Hey cats and kittens! Hope you enjoyed reading the wise words of Montykins while I was on spring break with my family. Ever taken a vacation with twin three-year-olds? Let's just say, I'm not that sad about being back home. Anyway, on with the show!
The theme tonight is that the stars are reliving the best years of their lives. What would be the best year of your life, guys? I think mine would be 2002: I got married, bought a house and got a dog. That was pretty cool. Oh, and my first nephew was born. If not that, then probably 1993 because I lost a ton of weight without even trying, met my future husband and was a senior in college with all the fun that entails. Anyway, Tom informs us that Lisa is not feeling well and is resting backstage by doctor's orders, and we don't know if she'll even be dancing tonight. If we get another injured person pulling out, I don't even know what. Stop casting decrepit old ladies, show!
You guys. Did Sean actually dance to "YMCA" last week and no one just punched him in the face and then kicked him in the 'nads? I mean, not because of the song, just on general principal? This week, he has Viennese waltz and the best year of his life was last year, when he met his fiancée. On national television.
Anyway, his waltz is better than I expected but he still looks like he has a stick up his butt most of the time. Lucky for him, that kind of works during the waltz. When they're in hold, he looks like he's going over his grocery list in his head, instead of showing love or passion or whatever on his face. When they're not in hold, he does better. He ends the dance by doing a solo over to his fiancée (whose name I refuse to learn) and it's super dorky and if my husband did that to me, I would probably burst out laughing right in his face. Then again, he would never do that to me unless he was making a joke.
Judges? Len calls it "a pretty good effort at a difficult dance" but Sean didn't always stay with the music. Bruno thought it was "caring and tender," but Sean stumbles at times with his fluidity. Carrie Ann points out that they had two lifts, which I totally missed. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 7, and Bruno 7.
Victor got pretty high scores last week, and this week he has the paso doble, which should be a no brainer for him. His best year was the year he won his first title, so of course his dance is set up like a boxing ring. Hmm. Victor seems a bit hesitant, and the paso is probably the worst dance for the man to seem hesitant. Lindsay really seems to be talking him through the routine too; you can see her mouth moving all through the first half. And Victor's form is pretty terrible. He's got the attitude down but the actual dancing - not so much.
Judges? Bruno liked the vicious attack but notes that Victor missed his footwork and it threw him a bit. Carrie Ann and Len both agree that Victor had a great attitude and he works hard, but he needed more refinement. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6. Ouch. Probably deserved, but that's pretty low.
Jacoby, my favorite so far this season, is up . Did you guys see that rumba last week? Holy moly. Jacoby says that 2012 was the best year of his life, mostly because his son was born, and also he won the Super Bowl. They have the foxtrot this week and Jacoby dances to a country song about being a dad. Look, the foxtrot is never going to be his strongest dance; it just doesn't play to his dancing abilities. But as always, he makes it entertaining even if the technique isn't quite there, and he does a solo for his son, which is adorable. And he commits totally, which is all I ask from a star on this show.
Judges? Carrie Ann loved the joy that Jacoby showed, and Carrie Ann thinks he has a shot at winning, but he needs to tuck in his butt. Good point, Carrie Ann. Len says he was a fan of this routine, because it was fun. And Bruno loved the exuberance, but he needs to work on his hands. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. That's fair, because it wasn't great but it was fun.
Aly and Mark are dancing to "Titanium" which I actually listened to during my workout today. Maybe time I hear it, I will pretend I'm trying to make the Olympics or something. I definitely need a different workout fantasy because the one I use now is that I'm being filmed for a commercial for the gym. They are doing a contemporary routine, which I'm sure Mark loves, but I'm a little nervous. Ugh, of course Mark isn't wearing a shirt. Also the woman singing this song is not that good and it's distracting me. I just can't get into all the flexed feet in contemporary. I want my dancing to be pretty, not flailing about. So I don't even know how to judge this.
Judges? Len liked the balance between emotion and athleticism. Bruno liked that it was emotional and dramatic, two things Aly has needed to work on. Carrie Ann is proud that she let go of her perfectionism and just let the emotions take over. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. Wow. I do not understand contemporary at all.
Andy chooses this year as his best ever because he finally get sober, and now he's trying to redeem himself with his kids. He's dancing the Viennese waltz to "Hallelujah". Sigh. Great song, totally overplayed so it no longer has the emotional impact it might once have had. I'll say this, the people who got Viennese waltz this week got screwed on the solos, because how do you do a solo except to air waltz with an imaginary partner? Anyway, Andy is much improved. I'm really proud of him. He doesn't looks so herky jerky, and he's almost lyrical at times. Good for him.
Judges? Bruno thought it was simple and straight from the heart. Carrie Ann is sobbing so hard she can barely talk, so she just makes Andy come over and give her a hug. Then she calls it a beautiful and simple poem. Len tells Andy that whatever happens, he will leave this show a hero. Aw. Len. That was sweet. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Those are probably the best scores Andy will get, I'm guessing.
Zandaya chose 2009 as the best year of her life. I'm just impressed that she didn't choose this year or last year like so many of the older people did. I guess it's kind of depressing to choose a year that was really long ago for your best year, because it makes it seem like your best years are far behind you. Anyway, Zendaya hopes to be like Beyonce in her samba. Girl, you and me both. Anyway, I would once again like to compliment Val for choreographing their routines in such a way that you don't feel uncomfortable about watching a teenager do them. The samba can be really sexy, but this felt more sassy. It was great, especially the second half. My one technical complaint is that Zendaya was wearing black pants and when she danced in the shadowy parts of the stage, I couldn't see her bottom half, like, at all.
Judges? Carrie Ann calls her Baby Beyonce, and loves Val's choreography. Len wanted a little more samba in the solo and thought she needed more bounce, but he admits that Zendaya is a fantastic dancer. Bruno knows that she has star power and has inspired kids to learn the samba (really, Bruno?). You guys, Brad Paisley is on tomorrow night. Is he going to sing "Accidental Racist"? Because I've managed to avoid that song all day. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9.
Ingo has the Viennese waltz, and he's dedicating it to his wife. My favorite part of the roll-in package is when his young son says that he gives his dad a score of three. Man, kids. Brutally honest. Anyway, Ingo opens with his solo. Here's my theory on solos: if you think the solo might suck, put it up front and then hopefully people will forget about it. If you think it will be good, close with it. Ingo opens with it, which tells you what you need to know. He seems quite lyrical when they're in hold but his posture isn't quite right. He screws up a spin move with Kym at the end, I think. He needs to tuck that butt in and get his head back.
Judges? Len liked the heel leads, but there were some "incidents" with the arms. Despite all that, Len enjoyed it. Bruno likes that Ingo takes their comments and works on it, and the results are showing. Carrie Ann thought he added love into the equation this week, and it helped him show his emotions. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Kym looks thrilled and surprised.
DL Hughley is still on this show how exactly? Anyway, this week Cheryl is making the routine a little more comic, since they have the foxtrot. Funny is fine, but the dancing still has to be good. You guys, Cheryl is a genius. She manages to minimize the actual dancing that DL has to do while still making it seem like he's dancing his heart out. The foxtrot that DL does is a bit stiff in the middle, but he smiles and has fun with it, and that might win him some points. At one point, he basically mimes to Len to kiss his ass, but they cut away.
Judges? Bruno thought that DL had a lot more content and put it all into his performance. Carrie Ann babbles some nonsense, but she liked it. Len thought it had more content and it was fun, and he thinks DL's additional practice is paying off. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. DL is astounded by how good those scores were. Imagine that? You practice as much as everyone else and you get scores like everyone else.
They keep teasing whether or not Lisa will be able to dance tonight. Here's a news flash: I don't give a shit. Actually, I hope that she doesn't dance. It's not like she's going to serve up something amazing either way, right?
Kellie and Derek have the rumba this week, and Kellie says that the best year of her life was when she met her husband. They're dancing to his song and he'll be there singing it. Anyway, I don't know if it's because her husband's right there, but I don't feel the heat between Kellie and Derek like you should during the rumba. The moves are all there, but it's missing that electricity.
Judges? Carrie Ann thinks that Kellie makes beautiful shapes, but some of her movements were a little clipped. Len thought she was immersed in the dance, but the movements were a little staccato. Bruno babbles about love and magic and beauty. I don't even know. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9. I thought those scores were a little too high.
Lisa will be dancing tonight. Yay? Boo? I don't know. Anyway, during rehearsals this week, she fainted dead away. I kind of love that Lisa wears serious false eyelashes and giant diamond earrings during rehearsals. Anyway, the doctor tells her that she has early flu symptoms. What are early flu symptoms? Either you have the flu or you don't, right? Gleb insists that she get some rest, so they lose out on rehearsal time. And they have the cha cha cha. I'll say this for Lisa: she's game. She's out there, smiling her Botox off. Her solo is bad news, though. She doesn't seem to understand what hips are or how to move them. But the routine as a whole could have been much, much worse.
Judges? Len thought it could have been crisper and sharper, but given her constraints this week, it was good. Bruno thinks she looks great, and any mistakes were due to under-rehearsal. Carrie Ann tells her that there was a lot of potential, and scolds Gleb for doing a lift. Gleb doesn't understand what a lift is despite the fact that he carried Lisa onto the dance floor. I think that's the definition of a lift, dude. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6. That's fair.
So who's going home this week? I think Andy's better performance and touching story will earn him some votes, so it's going to be Lisa or Victor. Lisa's been on the bottom already, but maybe she'll get some sympathy votes too. But you could chop off everything but the top four and continue the show from there and I'd be fine with it. None of them are going to win it, so why continue this charade?
Scores:
Aly and Mark: 27
Zendaya and Val: 26
Kellie and Derek: 26
Jacoby and Karina: 24
Ingo and Kym: 23
Andy and Sharna: 21
DL and Cheryl: 21
Sean and Peta: 20
Victor and Lindsay: 18
Lisa and Gleb: 18