It's the final performance episode of Dancing with the Stars (or "Starts" as I still say in my head). Join us! Boy, the introductions sure fly by now that there are only three contestants left. I just noticed that, with shorter hair, Julianne kind of looks like Kellie Pickler pre-boob job. Tonight, the contestants will first do a dance chosen for them by the judges, and then do a freestyle. The judges will score them tonight, and will also score an additional routine tomorrow night. We at home only get to vote on what we see tonight, obviously. The scores will be combined tomorrow night to determine the winner. Some text flashes on screen explaining that the full scoring rules are on ABC's web site; they're probably trying to avoid another Kelly Monaco/John O'Hurley disaster, although people will still be pissed if their favorite loses, no matter how clearly the rules are spelled out.
First up are Laila and Maksim. Last week, they got perfect scores. Laila thinks they need to be creative in their freestyle, but because of her size, she can't do the lifts and jumps like some of the other ladies. Laila has a hard time trusting her partner, and he shows that may be deserved when he stumbles due to her size. Laila is also excited for another chance at the paso doble, since it was her lowest score of the season. She promises to dance her heart out for the fans who have kept her in the competition thus far.
Their first dance is their paso doble. Lila has in some hair extensions (I assume) and looks really beautiful. I'm not crazy about Maks's red silk shirt; it kind of looks like a golf hole flag. There's also a lot of Maks flitting about and doing fancy footwork, and I prefer the woman to be the one featured in that style. It is an interesting dynamic, though, since this dance is quite aggressive, and Laila could probably take Maks in a fight. They get a standing ovation. Len announces that they chose this dance for Laila to do again to give her a second chance, and she really took advantage. He adds that there were a few small things wrong, like lack of pointed toes. Bruno thinks it was "dripping with emotion." Carrie Ann agrees, and expresses her pride in Laila's progress, even just from last week. The scores come in at 10, 9, and 10. Tom promises that there will be "ballroom mayhem" coming up. Is Billy Ray coming back?
The results show tomorrow night is two hours? TWO HOURS? What in the hell are they going to do for two hours? I had better witness the return of Dance Center. Anyway, last week, Len thought Apolo and Julianne were too raunchy. Apolo is really excited about doing the freestyle, which will incorporate lots of lifts. They bring in a hip-hop choreographer to help Apolo with break dancing skills. Their judge-chosen dance is the rumba, which Apolo has a hard time learning. Apolo thinks that, having competed in the Olympics, he has the mental fortitude to really shine in the final.
Apolo is fully dressed, while Julianne appears to be in lingerie; it seems that the story here is that Apolo is leaving on a train, and I think it leaves at midnight, and it appears to be heading for Georgia. And Julianne will be with him (I know she will). All I know is that this is one sexy rumba. I know people on the forums have been speculating about these two for weeks, but if they aren't doing it behind the scenes, I don't know what. They have got some chemistry. Bruno calls them "American gigolo and baby doll" and compliments their chemistry. Carrie Ann thinks it was a little bit overperformed, and not their best. Len agrees with Carrie Ann, and thinks it lacked romance. What? Bruno totally agrees and yells, "They made love on the dance floor! They could have conceived a BABY!" Oh my God. Best line of the season. Len doesn't want to sit to Bruno and moves his chair over, which somehow makes the light on the front of the judges' table flicker on and off. What in the holy hell is happening this season? I LOVE IT! Tom has to go over and remind Bruno to let Len talk. Len thinks it was too fast and hectic. Tom lets his allegiance show when he comments, "Look, I don't even smoke and I wanted a cigarette." Tom totally wants Apolo and Julianne to win. After the commercial, their score comes in: 9, 9, and 10.
Joey was "the comeback kid" last week, and was the first one announced to go through to the finals. Joey and Kym practice many different types of lifts during the freestyle, and Kym pushes Joey even though he's exhausted, which seems quite dangerous for lifting purposes. You don't want a tired dude lifting you in precarious positions. The judges chose the cha-cha for them, and they seem to be adding some sort of puppet choreography in there. Like that one N*SYNC video with the marionettes?
They begin with the puppet stuff, which is kind of dumb and doesn't fit the song, which is possibly my favorite dance song of all time, "Groove Is In the Heart." Joey looks like he's put some weight back on, or maybe his pants don't fit very well. There's a weird breakdown in the middle, and I'm not sure what Joey is doing. It's kind of cool, but doesn't seem very cha-cha. Overall: weird. I don't know if I used that word enough in that paragraph. Let's see what the judges thought. Carrie Ann thinks Joey is a crowd pleaser, but there wasn't enough cha-cha. AGREED! She thinks he took breaks for the fun stuff but never got back to the real moves. Len thinks it was too far away from the roots of the dance, and ended up being more like a freestyle. AGREED! Bruno thought it was "an odd cha-cha." AGREED! Tom points out that Joey and Kym have united the judges. I'm sure those two will make up the points on the freestyle -- I expect amazing things from them, although expectations could work against them. Anyway, for the cha-cha, they get a 9, 8, and 9. They don't look surprised after the lambasting they got in person.
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It's time to bring Laila and Maksim back for their freestyle. I read that Laila will have to get knee surgery when the season ends, and maybe that's why she's wearing bedazzled sneakers this week, but it's not a good look for her. She has really muscular legs anyway, as an athlete, and flats don't do her any favors, especially when she's wearing short shorts. I do enjoy some of her retro '80s moves, like the running man. They do a modified sort of lift, and I'm not sure why, but something seems to be missing from the routine. Laila tries to work it, but the spark is gone somehow, in my opinion. And then at the end, Laila rips Maksim's T-shirt off him. Ugh. Gross. He loves himself SO MUCH! Tom jokes that the best acting he's seen so far was Maksim pretending he didn't want his shirt ripped off. I love Tom. The crowd goes nuts. Oh, don't encourage him.
Carrie Ann liked it, but she wanted to see Laila bring what the remaining male contestants couldn't -- elegance and grace. AGREED! You know Laila can't do hip-hop better than Joey or be more cute and pocket-like than Apolo, so why not go a whole different direction? Len says that while Maksim is a fine figure of a man, he clearly wouldn't be able to pick Laila up over his head. Len liked their technique but wanted more elegance and sophistication. Laila complains that they said they wanted something different. Bruno adds that Laila should have brought the sensuality she's made famous. The judges reveal their scores: 9, 8, and 9. Samantha wonders what Laila thinks, and she repeats that she thought the judges wanted something different. Laila and Maks have a total of 55 out of 60. I actually like that the scores are not as overblown as last week.
Apolo and Julianne look like they're headed to .the set of You Got Served 2 (and oh, how I wish that were a real movie) (and when I just checked IMDB to see if it was a real movie, I discovered the existence of a DVD called You Got Served, Taking It To The Streets, which does not, as you might think, feature the Doobie Brothers in a motherfucking dance-off, but it does allow you to learn the moves from the film, and I think it's time to end this parenthetical and also I think I've had too much sugar). As "Bust A Move" (my signature karaoke song!) plays, Apolo and Julianne do some amazing moves, especially Apolo's break dancing and some of the lifts. They are very successful with a section where they dance with bandannas (sounds weird but it worked) and not as successful with a section where they pull bandannas over their eyes and try to "dance blind" so to speak, but get a bit out of sync. I admire the attempt. They finish up with a move where Apolo lies on his back and Julianne vaults off his feet and does a front flip. Hey, Young MC is in the audience! It looks like he's put the weight from Celebrity Fit Club back on. Oh, like you don't watch that show on Sunday mornings. The crowd is so fired up that you can't really hear what Len says, although it is positive. Bruno loved it too, especially the blindfolded bit. Carrie Ann makes them come over and give her hugs. Another thing I liked about this routine is that often the professionals look really awkward during the freestyle, because they can't let loose or something, but Julianne looks good. Anyway, they get 10, 10, and 10 for an overall score tonight of 58 out of 60, which puts them in the lead.
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Finally, Joey and Kym are up. I wonder if they will suffer from heightened expectations. Freestyle is right in Joey's wheelhouse (my husband provided that phrase, so thanks, dude). They're dancing to "Last Dance," so it starts out very slow and elegant, until they rip off their suits and reveal gold lame suits and bust out some N*SYNC moves. Joey plays to his strengths, literally, and does a ton of lifts and spins because he's big and he can. And he looks like he's having more fun than he has all season. They also do lots of actual dance moves. And then Mrs. Brady and Lisa Loeb are sitting together in the audience. What? Bruno and Carrie Ann are ecstatic, and Len tells Joey that he flew off the stage "like Harry Potter on a Nimbus 2000." Who knew Len was a J.K. Rowling fan? Len concludes that he wishes he could give higher than a 10. That was pretty amazing. I think Joey met expectations and I don't know if I liked his routine or Apolo's better. Okay, time shift: I just went back and I think I liked Joey's second routine better, but I liked Apolo's first routine better. I mean, they could have conceived a baby. The judges give them 10, 10, and 10. Their total score is 56 out of 60. Joey and Kym talk about how difficult their rehearsals were due to all the lifts, but they pulled through. Joey manages to pull out the humble while begging for votes.
Tom reminds us that the judges will be scoring one more performance tomorrow night, but these are the standings right now. Apolo and Julianne are in first with 58, Joey and Kym are in second with 56, and Laila and Maksim are in third with 55. Samantha reminds us that the home viewers' votes count for half of the totals, so it's important to use all your votes, and come back tomorrow night to find out the champion.
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