Tom shows how tough this season has been -- there sure have been a lot of tears! And he says that tonight will be the most "brutal elimination," because it's the last one before the finals. And it's LIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
What did the stars say in the confessional after their performances? Marie said that she had so much hip action that she probably caused an earthquake in California. Jennie claimed she was going to "boogie [her] little ass off" and, in her second dance, earned her first perfect score. And Derek had his shirt all unbuttoned! Mel and Maks agreed that the night -- and, in fact, the entire nine weeks -- have been amazing. Helio gets a little choked up thanking Julianne and the audience.
Who gets the encore? Len say that last night was the best semifinal ever, but that because it was such a breakthrough, he would like to see Jennie and Derek's cha cha cha. The Fatch is there tonight! He must not have been able to get a sitter last night. I can't believe Avril Lavigne is in the green room. Now I keep thinking of Amy Poehler doing her on SNL. you all are going to think I'm obsessed with Amy Poehler. You might not be wrong. She's funny! She's married to Will Arnett! Come on!
So Avril and her band perform. If you're seen her, you pretty much know how that goes, except that she couldn't really look less excited to be there. She's barely making, like, facial expressions. And there's no dancing, so it's kind of boring to watch. If I want to see Avril pretend to play a guitar and sing, I'll watch TRL or whatever.
Backstage, Samantha asks the final four how it will feel when one of them has to leave. Marie and Mel agree that they will have to be dragged out. Jennie says that she'd miss everyone if she left. Helio says that he'd be devastated. Marie tries to make an XY chromosome joke and then laughs REALLY HARD at her own unfunny joke. Why is Florence Henderson constantly in the audience? Is she married to the show's producer or something?
Audience reaction. Some people like some dancers. Some people like others. Useless. Almost as useless as Samantha's backstage questions, actually.
Now we get to find out the first finalist. And it's...Marie (and Jonathan). Ugh. That sucks. The other contestants try to pretend they're not disappointed.
Backstage, Samantha talks to Marie and Jonathan. She points out that the fans saved Marie once again. Marie thinks the Osmond fans are the best fans in the world.
Tom introduces Kenny Mayne's investigation into the ugly side of dancing. There's a fake Extra report about Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin checking into dance rehab, and Kenny is there to investigate. Lisa (still wearing full dance makeup) and Harry and Laila Ali and Tucker Carlson are all there to admit that they are addicted to the show. Laila strokes her dancing dress and says that sometimes she breaks out into the paso doble in the grocery store. Lisa says, really sincerely, "The paso doble is the BEST DANCE!" Tucker Carlson says that he'll never stop dancing, and that if you cut him into pieces, each piece would still dance. Don't tempt me, Mr. Bowtie. Lisa says that she's also addicted to tanning. Kenny concludes that this is a big problem for these former contestants. Tucker asks why Kenny is still wearing his purple spangly dancing shirt. Kenny tells him to mind his beeswax. Funny! Kenny Mayne always brings the funny.
Michael Flatley. Lord of the Dance. Lots of legs flying about. Not really my bag, but clearly lots of people do like it. They always sell a lot of tickets on their tours. At the end, Michael Flatley spends like five minutes walking around and cheering at the crowd. What in the hell was that?
Now there's a segment on the media coverage of the show. Basically, the members of the "media" (I use that term loosely, given that we see people like Nancy O'Dell and Mark McGrath) talk about how great the show is. Stop selling me! I'm already watching it!
Avril Lavigne is back to sing "Complicated" while Sabrina and Mark dance. Damn, Avril's engagement ring is HUGE. Her backup singer is way out of tune. I guess it's great that it's live and not lip-synched. The crowd goes wild when Sabrina and Mark come out. They do a lift spin that they wouldn't be allowed to do in the competition. Sabrina's face looks different somehow, but they aren't showing her close up, so I can't really see it. They do some pretty amazing lifts and stunts. They finish the routine lying on the floor, spooning. Interesting. They aren't even going to interview them? Huh.
Clip package about how shocked the contestants are to still be in it. Jennie thinks she brings emotion to the competition, and that she's been real about her feelings throughout. Derek thinks Jennie has improved more than anyone, not that he's biased. Marie feels she has a work ethic and can perform under pressure. Jonathan thinks Marie brings personality to every dance. Mel thinks she brings fun to the competition. Maks thinks Mel has natural dance ability. Helio brings a lot of energy. Julianne thinks Helio has personality, charisma, and work ethic. All of the contestants claim that they're in it to win it.
Now we find out one more couple who will be in the finals. And it's...Mel and Maks. Yay! My husband is disappointed, because he likes to see Mel suffer. She does make some awesome facial expressions.
So that means it's time to find out who's going home. Will it be Jennie and Derek, or Helio and Julianne? Let's find out what the judges think. Carrie Ann talks about how Jennie has struggled throughout, but says she had a breakthrough, and Carrie Ann wants to see more. Bruno is impressed with Helio's dancing and his showmanship. Len gets the tough question -- who should go and who should stay? Len says he wants to see both of them stay, because he wants the best dancers. So he clearly thought Marie should go home. But if he had to pick, he thinks Helio and Julianne should stay due to their consistancy.
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So who's actually going home? Jennie and Derek. Not a big shock. Tom asks Jennie whether she gained some confidence through the process, and she says that was never her issue. She just hated performing in front of people, but she credits Derek for helping her. Derek says he thinks that Jennie is amazing and wonderful and funny. And then we watch a retrospective of their time on the show. Jennie gets all teary-eyed watching it. She gives the hosts and judges all hugs and kisses, and then she and Derek head to the floor. Tom reminds us that, week, the judges get to pick one dance, and the other is a freestyle, and then Céline! Is performing! And the band plays "Blaze Of Glory" as the show ends. Huh? I love this show and its inexplicable song choices.
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