Now that we know how the game works, it’s time to get to know the teams. Maybe we’ll even meet that twelfth team this time. They must have hidden so well from the hunt team in that first episode that even host Luke Tipple couldn’t find them. Before they were eliminated, that whiny girl from the yellow team suggested that the teams not trust anyone. A little dramatic for week one of a game that relies pretty heavily on physical ability, I thought.
The teams all emerged from a restless night in freezing cold weather before the second hunt began. They were hungry and whiny. Maybe Luke Tipple will throw in some temptations along the way. The neighbors of the red team told us that their food (almonds and oatmeal) is rationed out by body weight so it’s the smallest amount they need to keep going throughout the day. Hahaha, that is so shitty. I’m eating a taquito right now, suckas.
"I want more," the British twins said in an non-ironic impression of Oliver Twist. Jarick, of the silver team, said he would use the prize money to help kids. He mentioned something about how he used to be chubby until he took up football and wrestling, and now he helps kids? You don’t have to make sense to have a good body, I guess.
The teams suited up for the hunt, and that douche from the blue team (wait, they’re both douchebags) still managed to have perfectly coiffed douche hair. James and Rebecca of the lime team said that this time, their game plan is to not get caught. That’s a good game plan, they should have used it last time. Luke Tipple revealed the first bit of flavor to the game: an advantage.
The first team "clever enough" to find it can secure an advantage to sabotage another team. It will trigger an alarm that sounds on the vest of the other team for the duration of the day’s hunt. Oh man, that sucks, I wonder if anyone is clever enough. Luke tipple is also opening up a supply station "somewhere in the forest" where teams can find comfort items and some food. That would be a good spot to capture a team, I bet. I hope this week’s hunt team has seen The Hunger Games.
This week’s hunt team, selected at random, was the red team. Rob and Jacob are the gay neighbors and everyone is afraid of them because they probably spend a lot of time at the gym. I find it interesting that we still haven’t met that last team. Way to go, Ready for Love producers.
Finally, we met the white team: Matt and Kaliesha. They are boyfriend and girlfriend, they both like boxing, and Kaliesha is absolutely terrifying. She was coming on strong and hard. She doesn’t care about pain, and she is probably going to murder Matt at some point in her life. I like them already, but mostly because I fear them and I don’t want Kaliesha to beat me up.
With a final cheer for equality ("We’re going to show everyone that two strong, athletic, competitive, intelligent gay guys can compete just like anyone else,") Rob and Jacob headed for the woods. Their intention was to target the stronger teams to get them out early. The lime team just may reach their goal this time.
Luke released the location of the advantage point on the teams’ tracking devices. The Hunt Team doesn’t get to know the location of the advantage. The gold team brothers and blue team douchebags decide to go for the advantage, alongside the purple team parkour couple. The purple team hit it first in no time at all. The gold team joined the purple team shortly after, and they elected to make the decision together. They chose the blue team, who is already closest to the hunt team. I approve of this decision.
The wing men’s vests start ringing and the red team chased them down like a trendy drink special. Suddenly, the red team lost the noise. The blue team seemed to have fallen out of range. But they’re still ringing, so hopefully the red team could catch them.
, Luke released the location of the first supply station. The team can mark a bin with their team color to select the supplies contained within. The hunt team is not allowed to enter within a 100 foot radius of the supply station when it is open. The pink team decided to go to it, along with the blaring blue team. The pink team darted in, chose the fishing line because they are so smart and resourceful, and ran out. The blue team, already attracting attention with their noisy vests, chose a crate with two oranges and a banana, and then hung out for a while snacking on the sub sandwiches laid out for the teams.
True to lore, douchebags can not resist a sub sandwich. But they also can’t resist being assholes, and the blue team scatters the uneaten sandwiches across the ground. Dicks! As though they weren’t already targets and likely to get voted out.
"We sabotaged the supply station," the wing men giggled and high-fived each other as is their native custom. "Somebody sabotaged us! You wanna play with us, we’re gonna sabotage you. We’re gonna be right there. Wait ‘til I find out who sabotaged us," the hair douche cried, excited about having learned the word "sabotage."
The purple and gold teams hit the supply station and discovered the sub sandwich massacre. The teams sucked down a couple of mayo packets and went on their way, hoping the blue team choked on their sandwiches or their own sub-scented vomit.
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The hunt team was gaining on the blue team, but was closer to the silver/gray team of Jarick and Tremana (the friends without benefits). They tried to move quietly but step on too many branches to go undetected. The red team charged up their talons and pursued the gray team, tagging Tremana. They were both disappointed, and I’m mad that it wasn’t the blue team.
Jarick went nuts inside the jail, pulling at supplies and banging against the flimsy bars. I understand his frustration, but there’s no need for hysterics. In the woods, Eric and Shane the wing men reveled in their asshole-ry. They’re like two evil Tom Haverfords without the redemptive qualities.
The gold team returned to the village to discover that it’s not blue in jail, but gray. The gold team spread the word that those assholes on the blue team threw sub sandwiches in the muck water.
"Bro! Jarick! Dude, what happened?" the blue team exclaimed, then asked who targeted them in the advantage. Already pissed about the sub sandwich debacle, Kaliesha defensively flew off the handle. The teams accused the blue team of throwing the sandwiches in the water, which they fervently denied. Everyone knew that the pink team wouldn’t pull that shit, though. Everyone also wanted the blue team captured on day two, except the Brooklyn girls, who have been canoodling with those assholes.
"How do you know that someone didn’t just run in there, eat and leave? You don’t know that! How do you know that?", they charged the gold and green teams. They’re right, though, it didn’t matter. All we could do is pray that the blue team gets diarrhea from the subs.
Life was sweet in the Hunter’s Den, where the red team enjoyed nice food and heated beds. To add yet another complication to this game, the Hunt Team gets to invite one other team up to the Hunter’s Den with them. The red team invited the British twins from the teal team because they are easily charmed by accents. They’re actually super cute and I liked this alliance.
Day two of the Hunt started with much less fanfare. Finally, there weren’t any new game elements. Now it was the red team’s job to catch those blue bastards, which I’m sure is something Gargamel has said at least once.
The pink team tried to get far away from everyone, stating wisely that two teams are louder than one. Full of smug sandwiches, the blue team sauntered off into the woods and the rest of the teams discuss strategies. The gold team continued downhill, the lime team was exhausted, the white team tried to be quiet, the green team stayed low to the ground and as quiet as possible. The teal team lost their sense of direction and got stuck in the brush.
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The hunt team was nearing the pink team and the black team, and the points all seemed to be converging on the map. The pink team crouched and stayed quiet, ears perked. The black team continued trudging through the woods, Brooklyn style. The hunt team paused and the pink team has crouched for so long that they become visible to the hunt team. The neighbors charged up their talons and the pink team bolts. They’re fast, but not fast enough and the red team tagged out the pink team.
The gray team was worried that the pink team was in there with them because they’re survivalists and could be seen as a resource. But they’re probably the biggest threat. Back at the village, the blue team took a poll proving that the pink team is an asset to the community. The gold team pointed out that the pink team is a threat. Jarick’s vague but positive motivations for winning are also brought to the table. It’s for the children.
Most of the teams were thinking in terms of who -- as the hunt team -- could get the blue team out. The teal team said they don’t want to vote out all the strong teams because then it would be a lot of weaklings and the blue team left to lord over them. I’m pleased to see that villains have emerged so quickly, all over some sub sandwiches.
At the elimination, Jarick told host Luke Tipple that he’s surprised the red team, of all people, got them out. That is the wrong thing to say to two athletic gay neighbors.
"I think the division one football player is upset that he got put up for elimination by two homos," one of the red team members said. Now this is a hate crime. The pink team wisely stayed quiet. The red team was up first to vote, and with fresh homosexual vengeance, they placed their talon firmly on the gray team’s side. They will not be underestimated again!
The gold team voted for the pink team, and Luke Tipple sums up that each team has one vote. There are so many unnecessary mechanics on this show, down to the dramatic double bridge drop once the votes are in. The votes stayed tied, one for gray, one for pink, and so on. The teal team voted for gray because they don’t think they could beat them. The blue team made a big speech and placed the fifth vote for the gray team. I’m pleased to see that people are underestimating the pink team, who are now safe. Jarick and Tremana were convinced that they were the biggest competitors out there, but they didn’t have enough time to learn not to be all stomp-y in the forest. Jarick told the teams not to lose themselves and to watch out for the blue devil.
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