Last night, the judges were in no mood to celebrate. Maybe if they hadn't inflated their scores all season, the dancers wouldn't have been so surprised when they got realistic scores in the finale. Tom promises that tonight, a champion will be crowned...LIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Samantha explains that the couple with the lowest total between the judges' scores and the viewers' votes will be eliminated shortly. And then the remaining two couples will do another dance, get scored by the judges, and they'll add in the viewers' votes once again to determine the champion. Sounds kind of complicated to me. I understand that it probably would have killed the contestants to go one more week, but couldn't they have made this a three-night event?
It's funny, because I wasn't that impressed with Mel and Maks's first dance, but after seeing the whole night, it was pretty good. The judges were actually pretty nice to Marie, and yet she had what Tom Bergeron called "a hissy fit." She was seriously off her meds. After their jive, Helio thought that he let Julianne down, but she thinks hearing the judges' harsh criticisms made them nervous. Mel and Maks were hampered by a terrible rendition of "The Way I Are" by Timbaland -- seriously, go here to see the routine with the original song and watch how much better it is. ["That is totally fascinating. When I watched that freestyle, I could not understand what Maks could possibly be going for, but watching that clip, I absolutely do. Thanks, YouTube! -- Miss Alli] And they were also hampered by Maks falling back to his old bag of tricks of showcasing himself more than his partner. The biggest problem with Marie's routine (besides her scary makeup and blowup doll facial expressions) was that she never broke out of the doll thing and started dancing for real. Helio and Julianne pulled off the one exciting dance of the night. Afterwards, Helio says that he's happy with all they've accomplished so far, but he still wants the trophy.
Backstage, Samantha asks Marie what she'll miss the most from the competition. Marie jokes that she'll miss the number eight. Mel says she'll miss the cast and crew. Helio says he'll miss Julianne, and Mel breaks in to say that she'll miss Maks. Helio gets mock-angry that everyone else stole his chance to talk and pretends to walk off.
Let's waste some time by listening to Celine Dion sing "My Heart Will Go On," shall we? Is there anyone out there who didn't get completely sick of this song in the late '90s? Edyta and Alec, real-life married couple, come out to do a routine. They're joined by Cheryl and Mark. Also entering the dance floor, Karina and Tony. It's nice that the pros get a chance to do a routine that actually shows off their skills, with lifts and everything.
It's time to find out who is in third place. Please be Marie. Please be Marie. And the couple leaving the competition is...Marie and Jonathan. Maks gives Mel a hug of relief, and everyone comes over to give Marie and Jonathan hugs. Oh, thank God. The crowd gives Marie a standing ovation. Tom asks Marie about the experience as a whole. Marie starts talking about "at my age," and Tom interrupts, "You're in your seventies, right?" Score one for Tom. Marie alludes to the difficulties she's gone through this season, and then calls herself Cinderella and the judges the wicked stepsisters. This introduces a clip package where we review Marie's whole season. In it, she says that this show gave her some continuity through all the chaos in her life. And then Marie and Jonathan do their tango again. I will say this: Marie has improved this season. This version of the routine is way better than the original, and her moves are much more precise and crisp. Her posture is better too. I don't know how much of it is because the pressure is off too.
Tom and Samantha introduce a clip package that looks back on the first week of the competition. I've already recapped this once, so if you really care, go ahead and read that.
Once the clip package is over, each of the eliminated dancers will come out and do a portion of one of their routines. Josie and Alec are first with the foxtrot. There's no way she was worse than Wayne Newton. I think technically, she's probably better than Marie, although she's a lot more boring.
What was funny? One time, Marie drank an entire bottle of water! Then she pulled her groin. Then she couldn't do a cartwheel. Then she collapsed in giggles on the floor. What about Mel and Maks? Maks did a striptease. He tries to play with Mel's whip. He burped a lot. They finished a dance and Mel went, "God!" and Maks said, "Just call me Maks." Heh. That one actually made me laugh. How about Helio and Julianne? Helio talked to his feet to try to get them to work correctly. Then he used a piece of paper to make racecar noises and made Julianne spit out some water. I wish we had more of that during the season and less of the contrived skits.
Albert and Anna are back to do their cha-cha-cha. I miss Albert. I really thought he would go much further. He definitely had the hip action. I think he could have improved as much as Helio did, given the rehearsal time. Hey, Apolo and Drew are in the audience. Afterwards, Tom says that he was surprised by Albert's elimination. Me too, Tom!
Now a clip package about weeks three and four, and how the women started to dominate. That was also the weeks of Liftgate. And Samantha came back. And Cameron as Superman. Wow, I totally forgot Floyd Mayweather was even in this competition. I was trying to think of people that Albert should have surpassed in longevity, and I came up with Wayne and Mark Cuban. But add Floyd to that list.
Wayne and Cheryl come out, but Wayne can't dance tonight, because he's been having heart trouble. Samantha adds that Wayne will be going on the tour this winter. Tom asks Cheryl, who has lots of finals experience, what the people backstage are going through. Cheryl says they are nervous and relieved, but also sad that they may not dance together anymore, and ready to party tonight no matter what the outcome.
Let's learn about the contestants' friends and family. Mel C of the Spice Girls loves the show. Helio's fellow racers thought it was funny at first, but were then impressed. Geri Halliwell thinks this was a great boost to Mel's confidence. Maks has nice things to say about Mel, and how he's never met anyone like her, and he loves and respects her. And he's having so much fun this season! Usually he's so pouty. I think Maks might be a little in love with her. Helio's family is super-proud as well.
Floyd and Karina come out, and they also won't be dancing tonight. Floyd explains that he's getting ready for a big fight in a week and a half, and he's got a bad ankle and certainly doesn't want to risk getting hurt with so much money on the line. I'm not sad about that.
My local affiliate screws up coming back from commercial, so we start right in the middle of Mark and Kym doing their "King Of The Road" routine.
Remember weeks five and six? There was a lot of drama, including Marie fainting, Jane getting food poisoning, and Sabrina getting eliminated.
Speaking of Sabrina, she's back to do her cha-cha-cha. She looks like her legs are a lot more toned than they were during the competition. And the routine she just performed was better than anything we saw last night, for sure. The audience gives Sabrina an extended standing ovation. Tom reminds everyone that these two will be on the tour.
Samantha goes over to talk to Drew and Apolo. Drew says that the dancing was great this season, but he sort of resents the judges continually saying that this was the best season ever. Apolo says that the show makes you a better person somehow.
Jane and Tony are back to do their Viennese Waltz. They do an actual lift this time, since it's allowed, and blow kisses to the judges at the end. Something about Tony rubs me the wrong way. I think it's his teeth. He looks like he would cheat you out of money.
Another clip package! Remember when Len got annoyed with Cameron for showing so much bare chest? And Helio kissed Julianne and got a perfect score? And Jennie said that elimination night was her favorite part of the show?
Cameron and Edyta are back to do their Superman paso doble. Man, those are some tight pants that Cameron is wearing. When you look at the best dances of each contestant (minus Wayne and Floyd), the level of dancing is pretty impressive.
Cameron actually removes his shirt, as he promised he would do in the finals, and hands it to Samantha. The ladies in the crowd go nuts, and Tom can't settle them down. He tries to plug Dance Wars, which Drew Lachey is hosting. Drew jokes that he can't follow Cameron's performance, and Bruno starts to take off his shirt while Drew pretends to take off his pants. But Drew calms down enough to explain the premise of the show, which sounds pretty boring.
Jennie and Derek return to do their mambo. With the pressure off, Jennie is a much better dancer. She's not so self-concious and seems to be enjoying herself. Too bad she couldn't do that during the season, or she could have made the finals, maybe.
Backstage, Samantha tries to fill time by asking Mel and Helio stupid questions. The dancers are all hyped up and goofy. Samantha asks us to vote for the show for the People's Choice Awards.
Celine Dion is back to sing her new song, "Taking Chances." Throughout the song, they show clips from the season, which I already saw in the multiple clip packages we've seen tonight.
And another clip package highlighting the two finalists. Mel is The Diva. She thinks they've taken risks and done brilliant routines. Bruno thinks Mel is hotter than a fireball. Helio is impressed with her ability to learn choreography. Helio is Mr. Charisma. Helio thinks he's just been himself. Bruno thinks Helio looks like "a mini-Fred Astaire" and it's unexpected from someone who's never danced before. Mel thinks Helio and Julianne are like two dolls that dance perfectly together. The judges think Mel has amazing versatility. They think Helio has incredible drive and the judges' criticisms only make him come back stronger.
It's time for the finalists to do their final performance. The band plays Also Sprach Zarathustra as Mel and Maks take the stage, followed by Helio and Julianne. And there's dry ice and everything! And Tom's voice is all excited! It's actually really cheesy, especially since they win...a mirrorball trophy. And bragging rights, I guess.
The first finalists to dance will be Mel and Maks. Maks asks what routine they should do for their final. Mel wants to do the mambo, and Maks reminds her that Carrie Ann gave them a 9 for that one. They decide they need to make it more energetic, and their battle cry is "Bigger! Bigger!" Mel vows to win the competition for all the people who voted for them. So they finally perform! And it's fun and exciting and the crowd is really into it. The dance finishes with Mel on the floor on her back and Maks on top of her, and he gives her three kisses on the cheek before helping her to her feet. So what did the judges think? Len says he knew Mel could do Spice Girl dancing, but her ballroom and Latin is a revelation. Bruno thinks Mel has proven that she's a complete dancer, along with a professional and a star. Carrie Ann pretends like she's going to criticize them, but she can't hold it in and tells them that it was great. Mel and Maks do their customary molestation of Tom Bergeron on their way backstage. Maks says that Mel is "the queen of the floor." Their scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 10, and Bruno 10. Perfect score!
Helio and Julianne discuss which routine to do. Helio's favorite dance was the quickstep that was like The Mask. They decide not to add any lifts to the routine, because it would be too risky. I don't think they need it -- their dancing is plenty dynamic, especially this routine. I feel like something's off about the routine. Their leaps and twirls are good, but Julianne's footwork seems like she's trying to compensate for something, like maybe Helio messed up and she's trying to cover? They do a big passionate kiss at the end, and the crowd goes nuts. Helio goes and jumps on top of his former cast members, who are all on the side of the dance floor. The audience cheers wildly and Tom has to wait for them to calm down before he can ask the judges what they thought. Bruno thinks Helio is "like the sunny side of life" and has a great attitude and great sportsmanship. Carrie Ann says this was her favorite dance, and points out how fired up the audience is. Len admires Helio's ability to take risks with Julianne's great choreography. He praises the band, but after "The Way I Are" last night, I can't agree. Not in their wheelhouse, sure, but then hire someone else to do it, or use the recording. Backstage, Mel and Maks applaud Helio and Julianne. Helio says he wants to thank everyone in the country. The scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 10, and Bruno 10. What a shocker. Mel and Maks have the lead by only one point, and now it's up to the voters at home.
Filler. Tom talks to Josie, who gets in a plug for her makeup line. Mark thinks his friends were surprised how long he lasted in the competition. Jane tells future competitors to hope they don't have a lot of drama, and look forward to the experience, because it's amazing. Tom teases Jennie that they're going to show the clip of her falling down again, and everyone laughs.
Finally, it's time to announce the winner. Maybe. Oh, first there's a clip package on each team. Mel loves that Maks is so cocky, and they love to laugh and joke with each other. Maks thinks this was the most amazing season so far, due to Mel. He speaks of her in truly glowing terms. Eddie Murphy, eat your heart out. Mel says that Maks has increased her self-esteem, and she considers him a part of her family.
What about Helio and Julianne? Julianne knew that Helio would be fun, but he impressed her with his dancing ability. Helio didn't think this would be so much fun. Julianne appreciates Helio's positive outlook on life. Helio says he's been through pain and work, but he'd do it all again. Julianne thinks Helio deserves to win!
So who will win? Finally, it's time for the announcements. The judges' scores from both nights have been combined with the viewer votes. One more time to see Mel look like she's about to cry. One more time watching Helio keep a poker face. The crowd in the room seems to favor Helio and Julianne. Tom announces that the winners are...Helio and Julianne. Helio's whole family hugs him. You know who's not there? Helio's fiancée, whom I think he broke up with halfway through the season. Scandal! Tom tells Julianne that she tied Cheryl's record with two wins in a row. Someone brings Helio some milk, like they drink when they win the Indy 500. Samantha wants a word with Mel and Maks. Mel says she's enjoyed being with Maks the most. Maks thinks Mel is an amazing person, because Samantha doesn't know how to ask a question to save her life. She basically tells them, "You really dig each other. Comment?"
Tom hands Helio his trophy, and the other former contestants come out onto the floor to congratulate them. It seems like everyone goes to Mel first, but I guess she probably needs more comforting. Someone lifts Mel up in the air, but I can't tell who it is. Tom promises that they'll be back year. March, I hear. See you then!