Three months ago, twelve stars began the competition. I've mostly forgotten all of them. Mark Cuban? Albert Reed? Who? And now only three are left. And it's LIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Wow, Samantha's boobs looks GIGANTIC tonight. But we only get a quick look at them before the finalists are introduced. In case you've been in a coma, they are Marie and Jonathan, Mel and Maks, and Helio and Julianne. And the Spice Girls are in the audience! I just saw Posh and Baby. Samantha and Tom explain that the couples will perform one routine that the judges chose, and then a freestyle.
Mel and Maks: Last week, they rocked the house. Um, I'm kind of biased. Maks lets Mel celebrate making the finals for a minute, but then he tells her to get to work. Mel explains that their freestyle is going to be hip and young and fun. Mel invited some of the backup dancers from the Spice Girls tour to put some hip-hop into the routine. Maks says that he's been dancing for a long time but this was a challenge. The judges picked the cha-cha, which was Mel's first-week dance.
The Dance: The cha-cha, as mentioned. They start out with this whole skit where Mel sits on her husband's lap and refuses to dance at first, which is kind of unnecessary. Maks's pants are weirdly high-waisted, but the dance is very disco-y, which I like. They're totally in sync. It wasn't flashy, but it was well done.
The Judges: Len thought the routine was crisp and precise, even if it had some funny bits (the disco parts). Bruno can't believe Mel's improvement over two months, and Mel points to her bum. Carrie Ann thought the moves were precise, but she was looking for a little more excitement. I kind of agree, but Bruno doesn't. Backstage, Mel talks about how she's learned a huge amount since the first week, and she thanks the Spice Girls for being there. The scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 10. That's a 28 out of 30.
While Mel and Maks head backstage, Tom explains how this will work. Tomorrow night, one couple will be immediately eliminated. Then the other two couples will do one more routine, get scored by the judges, and the phone votes will be added to that total as well to determine the winner. That seems overly complicated, but the results show is two hours long, so they've got to do something, I guess.
Marie and Jonathan: Marie can't believe that she made it to the finals, and she's grateful to her fans. In rehearsal, Jonathan and Marie practice lifts. Marie says she may be old, but she's got guts. Then Marie and Jonathan get on a mechanical platform and try to spy on Helio and Julianne, which was dumb. The judges have chosen the samba for Marie, which is the routine that made her faint. Love the judges.
The Dance: The samba. So far I've seen a lot of shoulder-shaking and not a lot of dancing. Marie s just not very graceful, but they do throw some samba rolls in there, and her hip action is better than usual. She just lacks the precision and sharpness of Mel. And her constant smile is starting to look less like "I love dancing" and more like "I love prescription pills."
The Judges: Bruno vows to tell the truth. He thinks Marie always gives her all, but the samba is technically tricky, so it wasn't her best. Marie is breathing really heavily. I think she might faint again. Carrie Ann thought Marie worked the house, and was missing the technical aspects. Marie bitches that it takes more than ten weeks to learn the technical aspects. Hey, Mel did it. Quitcher bitching, doll lady. Len agrees with Carrie Ann. Marie screeches, "I liked it!" before running backstage. The scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Marie looks surprised. Girl, that was a gift. But it's going to motivate her fans to call in, so she should be happy.
Helio and Julianne: In rehearsal, they practice some flips. Helio is scared that Julianne doesn't have any limitations. Julianne complains that Helio has to do all the lifting, but he's not the biggest guy. He promises to work until he gets it right. The judges picked the jive for them. Julianne wants to raise the bar and show America and the judges what they can do.
The Dance: the jive. They're dressed '50s-style in pink and black, and Julianne's wearing a poodle skirt. They start with a little skit (I think I've mentioned I'm not a big fan of that) where Julianne is a nerd and Helio is a cool guy who seduces her into dancing with him. I think Helio misses a little of the footwork in the beginning -- at least he's not moving his feet like Julianne is. It's cute, but I don't think this style is Julianne's strength. It's not as explosive as I'm used to from them. Helio is pleased with their performance, though, and the audience gives them a standing ovation and cheers loudly. The judges can't even talk for a while, because the audience is so loud.
The Judges: Carrie Ann thinks it was exciting and fun, but she thought the footwork wasn't great. Len points out all the ways in which Helio messed up, and says it was a disappointment. Bruno loved the personality and energy, but the footwork just wasn't good enough. The scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 9. Samantha asks Helio about becoming an entertainer, and Helio answers a completely different question and praises the fans.
Mel and Maks: The Freestyle. They start out with chairs, and they do a lot of hip-hop moves, with one or two big lifts, but nothing that really blows me away. There's a cute sort of robotic cha-cha-cha section. Maks has some trouble getting up at the end.
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The Judges: Carrie Ann liked it, but thinks Mel and Maks are better than that. The Spice Girls boo her. Len loved the lifts and the goofy cha-cha-cha but thought it was a bit disjointed. Bruno liked that they took risks. Mel and Maks hug Tom and Maks kisses him on the cheek. The scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. Mel thought from the comments that she was going to get a much lower score, so she's pleased. Maks begs the viewers for votes and manages to come across as humble, which rarely happens.
Marie and Jonathan: The Freestyle: Marie is dressed like a giant doll, and pretends to be all sloppy and stiff. Her mouth is really disturbing to me. Jonathan is throwing her around like a...well, like a doll. This routine plays to her strengths, in that she's stiff and doesn't do the moves very well. I don't know what happened at the end, but it wasn't right. On rewatching, I think Marie didn't land right on the last lift, and she fell to the ground, so she was unable to recover in time for the big ending. Overall, the dress, and the makeup, and the routine were all very, very freaky. The only think that could have made it worse would be if Jonathan had dressed up like a clown.
The Judges: Len says that what happened here has happened to him in the past. Tom laughs, wondering if Len's talking about all the times he's tried to dance with his doll. Len says that you have a good idea and it doesn't work. Marie interrupts him to say she's not buying it. Maybe she should keep her mouth shut. She's so annoying this week. Bruno says this was the loopiest thing he's ever seen and it defies criticism, because it wasn't a dance. Carrie Ann loved that she took risks, and she taught people how to perform. But she thought it was an odd performance. Marie screeches, "I'm a doll designer. Come on!" Oh, that's why she did that! Now I think it was the best dance of the night! I'm kidding. I knew that, and it was still terrible. Backstage, Marie says that she did this routine for her doll-buying public. The scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Marie says she's fine, because she's in the finals and she got to do flips.
Helio and Julianne: The Freestyle: They're dressed as racecar drivers, but they quickly peel off their costumes to reveal lots of sparkles. The whole routine borrows from '60s dances, and is high energy. There are lots of flips and lifts, and the audience goes nuts. There's also more dancing in this freestyle than the others.
The Judges: Bruno thinks it was very difficult, and they pulled it off. Carrie Ann thinks Helio combines Mel's technique with Marie's entertaining, but he was rough coming out of the lifts at times. Len thought it was the best freestyle of the night by a mile. True that. The scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 10, and Bruno 10. Helio and Julianne jump around and are out of control. Tom thinks Helio looks like a Brazilian Power Ranger.
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The final judges' scores:
Mel and Maks: 55
Helio and Julianne: 54
Marie and Jonathan: 46
I have no clue who's going to win this thing. I just hope Marie goes home first, between her lackluster performances tonight and her bratty behavior in the face of the judges. And I didn't think any of the freestyles were up the caliber of seasons, when the rest of the season has been so much better, technically.
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