Halliwell Manor. Night. A party is coming to a close. Prue "Frederick's of" Halliwell, clad in a backless brown suede boob-sling dress, shows some departing guests to the door. The extras thank her effusively (natch) for a "great party." Piper "Tie: Beaux" Halliwell, in a black tube cocktail dress, walks into the parlor while carrying a tray of coffee. Prue beams at her, because their fete is such a success, and thinks they "should do this more often." Whatever, Prue. Piper does this at her nightclub most every night of the week -- this is a busman's holiday for her. Piper bitches at Prue that the party's guest list should be "trimmed by one" and looks over at Leo "Dan's Fever" Wyatt, who's talking to Dan "If the Glove Fits" Gordon. Prue explains that when she went to get supplies at the club, Leo was there, so it would have been awkward not to invite him. Piper: "Doesn't Leo feel awkward being around Dan?" Prue: "Doesn't look that way to me." Cut to the guys, tightly gripping their -- ahem -- long-neck beers and chatting enthusiastically with each other. Prue expositions about Leo being mortal now and not knowing anybody. Hello, can we have a "Previously on Charmed" segment each week to get rid of these stilted explanations at the beginning of each ep? Oh, wait, that would mean that the writers would have to pay attention to continuity and actually create stories that arc throughout the season. Never mind. Piper's still mad, but explains to Prue that she's not angry with her sis, but "upset with the whole situation." Prue: "Doesn't Leo accept that you and Dan are together?" Piper: "Of course." Prue then gets Piper's goat by hinting that the guys are discussing Piper. The hard Ps titter, and Piper looks nervous. Just then, Phoebe "Freakin' II: The Entity Boogaloo" Halliwell, in a kimono-type pajama top, appears on the stairs. She wails on her sisters to "give it a break -- it's after midnight, and [she has] midterms tomorrow." Piper apologizes. Prue invites Pheebs downstairs for a study break. Phoebe can't, because she has "too many phobias" -- to learn! Yuk yuk yuk. Not. She's studying for a "psych" exam, and starts naming off terms: "claustrophobia, arachnophobia . . . phallus-phobia." I don't even know if that's a real condition, but I suspect it might be a real shout-out to my "Johnny Wad" recap. Prue quips weakly, "Relax-ophobia?" Phoebe beams and exclaims, "You!" as if her sister has said something exceptionally witty. The hard Ps agree to keep the noise down. Besides, the "party's breaking up" anyway. Phoebe blows them kisses, thanks her sisters and heads back upstairs. Piper glances over at Dan and Leo.
Cut to the menfolk. Dan is quizzing Leo on his "favorite ballplayer." Leo answers, "Joe DiMaggio." Dan tells him that he meant Leo's favorite ballplayer from childhood. Leo reiterates his choice of DiMaggio, then covers his gaffe by explaining that his "grandfather's favorite" became his favorite. Dan believes that Leo doesn't like talking about his past much. Leo doesn't find it very interesting. Dan quizzes Leo about his stint in the army. When did Leo get discharged? Piper walks up to the guys, and Dan gloms onto her (natch). She wonders if they've been talking about her much. Dan: "Not at all." Piper gives Leo the stink-eye. Dan continues his interrogation about Leo's army experience. Piper interrupts them to urge everyone to "look at the time."
Cut to Phoebe upstairs, studying. She's sitting cross-legged on her bed, with her kimono bed jacket open. She hears "Party's over!" from downstairs, and gripes, "Finally." She takes some chopsticks off of her head to let her hair down, and leans over her flashcards for a primo cleavage shot. Um, what's up with the Far Eastern-themed study outfit you're half-wearing, Phoebe? Become a real college student and graduate to sweat pants and an old t-shirt.
Halliwell Manor. Outside. Prue, walking bow-legged in her heels and Ann-Margarock dress, escorts some people down the walkway towards their cars.
Phoebe's room. She hears music and party chatter start up again. Pheebs puts down her highlighter and gets her bitch on. She walks downstairs, whining that she "asked you guys to keep it down." She checks out the foyer and the parlor, but they're empty. She can still hear Dixieland jazz and party chatter, though. Suddenly she's thrown against a wall by an invisible force. Her kimono top is thrust open, revealing her lavender Vickie's Secret bra, taut abs and pierced navel. We cut to an overhead shot for maximum bosom exposure. Phoebe gasps for air. Her bra strap is pushed down off her shoulder, and her boxers are forced up her thigh. Phoebe closes her eyes and slides down the wall to the floor. A lamp falls and breaks, alerting the hard Ps to come inside to investigate. Prue and Piper, with Dan in tow, run to Phoebe's aid. She comes to. Is she all right? Phoebe "thinks so." Piper asks her what's the big. Phoebe doesn't know, but sure wants to find out.
Congratulations to Brian Krause for finally figuring out with whom he had to sleep to get his face on the opening credits. Cheers!
So in this new movie, Madonna and Rupert Everett mate, and she gives birth to a stillborn British accent through her nasal passages.
Establishing shots of the nighttime San Fran skyline, while Warner Bros. Music's adenoid-of-the-week is blared at us. Halliwell Manor. Parlor. Piper brings Phoebe a glass of water. Dan asks her if she's okay, because she "really could have hurt [herself] falling down like that." Huh? Why don't you demonstrate the many ways in which one can hurt oneself falling down? I know I'd be entertained. Oh, and SHUT UP. Prue thinks everyone should "call it a night" and gives Piper a telling look. Piper gets the hint and shows Dan the door. Dan asks if Leo's "coming" too. The Halliwells make excuses that he has to stay to get glasses together to take back to the P3 After Dark. Leo peers around the corner to gawk at Dan and Piper necking goodnight in the foyer, although he very well could have just listened since the lip mics are cranked up to Jesus. Piper returns to the parlor and quizzes Leo on what he and Dan were chatting about all night. Prue asks her to drop it so they can find out what's the big with Phoebe. Phoebe expositions about hearing the old-timey party noises, then getting attacked by an unseen being. Prue wonders if it's a ghost. Phoebe says the attack felt "more like a daydream." When asked to elaborate and explain the dirty, wistful grin on her face, she admits that it was kind of like a "seduction." Phoebe asks Leo if he's ever run across an occurrence like this. He hasn't. Piper worries because they have no idea if or when "it" will strike again.
Campus of that unnamed, advertised-on-the-back-of-a-matchbook college that actually admitted Phoebe. day. Phoebe, in an ugly purple print clown blouse with a duffel-bag collar and first-day-of-school hard denim jeans is walking along with Prue, clad in a cornflower blue Gunne Sax tube dress with a slip hanging four inches out of the hem. Phoebe is "embarrassed" because her sister hasn't had to walk her to school since the first grade. The lazy Ps blather about Phoebe's "body" needing "guarding" from the spirit who's interested in it. Phoebe insists that Prue wait outside the lecture hall while she takes her exam. Prue assents. Her interest is piqued by a photography exhibit, so she walks over to the display. Oh my. Is this a little green bud of foreshadowing I see so early in the spring?
P3AD. Leo carries a box of glasses over to Piper, who's doing paperwork at the bar. He asks about Pheebs. Piper says she and Prue watched over her all night and nothing happened. Piper senses that Leo knows more than he's telling. Leo explains that he once heard about a similar situation in which a woman's past life had come back to haunt her in her present one. But Leo can't find out any more, since his wings have been clipped. Piper asks if he misses being a White Lighter. Leo says he does, especially when his help is needed. Aw. Holly Marie Combs is doing really well with this scene, and looking very pretty in her ponytail and light grey boat neck sweater. Uch, then Dan walks in, hoping that he's not interrupting anything. Keep hoping, babe. And shut up. Piper tells him that he isn't. Leo goes to the storeroom. Piper wonders what Dan is doing at the club. He says he stopped there on his way to the office. Then he adds, "If I ask a question, will you promise not to get mad at me?" At this point, I'd brace myself if I were Piper. Dan asks her how well she "really knows" Leo. Piper wants to know why he's asking. Dan: "Call me overprotective." Um, Dan that's the nice word for what you are. Piper tells him not to worry about Leo, because he's "an angel." HMC delivers the line with just the right amount of irony, humor and wistfulness. Kudos.
Campus. Lecture hall. The camera pans over to Phoebe. Okay, get this -- it's my favorite non-verbal revelation of Phoebe-as-moron all season (so far). Alyssa Milano is writing in her flimsy blue examination booklet, not on a desk or any hard surface mind you, but by holding the book up in front of her face with one hand while she scribbles on it with the other. Um, honey, they're called desks. You might want to master their use, since you're in college now and all. Anyway, Phoebe suddenly throws her booklet down and grabs her throat while gasping for air. An unseen force lifts Phoebe up and she's flung backwards into the aisle. A girl shrieks as Phoebe struggles on the floor. Prue, outside, hears this and books inside the hall. She kneels down to Phoebe and asks her if she's okay. The attack has ended.
Halliwell Manor. Parlor. Piper brings the Book of Shadows into the room for the Halliwells to peruse. Leo is there also, telling the sisters to look for "'past lives' spells, potions [or] incantations." He prattles about souls and pasts and reincarnation and evolution of the spirit. Phoebe wonders why her "past life" is trying to kill her. Leo thinks her past is "trying to warn" her, because she's able to receive premonitions. Phoebe quips, "Where is Shirley MacLaine when you need her?" I believe the answer is "at the end of a particularly long career skidmark, but not so down-and-out that she'd accept the offer to be stunt-cast in a Charmed episode for sweeps," but I may be wrong. Piper says, "We don't need her." She's found a "past life" spell in the BoS. It's written in the first person, so Phoebe can -- nay, must -- perform it alone. Prue worries that Pheebs might get "trapped" in the past where "something awful" will happen to her. Pheebs reasons that something awful is already happening to her in the present, and she must "take this chance." She recites the Hallmark verse: Remove the chains of time and space/ And make my spirit soar/ Let these mortal arms embrace/ The life that haunts before. Phoebe falls into a deep trance on Piper's lap.
1920s Halliwell Manor. Day. We start these scenes in sepia-toned POV shots of Pre-Phoebe getting out of a car in front of the manor. The manor had valet parking then. Pre-Phoebe walks up to the house past men in period tuxedos and women in vintage evening gowns. A woman thanks Pre-Pheebs for her "love potion." Pre-Phoebe approaches a doorman, who lets her into the manor. The place is packed with extras dressed like gangsters and flappers, all smoking and drinking and listening to jazz. Phoebe checks herself out in a mirror. She looks quite stunning in a Marseilles-waved black bobbed wig, diamond headband, red slip dress and matching feather boa.
Present Halliwell Manor. Phoebe, lying unconscious on the sofa, smiles. Piper asks Leo if she's okay. He thinks she is.
1920s Halliwell Manor. Pre-Phoebe fingers an amulet around her neck and looks over at the piano player and a flapper doing the Charleston to him. The piano player looks at her. Ugh. It's Pre-Dan, with pomaded-back hair that's only slightly less greasy than present Dan. Pre-Phoebe glares at him. A woman accosts her and asks where she's been. Pre-Pheebs was getting "herbs" for her potions. Cut to Pre-Piper in a black beaded cocktail frock and bobbed wig. She approaches the bartender and tells him to hurry up with the "giggle water" for the speakeasy's patrons. Pre-Pheebs walks up to Pre-Piper, expositioning, "What's the matter, dear cousin, are you afraid of me?" Pre-Piper: "Should I be?" Pre-Pheebs goes over to Pre-Dan and harshes at him to play another song. Pre-Piper comes over and tells him to continue playing, or whatever it is Greg Vaughan thinks he's doing -- I've seen cast members from The Chimp Channel who mimicked piano playing better than he. Pre-Phoebe glares at Pre-Piper and leaves the parlor. She walks into the sunroom, where Pre-Prue, sporting a red pageboy wig that looks like it could stand up in a corner all by itself (and should, it's so bad) and a royal blue plunging-neckline party dress, is taking a photographic portrait. Pre-Phoebe greets her other cousin. Pre-Prue tells her they "need to talk." Pre-Phoebe is "through talking." She walks away. Pre-Piper comes up to Pre-Prue and hands her a written spell. The cousins all glare at each other. Pre-Phoebe walks over to a table where a little girl is telling a woman a fortune from a crystal ball. Pre-Phoebe freaks, because she told the little girl to watch her things, not to play with them. Pre-Pheebs grabs the girl's doll and smashes it on the floor. The little girl wails for her "dolly." Pre-Phoebe struts off, stepping on kittens and kicking puppies out of her way. Not really, because we already GET IT -- she's mean. A handsome guy comes up behind Pre-Pheebs in a doorway. He grabs her neck and pushes her against a wall. They sloppily French kiss. Pre-Phoebe drops her boa. Handsome Guy feels her up. Pre-Phoebe wonders, "Why must you tease me, Anton?" Anton leads her outside behind the manor. Several crates of liquor are scattered around the yard, bottles spilling out of them.
A sidebar for a minute. Hello, scriptwriter of this episode -- they were called "speakeasies" for a reason. Sale and consumption of liquor was against the law. I mean, maybe the police were afraid of the Halliwells because they were witches, but that's not explained here with a throw-away line or anything. Eliot Ness would have been all over this place in no time flat. What am I watching -- The Touchables?
Anton gives Pre-Phoebe a potion to drink that will "triple" her power so she can battle her cousins. She slurps it down. Anton tells her to test the result. She points at a crate of liquor and hurls a fireball at it. It explodes in sparks.
Present Halliwell Manor. Phoebe wakes up, coughing. Where is she? Prue tells her she's back at home, she's okay. Phoebe responds: "I was bad. Very, very bad." The hard Ps gape at her.
This Scope commercial -- what the? A man and a woman share a bathroom and a bottle of mouthwash. She carries a cat upstairs while the guy carries a baby downstairs. The toss and turn in separate beds. He lets the dog out and wanders into the yard. The woman meets him there and they do it in the grass. Are they married? Brother and sister? Staying in the same hostel? What? Is from the European ad campaign? Can anyone tell me?
Halliwell Manor. Attic. Phoebe expositions about her adventure in 1924, and how all the sisters lived in the manor as cousins. Prue wonders if they all looked the same. Phoebe says yes. Leo explains that it's probably because Phoebe's soul recognized their souls -- "We all tend to travel in the same circle of family, friends, even enemies in our past lives. That's why our souls keep recognizing each other. So we can find each other. That's what 'soulmates' means." Piper looks uncomfortable, and who wouldn't while listening to this tripe? Phoebe blathers on about having "no control over [her] actions," like she was a "visitor." Then she reiterates her "very, very bad" feelings and admits that she liked "it -- feeling powerful and respected." She asks Leo why she doesn't still have the "kick-ass" fireball-throwing power. Leo explains that if you "screw up, you regress. Your past self must have abused the power, so it was taken away from you." So I guess the Charmed World of the Charmed Ones works like a big celestial game of Chutes and Ladders. And Phoebe broke the cookie jar. Phoebe awkwardly segues about her "hot" power to how "hot" Anton was. Piper suggests that Anton might have been the guy who strangled pre-Phoebe. Phoebe: "Perhaps. Or maybe Past Dan." Piper: "Dan?" Phoebe explains that he was Pre-Piper's husband, and apologizes to Leo. Leo says it's okay, and mumbles something about Piper's past life "mistakes." Piper gapes. Prue smirks. Piper swats her. Phoebe, who's been looking around in boxes and chests all of this time, comes upon Pre-Prue's old camera. She tells Prue about her old profession. Prue wonders what kind of charmed power she had. Phoebe doesn't know, but suspects it was strong, since she had to triple her own power before taking on the Pre-hard Ps. Phoebe suddenly finds a roll of parchment which contains the Halliwell family tree. She unrolls it, and spots the entry for Pre-Phoebe: "P. Russell, July 2, 1894 -- Feb. 17, 1924." Phoebe notes that Pre-Pheebs died on the same day as the current date. And they're both the same age. WHAT? Phoebe is twenty-nine? Did Props screw that up? That would mean the hard Ps are pushing thirty from the other side. Props, hello! What's going on? Anyway, Phoebe gets all dramatic because she thinks she's going to die before the day is over. She remembers the little girl from the past life experience -- Christina Carson -- and decides to have Darryl track her down so she can find out some more about Pre-Phoebe's murder.
Intermezzo Nursing Home. Intermezzo? Who chose a word that means "brief interlude" as a name for a retirement home? Whatever! The Halliwells, with Leo in tow, storm into the old lady's room like they own the place. The old woman, who plays this role like the poor man's Gloria Stuart, takes one look at Phoebe and wails, "My dolly! You took my dolly!" Phoebe loudly and patronizingly assures the woman that it was just "SOMEONE WHO LOOKED LIKE ME." Prue tells Pheebs to let PMGS know that she's the "good Phoebe." The old lady still looks deathly afraid. Phoebe: "I WON'T HURT YOU, I PROMISE." She kneels in front of the lady, and tries to jog the woman's memory about being a little girl in 1924 who "VISITED A SPEAKEASY RUN BY THREE COUSINS." PMGS states that her father was a bartender there who used to take her to the manor after school. And she remembers Phoebe as an "evil witch." She hid on "the landing" and "saw everything" when Pre-Phoebe was murdered. Phoebe asks if she remembers the culprit -- was it Anton? PMGS prattles on about Pre-Phoebe's "pretty necklace" that was ripped right off the neck of the "bad witch." Leo asks PMGS who the murderer was. PMGS wails about her "favorite dolly" some more.
Nursing Home. Hallway. Phoebe walks out, followed by the hard Ps and Leo. She looks over at some old men playing cards in the rec room. She reasons aloud that the "bright side" to this sitch is "not ending up in a place like this in [her] old age." Phoebe, SHUT UP. Not all senior citizens are deaf. And this nursing home doesn't look like a fate worse than death either. Jeez. Phoebe reasons that they still have to do something before midnight, when her past life will catch up with her, if not sooner. Leo tells Phoebe she'll "have to go back to the past again" to get some answers.
Halliwell Manor. Phoebe walks into the parlor with the BoS. Leo tells her to make sure she gets back before Pre-Phoebe is strangled, or they won't be able to wake her up. Phoebe tells him not to worry, and reiterates the "past life" spell. She falls back onto the sofa, in another trance.
1920s Halliwell Manor. The case of liquor is blown up in the backyard. Anton asks Pre-Phoebe, "Feels good to be bad, doesn't it?" Pre-Pheebs has second thoughts, since she'll be taking down her cousins. He reminds her that her amulet will protect her from the Pre-hard Ps' powers. Anton paints a rosy future for the two of them after they gain those powers and become "unstoppable." Anton and Pre-Pheebs neck some more. Anton tells her about his plan to distract Pre-Piper by disguising himself as her former lover. He wipes a hand across his face and turns into pre-Leo. What? This completely doesn't allow for Leo's final past life before becoming a White Lighter to be a serviceman in World War II -- he would either have been too young or too old. But, hey, time plays cruel tricks on the writers of this show and they pass them on to the viewers, I guess.
Parlor. At a microphone a singer croons, "If you were the only girl in the world, and I was the only boy . . ." Pre-Dan apes piano-playing in accompaniment. Pre-Piper watching the performance, sees fake Pre-Leo in the foyer. She wonders what he's doing there. He grabs her. She asks what's wrong -- this isn't like him. He agrees, and wipes the face off his head (tm Parker Posey in Dazed and Confused) to reveal that he's Anton. Meanwhile, in the sunroom, Pre-Phoebe walks up to Pre-Prue. She asks her cousin to talk with her upstairs. But Pre-Prue hears Pre-Piper being assaulted. The easily-startled speakeasy patrons start to bug out and run out the door. Anton struggles with Pre-Piper. Pre-Dan rushes to her assistance. Anton flings him back against the fireplace in the parlor. Pre-Piper puts Anton in slow motion (which I guess is Piper's unevolved power). But Anton quickly moves back to normal speed, and continues attacking her. The little girl runs up the stairs and watches the action below. Pre-Prue throws an icicle beam at Pre-Pheebs. What the? How did this "Mr. Cold Mizer" power evolve into Prue's telekinesis? Whatever! Pre-Phoebe's amulet glows, protecting her from Pre-Prue's frostiness. Pre-Pheebs asks her cousin how it feels "to be powerless against [her]." Pre-Prue distracts her with a camera flash and hurls her body at Pre-Phoebe as she ducks from the fireball Pre-Pheebs has shot in her direction. Pre-Piper knees Anton in the balls and pulls a grandfather clock on top of him. The pre-lazy Ps wrestle each other on the parlor room floor. The little girl watches all of this. Cut to an exterior shot of extras running out of the manor in horror. Meanwhile, inside, Pre-Piper grabs a curtain sash and puts it around pre-Phoebe's neck. Pre-Pheebs struggles on the floor while both her cousins try to strangle her. Pre-Prue grabs the amulet from her neck and throws it into the foyer. The little girl sees this. While Pre-Piper holds Pre-Pheebs' neck in the rope, Pre-Prue reaches into her garter belt for the written spell. The Pre-hard Ps declare that Pre-Pheebs is "evil" and they must stop her and Anton "in this life, and in any life." Pre-Piper asks God to "forgive" them, probably for the amateurish Hallmark verse the two of them recite: Evil witch in my sight/ Vanquish thyself/ Vanquish thy might/ In this and every future life. Pre-Phoebe glares at them as she chokes to death.
Present Halliwell Manor. Phoebe sits up from the sofa, gulping for air. She gives the hard Ps the stink-eye, wailing on them for being "the ones trying to kill [her]."
Shame on you, Madison Avenue, for re-animating the corpse of Colonel Sanders and making him exclaim, "Boo-yah!"
Present Halliwell Manor. Phoebe storms out of the room, followed by the hard Ps. Piper: "Don't be ridiculous -- we would never hurt you." Phoebe brats (tm pamie) at her, "Tell that to Past Phoebe. You cursed her." Leo tries to reason with Pheebs that it was only her sisters' past souls that tried to kill her. Phoebe drops the bombshell that it was her past self that was trying to kill them first. She snits off and slams the door to her bedroom. The hard Ps walk in. Piper tells her not to blame herself, since "it wasn't really [her]." Phoebe: "But it was me. Or at least a part of me I can relate to." She says that she isn't referring to the desire to harm the hard Ps, but the "powerful evil feeling" that was "seductive." Prue assures Pheebs that Evil Phoebe has "evolved" and is "good" in this life now. Phoebe says her soul was good back then also, before she fell in love with Anton. She adds that he's an immortal warlock who can "glamor" into people -- that was how he trapped Pre-Piper, by taking on the image of her "former lover." Piper: "Who?" Leo admits that it was he. Prue and Phoebe can't believe he already knew. Leo explains that when he became a White Lighter, he got to check out his soul's past lives "for perspective." Piper harshes on him for keeping his knowledge that they were "past lovers" from her all of this time. She demands an explanation. When he tries to reply, she interrupts him with the news that she's "getting a migraine." Leo tries to state that he didn't want to influence her choices in the present with knowledge of their past. Piper, still on "SEND ONLY," rubs her temples and voices her need for an aspirin. Phoebe remembers that this episode is all about her and directs the conversation back to her problems. She thinks she only has until midnight to live. Prue doesn't understand how Pre-Phoebe's death will cause the death of Phoebe in the present. Phoebe says that she's cursed to die, because the pre-hard Ps "didn't want to risk Past Phoebe and Anton getting together in any lifetime." She and Anton are "soulmates." She adds that the amulet Pre-Phoebe was wearing in the 1920s can probably protect her from Anton in the present. Phoebe wonders if PMGS knows where it is. Piper doubts that she would remember eighty-six years later. The hard Ps decide to comb the BoS for mention of Anton. Phoebe tells them that she wants to go get something to eat. They'll meet later. After Prue and Piper leave, Pheebs asks Leo to accompany her on a return visit to PMGS at the nursing home. She doesn't want her sisters to accompany her, because if she fails she doesn't want them to see her die.
Attic. The hard Ps flip through the BoS. Piper reasons that if Anton's around in the present, he's probably looking for Phoebe. Then she gets to wondering, "Where's Leo?"
Intermezzo Nursing Home. PMGS sits in a wheelchair by the window. Phoebe bursts into the room without knocking, like she owns the place. She shouts, "HI, IT'S PHOEBE! I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU AGAIN, BUT I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING! IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT!" Then she kneels by the old lady's wheel chair, and in her loudest and most patronizing tone asks the woman to try to remember the day the "bad witch" died and the "pretty necklace" was torn off her neck. Leo, to his credit, asks PMGS in a warm, normal manner, "Please try. Phoebe's life depends on it." Phoebe chimes in, "DO YOU REMEMBER, [POOR MAN'S GLORIA STUART]?" PMGS, instead of calling for a security guard, starts waxing nostalgic about the "ship of dreams" which was really a "slave ship, bringing her back to America in chains." Er, really her eyes light up and she blathers about being "up on the landing" that day at the speakeasy, and seeing "the whole thing," including the necklace sliding "across the floor to the foyer." But she doesn't know where it went. Phoebe and Leo walk a few paces away from her. Leo thinks any further questioning of the old lady is futile. Phoebe asks him if she could possibly write a spell to send her back to the past, but still retain complete control over her actions there. She wants to find the amulet and hide it somewhere in the house so her future, er present self can find it. Leo says that such a spell would involve "switching life forces" with Evil Phoebe, so Evil Phoebe would inhibit her present body while she was in Pre-Phoebe. He worries about unleashing such an evil witch in the present. Phoebe thinks it's a "big risk" but her "only chance." She starts jotting down notes on a handy pad of paper. Hey, make yourself at home in the old lady's room, guys. Leo adds: "Do you realize that they'll still try to kill you?" Phoebe tells him not to worry, because he's mortal now and it will give him wrinkles. Give him wrinkles? Brian Krause has looked like he was rode hard and hung up wet ever since he first appeared on this show. Phoebe lies down on PMGS's bed like she owns the place. Hallmark sponsors the brief poetry slam: In this time and in this place/ Take the spirit I displace/ Bring it forth while I go back/ To inhibit a soul so black. Music tinkles. Cut to Pre-Phoebe struggling with her cousins. Suddenly she wrests herself free from Piper's hold and kick-boxes Pre-Prue across the room. Then she flips Pre-Piper's stunt double over her shoulder and does a back somersault onto her feet. While watching the leg-splayage and panty-glimpsing this smackdown afforded, I realize that the producers must have come up with the idea for this sweeps month stunt first, then built the episode and a back story around it. Anyway, Pre-Piper wonders where Pre-Phoebe "learned to do that." Pre-Phoebe starts hunting around for the amulet. The Pre-hard Ps stand up. Pre-Phoebe bolts away from them up the stairs. Pre-Prue wonders why she's running and not using her power to fight them. Pre-Piper thinks she's leading them upstairs "into another trap."
Present Nursing Home. Phoebe lies in PMGS's bed. Leo asks her if she's all right. Is she there? PMGS stands up from her wheelchair, stating, "Here, there, everywhere." She opens up a jewelry box, and takes out the amulet. Why, she had the "Heart of the Ocean" all along! She walks to the railing and flings it into the watery depths with a girlish sigh. I mean, she holds up the amulet to Leo. He gapes. PMGS wipes her face and turns into Anton. Anton pimp-slaps Leo into the bathroom door, knocking him out and revealing a bound and gagged PMGS inside. Anton sings the "Only Girl in the World" song and puts the amulet on Phoebe as she lies on the bed in her trance. She wakes up as Evil Phoebe, and asks where she is. Anton tells her that she's been "reincarnated." Remembering that his soulmate is Princess Not-So-Bright (tm Nora Dunn in Miami Blues), he further elaborates, "Reborn." Evil Phoebe and Anton neck.
Sure your hair is "shimmery," Milla. It's also the same color as Ronald McDonald's.
1920s Halliwell Manor. A cut-rate sepia-toned establishing shot with one lonely period automobile driving past. Cut to Pre-Phoebe inside, explaining to the pre-hard Ps that, "I'm not who you think I am -- I'm a different me." Pre-Prue and Pre-Piper don't buy it, and advance toward her. Pre-Pheebs blathers some more about the three of them "evolving" into "good sisters, happy sisters." Pre-Piper quips that she must have cut off too much oxygen to Pre-Phoebe's brain. Hee. I love me a good dig at Phoebe's mental incapacities, regardless of the era. Pre-Phoebe decides to "screw this" and starts her "In this time and in this place" return spell mantra to try to escape to the present. When she finishes her spiel, she looks over the banister and still sees her pissed-off flapper sister/cousins. Pre-Prue shoots an icicle ray at Pre-Pheebs and it leaves an icy hole above her on the wall. Pre-Phoebe books up the stairs.
Intermezzo Nursing Home. Prue brings water to PMGS. PMGS thanks her effusively (natch). Piper says that the nurse will be there shortly to make sure the old lady is okay. Leo rubs his hurt jaw and bitches, "I'll be fine, thanks for asking." Piper tells him he will get "no sympathy out of [her]." Prue asks PMGS if she can get anything else for her. PMGS requests some product-placement gelatin dessert that won't be named until they send MBTV their advertising fee. Prue's face says, "You know, old lady, I was only asking to be polite, what do you want -- the sun, the moon, and the stars if I have time?" while her voice replies that she'll "see what [she] can do." Prue ignores PMGS to join Piper and Leo for a processing summit. They voice their disbelief that Anton would use PMGS to set a trap for Phoebe. Word. Wouldn't Anton have shown up at Halliwell Manor a long time before the events in this episode? Anyway, Prue gets on task and reminds them that they need to get Phoebe back from the past. Piper worries about confronting Evil Phoebe, since she's probably protected by the amulet. Leo states the obvious -- that they need to get the amulet off of Evil Phoebe long enough for Pheebs and Evil Pheebs to switch lives. Then Phoebe will have to wear the amulet to protect her in the present from the past life curse. Prue gets as mired in the mechanics of this plot as I do and states the "bottom line -- find Evil Phoebe and get the amulet." Piper and Leo have no follow-up questions. They reason that since there are only five minutes left in this episode and Evil Phoebe only knows about the Halliwell Manor set, EP and Anton will be waiting at the house to try to trap and kill them. Leo and the hard Ps book home.
1920s Halliwell Manor. Upstairs hallway. The Pre-hard Ps stalk Pre-Phoebe. Phoebe runs downstairs, still muttering the spell mantra. She runs smack into Anton, and I do mean "smack" because the lip mics are set on eleven again. But this time she resists his sloppy kisses. Anton gets turned on by this and remarks that she's "too good too be true." Ah, irony. Phoebe thanks him for "reminding" her. She kick-boxes him in the face, exclaiming her best Miss Piggy "HIIIIII-YAAAAAHHH!!!" He falls back into the parlor and collapses on a pool table. The pre-hard Ps come up behind Pre-Phoebe and put the cord around her neck. Ruh roh!
Present Halliwell Manor. Leo and the hard Ps enter the foyer. Piper thinks that maybe the evil ones aren't there. Prue assures her sister that they are. Cut to Anton and Evil Phoebe in the sunroom, holding hands. EP greets her "cousins -- or is it sisters now?" Prue throws telekinetic attitude at them, but all it does is make EP's amulet glow. Leo thinks that the necklace is protecting both of them. Evil Phoebe and Anton walk over to the threesome. EP tells Piper it's her "turn to die this time" and throws a fireball at her. Piper freezes it and ducks behind a sofa, along with Prue and Leo. They process about getting the amulet off of EP. Piper wonders how. The fireball unfreezes and strikes the side of an antique armoire. Considering the damage their furniture takes in most every episode, the Halliwells might want to re-decorate with bridge tables and deck chairs. Piper gets her bitch on and stands up.
1920s Halliwell Manor. Pre-Pheebs stuggles with the Pre-hard Ps while chanting the return spell.
Present Halliwell Manor. Anton and Evil Phoebe walk up to where the Ps and Leo are hiding. HEY, NO FAIR! During the edit, the sisters and Leo re-positioned themselves to foil the bad guys. I mutter a string of Annie Wilkes-ish "cocky doody" epithets. Anton lets go of Evil Phoebe's hand. Piper gets EP's attention. Leo, suddenly behind the couple, yells, "Behind ya!" at Anton and he whirls around. EP sees Prue jump up from behind the couch, and throws a fireball at the hard Ps. Prue re-directs it so it hits Anton. He burst into flames and disappears. Evil Phoebe gapes. Piper knocks her to the floor, saying, "Sorry, Pheebs." Leo tells them to get the amulet. Prue takes it off of her.
1920s Halliwell Manor. Phoebe gasps out the return spell. Tinkling music plays. She passes out as the pre-hard Ps tighten the cord around her neck.
Present Halliwell Manor. Phoebe, evil no more, suddenly sits up as the tinkling music plays. She grabs her throat and gulps some air. Piper tells Prue to put the amulet on her -- fast. Prue does. It glows orange. Phoebe comes to her senses. Piper tells her that everything's okay and she's safe. Pheebs thanks her sisters for "saving [her] life -- all of them."
Present Halliwell Manor. A bit later. Piper's changed into a t-shirt, blue jeans and pigtails. She walks Leo to the front door. Leo apologizes for not telling her about his "past lives" knowledge earlier. Piper assures him that he's "not off the hook just yet." Piper's an Olympic-caliber grudge-holder, isn't she? I have to respect that. Piper doesn't know what the "past souls" fodder means. Leo thinks they're "destined to be together." The doorbell rings. It's (natch) Dan. He gets all hostile about Leo being there. Piper tells Dan that Leo was just leaving. He does. Although he's itching to sniff around the house and piss on top of Leo's urine markers, he stops to state to Piper, "I'll just come out and say this, even if you get mad at me. I know in my gut something's not right with [Leo]. It worries me. For you." Piper looks concerned. Dan adds that he had a relative in the State Department check out Leo's records. According to the government, Leo Wyatt died in World War II. Dan: "It's like he has no past at all." Ow, writers, again with the irony skillet! Piper tells Dan he has "nothing to worry about." Dan wants her to just do him "a favor, watch [her] back around him, at least until [he] finds out who [Leo] really is." Piper, taken aback, just says okay. Dan leaves. If Piper were wearing pearls at the moment, she'd be clutching them.
Phoebe's room. Prue, now in a red bandanna top, enters. Phoebe, in a very low-cut pale blue Lycra scoop neck top, is leaning over the BoS, writing a "warning about Anton." Doesn't Phoebe think they vanquished him? Phoebe doesn't want to take any chances. She "just hopes" that her "future me is somewhere near this book if he ever shows up again." Prue opines that the Halliwells will "always" be near the BoS, "always have been, always will be." Phoebe giggles, because that won't do any good if her "future me" turns out to be bad. Prue provides the Lesson of the Day that "we all have a little bad in us . . . It's just as natural to be bad as to be good. That's how we know what good is. We make the choice to be good." She believes that Anton wouldn't have needed to resurrect Evil Phoebe if Phoebe hadn't become good in this life. End.