What is Capture actually? From what I can tell, based on previews alone, it's tag meets capture the flag, meets that show that was on Nickelodeon where the kids were stranded on the island. That show was based on Lord of the Flies, right? If it didn't mean to be, it was. And this show is supposed to be based on The Hunger Games.
I acknowledge that's a better hook than "tag meets old costumes from Rollerball," but the Hunger Games book series is intended as a commentary (on a lot of things, but bloodsport and entertainment and even reality television were among the themes). This show, brought to you by all the people of failed reality TV dating show Ready For Love, is created entirely without that commentary or irony in mind. It's like when Kim Jong Il read 1984 and was like, "those are some good ideas."
OK, so right off the bat we've got the Australian host talking about how in the wild you're either the hunter or the prey. They are not legally allowed to reference The Hunger Games I'm pretty sure. Still, there are twelve teams (districts) of two (tributes) and instead of actually killing each other and being rewarded with their lives, they are tagging each other with these little light-up ball dealies for $250,000. Wait, is it also Fear Factor? Let's bring that show back again.
The first team marching out of the Capture Compound Tunnel Entrance is the purple team, Ryan and Erica. They are the "Parkour Couple," and I think that I hate them. They think they're really tough because they videotape themselves leaping around on buildings and stuff. Disclaimer: every last person on this show could kick the shit out of me and I'm not denying that. The team is Jarick and Tremana, "friends without benefits." They are the Gray team, and Jerick definitely likes Tremana as more than friends but that is his problem.
Kellee and Marlina make up the yellow team, and they are the "soul sisters." They are not actually sisters, but they are planning on using their sexuality to get what they want. Game-playing like that doesn't work when you're in the wild, girls. The red team is comprised of Rob and Jacob, who are neighbors and love the idea of being hunted and doing the hunting. They are also gay men, who are coming to this show to kick ass, not chase tail. Generally they would be my favorite by default, but I pretty much dislike them, too.
Some more information about this "compound" arena. Luke Tipple, the Australian host welcomes the 12 teams to the game, telling them the playing field is wild and dangerous and although there are real bears and mountain lions living in it, the greatest threat is the other teams. I don't know, I would be more afraid of a bear than I would be of the team we meet: Eric and Shane, the "wing men" of the blue team. Hey, they have already won the competition of the team I will hate the most.
Noelle and Sabrina, the black team, are the Brooklyn girls and I think I like them because they remind me of that SNL skit "Bronx Beat." They are planning on being social climbers and getting ahead by flirting. Why does everyone think this is about flirting?
Luke Tipple introduces the Talon , the tool used to capture prey. It's a "kill switch" that captures a team when it strikes the vest of a prey team. Then, they will wait in a cell to face possible elimination. The first Hunt Team (oh my god, so many rules and lingo on this show, I wish they could just call it The Hanger Gums and name everything the same but a letter or two off) is Ryan and Erica, the parkour couple. They're totally amped. The hunt team has two days to capture two teams and the rest of the prey will have the opportunity to send one of those teams home at the elimination.
Luke Tipple sends all the teams off into the hunting ground and after plenty of that charging up sound effect, they're off. we meet Jade and Nikita, who are obviously the sexiest because they are twins with British accents. Nobody could resist them. Their plan, obviously, is to flirt. To hide, and also to flirt. I think they are the light blue team?
The green team is comprised of Kareem and Antoine, who are very confident college buddies from Philly. They are concerned that there might be booby traps out in the terrain on day one, and it's like they didn't hear a damn word Luke Tipple said. Back at the not-cornucopia, Luke tells Ryan and Erica to remember to turn their talons on before they tag their prey or it won't count. Also, they have to capture two teams in two days because if they only capture one, they will be up for elimination. If they don't capture any teams, they are automatically eliminated. Lovin' it. OK, Luke Tipple, I'm into it now.
Clouds move in and they tried to make it look like there was lightning in post. Luke announces that the Hunt Team will be released, and Ryan and Erica go jogging off into the woods. They are closest to the red team and I swear to god if they take away my gay neighbors so quickly I will throw a fit. The neighbors show off the tracking devices they have on their arms that provide a map of the terrain. If they stay in one place for more than three minutes, it will reveal their location to the Hunt Team. We just need like, fifteen more rules, please.
With three and a half hours left, the Hunt Team is trying to figure out where they are and what they're doing. Parkour is not helping them. Fortunately, they are closing in on the green team, our college buddies. No one uses flirting to get ahead. One of them senses that they're being chased and they break into a sprint as Ryan and Erica turn on their talons. So many charging-up noises, it's like a bunch of disposable cameras preparing to use flash.
Luke Tipple shows up on the prey teams' communicators, which are much bulkier than those used by the Power Rangers, to say that "the Hunt Team is in pursuit." No one knows what that means, because it's day one and the only person who really knows what is happening is Luke Tipple. The red team listens and affirms that it's not them being pursued. Like a freaking '90s movie, the green team hides behind some bushes and the hunt team runs right past them. Blooper!
The green team has escaped for now. We catch up with the yellow team, our "soul sisters," who have been hiking uphill so long that they are close to puking. Hey, we haven't even met the Lime Team yet! James and Rebecca are siblings, and might be my favorite. They are total nerds, just goofing around and yucking it up, plus James is obviously gay in a more approachable way than the red team.
The Hunt Team is now nearing the yellow team, as they explain how "useful" their parkour training is. This is demonstrated by Erica jumping really dramatically onto a rock. They are used to moving quickly and running on different surfaces. I guess it could be useful for treading lightly, and not throwing up in high altitudes like the yellow team. Ryan and Erica smeared their faces with dirt, which is really stupid.
We have to watch Kellee throw up, and Ryan and Erica hear it. Marlina asks Kellee if she could throw up a little quieter and Kellee says in a confident outdoor voice that only dogs' ears could hear that. They stand still to talk about their move as Ryan and Erica close in. The soul sisters are fighting already, displaying that they clearly have the weakest bond. Luke Tipple tells them that they're now visible to the Hunt Team on their communicators.
The yellow team runs into the gray team, our friends without benefits, and the gray team doesn't even know the Hunt Team is onto them. Why would they travel together? So stupid. Gray and yellow squat down together, and Kellee says, "being together, it's almost a mistake right now. We're making so much noise it's almost backfiring on us." No, Kellee, it's a huge mistake, and in order to backfire, there has to be some advantage to firing at all, which there is none. The Hunt Team is in pursuit of two teams at once now, and the yellow team led them right there. The gray and yellow teams split, and the yellow team runs downhill.
Erica pursues the girls of the yellow team easily. Marlina gets a little stuck, and Kellee gets super stuck. To my delight, Kellee is tagged by the talon. She deserved it, she was being such an idiot. Marlina and Kellee are escorted back to jail, and these soul sisters are pissed at each other. Kellee accepts no responsibility. Marlina regrets choosing her as a partner. They never even had an opportunity to use their sexuality to get what they want. Day one of the hunt is over and it's raining.
The teams run toward the fire pit to relax and warm up, and we finally meet the gold team, Nick and Chris, who are brothers from Oregon. They managed to go unseen on day one, so I guess that's a good thing. The teams convene in The Village, where they have rations, supplies, and rickety metal bunk beds that are exposed to the elements. The British twins demand pillows, but Luke Tipple is deaf to their flirting.
The yellow team is working it at the village, trying to make friends and avoid elimination. Best friends (not "soul sisters") Arlynn and Kirsten are totally fine sleeping outdoors; at least one of them is a survival specialist so the pink team is one to watch. They make a cozy camp almost immediately.
The other teams meet each other and suss out the competition. They learn that the purple team does parkour and "it shows." The green team seems the most athletic, but is that a racist assumption? Reverse-racist? The Brooklyn girls, the black team, are trying to feel out alliances, getting to know the red team and the blue team, who consider themselves ladies' men. The blue team tries to get the black team to sleep with them, maybe literally. The Brooklyn girls agree to snuggle up. Anything for a quarter-mil.
The morning, everyone feels like junk. The red team watches the black team do the walk of shame to their bunks and is not surprised. Those neighbors see everything. The teams suit up for the day two hunt with a better idea of what they're doing. Holy shit, there's still teams we haven't met yet. The white team? Who are they?
The pink team tries to get as far away from the other teams as possible, the lime team is hoping to lay low and not over-exert themselves, the British team is going South near the lake where they "quite like it."
The pink team spots the Hunt Team before they are spotted. I like these girls and want the best for them. I hope they get away from these freerunners by hiding behind a large shrub. The Hunt Team chases the pink team, who stops running and hides, very effectively. It worked again!
The teal team twins are having trouble keeping their shoes tied. Nikita needs to learn that trick I saw on a TED Talk once. Going South was a good move for them, though, because they are far away from the Hunt Team. The red team runs into the lime team, who gets all excited to see them and join up. Rob and Jacob, the gay-bors, are not excited to see the siblings, but decide to keep them close because they could definitely out-run them if need be. Now you're thinking, red team. Throw those nerds under the bus.
Erica is getting anxious, she is wanting to run someone, to hunt, to taste blood. Luke Tipple announces that the day two hunt will end in five minutes, sending the Hunt Team freerunning toward the lime and red teams. The red team takes off, merely a neighboring blur to the surprisingly slow lime time. In the last moments of the day two hunt, Ryan and Erica tag Rebecca, who slips and twists her ankle. She's all "ow ow ow," but no one cares. This is bad for Kellee and Marlina, who will surely be sacrificed in favor of competing against a gimp.
The other prey teams seem to agree that the lime team basically sucks and would be nice to keep around. The only thing that can get Rebecca and James out of there now is a doctor's note. James and Rebecca plan to rely on their wits and mental game. Rebecca admits that her ankle is doing just fine. It's all … mental game. Crafty lime team.
The teams are split between the love of the game or voting strategically. The teams start to form alliances, but there's no time to even learn who the white team is, let alone delve into the complexities of each alliance. The voting process is complicated enough.
Each team votes with a talon for the team they want to eliminate. Something about bridges falling, you know the drill. A team is eliminated if they get more than six votes. The red team votes first, placing a talon on the yellow team's side. The pink team votes for the yellow team, the gray team votes for the lime team because of the injury. The black team votes for the yellow team and the lime team exchanges smug glances. The gold team also votes for the yellow team, and so does the green team. The wing men have the last vote that matters, and kick the yellow team to the curb. The lime team is back on the field to doodle around a little more.
Seriously, though, did we even meet all the teams? I keep seeing glimpses of an Asian girl. There was a disclaimer at the end that said "one team in this episode had to be replaced by an alternate team due to medical reasons." So, there's that. Will this show be good? I can't tell yet. I think I like it, but it needs a little more oomph to set it apart from playing Kick the Can in the dark with your buddies.