Last night: prom! Tonight: Huey Lewis!
Brooke covers the current stats. Kellie and Derek are on the top with 25 and Wynonna and Tony are on the bottom with 15. Everyone else has a number between 15 and 25. Last night's whole episode gets shown again in clip form, and I encourage you to read last night's recap to relive the whole thing. It's not like I want to say more mean things about Wynonna Judd! The show's recap doesn't include any of the Hurricane Katrina stuff, because it was a drag.
Tonight, there's going to be a Prom King and Queen, who will get two extra points added to their scores. It's Jacoby and Zendaya, and I think they could have a pretty fun sitcom together. Zendaya says she's probably never going to go to prom, and Jacoby says he's just happy he didn't get thrown out. Tom takes the opportunity to tell them both that they're safe, because there wasn't much drama around that part. Then he tries a Game of Thrones joke about the big chairs that Jacoby and Zendaya are sitting in, but it doesn't go anywhere.
Now: Huey Lewis and the News! It's the thirtieth anniversary of the "Sports" album, so they'll be going on tour. And now they're playing "The Heart of Rock & Roll." Which...look, it's an okay song. It rhymes "beatin'" with "believe 'em," but that's not unforgiveable. But nobody I know has a lot of nostalgia about Huey Lewis. It's not like when Prince goes on tour. And the song sounds about 15% slower than the original, which isn't a way to get people excited. Oh, and the troupe is doing some dancing during parts of the song, if you like that sort of thing.
This week's confessionals have a "Prom Photo Booth" theme, so everyone's wearing ridiculous clothes and making up awards like "Most Likely to Talk Back to the Judges" and "Best Farter" for each other. It's awful. I'm sorry I mentioned it.
It's time for the encore dance! The judges get to pick it, but Len and Carrie Ann have recused themselves. Bruno has picked Sean and Peta's Village People-themed Cha Cha. And he's out there dancing with them with the troupe, replacing the leatherman. I should point out that Bruno COMPLETELY blows the "A" of the YMCA pose at the end. The audience doesn't seem to mind. They even seem pleased about the way Bruno takes his shirt off.
Tom introduces an allegedly spontaneous moment of Len psyching himself up backstage before last night's show. Don't look directly at the acting. However, the footage of Kellie chatting with the audience before her dance seems legitimate. Kellie and Derek are safe. up, we have D.L. and Cheryl. Instead of fun banter, they get D.L. complaining after the judges told him how bad he was. Len claims he was actually generous. D.L. is safe! He keeps his feet this time. Cheryl is delighted!
It's time for a dance! The male pros and the male members of the troupe are here to do some sort of dance fight. You know how guys are always out there in leather vests, pretending to fight. I think it might be a mistake to take a bunch of professional dancers and give them a fancy choreographed dance, then expect the amateurs to look good to that. But we're in the sixteenth season of this extremely popular show, so I guess it's possible they know what they're doing. This dance was choreographed by Jason Gilkison, if you're interested.
More footage from last night. You like seeing Andy Dick shirtless, right? And there are some more confessionals, in which nothing interesting is said. Let's look at some results! Because this is supposed to be the "results" show. Sean and Peta are safe. Lisa and Gleb are in jeopardy. Victor and Lindsay are safe. Andy and Sharna are in jeopardy. Andy was very interested in finding out his status, but he's not that surprised to be in trouble.
And now there's a segment about whether celebrity men or celebrity women have it easier. If you're interested in the scores, the women have done a bit better, although the men have more mirrorball trophies 8-7. Apparently male celebrities aren't really leading; the female pro is leading him while going backwards. Tom brings up the quote about Ginger Rogers doing everything Fred Astaire did, but "backwards and in heels." Then he vamps for a bit while Demi Lovato's stage gets set up behind him.
Brooke chats with Victor, Lindsay, Lisa, and Gleb. Lisa has decided to blame Gleb for not being cute enough. Time has been killed! Back to Tom, who throws to a taped dance. It's being shown backwards, which is pretty fancy. It takes a lot of choreography to make a dance hit all the right beats when it's shown backwards. There's a lot of jumping around from level to level, which lets the dancers look like they're making impossible jumps. And some of the segments are shot in regular time (instead of running it backwards) to enhance the weirdness. Good work by Nick Florez and R.J. Durell choregraphing that!
Now it's time for Demi Lovato. She sings a song called "Heart Attack." I'm not really into it, but she's got more energy than Huey Lewis.
After even more footage from last night (seriously, are there people who watch the results show but not the performance?) it's time to get to some more results. Aly and Mark are safe. Ingo and Kim are safe. Wynonna and Tony, of course, are in jeopardy. The audience boos, but they can't really be surprised, can they?
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Tom again claims the show is live. They mention how live the show is many times throughout the night, which is kind of annoying for those of us on the west coast, where it's delayed three hours./p>
So we're at the bottom three: Lisa/Gleb, Andy/Sharna, and Wynonna/Tony. Tom tells Lisa and Gleb that they're safe. It's time to go to the judges for final warnings. Carrie Ann tells Andy, if he's safe, to keep doing what he's doing. And if Wynonna stays in, Carrie Ann recommends that she move more. Yes, moving around is an important part of dance.
Tom drags the announcement out like a professional, but finally says that the eliminated couple is Wynonna and Tony. Everyone's kind of sad but not surprised. Wynonna says she faced her fears by being here. Hey! That's what they say on Splash, too.
Kim's back week with a theme of "the best year of the dancers' lives." Zendaya doesn't have many years to pick from.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.
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