Episode Report Card Demian: B | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT There's A New Source In Town
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 13 | Aired on 02.06.2002
"Trust me," Raige announces over at THE BLACK HOLE OF SOCIAL SERVICES. "I'm sure." Isn't that clever? That little thing they just did there? Yeah, well, it quickly gets tedious the next eight times they do it this episode. Raige is in a conference with Detective Darryl and some woman with fried hair, a hideous multi-colored knit top, and an upper lip that appears to have been mauled by a collagen-wielding pack of rabid plastic surgeons. The woman, who remains nameless for this initial exchange, lost custody of her son after a period during which she was constantly ripped to the tits while being smacked around by an abusive boyfriend. She's been "clean and sober for two years," the abusive boyfriend is long gone from the scene, and she now works as a clerk in The Loneliest Precinct House In The World. Raige and Darryl are helping her regain custody of her son from the state. The woman's nervous about the upcoming hearing, but Raige assures her that everything will be fine. Just then, Raige's cell phone chirps. She excuses herself from the conference room to find Piper on the other end of the line.
Piper, whispering into the cordless so as not to be overheard by Cole, gives Raige the lowdown on the new demon in their lives. Raige snits something about having more pressing matters to attend to at THE BLACK HOLE. Meanwhile, Phoebe's concocted a tale of engine problems in the Halliwell SUV. She wants Cole to take it to a garage to have the engine fixed. Cole sees right through this deception, but agrees to leave the Manor as long as Phoebe later tells him what's really going on. Phoebe nods her head at this, pecks him on the lips, and sees him out the front door. Back at THE BLACK HOLE, Raige refuses Piper's request to return to the Manor immediately. The events in Phoebe's premonition occurred at night, so there's no reason Raige should abandon "Carolyn" and her custody hearing that afternoon. They named the chick with the fried hair Carolyn? Way too easy. As Raige continues nattering into her cell, Darryl and Collagyn emerge from the office behind Raige. Piper rolls her eyes and allows Raige to attend to her professional responsibilities before heading back to the house to attend to her witchy ones. For some odd reason, they've completely abandoned the practice of camouflaging Holly Marie Combs's wrist tattoos with watches and bracelets. The tattoos are pretty tame, so I don't know why they bothered covering them up in the first place. Anyway, Raige thanks Piper and hangs up. Collagyn furrows her brow, which somehow escaped the plastic surgeons' attack unscathed by Botox, and asks Raige if everything's all right. Raige simply smiles and promises to meet up with Collagyn and Darryl at the courthouse in time for the hearing at three. Collagyn deems Raige "my angel," and the two women hug.
Somewhere, um, else, Caprice Benedetti of Practical Magic "fame" (snicker) serenely contemplates a chessboard. She's done up in white robes, and a little neon halo hovers over her head. Her companion, a black-clad gent with peroxided hair moussed all to hell above his Frankensteinian forehead, growls, "Just make a damned move already!" "You're just upset because good is winning," Caprice replies. Lord. Why, when tossed together, do the forces of good and Eeevil always play chess? And good always plays white? I just saw this scene in that shitty remake of Bedazzled. Do these people have some huge hairy problem with Scrabble? Or poker? Caprice, who is quite the gorgeous woman in a way strikingly reminiscent of Capucine -- and yes, I watch way too much E! -- chides her companion for lacking the virtue of patience. He replies along the lines of having had 3,500 years to practice the virtue of patience, and he's getting pretty sick of it. Caprice orbs her queen across the board. I know next to nothing about chess, but even I can tell Caprice isn't winning this game. Not at all. Caprice's companion -- whom I'll call "Spike" for simplicity's sake -- smashes his remaining bishop into her queen and takes the lead with a bit of a snark. Caprice pouts as The Source blazes into the middle of a bonfire they've lit for warmth. Or for pleasantly decorative purposes. I have no way of knowing which reason is the correct one. Hell, I still don't even know where we are. Caprice clues me in by approaching The Source and announcing in a tone that brooks no dispute, "You need to leave immediately. This place is an ancient burial ground." So, the fire would be for warmth then, right? Anyway, Spike joins Caprice in calling for The Source's immediate exit from the premises. By the way, now that we can see his head in color, I should probably mention that his skin is a putrescent green. Not nearly as vibrant as the green of The Wicked Witch Of The West, but not as pallid as the greenish tinge of some who are jaundiced. Were I a pathologist studying the effects of erosion on the human body, I'm certain I could speak with more authority on this matter, but it looks like he's rotting.
The Source yells at Spike a bit for forgetting "whose side [he's] on." Caprice corrects The Source: "There are no sides. We protect all magic. That is the agreement." The Source feints, as if in acquiescence to Caprice's demands, then hurls one of his FBODs into her chest. Caprice howls and wails. After she's disappeared in a veil of fire, her neon halo clatters to the ground. It spins around for a bit before disappearing as well. "The agreement's just been revoked," The Source intones. Damn, Source. Why you gotta be that way? I finally sort of enjoy watching a tertiary character on this show, and you go fry her ass. Tool. Spike screams, "Die!" and zaps The Source with a bolt of blue lightning. The Source falls to the ground, but quickly recovers. Spike begs desperately, "Please. The Hollow is a threat to us all. Its power is too great." The Source raises a gnarled hand to Spike's face and replies, "That's exactly the kind of power I need." The Source tosses Spike across the room and stalks over to a set of cast iron crypt-like doors. He stretches his arms out in front of him, and with great effort forces the doors open telekinetically. A blinding blue light fills the room as we get a look at the hammered-tin box containing The Hollow. For reasons far beyond my comprehension, the side of the box has been perforated with the letters "OZ." The Source mojos the box slowly into his hands, then turns to face Spike. Spike screams, "No! The Hollow consumes powers!" Well, thanks for that bit of information, Spike. Old pal. The Source opens the lid, and a cloud of black pellets rises to enter Spike through his eyes and mouth. If you've seen the swarm of bees swirling out of Candyman's every orifice in his eponymous movie, you'll know what it looks like. And if you haven't seen Candyman, go rent it. Once The Hollow has settled completely into Spike's head, The Source seethes, "And now you can steal powers and give them to me." DUN!