuana. MAVO finishes, "Tom Scavo had been battling depression, but he was now facing a much bigger battle ... with his wife."
Then MAVO talks about how we all want happiness, even lesser players Celia (ice cream), Bob (new clothes), and Parker (cute girl). Then there are Bree, Susan, and Lynette, who want the gossip from Paul's wife, Beth. So they bring her a giant basket of muffins. Beth calls Susan her "landlady," but Susan wants her to think of her as a friend. Then she starts ridiculing the way she and Paul have decorated the house. They invite Beth to play poker, and promise to teach her to play since she doesn't know how. When they leave, Paul tells Beth never to confuse being nosy with being friendly. But he does want her to go, and give them all sorts of meaningless information. He hopes they'll think of her as a friend. She wonders why he wants her to be friends with people he doesn't like, and he replies, "In time, it will be useful."
Gaby and Carlos are meeting with the hospital execs, signing papers that say they agree not to bring legal action against the hospital, in exchange for the hospital stopping its search for the other family. Gaby hesitates, but then says the only person who can imagine her pain is the other mother, so she'll sign to spare her this pain. At Bree's, Hot Handyman shows her the yellow wall he's painted; she doesn't like it, so he tells her that no one looks at the walls when she's in the room anyway. Bree tells him he certainly knows how to sell yellow. Not as well as Coldplay, but I guess we can't all be Chris Martin. Anyway, Renee interrupts and tells Bree that, since they're both getting divorced, they should hang and look for guys. Bree says she's not really the type who hangs, and she's doing just fine finding guys sitting here at home, thank you. She casts a fond glance at Hot Handyman, but Renee doesn't see him. On her way out, Renee says, "Wow. A beautiful classy woman who can get a man without leaving the house. I don't see us being friends."
Speaking of getting men without leaving the house, Susan's doing her sexy-talk and vacuum act, and ends with a little finale in which she pretends there's lint on her apron and then vacuums it off, sucking off her apron to reveal an even skimpier sheer nightie. Maxine comes in then and tells Susan how amazing she is, and gives her a bonus check for being the top girl of the month. She even unseated Stacy Strauss, which she assures Susan isn't easy to do. Susan thanks Maxine and says she and Mike are finally starting to save some money. Maxine tells her not to save everything; she should also treat herself to something nice.
Hot Handyman's eating a ham, gruyere, and fig mustard sandwich Bree made when a young, cute girl drives up in a Jeep. Hot Handyman introduces her as his girlfriend, Stephanie, so Bree runs directly across the street and tells Renee to let the stud hunt begin.
Later, poker's apparently at Gaby's, as she's staring at a picture of herself and Juanita when Bree comes in and asks her if something's wrong. Gaby pretends she's okay, and they join the other ladies. Beth's sharing all about her floozy of a mom, who'd move in various guys during her childhood. Gaby asks how Beth and Paul met, but Beth doesn't want to bore them. Lynette assures them they won't be bored and offers her more wine. Beth says she saw Paul's picture in the paper during the trial, and his eyes spoke to her. Susan asks her if the headline, "Arrested for murder," didn't speak to her. Beth admits that gave her pause, but when they started corresponding she realized how great Paul is. She says you can't help who you fall in love with, and calls Paul a real "lady-killer" with a creepy giggle that makes me think she might know she's speaking literally. She says they fogged up the Plexiglas with that one. And she always knew in her heart he was innocent. She says she was right, and all the other ladies look skeptical. Lynette says, "Yeah. So let's play cards."
At the Scavo home later, Lynette's cooking when Tom comes in and grabs about three bags of chips from the kitchen. He tells her wants to be prepared for the hunger since he's never smoked pot before. He also has Pink Floyd on his headphones, because he heard it complements the medicinal qualities of "Blueberry Bliss." Lynette points out that Tom, the college nerd, is loving that he can finally smoke pot and be cool. Tom protests he was plenty cool, but he didn't smoke pot because he was too busy signing an abstinence pledge with his Dungeons & Dragons group. I guess Tom doesn't know the meaning of the word "cool." Tom invites Lynette to join him behind the garage for a little doobage, but she tells him to take this seriously. She doesn't want the kids to see their dad stoned, but he tells her not to worry, because he has total stoner sunglasses on. He takes off, but leaves the pot behind. Lynette, being Lynette, takes this opportunity to swap out the pot with oregano.
In the laundry room at their apartment, Mike asks Susan what she wants to do for their anniversary on Saturday. She's thinking Chez Naomi (remember, that's where Mike said they might as well eat money), and he protests only a little before giving in to the splurge for Susan. He leaves her folding laundry, and the lady across the laundry room pipes up that Chez Naomi's awfully expensive, and it must be nice. Susan introduces herself, and the other lady says she's Stacy Strauss (she's also Lenore on Hung). She accuses Susan of lifting her move of putting the feather duster in her mouth. Susan swears she doesn't watch the other girls perform. Stacy yells at her about getting the big bonus check, and tells her to watch her back.
Back at the Scavo Home of Fake Potheads, Tom comes in and tells Lynette's he's "Lucy in the Sky High." She tells him this must be pretty intense for him and moves her hands quickly in front of his face. He musters a "Whoa" in response. Then Lynette talks gibberish, reminding him that "tomorrow we have to trombone 3-D banana patch. Remember?" He says this stuff is really strong, and Lynette replies, "Snow shovel." Tom: "Exactly!" Then he tells her that he was just upstairs watching Paige sleep for like an hour. He's all blissful about how perfect she is and how lucky he is. He couldn't feel happier. Lynette kisses his head and tells him how happy she is that it's working.
Susan and Gaby are shopping for dresses. Susan like some pretty, expensive ones, but Gaby reminds her she's on a budget. Susan says she's been selling a lot of jewelry, and Gaby's like, "Get out!" But then adds a quick "...out there and sell more jewelry." Susan goes to try on a silk dress, leaving Gaby alone to have her own crisis. Which happens when a little girl in the mall mistakes Gaby for her mom. Gaby crazily asks the girl's mom where she was born, and when, but the lady takes off as anyone would. Then Gaby looks around and sees three other little girls who could be hers. Cut to Gaby telling Bob she has to find the little girl. He says he works with a private detective, but Sanchez is such a common name, which is why the hospital didn't find them already. But Gaby knows something the hospital doesn't. When she was in labor, the other woman's mother came into Gaby's room by mistake and got to talking: She lived in El Paso and was excited to have her granddaughter baptized at Santa Maria's church. Bob says that will help, and asks if Carlos is on board with this. Gaby lies that he absolutely is.
Susan shows up at Maxine's to get the latest money; while she's there, she notices Stacy Strauss on the monitor, vacuuming off her apron. She yells to Maxine that Stacy's stealing her vacuum bit. Maxine clearly doesn't give a shit, so Susan steals Stacy's room key on her way out. But the door we see is Bree's, where a sexily-dressed Renee is knocking. Bree answers in a cardigan that goes up to her chin and her hair pulled up on the sides. Very prim. Bree says she's ready to party, and Renee says she looks like she's ready to tour the Reagan library. Bree protests that this is a cocktail cardigan: "Look closely. The buttons are shiny." Renee heads to Bree's closet, where she's disgusted at all the sweater sets. She tells Bree that when two women go out, they can both be pretty or one can be a grenade; which does she want to be? Bree pulls a black dress out of the back of the closet; Renee's impressed with the plunging neckline, but Bree, disgusted, tells her that's the back!
At the club, lots of people dance but Renee insists the place is dead, since everyone seems to be already paired u
p. Renee makes a Nightline joke, which sets Bree off discussing said show. Then Renee notices a hot guy at the end of the bar -- and it's Hot Handyman. Bree tells Renee not to bother, since he has a girlfriend, but she says if she can't see her, she doesn't exist. Bree tells the bartender what a fool her friend's about to make of herself, but the bartender tells her that Stephanie dumped Keith (finally! We know his name!) earlier today, and he's here drowning his sorrows. Bree heads to the bathroom, where she takes her hair down and flips her dress around. Her cleave is distractingly down to there when she comes back out and bumps into Hot Handyman. He tells her he's leaving, since he has to work tomorrow and his boss is pretty strict. She flirts that she is very strict, and then heads over to Renee. Renee's happy with Bree's new look, but tells her she's going home with Keith, who's pulling the car around. Bree tries every tactic to get her not to go home with him -- without admitting she has a thing for him. Bree asks Renee "What about me?" Renee, totally tone-deaf (or pretending), tells Bree, "It's getting late. Stay in a dim light, and don't play hard to get."But Bree has other plans. When she gets home and sees Hot Handyman's truck in Renee's driveway, she calls his phone and tells him she's having a bit of an emergency. Then, "Oh, thank you. That's lovely." She hangs up and takes a golf club to the sprinkler heads in her front yard. Hot Handyman, who apparently has fixed the spraying water issues, looks at a sprinkler head and wonders why someone would do something like this. Bree: "Far be it for me to understand the minds of hooligans." She apologizes for calling him over at this hour, but he says it's okay; he wasn't doing anything special. Ooh, burn on Renee! Bree's glad to hear that, and would love to show her appreciation by making Hot Handyman dinner one night this week. He asks if it's like a date, but she says it doesn't need a label: just two adults eating food together. He says calling it a date is quicker, and Bree doesn't argue. So they set it up for 8 p.m. Thursday.
At the apartment complex of sadness and desperation, Susan watches Stacy Strauss leave and then heads into her place. She spots the vacuum and heads toward it with a screwdriver and a mischievous grin. Back on Wisteria Lane, Beth spots Mrs. McCluskey walking down the street. She tells her she was hoping to see her at the girls' poker game, but Mrs. McC says that once you get caught with some aces in your bra, you're banned for life. Beth asks if Mrs. McC knows why they don't like her husband. Mrs. McC tries to pretend she doesn't know, but quickly relents: "Fine. They think he's a murderer." Beth says he was exonerated since Felicia Tillman framed him, but Mrs. McC says that isn't the murder they all think he's guilty of: It was Felicia's sister, Martha's, Mrs. McC tells her, and if Felicia's crazy, "we all are."
Susan, dressed in her hot pink work clothes, turns on her computer to watch Stacy Strauss (let's hope she's not spending her easily earned money on that) with some popcorn. She watches Stacy try to do the vacuum bit for her finale, but instead of sucking up the apron, the vacuum shoots dirt out all over Stacy. Susan's thrilled, but turns it off and quickly gets to her own webcamming. She welcomes all the guests who might have just flipped over from different channels. Then there's a knock at her door. It's Stacy Strauss, covered in dust from her ass to her eyelashes. She's ready to take Susan down for this, so they fight. On camera. Maxine watches from her own place, of course, and eventually comes in -- but not to break it up; she's here to tell them to get back on camera if they're going to fight. Their ratings are through the roof, and even fried her router. I'm not sure anyone who works on this show understands technology. Maxine is upset to find this isn't a bit, and sends Stacy Strauss away for attacking Susan during a bit. She sends Stacy to her room. Uh-oh. Maxine's getting a bit controlling and scary.
Bree's doing yard work the morning, when Renee sneaks up behind her and says, "So, a roving gang of hooligans destroyed your sprinklers?" She tells Bree that no one steals a man out of her bed, and now her new hobby will be to take Bree down. Bree suggests she stick to her original hobby of forgoing undergarments. Renee, no snappy comeback ready, tells Bree she'll be seeing her. Bree's looking forward to it. Or so she says. But she honestly looks a little scared. I guess she must have watched Ugly Betty, so she knows how truly terrifying Vanessa Williams can be -- almost as frightening as the heretic's fork.
Susan's doing laundry again when Stacy Strauss finds her again. She's here to apologize, since Maxine says she can't go back online until she apologizes. She's fake about it at first, but then sincerely apologizes, admitting she shouldn't have stolen Susan's bit, but she freaked out when she didn't get the bonus check. See, if you didn't pick up on it from her fake accent, her family's in Virginia and she's saving up to move back home, but she always feels like she's living week to week. Susan says she noticed a lot of nice stuff in Stacy Strauss's apartment: flat-screen TV, new clothes. Stacy Strauss knows she shouldn't have bought that, but she wants a little splurge sometimes. Susan gets it. Stacy Strauss says she'll definitely be out of here by the end of the year, though, and Susan says she will too. She asks Stacy Strauss how long she's been doing this, and finds out it's been six years.
Emotional music cuts to Susan asking Mike if he'd mind staying in and ordering Chinese for their anniversary. Mike: "What? No suit? No tie? No pretentious euro waiter listing specials that I can't understand? Dangit, Susan! Why?" They laugh, and he asks why she changed her mind. She thinks they should save their money, and have the fancy dinner when they move back home. Speaking of their home, Beth's presenting Paul with dinner and telling him she had a lovely poker game with the ladies. He asks what they're saying about him, and Beth tells him that "for starters, a lot of people seem to think you killed ... what's her name? Martha something?" Paul says Huber, and then says Felicia must have spread her poison pretty wide. Paul tells Beth he's not a murderer, and she says she knows, but she fell in love with him before she knew that, so she'll always be on his side. I think she might even be creeping Paul out at this point. But my theory, based on the ending of the season premiere, is that she's here as a mole for Felicia.
Tom finds a mopey Carlos, who says he's had a hard week. Tom tells him he can ease some of his stress, but Carlos hopes he's not going to offer him a back rub. Tom: "Nope. A mind rub." In that garage, Tom says he got totally baked this morning but Carlos smells the "pot" and tells Tom it's not pot; it's oregano. Tom says he bought it at a legit dispensary, so Carlos says someone must have switched it out. Tom's like: "Who?!" And Carlos looks at him like we all want to, all, "Really, Tom? Really?"
Tom accosts Lynette in the bathroom and tells her he knows it was her. She's all, "Whatever do you mean," so he holds up his pot container and she's like, "Oh, yeah. That was me." Then happily bounces out of the room. He tells her this isn't funny, but she says it's a little funny that he thought he was getting stoned on a pizza topping. He says his sense of betrayal is huge, so she suggests he snort some baking soda. He says he's glad she likes making a fool of him, so Lynette gets serious. She tells him that s
1 2 3 4
he threw it out because she didn't think he needed it and, luckily, she was right: He got happy without it, just by looking at Paige and appreciating his life, and letting go of his stress and fear. She says she is sorry she tricked him, though. He replies that she's evil, so he should have expected it. Then he gets up to go look at their beautiful daughter. Then he's got to turn that bong he made back into a lamp.Gaby's putting her makeup on when Bob calls and tells her "we found them." He asks if she's sure she wants him to call, and she says she is, of course. He tells her she needs to realize that this is going to change her family forever. She repeats: "Call them." She hangs up and looks over at Juanita, trying on hats in the closet. She calls her in and puts makeup on her, too. She tells Juanita how grownup she is, and she'll be gone before they know it. But Juanita says she's never leaving Gaby and Carlos. Gaby asks if Juanita knows how much she loves her. Juanita does: "To the moon and back." Gaby says that's right, and no matter what happens, she always will. Outside, Carlos is arriving home, when Bob catches up with him and says he needs to sit down with him and Gaby, because he called the family and it got pretty intense. Carlos obviously has no idea what Bob's talking about. But then he does, and he heads inside, interrupts Gaby and Juanita's fashion show, and tells Gaby that if this goes bad and the other family tries to take Juanita away (which he points out they could very well do) he will never forgive her, and it will be over between them.
MAVO picks up about happiness again, saying everyone searches for it. Susan drives up and looks at her old house, as MAVO says some think they'll find it if they move back home. Bree cooks and stares thoughtfully into space as MAVO says some think they'll find it by making a new friend (I'm guessing Hot Handyman, not Renee). Speaking of, MAVO says Renee hopes she'll find it by defeating the competition. Then there are those, MAVO says as we zoom out from Tom's smiling face, who realized happiness was right in front of them all along. The whole family minus the twins sits happily on the porch.
week: Susan's webcam career leads to a giant sign that she tries to tear down. Hot Handyman finds out Bree's a grandma. A little person knows Renee and confronts her on a date. She screams. Gaby voices over, "Oh my god. My daughter." Which could really be edited from anything, though they obviously want us to think they find their biological daughter.
DeAnn, a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon, didn't smoke pot or play Dungeons & Dragons in college. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.
1 2 3 4
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, then see last season's most outlandish moments.
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.
1 2 3 4