So HoH Shane nominated Joe and Ashley, Janelle's two eligible players, making up some cockamamie excuse to conceal his hidden alliance with Frank. Joe's earsplittingly angry about it in the DR, while Ashley is all weepy and sad, and Janelle says with determination, "I've got to get to work." Mike DRs that the game is getting too easy, giving himself credit for Frank's non-nomination and everything. Meanwhile, Britney goes to Janelle to apologize for Shane's nominations. They talk, and Janelle acts quite understanding about Shane's supposed retribution against Janelle's team for its abandonment of Britney's last week. Britney DRs about how good Janelle is at not seeming mad, but isn't prepared to trust her.
In the HoH room, Britney tells Shane she's fine with his decision, and that even Janelle realizes she needs Shane and is going to be willing to work with him. And after all, if one of Janelle's players wins PoV, Frank could still get backdoored. Or so Britney thinks.
Janelle instructs her players to go make up with Shane so he doesn't think they're mad at him. Which of course they are, and they also don't want to be seen as ass-kissers, but Janelle says they need to convince Shane he's safe from them so he might still nominate Frank. Joe DRs about Janelle's "WOMANLY ADVICE ABOUT LOVE AND BUTTERFLIES," but doesn't think he can swallow his pride. Actually, with that increasingly long gray flavor-saver growing on his chin, Joe looks more and more like he's trying to swallow a pigeon. Joe starts to leave his team to go see Shane, but Janelle holds him back to make sure Joe will be able to play nice and convince Shane he'll keep him safe. On Joe's way out the door, Wil advises, "Be yourself. Be positive." I think Joe can probably only do one of those things right now.
Up in the HoH room, Joe puts on his act, saying he wants to work with Shane now. Shane, in turn, doesn't seem to want to take yes for an answer, pointing out that Joe seems to have come to this realization a little late. "BOY, YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME MANNERS IN THIS HOUSE!" Joe DRs. Joe, meanwhile, needs to learn indoor voices. Since Shane isn't following Joe's script, he drops the act and says he's mad. Way to play it cool, Shouty.
Time to pick the PoV players. Shane, Joe, and Ashley are automatically playing, and as usual, they each draw a name at random. Joe bellows in the DR that he doesn't want Frank in the competition, because he can't compete against both of them. Shane draws Danielle's name, like he hoped; and Ashley gets Houseguest's Choice and picks Wil, meaning half the people in the competition will be Janelle's entire team. Joe draws Frank, which is a tough break for him. Much like he keeps breaking the microphones in the Diary Room. Shane chooses Jenn as the host for the competition, and we cut right to the backyard. The PoV competition has a circus theme, and the players come out in big red clown pants and rainbow suspenders. "The only thing I'm confused about," Britney deadpans in the DR, "is why is Frank the only one in the Bozo wig?" See, that's funny because it's Frank's real hair.
Each player is positioned between two ramps that are six feet apart. They're going to have to keep a ball rolling on each ramp at the same time, and anybody who drops a ball is out. The person who lasts the longest wins PoV. Ashley says she has to win to guarantee her safety, I guess because Big Brother wouldn't let her bring her dream board into the house. Joe says it's must-win for him, since he sees himself as the bigger threat of the two nominees. Frank doesn't care who wins as long as Wil and Joe don't. The horn sounds, and the players start shuttling between the ramps, alternatingly pushing the balls up on each one. They DR about their strategies, and soon Wil is the first to be eliminated. Joe pushes one of his balls too hard and clear out of the ramp, so he's out . Sucks to be him.
Frank hits one of his balls while looking behind himself at the other one, so he's the to be eliminated. Like he cares, since the two people he was worried about winning are both out already. Danielle loses it almost immediately afterward, so that leaves Shane and Ashley as the two remaining players. Shane DRs that his "integrity" and "pride" are on the line. I can see one of those, maybe. Ashley is falling behind, catching balls after they roll off her ramps, but she can't keep that up, and Shane inevitably wins the PoV. That's his third of three. Now at least Joe is mad at himself instead of Shane, whose ass he now has to kiss. And we know how much Joe sucks at that. Janelle claims in the DR that she's not worried at all; she just has to go to work. Does she really still think she'll be able to come out of this week with three players? What kind of miracle does she plan to pull out?
Britney happily enters the HoH room, where Shane informs her, "You're so lucky you picked me." He figures they have a lot of options now, what with him as both HoH and PoV holder, but Britney now seems fully on board with taking it out of Janelle's ass, given all the pouting that's going on with her team. Then she launches into a hilarious impression of Joe, slouching on Shane's couch and bellowing in a Chewbacca voice. See, this is why I like Britney. They see on the monitor that Janelle is already on her way up, but right now Britney's main concern is getting Joe's recipes before he leaves.
Once she's in the room, Janelle tries to repeat the case to get rid of Frank rather than taking out her own players, who, as Janelle correctly points out, can't seem to win anything anyway. Britney argues that Janelle's players haven't exactly reached out to Shane, moments before they're joined by Wil and Ashley. Shane tells them all that he's got to think about week, when he won't be HoH, and Janelle maintains that they can make a deal for even longer, if they go after Mike's team instead. Janelle is so eager to win their trust that she offers her wedding ring as collateral to keep for three weeks if she screws them. "You're crazy," Britney says, immediately picking up the ring and putting it on. They refuse to keep it, but Janelle's point is made. Now her only concern is to get ahead of whatever nefarious scheme Mike is no doubt working on behind everyone's back.
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Cut to Mike talking workout tips with Frank. So clearly he's on top of everything.
Janelle has a private talk with Joe, telling him he needs to go upstairs and grovel and convince Shane to backdoor Frank, or he's going home. "You have to," she tells him. Think he will?
Later, Joe asks for a few minutes in the HoH room with Shane, and says he's going home if Shane doesn't save him, and if he does, he'll be extremely loyal to Shane. In fact, he offers to work with Shane outside his team, and promises to be there for Shane, swearing on his whole family. Even so, Shane's not convinced. But Joe seems sincere, as even in the DR he promises to have Shane's back more than his own. Now just imagine how much more pissed Joe's going to be when Shane leaves him hanging.
In the backyard, Dan hosts the sushi party he won for the coaches, Shane, and Danielle, while Wil hosts his own birthday party while wearing a naval jacket, hat, and briefs. Eventually the parties merge, and there's a game of spin the bottle, which Ian hijacks to steal a peck from Ashley. Are these people in junior high? Shane gets a way bigger kiss from Danielle when he spins it and everyone pushes Danielle in front of the bottle. Which leaves her giddy, while Shane hopes for a second kiss some time. Oh, I think it might just happen. I can tell by how gross I feel right now.
Britney finds herself alone with Ian late at night, and while they do laundry, Britney wants to make sure his team isn't going to nominate Shane week. Ian doesn't see any "foreseeable circumstance" for that happening. Not good enough for Britney, who was hoping for a straight no. Because people in the Big Brother house prefer a straightforward lie to a qualified truth. You'd think superfan Ian would understand that.
The morning, Britney tells Shane about Ian's cagey comments, which makes them both think Ian is untrustworthy, which they think is because Mike's been in Ian's ear, which means he's probably been in Frank's ear too. Britney even mentions Shane's secret deal with Frank, so I guess she was brought in on that loop off-camera at some point. Either that, or she's finally figured out how to detect secret alliances, about two years after that skill would have come in really handy for her. Anyway, the point is that they're giving Mike credit for scheming he isn't even doing, and thus overthinking their way into backdooring Frank. thing you know, Shane and Britney are doing preemptive planning for damage control after Shane replacement-nominates Frank. Did you know that professional poker players hate playing against people who don't know how to play poker? That thought occurs to me a lot when I'm watching this show.
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Later, Frank has a quiet update meeting with Shane to make sure everything's still cool. Shane tells Frank about the talk with Ian and Britney, and Frank assures Shane that they don't exactly keep Ian in their inner circle, but he doesn't think Ian's planning to vote to keep Joe. Britney busts in on this meeting and repeats her story, and Frank repeats that if Ian hasn't given a definitive answer, it's only because Mike hasn't told Ian what to do yet. "This freaking kid is possibly gonna mess up my game," Frank DRs. Shane says this is the biggest decision he's had to make in the game, which he says about all of his decisions.
Ahead of the PoV meeting, Shane ponders keeping the nominations the same, or backdooring Frank, or even Ian. Joe DRs that he doesn't have a chance against Ashley on the block, but he'll be happy if the replacement nominee is Frank. Who in turn is worried about things not going his way. Janelle says she did everything she could, while Mike is supremely confident. That's always a good sign, if not for Mike. Shane calls the Veto meeting, and lets Ashley be the first to plead her case. She starts by sucking up to Shane and says using the Veto on her would be "amazing." Joe gives Shane a civics lesson, saying all the great presidents of the United States have used the power of veto throughout history, while other players are literally hiding their faces in their shirts.
Shane finally announces that he's going to use the veto on... Ashley. And now he has to name a replacement nominee, and it's Frank. The Hardy Boys sit together in the nominee chairs, and Janelle smirks at Mike as he storms off. Frank DRs that it wasn't entirely unexpected. Shane says he wants to convince Frank he isn't the target, "when he really is." Britney describes Mike as a "big, disgusting, vicious dragon" with Frank as the head, and cutting off the head will kill the beast. I agree with the "disgusting" part of that analysis. Janelle boasts in the DR, "There's a new puppetmaster in this house, and it's me." Mike, for his part, says he's "super annoyed... they're taking a little shot at me, and as you know America, that usually doesn't end well for the other side." Well, there's a first time for everything.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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