Some office building. Night. A handsome white guy, who we'll call XY, accosts a pretty blonde woman, who we'll call XX, in the hallway. They exchange small talk. A chubby guy in a very Members Only white windbreaker eavesdrops. Suddenly the ring on his finger glows red and he proclaims, "A match!" He follows XY and XX down some stairs, where XX blows XY off by guessing that she'll "see him around sometime." Fat guy puts the pair in a slo-mo trance and whispers to XX that she's "been hurt in the past," but she needs "to take a risk" with XY. Then he whispers to XY that he needs to reassure XX that he's "not still in love with his ex-wife." Then he wishes them both off with, "Life is short, have a better one together!" His ring glows again and he unfreezes them so they can ask each other out for "coffee sometime." Ah, welcome to the great big eugenics experiment that is Aaron Spelling television programming. Only the white, straight and toothsome need apply.
An alley nearby. Fat guy walks down it alone for some reason, and is attacked by Clayton Rohner, the boyfriend from Just One of the Guys, who's shown up on this show a few months too late to play PruePaul's love interest. Tonight his assignment is to mimic Jack Nicholson in The Witches of Eastwick with his balding flyaway hair and stubble and black overcoat. The fat guy calls him Drazi, but we'll call Clayton "Drowsy" because that was his effect on me. Drowsy throws the fat guy into some conveniently-placed empty cardboard boxes, then reaches his hand into the guy's chest, grabs his heart and starts twisting it around. The fat guy writhes in pain, and Drowsy blathers about showing him "how it feels." Then Drowsy has "a better idea" and steals the fat guy's ring. Like a James Bond villain, he expositions his plan about using the ring "to tear apart some of your recent unions. I'm going to turn love into hate, and the hate is going to slowly and painfully kill you." Drowsy stomps off, leaving the fat guy gasping on the ground. What do these opening scenes tell us? We're in for an episode so cheesy I find myself phoning the Taco Bell president in the middle of the night, begging him to melt the footage and pour it over the chalupas.
A revival house movie theater. The marquee shows us Love Story is playing. Among the crowd emerging onto the street we spot Jack "Rabbit" Sheridan, Prue "Romances with Wolf" Halliwell, "Steely" Dan Gordon and "Laying Some" Piper Halliwell. Phoebe "Orange Milano" Halliwell comes running up between the two couples and whines that she's "the fifth wheel -- cutting in!" As usual Phoebe and Prue are questionably attired in public. Prue's gone Native American in an Indian blanket poncho, fake black braid extensions, a patchwork denim skirt and running shoes; an outfit that inspires me to greet her visage with, "How?" while silently wondering, "Why?" Phoebe's sporting her usual "Strawberry Shortcake Goes Streetwalking" ensemble: a tight pink angora sweater, pedal-pusher jeans trimmed in pink patches, a lilac sash around her middle and really ugly platform Mary Janes that make her look thick-ankled. She stumble-walks between the couples and blathers about her date canceling on her at the last minute. The sisters all bash men for a bit, agreeing that Phoebe's guy should be severely punished for slighting her. Jack and Dan look uncomfortable. Jack asks everyone how they liked the movie. Prue uncharacteristically replies that she enjoyed it, "except for the bell bottoms." This from a woman who obviously covets everything Bob Mackie designed for Cher from 1971 to 1979. Piper calls Dan on getting all "sniffly." Jack whips out his little penis (tm Wing) and declares that the flick didn't compare to his fave movie, The Dirty Dozen. Phoebe admits that she fell asleep during the first reel. This from a woman who naps all day. Jack makes a big show of offering to buy everyone coffee. As the gang enters the coffeehouse, Phoebe lingers behind and Prue comes up to her. Pheebs has decided to call it a night and get a cab home. Prue hugs her and assures her that she's "beautiful" and it was her date's "loss" for bowing out on her. Phoebe turns to the full-length mirror in the coffeehouse entryway and checks herself out. Huh -- so they do allow mirrors on the set. I'll have to come up with another theory about how they get Shannen and Alyssa out of their trailers, into those outfits, and on camera. Just then the fat guy comes up to Phoebe. He's all sweaty and he grabs her from behind, saying that he "needs" her and her help because he "knows why [she] can't find true love." Dan sees this creepy cretin glomming onto Phoebe and chases him out the door. The Ps wonder what that was all about. Phoebe says she's "not sure."
Credits. Morrissey and Johnny Marr receive royalty checks. I receive a headache this big.
The Freddie Prinze vehicle, Down to You, coming down to a video store bargain rental shelf near you.
Halliwell Manor. The morning. In lieu of the usual establishing shots, we see Phoebe waking up in her pink tank top and pj bottoms with her newly crimped hair in a ponytail. She walks around into Prue and Piper's bedrooms and sees the beds made up. Her few lonely synapses fire and she figures out they didn't come home the night before. The phone rings. Phoebe lopes downstairs, and yells, "I'll get it!" to no one in particular, because she's a moron. It's Prue, still in her Indian braid extensions, calling from a nasty rust-colored leather couch in Jack's apartment. Pheebs gives her grief about the caffeine "keeping someone 'up' all night." Prue swears that all she and Jack did was talk until morning. (Sure, but who listened?) Phoebe explains that Piper's still over at Dan's, and adds, "Hey, if only I'd bagged Mr. Creepy we could have scored a Halliwell hat trick last night." My world suddenly goes black, and I awaken a few moments later wondering if I can borrow that hat from Phoebe because her comment caused every hair on my head to turn completely white. Phoebe blathers to Prue that she's not angry, but very happy that the hard Ps have found love. Just then Mr. Creepy appears behind Phoebe, startling her by noting that the lock on the front door wasn't working. She gives him a Karate Kid one-legged bird kick, causing him to fall down on the stairs. Prue hears the ruckus, hangs up the phone, and prepares to book home.
Phoebe asks the fat guy who he is. He says that he needs her help. And his name is "Cupid." I'd like to note that this role should have called for the casting of a poor man's Jeremy Piven, which in current Hollywood casting parlance would mean "Jeremy Piven," but the guy is played by a really unattractive man named Michael Reilly Burke who reminds me of the grown-up Mike Lookinland when he resumed the role of Bobby Brady in A Very Brady Christmas and the ill-conceived drama series The Bradys and basically creeped America out, as most grown-up child actors are wont to do. But I digress. Phoebe gapes at Cupid.
Gordon Manor. Piper wakes up in Dan's bed, looking quite fetching for first thing in the morning, due in no small part to those unflattering bangs finally growing out. Dan enters, carrying a tray with a real breakfast on it (not just product-placement cereal), a rose in a vase, and a jewelry box. Dan tells her not to freak out -- it's not a ring or anything. Piper opens it to find a heart-shaped diamond pendant. Dan blathers about how she can take it back if she doesn't like it, but I guess she does because she starts macking with him in an attempt to go for the matching earrings. Just then, Phoebe strolls into the bedroom like she owns the place. I guess this is payback for all times Jenny "Say Quoi?" Gordon burst into Halliwell Manor unannounced, but it's still pretty rude. Pheebs waves to Piper behind Dan's back. Piper freezes Dan and asks her sister what's the big. Phobe says they "have a big problem" and the fat guy playing Cupid walks in the room. Cupid expositions about his ring being stolen yada yada a demon breaking up couples wah wah trying to kill him blah blah. Piper gapes. Phoebe backs up Cupid's story, since Drowsy is mentioned in the Book of Shadows. Piper sighs. She shoos Phoebe and Cupid out of the room and unfreezes Dan. He's horny and upset, but she tells him she needs to book home and that she'll wear his necklace on their date that night.
The coffeehouse. XX and XY are together having "coffee or something." Drowsy is stalking them. He appears in the full-length mirror, with the stolen ring glowing green. He attempts to appear menacing by growling "Hello, young lovers."
Halliwell Manor. Parlor. The Ps are gathered on the couch in front of Cupid, listening to his problem. Prue doesn't believe that the guy is Cupid. Neither does Piper, who wonders why he isn't a "chubby baby," although this actor fits that description in my opinion. Prue asks where his bow and arrow are. Cupid explains that all of his power is centered in the ring Drowsy stole from him. He convinces the Ps of his identity by naming individual lists of their romantic conquests. As he goes through the long list of Phoebe's love interests, she stops him because she didn't "love any of those guys." Cupid says she's never had a love relationship because her "closed heart" sent all the guys away. Phoebe disagrees. Cupid responds, "If people get the feeling that there's nothing there, eventually it's hasta la vista, Phoebe." Huh -- I would have guessed that the "nothing there" would describe Phoebe's head and not her heart, but whatever. Cupid goes on to blame Phoebe's "closed heart" for her recent rash of canceled dates, and not poor continuity on the part of the writers or Aaron Spelling being so cheap he wouldn't hire a guy to play Alyssa Milano's regular boyfriend, but again, whatever. Prue changes the subject and asks Cupid how he makes relationships happen. Cupid takes credit for bringing Jack and Prue and Piper and Dan together by suggesting the "potential of love." Piper asks him if he's to blame for her coupling with Leo. Cupid says that their connection was forbidden for him to make. Phoebe blathers some more in protest of his "closed heart" argument, but Cupid tells her they don't have time. The Halliwells have to help him create a potion to vanquish Drowsy. Prue asks how they'll find the demon. Cupid says they "can sense each other" because "there's a thin line between love and hate." Piper joins me in exclaiming "OH BROTHER" to this tired romantic cliché. Cupid continues to try to convince the Halliwells to help him by reasoning that if Drowsy succeeds in "spreading hate, he will destroy [their] ability to love, and that's a fate worse than death." For the love of Mike, shut up, Cupid.
Sidewalk. XX suddenly buys XY flowers. XX "can't believe" they're getting together. XY can. They neck. Drowsy shows up between them and puts them in a slo-mo trance. He whispers to XX that XY is still sleeping with his ex-wife on the side. Then he talks trash to XY that XX is really a "gold-digging tramp." The couple wake from their trance and immediately harsh on each other. XX throws the flowers at XY, who stomps off into the street and is hit by an oncoming sports car. Drowsy smiles at this.
Halliwell Manor. Cupid clutches his chest and does a Fred Sanford impression. The Ps run over to assist him. As usual Prue's costuming stands out -- she's changed into a white skirt with a white cloth tied in the back as a halter that looks like something Sheena, Queen of the Jungle would get married in. Cupid exclaims, "It's Drowsy! He's KILLING LOVE!" (Don't get your hopes up -- he doesn't mean the star of Time of Your Life.)
I don't feel sorry for Winona Ryder getting wiped off the screen by Angelina Jolie at all. Winona exec-produced that flick and brought it on herself.
Sidewalk. XX talks to the paramedics about XY's accident, expressing her hopes that XY will die. In the background the Halliwell sisters and Cupid pull up in Piper's SUV. Cupid sees XY on a stretcher and guesses that it's the handiwork of Drowsy, since Cupid brought XX and XY "together" the night before. He adds to Phoebe that XY was "afraid to risk love" also. Phoebe, to her credit, tells Cupid to stop "picking on" her. Prue, who I notice has added a couple of Phoebe's plastic Wal-Mart flowers to the lone braid in her hair, asks Cupid if he knows where Drowsy is. Cupid feels that he's "close." Just then he spots Drowsy in the crowd. Drowsy runs away, with the Ps and Cupid in pursuit. Piper tries to freeze him, but he's too far away. Cupid orders the Halliwells to "do something, fast!" Shut up, Cupid. Prue collapses on the sidewalk, and her Astral Prue-jection appears in front of Drowsy. Astral Prue tries to telekinetically fling him to the ground, but her power doesn't work. So she picks up a two-by-four and whacks him in the stomach. Drowsy falls down in front of the Dumpster this episode's script must have been found in. Astral Prue disappears and Prue comes out of her trance in front of Cupid and her sisters. She tells the docile Ps to go get Drowsy, since she "slowed him down a bit." Then she does the Halliwell oh-so-energy-conserving-not hand-waving in front of her face gesture. The docile Ps and Cupid come up to Drowsy. Piper freezes him. Phoebe throws a bag of red dust on his coat. Drowsy melts into a puddle of black goo. Prue joins them, and asks if they "got him." Cupid says it "looks that way" but bitches that he didn't get his ring back. Shut up, Cupid. Phoebe tells Cupid to be on his way. Cupid wonders why Phoebe wants to get rid of him, as if he hasn't been oafish and obnoxious enough to everyone. Phoebe defends her "closed heart" by explaining that she just hasn't "been ready for love" with all the demon-fighting the Halliwells have to do. Cupid leers at Phoebe and assures her that she's "more than ready." Phoebe tells him to "just go." Word. He reiterates that he needs his ring. Without it, he'll have to stick around for the Halliwells to create a "travel" potion and recite an incantation to send him on his way. He singles out Phoebe for help with the potion. Phoebe wonders why her? Cupid burns her by reminding her that she's the only Halliwell without a date that night. Phoebe glares at him. The hard Ps walk away. Cupid and Phoebe walk after them. Drowsy emerges from the black goo, glowing ring on his hand first. He cackles, plotting.
P3 After Dark. As usual, there's a huge crowd gathered out front, surprisingly not carrying picket signs ordering the city to close the club due to lameness. Inside, Prue checks out Piper's new necklace. Dan explains to Piper that Prue helped him pick it out. Piper thanks them both, and necks with Dan, assuring him that he'll get more "thanks" later. Jack appears behind Prue, who's sporting another plunging neckline white dress which her breasts are hanging out of like hound dogs in the bed of a moving pick-up truck. Jack comments that he'll have to buy Prue a similar necklace, "if that's all it takes." Everyone titters. Jack suggests that they all find a table and order some food. Um, don't the Halliwells OWN THIS PLACE? Shouldn't Piper or Prue be playing hostess?
Halliwell Manor. Phoebe's throwing stuff into a mixing bowl in the kitchen to create Cupid's "travel" potion as he looks on. She bitches about being stuck there with him, adding that she doesn't blame Drowsy for finding Cupid to be "a complete and total [sic] pain in the ass." Cupid expositions about Drowsy the demon falling in love with a mortal woman and how Cupid had to step in to redirect the woman's love toward a mortal man. Thus Drowsy blames Cupid for his "broken heart," quite justifiably in my opinion. As Phoebe listens she starts grinding the potion up in the bowl very violently, with her hand pumping up and down. This cues Cupid to reiterate his "take a risk on love" spiel, reasoning that if a demon could "open his heart," Phoebe can do the same. Phoebe yells at him some more that her heart is not closed. Cupid disagrees some more. Phoebe decides not to argue with him. Cupid approaches Phoebe from behind and puts his arms around her to show her how to stir the potion "correctly" and this scene gets incredibly creepier. Phoebe leans back onto Cupid as he explains that the potion has an "aphrodisiac kicker" made up of "lavender, oysters, rosemary, chocolate and charis root" with the secret ingredient of "desire." Actually the secret ingredient must be amyl nitrate, because a big whiff of the stuff has Phoebe falling into Cupid's embrace, blathering that "home is where the heart is" and "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Have we missed any love clichés yet? Phoebe finally confesses that yes, her heart is closed -- because she fears (shudder!) abandonment. Phew, I didn't see that coming. I only thought Cupid was drugging her just to grope her up. Still do. Phoebe is suddenly upset that Cupid will be "leaving" her, too. Cupid begs off any emotional attachment from his sexual harassee by explaining that he's only the "potential for true love." Ew. Let's leave that potential unfulfilled, shall we? He blathers some more about "letting love in." Then he adds another chorus of "open your heart." Geez, Cupid, just slip into Madonna's nipple-tasseled bustier and sing the whole song already. Phoebe's won over.
P3AD. Piper, Dan, Prue, and Jack sit at a table with beers in front of them. Jack quite crassly brags about how he has "an in" with "one of the owners of the hottest club in town!" Dan concurs with Jack's appraisal of the Halliwells and P3. Whatever! Prue calls for a bathroom break, and takes Piper with her. Although it was just established yet again that THEY OWN THE CLUB, they wait in line in the hallway like all the other women club patrons. Actually, not like all of them -- Piper and Prue are holding hands and clutching onto each other like a couple waiting for a Port-o-Potty at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. Not only that, but Prue immediately asks Piper if she's "mad" about the necklace Dan gave her and reminds Piper that it was Prue who "let Dan buy it" for her. What the? Has Drowsy caused Prue to romance Piper? Gay subtext continues as Prue blathers about "how strange it is" that the sisters "have two guys waiting for" them. Piper agrees, especially since the Halliwell sisters have "their little secret." Prue assures Piper that Jack and Dan have "secrets" of their own. She adds that the Halliwells will never truly have "normal lives" but they have to "try sometimes." Prue suddenly hugs Piper fiercely and declares, "I just want you loved!" The bathroom becomes vacant and Piper and Prue rush into the room to be alone together.
Back at the table, Jack and Dan fondle their long-necked beers, look at each other, and ponder women's strange "tandem pit-stop" bathroom thing. They compare notes on the Halliwell sisters' habit of vanishing and going away so they can meet up together. Just then Phoebe and Cupid show up. Pheebs asks where the hard Ps are. Jack tells her they went to the ladies' room. Dan and Jack check out Cupid and think that he "looks familiar." Phoebe and Cupid go to find the hard Ps. Dan gestures with his beer bottle and complains some more about the Halliwell sisters and their strange ways. Jack concurs. We see Drowsy walk into the club in the background. Jack looks at Dan and thinks that "someone's falling in love." Dan tells Jack, "Maybe." Drowsy's ring glows. He looks over at Jack and Dan.
Huh. I'll have to put a halt to my plan of putting wings on an ordinary pad. What was I thinking?
Hallway. Piper and Prue emerge from the ladies' room with big grins on their faces. Phoebe and Cupid confront them. Cupid asks the hard Ps if their relationships are going well. Piper says yes. Prue tells him "all signs point to maybe," while in that dress she has other things pointing in this scene. The hard Ps ask if the potion is ready. Phoebe holds it up and tells her sisters that Cupid has to drink it while they recite a spell. Piper and Prue go to their dates to buy some more time away. Cupid ponders, "Ain't love grand?" Phoebe just looks down at her shoes, since he's now shamed her sufficiently for not having a boyfriend.
Jack and Dan's table. The hard Ps, clutching hands some more, approach. Drowsy freezes the couples and puts them in a slo-mo trance. He whispers to Dan that Piper still loves Leo and she "always will." She's just using him since he's "the stud door." Then he walks over to Jack and tells him that he's Prue's "transition man -- everything Prue always knew she never wanted." We don't get to hear what trash he tells the hard Ps because there's a cutaway to Cupid doing his Fred Sanford impression in the hallway. Cupid and Phoebe realize that Drowsy wasn't vanquished.
Back at the table, Dan harshes on Piper and Jack harshes on Prue. The hard Ps give as good as they get. As the couples squabble, Phoebe approaches them and interrupts. The entire cast tells Phoebe to "SHUT UP!" Finally! And word! Piper and Dan break up, and she throws the necklace at him. Prue and Jack also break up. Cupid assures Pheebs that everyone is under Drowsy's evil spell. Piper and Prue notice Cupid and tell him to "get the hell out of [their] club." Finally! And word! Phoebe tries to get them to change their minds, but the hard Ps glare at her with their hands on their hips and tell her to get the hell out also. Piper and Prue snit off (tm amorgan). Cupid and Phoebe come up with a plan to try to reunite all of the "loves" Drowsy has torn apart so they can draw him out and finally vanquish him. Phoebe whines that it will be impossible, because he doesn't have his ring. He assures Phoebe that because she has "a heart as big and true as any [he's] ever seen," she can be his ring. Uch. My teeth ached just from typing that out.
Halliwell Manor. The hard Ps strut into the parlor, still bashing their menfolk. They collapse on top of each other in the far corner of the sofa. Piper and Prue decide that they "hate their men." Prue falls back into Piper's arms, calling Jack "scum." Piper embraces Prue and adds that Dan's "scum, too." Shannen seemingly ad-libs to Holly Marie the query, "Are you scum?" Holly Marie assures Shannen that she's not, and they giggle. Aw. That was a very charming and funny moment. Can the actresses throw out the scripts and improvise the whole show?
Office building. Cupid and Phoebe stalk XX. With Cupid's coaching, Phoebe convinces her to give XY a second chance, because "the pain of love lost deepens if you don't deal with it. Fear and love can't live in the same house." With the fervor of the recently converted, Phoebe gives her testimony; she once had "a closed heart" too. The "fear of loss kept [her] paralyzed." She realizes now she has to "take the risk and love again." Phoebe adds, "That's why it's called Lover's Leap!" and Cupid blanches because that's an inappropriate "suicide reference" and she's a moron. Phoebe glosses over this and continues to dispense the same tired love advice Isaac used to serve along with grasshoppers and Singapore slings poolside on The Love Boat. XX (natch) buys what they're peddling. Cupid and Phoebe walk off arm and arm to continue on their mission to mend the lovelorn.
Hospital. XX brings flowers to XY. Drowsy out on the sidewalk does a Fred Sanford impression. He wails and declares his intention to find and kill Cupid.
Why would the killer in Scream 3 need a butcher knife when it looks like all of the actresses are about to drop due to malnutrition anyway?
Halliwell Manor. The doorbell rings. Piper (natch) gets it. It's Dan and Jack. Someone paged them to come to the manor. Piper: "That's really pathetic, paging yourself." Dan: "Pathetic?" Piper: "I'm sorry, I meant moronic." Forget Dan! I love you, Piper! Prue walks downstairs, and asks everyone what's going on. Phoebe and Cupid join the couples in the foyer, and Phoebe answers, "Hate." She confesses that she paged the guys, and orders, "Everyone on the couch -- now."
Cut to Drowsy staggering down the street. Darryl Van Horn calls -- he wants his shtick back.
Instead of ripping Phoebe limb from limb, the couples have followed her order to sit on the couch. Phoebe wails that they're "all acting like [they're] under some kind of spell." The hard Ps exclaim, "Phoebe!" Phoebe tells them to "stop thinking and just feel." Elsewhere in California, Dr. Laura Schlessinger feels a chill run down her spine. Phoebe continues that everyone needs to "get past the ugly things they all said." Cupid reminds Prue that when she first saw Jack, she "hated" him. Since this is TV Cliché Land, where hatred equals passion (tm Ace), this means that "opposites attract." Prue and Jack get back together.
Cut to Drowsy staggering in front of Halliwell Manor, clutching his chest in pain some more.
Phoebe works on Piper and Dan. She tells Piper that she sees "light and warmth and hope" whenever Piper talks to him, like they're the last salvation of the human race or something. She tells Dan that he needs to trust his own feelings about Piper, and not what a stranger might whisper in his ear. Dan turns to Piper and asks her about the secret she's keeping -- does it concern Leo? Piper LIES and says, "No. It has to do with you and me and what I'd like us to become." Huh? Whatever, Dan and Piper get back together. Cupid tells Phoebe that their plan is working because he senses Drowsy approaching. Pheebs tells Jack and Dan to go run to the "corner market" and pick up "the food of love" for their girlfriends, whatever that might be. Jack and Dan follow Phoebe's order for some reason. Prue asks Phoebe what the hell's going on. Phoebe tells the hard Ps that Drowsy's still alive, and since the sisters are "open to love again," he's in a world of pain.
Drowsy suddenly appears in the parlor entrance behind Cupid. He reaches into Cupid's chest and twists his heart around again. Piper freezes the struggling pair. The Halliwells wonder what to do. Phoebe suggests that they throw the vanquishing potion on Drowsy again, but take away Cupid's ring first and give it back to him for protection. Piper wonders how Phoebe can be sure it'll work. Phoebe provides the Lesson of the Day that at this point in the show has become the Lesson of Several Long Lifetimes: "Love is a risk. If he's taught me anything, he's taught me that." Word. That's ALL he's been blathering about for whole running time of the show, imbecile. Phoebe tosses the potion onto Drowsy. He becomes a puddle of black goo that quickly and conveniently evaporates from the parlor rug and floorboards. The Ps ask Cupid if he's okay. He says he "never felt better." He celebrates by laying a big sloppy kiss on Phoebe before departing, then self-importantly urging her, "Don't mourn me. But remember me, celebrate me, and seek me out." Ew, whatever, creepy loser. Just leave already. He disappears in a pink light. Phoebe touches her lips and beams. You've been played, suckah.
Revival house movie theater. The marquee shows us that The Dirty Dozen is playing. Jack and Prue and Dan and Piper emerge out onto the street. Jack blathers "guy flick" talk. Phoebe is walking behind them alone. Suddenly her date runs up to her and apologizes about lingering inside to "get the parking validated." Then he also apologizes for canceling their date the other night. Phoebe, non-ironically, spouts that kitsch classic line, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Kevin, her escort, is understandably taken aback with this pronouncement on their very first date. Phoebe explains that she's quoting from Love Story. Hey, wait, didn't she sleep through that flick? Kevin effusively declares that he "loves that movie!" Phoebe LIES and assures him that she "does, too -- now." Way to go, Rules Girl. They grin at each other. I bet that's the last we see of Kevin, despite Phoebe's countless hours of "open heart urgery." End.